Don’t Should on Yourself

I work with people who come in covered head to toe in should. How can anyone have any quality of life when they’re covered in should?

I should do this, I should do that… There’s should over here, should over there. How can you get anything done when you’re so full of should?

don t should on yourself no should
Don’t Should On Yourself

Nothing good ever came from should.

Take a good look at your should, what do you see? A big, ol’ pile of should that is at the very least unsettling to examine if not totally disgusting.

Should is rooted in negative, guilt-ridden angst and needs to be eliminated from your life; otherwise it festers and piles up inside of you making you feel worse about yourself, doubt your ability to be productive, lose faith in yourself and can lead to self-loathing.

Should Elimination Cleanse

It’s time to take a big should elimination cleanse.

What’s on your Should List?

Get out a sheet of paper and write down all the things that you tell yourself that you should do on your should list. I should lose weight. I should write Aunt Emma. I should get a better insurance company. I should clean out the garage. I should get a better job. I should start working out. I should spend more time with my kids. Also include those things you feel you shouldn’t do, like I shouldn’t spend so much time with technology, I shouldn’t watch bad news, I shouldn’t drink alone, I shouldn’t show up late, I shouldn’t scream at the kids, I shouldn’t put others needs before my own, and the list goes on and on…

Look at the size of your should list. It’s overwhelming when you realize that you’re so full of should. We’re getting rid of your should list, although you get a chance to cull some of the things from the list and move them to another list.

To clean up your shoulds, get another sheet of paper, this is a list of goals. If you feel compelled to keep some of the shoulds, you may convert them to a goal only if you are willing to take action on it.

That’s the difference between a big pile of should that bogs you down and drains your enthusiasm and goals that inspire you to take action. Shoulds are the things that you don’t do and goals are the things that you do do. Shoulds feel bad because how long have they haunted you? They bombard you and overwhelm you with guilt and make you feel unworthy, that you’re not good enough or like a loser. If something’s been on your should list for more than a year: Really? That’s a lot of unnecessary self-abuse. But, if you’re willing to transfer it to your goal list, you’re only allowed to if you’re committed to taking an action on it within the next seven days. Otherwise, it’s gotta go.

You can revisit the eliminated should at a later date. If it is something you really would like to accomplish at some point, you can re-evaluate it when it’s more likely that you will take action on it and make a goal of it. In the meantime, there’s no more should about it.

Burn your should list. You’re done with that should. No should.

If you’ve transferred it to your goal list and not taken action on it in the seven days, take that should and burn it. Burn that should.

No more should.

You’re not taking any should any more. You’re shouldless.

And that’s just you shoulding on yourself. How often do you should on others?

You know what it’s like to be shoulded on. You don’t like to be should on, so stop shoulding on others.

And if people are shoulding on you, then put them on notice. They are not allowed to should on you again. You’re not taking any more should; not from you, not from anyone.

Enjoy living your new should-free life.

What Do You Think?

What you think, say and believe about yourself defines who you are. Thoughts and words are so very powerful, that if you could truly grasp the power they wield, you would not use them so haphazardly. Certainly they can be powerful weapons when discharged against others, more powerful than a loaded gun, but what about when you turn those loaded weapons and aim them at yourself?

what do you think positive thinking negative thoughts

Think about these powerful weapons rolling around in your head; what do you allow to occupy this sacred space. There is no more private or intimate space besides your mind – which, by the way, is hardwired to your heart – where your deepest thoughts, dreams, desires, fears and joy resides. You, yes you, have control over what proliferates the confines of your mind and heart. You.

You cannot blame life, life circumstance, any belief system, person, place, parent or thing for what thoughts you allow to persist in your thoughts.

Why must you take control of your thoughts? Because they are so powerful, they manifest in you and attract more of what you think about, causing a great tidal wave of whatever it is you’re thinking about to head your way.

What you’re thinking about yourself is who you become

If you have self image thoughts or self-talk that may not be in your best interest, such as being disappointed in yourself in some way, then you are certainly destined to become the very thoughts that haunt you. Alternatively, the more positive thoughts you engage in about yourself, the more positive the person you are. It’s really that simple.

If you think, “I’m not good enough,” then you are not (or you might be good enough at first blush, but if you continue to entertain the thought that you are not good enough, then it will not be long before you are unworthy of much at all).

Your other negative thoughts about yourself follow suit:

I can’t do it
I have the worst luck
I’m such a loser
I’m not worthy
No one loves me, or alternatively, nobody cares
I hate “my” (or “it, when I”) _______ (fill in the blank)

It is in your best interest to me mindful of how and what you think about because those negative thoughts will steal any hope of having good thoughts, especially about yourself.

If a negative thought is a weapon that steals, then a positive thought is the cure that heals.

