unsupportive partner | David M Masters

The Thought Police are watching. They monitor your every word, observe your every action, and are more embedded in your life than you might think. Who are they? They are your family, friends, coworkers, teachers, supervisors, and even those you most admire and respect. If you doubt their influence, try sharing a truly independent thought that breaks from conventional wisdom, and observe the reactions around you.

You might be called to rise and fulfill a unique purpose—an inner drive to contribute to the world in a way only you can. This calling is the spark of your divine purpose, the gift you are meant to share with the world. You take the bold step to follow this calling, but the Thought Police are never far behind.

The Subtle Voices of Doubt

Once you step out in faith and start to pursue your divine mission, the Thought Police appear, often through the very people closest to you. The person you trusted, someone who has always supported you, suddenly whispers, “This isn’t for you.”

This subtle remark activates a series of dormant voices in your mind, placed there long ago by societal conditioning. You hear an internal chorus of doubt, voices whispering:

You’re not good enough.
You don’t have the right education.
You lack the proper connections.
You aren’t attractive or charismatic enough.
You don’t have the experience or skills.
Who are you to think you can do this?

The Thought Police have planted these voices to keep you in line, to prevent you from stepping out of the safety of the status quo. They are the psychological barriers that keep you from realizing your full potential, ensuring you never break free from the life they’ve designed for you.

When Loved Ones Become the Thought Police

Even if you quiet those inner voices, external forces will step in. People you admire or respect may unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) become agents of the Thought Police. They may say things like:

Are you sure you want to do this?
That sounds risky. What if it doesn’t work out?
Maybe you should take the safer path.
What will people think of you?

These questions often come from a place of concern or fear, but they can serve as roadblocks on your journey. When others see you challenging societal norms or risking failure, they may project their own fears and insecurities onto you. The result? More pressure to conform.

Thought Police Tactics & Mental Restraints

The Thought Police use a variety of tactics to undermine your efforts:

- Guilt Trips: “How can you abandon what you have now for something so uncertain?”
- Ridicule: “That’s a foolish idea—people will laugh at you.”
- Isolation: “You’re going to be left behind, alienated from your friends, family, and social circles.”
- Fearmongering: “What if you fail? You’ll lose everything—your career, your reputation, even your life.”
- Comparison: “Look at so-and-so—they tried something similar and failed. Why do you think you’ll be different?”

These methods aim to make you second-guess your decision to pursue your divine calling. The goal of the Thought Police is to make you abandon your path and return to the safety of the predictable and known.

Don’t Let Them Get to You

The Thought Police may be powerful, but they are not invincible. Recognize and overcome their influence as you move forward on your path.

The most effective way to combat the Thought Police is fortifying your sense of self and purpose. When you have unwavering faith in your divine mission, external forces will have less sway over you. Cultivate an unshakeable belief in the importance of your calling. This requires continual self-reflection and aligning your actions with your inner values. Meditate on your purpose, visualize your success, and affirm your worth.

Understand that many of the doubts you feel are not your own. Others have placed them in your mind—family, society, or cultural conditioning. You can separate these voices from your authentic self by recognizing them for what they are. Practice mindfulness to recognize when these intrusive thoughts arise and actively challenge them.

Not everyone in your life will act as the Thought Police. Some will genuinely encourage and support your growth. Seek out these individuals—mentors, like-minded friends, or communities that align with your vision. Their encouragement will serve as a counterbalance to the negativity from others.

Sometimes, those closest to us unknowingly become the most significant obstacles. In these situations, it’s important to set healthy boundaries. This might mean limiting how much you share about your journey or distancing yourself from people who continuously project doubt onto you. Remember, your path is sacred, and not everyone is meant to understand it.

The Thought Police often use the fear of failure to keep you from taking risks. But failure is not the enemy—stagnation is. Each setback offers a lesson that brings you closer to your ultimate success. Reframe failure as part of your growth process and push forward with resilience. The more you face and overcome adversity, the weaker the Thought Police become.

One of the most potent antidotes to the Thought Police’s negative conditioning is self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness when you face setbacks or doubt. Instead of letting the voices of the Thought Police erode your confidence, actively remind yourself of your achievements, strengths, and progress. Embracing self-love and forgiveness fortifies you against their manipulation.

Instead of focusing on the overwhelming enormity of your divine mission, break it down into manageable baby steps. Each small action you take toward your goal weakens the hold of the Thought Police. The action builds momentum, and as you see progress, your confidence will grow, making it harder for doubt and external forces to sway you.

Pursuing your calling is an act of defiance against the Thought Police. It is a rejection of the conventional path and an embrace of the extraordinary. The journey won’t be easy, and the Thought Police will be relentless in their efforts to steer you back toward conformity. But by strengthening your internal resolve, surrounding yourself with positive influences, and taking persistent action, you can outmaneuver them.

You are here for a reason. Your contribution to the world is unique, and only by following your divine purpose will you fulfill your highest potential. The Thought Police may whisper, threaten, and cajole, but they cannot stop you if your resolve is more potent than their influence.

