Abusive Relationship

You might be out there, loving, caring, and sharing yourself with other and find yourself the object of someone’s affection. Even the best of us aspire to put our best foot forward at the outset of a potential relationship, as also do those with less than your best interests in mind.

Before you know it, you could find yourself in an abusive relationship.

While all abusive relationships have certain commonalities, they vary wildly across the spectrum of abusive potentialities. Among them, there are 7 signs which might indicate that you are in an abusive relationship.

7 Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship

Your partner

1. Does not trust you
2. Criticizes and puts you down
3. Asserts superiority over you
4. Puts down your opinions or accomplishments
5. Abuses you, then turns it around and blames you
6. Makes self-serving demands irrespective of your desires
7. Threatens you, your well-being, your reputation, or family

All this dysfunctional madness can leave you feeling like a victim of abuse, even if the abuse is not physical, the pain of being in an abusive relationship can be very real and just as painful, if not worse, because there is no physical manifestation of the abusive relationship.

You are never required to stay in an abusive relationship. No one has the right to abuse you. You should (and there are resources available to you of you need help getting out) remove yourself from the abusive environment as soon as possible.

This doesn’t mean the relationship is over, you and your partner (if he or she is willing) could seek counselling to see if the relationship is salvageable. If the abuse is likely to continue, it is not.

Someone is waiting to love you for who you are in true love, without subjecting yourself to further abuse.

What Can You Do If You’re in an Abusive Relationship?

The first rule is to remove yourself, get out, find a safe place where you can collect your thoughts. This is the only way to stop the abuse while you can take the time to figure things out.

If you feel like you’ve been victimized, after you’ve found a safe place to do the work, an important step might be to find a way to prevent yourself from being victimized.

How to Not Be a Victim of an Abusive Relationship?

You can prevent yourself from ever being in an abusive relationship by not participating in the abuse… at all.

You’re likely to feel like a victim in an abusive relationship if you assume the role of the victim, feeling as though you have a weakness which can be exploited which makes you feel bad, while your abuser assumes the role of “the bad guy.”

What if there was no good guy, no bad guy, just two people who disagree?

If you can realize your potential abuser is only expressing his- or her-self in such an abusive way because they are suffering inside from some pain or trauma from his or her past, then you can understand his or her outburst has nothing at all to do with you.

This is the most common underlying motivation for abusers who have no other way to release the pressure from deeply hidden pain or trauma suffered in their past except to strike out at someone else.

If you can wrap your heart around this concept, you can feel compassion for the one who is striking out at you, being careful not to feel pity for him or her, because that would assume that you are in some way better off than him or her.

The truth is, we’re all flawed and just doing the best we can to make it through this journey with the tools that we possess. Even though some of us have more tools than others, we are in no way any better off than anyone else.

None of us makes it through this life without struggle or gets out alive.

But that doesn’t mean you have to succumb to the whim of anyone else to abuse you.

What to Do

The next time someone tries to interrupt your life with abusive behavior, understand it has nothing to do with you, bless them, and walk away.

If someone does or says something disrespectful to you, acknowledge their right to feel or say anything they want. For, after all, they are only asserting his or her own perspective, and you honor their right to do so. You have no need or requirement to defend yourself, or respond, except to acknowledge their right to their own opinion.

You may do so by saying, “You’re absolutely right,” (which disarms their assault) and compassionately walk away, because if history teaches us anything, it is that arguing with someone, or even engaging in a debate, has little of no positive result, and only makes things worse.

You cannot reason with someone who is unreasonable.

It’s up to you to establish your own sacred space and to protect it.

Toxic Relationship Much?

Unless you’re called to live the single life (as some people are), you are genetically designed and physically manifested as an individual who thrives as one-half of a romantic coupling with another. The benefits of this coupling are enhanced by joining together in the sacred bond of marriage.

Notably, there is a huge difference between the benefits of taking wedding vows for a good marriage between two people and the tragic toxicity of trying to manage a bad marriage.

In the best relationships, marriage is good medicine. There are at least 12 health benefits you can enjoy from being in a healthy love relationship with your spouse. It doesn’t have to be perfect by any means, just moderately meaningful, manageable, and positive for the most part.

On the other hand, even though you may enter a relationship with the best intentions, and pledged to be bonded for life, marriage can be very toxic, and thank God, if it is abusive or unmanageable, there is a way out.

If you’re in a toxic or abusive relationship this is a call to arms. You should look for insights within yourself, seek refuge, get out and be safe. No marriage or commitment to a relationship requires your being abused, ever. It only signifies your need to leave, learn, and move on.

For those of you who predisposed to looking for red flags in relationships, some early warning signs of relationships which could potentially go sideways on you might include keeping secrets or withholding (which is tantamount to lying).

Being dishonest, deceptive, sneaking around, and hiding things are signs of something deeper and darker which will show its hidden identity one day.

As you enter into a relationship, if you’re witnessing assertions of “this is yours” and “this is mine” attitude about a variety of things, be aware that this kind of division is counter-intuitive for genuine coupling where the focus should be on the “sharing” of most things.

While the yours-and-mine attitude is generally accepted as a healthy perspective, often supported by relationship professionals and the legal community, it fosters separateness and can be extremely problematic when fighting over what rightly belongs to whom in the process of dissolution which can be extremely traumatic and expensive.

If your mate is likely to spend time pointing out all your faults (or often accusing you of possessing his or her faults) it is highly unlikely that you will ever be good enough for this person, expect it only to get worse.

Conflict in a good relationship leads to resolution, while conflict in an unhealthy relationship demands compliance or sacrifice and often leads to chaos and abuse.

A mate who is unsupportive and selfish will not put forth the effort to put the work into making the relationship better, unless he or she is able to manipulate a relationship therapist or coach to support his or her agendas, as a method to manipulate and mold you for his or her benefit.

If you’re not the most important person in your partner’s life, his or her priorities are not in alignment with the goals of a healthy and happy relationship between two people. This is not to say that your partner should have a healthy independence and positive friends and social connections, only that you should be the most highly regarded person in their circle of influence.

A toxic partner will emphasize your missteps and hold grudges against you ad infinitum when forgiveness and creating a new normal is the order of the day in dealing with relationship shortfalls, loving through our imperfections, leading to a better healing day, moving positively into the future together.

Marriage is a celebration of the life of two people. It is a joining of two people co-creating a positive future together and upholds the sacred potential which surpasses the potential of either party without the other.

Toxic or abusive relationships indicate your need to look within to find why you might have attracted this life circumstance. Please look inside and find what lurks in the dark recesses of your soul because if you don’t, your next relationship will present you with the same problematic circumstances.

Only you have the power to stop this negative relationship cycle by doing the deep inner work and embracing all the love which resides inside of you. Only then, will you be able to move on in unconditional love, which is desperately waiting for you,