Trade Negative for Positive

If you’re having negative thoughts about yourself, all you have to do is to catch yourself thinking the thought – stop – and rephrase the thought as positive self-talk in its opposite. So, I can’t do it becomes, I can do it. I have the worst luck becomes, I have the best luck, etc…

Want to supercharge your transformation, just ramp it up with an immensely positive reframe, like, “I can do it amazingly, better than most people!” Or, “I have the most amazing luck, I always win!”

Why? Because what you think comes to pass. Use these powerful tools not to tear yourself down but to build yourself up, because you are so amazing!

What you’re thinking about everything else grows and becomes more powerful

Here are those powerful thoughts at work again, this time affecting the world around you. If you’re thinking about tortured souls, people, animals you not only attract more of these things to your awareness, but your thoughts create more of it in the world.

Yes, by focusing on the injustices, crimes, disasters and lack (of anything) you actually help to create more of it.

Please, try to stop thinking about bad things, because it only creates more bad things.

What can you do?

Think about the opposite good things, the solutions… and if you’re as amazing as I think you are, start not only thinking but talking to others about the amazing answers that are unfolding, maybe take action. Write a letter to the editor, make a blog post, support or start a movement for good.

By taking a positive approach – and focusing on positive solutions – you become a powerful healing force, creating and making the world a better place.

Think and be what you want to see

And it is so

How to be Confident Self Talk

Throughout the course of my career as my calling has taken on different colors, shapes and forms, people have come to me with a variety of issues. One of the most common challenges that I find people struggling with self esteem.

Back in the day I would work with individuals specifically with overcoming their personal concerns. As I refine my work, currently I work mostly with people who on the move; they’re the movers, shakers and risk takers, who need to be on their game to increase their probability of success; massive success.

Many of the modalities that I use deal with overcoming issues with one’s physiological, psychological or spiritual status. When dealing with issues associated with self confidence it is often necessary to deal with underlying issues on all three fronts; the body, the mind and the spirit.

When I am working with someone whose confidence level is a three on a scale of 1 to 10 and they have plans of making a presentation to an important audience, readying for a pitch for Shark Tank or getting to make an appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Network, it is imperative that you raise you self esteem to a higher level. My goal is to get my client to a confidence level of ten.

Level 10 Confidence

When your self esteem is at its peak and you’re exuding level 10 confidence you are unshakeable and unstoppable. You have the internal fortitude to take on any challenging situation or circumstance that would be intimidating (if not crippling) to anyone maintaining low self esteem.

That’s shy I’ve developed the TENNERCISE system, to raise anyone’s self confidence level and increase their powers of personal performance to achieve their highest and best. Tennercise utilizes components from a myriad of modalities to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

One of the first actions you can take to get a grip on your self esteem and raise your confidence is to address your

How to be confidant self talk

Self Talk

Self talk is that voice inside your head, sometimes that still small voice, other times like a roaring lion, insisting that you are unworthy, to be shamed or disrespected in some way or not good enough.

Low self esteem – as well as high self-confidence – requires constant maintenance. If you’re feeling like you’re not on your game there’s probably a lot of negative programs running in the background to keep you down (or safe). You might ask, how to I banish

Negative Self Talk

Negative self-talk has to go. It is working hard to keep you down, so you have to man up (or woman up) and claim authority over the source of your lack of self esteem.

Whack a Mole

You have to interrupt the negative self talk with a quick and effective whack as soon as it rears its ugly head. Whack! How do I whack the negative self talk mole?

If I’m at home alone, I clap my hands (loudly, creating a little pain) stop… and turn an abrupt about face. If I’m sitting at a table or desk in view of others, I might flick my ear. In a meeting, I might (literally) bite my tongue.

Mock the Voice

The mole’s voice inside your head can be quite ominous. I find disarming the mole’s voice by reducing it to a funny cartoon baby-like caricature-sounding voice removes all the negativity from the negative thought. Then I make fun of it by repeating it in the silly cartoon voice (using my outside voice or inner voice, whichever is more appropriate at the time) and laugh (or smile) at it. After you’ve don’t this a few times, the next time it pops up, it does so in the revised silly voice (you might not even have to whack it when it shows up in this manner).

Positive Self Talk

Now it’s time to reframe for more positive thinking. Now, in your most authoritative voice, restate the negative as the most positive affirmation that you can conjure up. This is your new positive self-talk. Take note of your new positive reinforcement and use it any time your negative mole-speak pops up. Feel free (you are encouraged to) modify your positive affirmation as you think of ways to make it even more positively reaffirming.

Whacking and disarming your negative self talking mole can be an excellent method of building self confidence as you begin to rebuild your new and improved vision of yourself, ready to take on the world.

You can join us in saying,

Look out world

Here I come