Remember, the Thought Police are loudest when you’re on the cusp of greatness. Silence them by walking your path with courage, determination, and unwavering faith in your purpose.

What happens when one of my clients is growing and changing, taking on a new perspective and the world by storm, and his or her partner is not? It’s not uncommon for the one who is doing all the changing to feel as though he or she and his significant other are growing apart, starting to predict the end of the relationship.

First of all, you need to determine if you and your partner are growing apart, or one is growing and the other is not so much. If you are growing and changing in one direction and your partner is growing and changing in another direction, yes, it would appear that you are growing apart. If this is the case, it might still be workable, because you can move in a similar direction in different ways, which can create opportunities for exponential growth down the line, if you can play off or and encourage each other.

On the other hand, the truth of what I see predominantly is couples that have one partner growing and changing, making giant leaps and bounds, and when he or she looks to his or her partner for support or encouragement, all that comes back is the classic eye-roll, or passive (if not sarcastic), “Oh, that’s just great.”

That’s when you feel like, “This is not working.” Asserting, “My partner doesn’t care about my growth,” (personal, spiritually, or both) feeling as though you are growing apart and your partner could care less about joining you on the journey you’ve chosen for yourself. So, your initial thought is that you’re not being supported, or you’ve been rejected, and feel as though, “I can’t live like that.”

“My partner and I are growing apart.”

If you’re feeling unsupported or rejected by your significant other, be aware that this has nothing to do with your partner at all; it’s all you. Even with all your growth up to this point, you are still harboring the fear of being unsupported and fear of rejection. These fears are coming up as an indication in your life that these fears must be dealt with if you are to move to the next level.

Sure, you can circumvent these fears altogether and end the relationship, abandoning your partner, and continuing your growth solo, or you can choose to take this opportunity to face your fears, promoting your growth even more.

Maybe it’s time to step back and take a look at what is happening from a perspective outside of yourself, possibly reframing the scenario, altering the details enough to keep your feelings disengaged so you can be more objective. Something like,

Imagine a couple has come to you for advice and they’ve told you that they love each other but one of them has gotten a promotion and in order to continue his or her growth with the company, he or she must work from an office 300 miles away from home. Chances are, you are not going to advise that he or she takes the promotion, move away, and end the relationship. Why?

I think, if you could be objective about it, you would suggest a way to renegotiate the promotion, or find a way to compromise or further encourage the growth of the couple through this exercise to find a win-win solution which will enhance the relationship, having moved through this process and conquering this challenge together.

Following this process, you might consider applying this advice to your own relationship. Though I would also challenge you to consider that you’ve also just made a huge mistake which is common for everyone who is on a path of discovery, who has discovered or experienced something that is not fully embraced by your social circle (especially those people closest to you), you have become a self-righteous hypocrite.

Sounds bad, but you have just joined the ranks of all the ego-centric narcissists who have paved similar paths for themselves. Good luck with that.

As harsh as it sounds, your ego has taken control of your life, and you’re starting to feel superior when comparing yourself to others. You’re judging others who are not in lock-step with you and thinking about (if you haven’t already done so) isolating yourself from your circle of influence, asserting your own personal needs and desires over others who are incapable of seeing things clearly from your perspective.

This is hardly tolerance or love; in fact, it is quite the opposite. You’ve let your fear overshadow all you have worked for, and we all know that the path to the dark side is paved with the best intentions.

Tolerance would suggest that everyone is on their own journey, they are not broken, and honors each person’s right to their own perspective and station in life without judgment. Yet here you are, passing judgment on the person (if not the people) closest to you.

Love, of the unconditional variety, would dictate that you love the person you’ve aligned yourself with unconditionally, regardless of what he or she thinks about the path you’ve selected for yourself.

Your lover is not under any obligation to follow you on your journey, because your journey is not for your mate, even though you both could learn, find value, and deeply benefit from your decision to do so.

It is upon you to love your partner, to create sacred space in your lives together, where you can share and abide in safety and security without the fear of abandonment. Honoring your mate implies that you respect his or her right to their own opinions and defend his or her right to do so, from both others and yourself, without judgment.

After all, aren’t we all just doing the best we can with what we have?

If you are able to take the high road, you may find that your partner is paying far more attention than you think. It’s not unlike your response to a new business opening in town. It is unlikely that you are not going to frequent that business on opening day or support it regularly in the beginning. It may take many exposures to advertising and your regular review for a period of time to see if the proprietor’s venture is worthy of your attention and support, or just another flash in the pan.

How many times have you been aware of a new business who has caught your attention but prior to stepping foot into the establishment, you notice the business has not survived, the owner has collected his or her things and gone home. The business has closed and the space is available for lease.

The possibility exists that your love interest is paying attention to every move you make, watching you very intently, to see if your transformation is real and longstanding, or just a passing phase.

It is quite common for a partner to tarry, while keeping a close eye on their partner, to see for themselves if this is the real deal.

Once they have faith in your growth, metamorphosis, and evolution, they will join you on your journey, making your dream for a supportive synergistic love life come true.

It’s on you to create, allow and protect the sacred space necessary to make it happen.