Private Investigations Behind the Scenes

I have a client who is a private investigator. He has seen and heard it all. Even though he’s seen, heard, documented and recorded things which are normally unheard or unseen, in many cases, he has no idea what part the data he’s collected plays in the overall scope of the situation at hand, or what’s going on inside the heads of the players.

Private investigations is a fascinating line of work, but it takes a special type of person to stay in this line of work for very long. My client does a very good job of not taking anything personally, or engaging in any hypotheses about what the data he’s collected means. His function is only to collect data and report it.

While his work is not as glamorous as what might be depicted in books, movies, and teleplays, he does have quite an array of gadgetry to assist his surveillance efforts. He has told me about some of them, and they sound quite effective. This is the kind of information that anyone who is even slightly paranoid does not want to hear. Even my mind followed the train of thought which considered if this person has tools like that, what must the government have?

His business is focused on three main target markets, insurance, family, and business. It is not uncommon for his data collection to radically change the lives of those who have either retained his services and/or those who have been the subjects of his work. Even so, he is able to keep his mind from wandering or extrapolating any information he might gather, to him it is only data.

I have always been fascinated by people’s different perspectives and points of view. What might mean one thing to one person might have a completely different meaning for someone else, and things we witness first-hand are rarely as they seem at first blush.

Though we are in different fields of work, we both find ourselves working with families in the area of relationships. As you can imagine, our perspectives on relationships vary widely, even though our work may focus on the deepest, darkest parts of a relationship in trouble, our methods are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Regardless of the method, the key to a longstanding relationship is founded in trust; for if there is no trust, then there is no foundation on which to build a relationship that might expect any form of longevity. Most relationships today are based more on convenience, where one or both parties ask themselves, “What am I getting from this?” While they are getting what they want from the relationship, it is tolerable. If they cease to get what they want, the relationship is disposable.

My relationship work focuses on couples in love, seeking greater connection, love, and personal growth. Relationships, like this, must be founded on trust and mutual respect, not based on one partner (or both) asking “what’s in it for me?” The parties involved in the most successful relationships are asking, “What can I do for us?” Or, even better,

“How can I be the best I can be for me, and offer everything that I have for you and your best interests so that we can grow together and love each other even more?”

Wow. That’s an approach to a relationship that is empowering, uplifting, and brings a solemn tear to my eye when I am able to witness a couple engaged at that level of love.

While trust is so important in a relationship, it can wane over time. Not to worry, there is hope that trust and the love associated with it can be regained, and grow even more. With respect to my PI client, I would not suggest hiring a private investigator if there is to be any hope of rebuilding trust in a relationship.

Everyone is entitled to some form of privacy, and while I don’t know about how all investigators conduct their work, but if you’re under the type of surveillance conducted by my PI client, you have no privacy.

Every relationship needs to establish boundaries and what works for one couple may not work for the next. As much as we’d like to believe that we all could subscribe to a set of rules which apply to every relationship, it just is not practical, unless you don’t mind being socially herded like sheep.

True love honors and respects that everyone is unique and keenly individual, and in a relationship which supports the highest form of love, it is not about what you can do and what you can’t do. No, it’s about,

“What can I do for you?”

Want to know more about true love? Consider attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop near you.

How to Know If You Can Trust Someone

Is He or She Trustworthy?

How to know if you can trust someone or, not? Is he or she trustworthy?

If you pay attention you can usually tell if someone is worthy of your trust early on. People are generally fairly transparent unless they have a form of psychopathy or are a highly trained government spy.

Early on, people give us clear signals which could alert us to whether they can be trusted, or not, though in most cases we overlook the warning signs because we desire to seek out and believe the best in people, especially those we may have the potential of developing a relationship with.

First off, you feel comfortable about the idea of trusting them. Now this may be a false positive, but it is rarely a false negative. If your first impression of a person is that they appear to be trustworthy, more often than not you will be right. On the other hand, if your first impression of someone is that they cannot be trusted, you’re probably right.

Observing how a person acts and reacts will help to give you more supportive information as to whether someone can be trusted, or not, such as do they appear to trust others, or are they more suspicious of others. There’s a pretty good chance, if they are unable to trust others, it is probably because they know they themselves cannot be trusted. If you can’t trust yourself, how can you trust someone else? An early indicator might be impulsivity. If they can’t trust themselves, their ability to control their own actions, then there’s a good chance your faith or trust in them may be misguided. People who are worthy of your trust are usually able to demonstrate an adequate level of self-control.

Trustworthy people are more compassionate and willing to compromise for the greater good, while someone who is unwilling to compromise might not be able to be trusted to do the right thing. These observations can be noted on the smallest scale and extrapolated out to the more important things of life. For instance, if you have an impromptu meeting after work with co-workers about a particular project and you invite the new hire along, if he or she declines the invitation because he or she is tired, you can reasonably expect that this person will opt out of more important obligations if they are not feeling up to it. Which in itself is not a bad thing, but what if you’re depending on this person to follow through on something of great importance? You will look back on this early warning sign, slap your forehead and say, “I knew it.”

If you can’t trust someone with the smaller details, then you probably can’t trust them with the big ones. If someone is not telling the truth about how long they took for a coffee break, or lie about where they went on their lunch break, even though these may seem inconsequential, they are early warning signs of someone who is comfortable with not telling the truth. Even though they might be white lies or they might have purposefully withheld particular details which may not be cause for alarm, these can be indications that trouble may be brewing down the line when the stakes are much higher. If someone can be trusted with small, inconsequential details, then there’s a good chance they can be trusted with more important details.

Making excuses, justifying their missteps, or blaming others could be early indications that someone can’t be trusted, for trustworthy individuals are far more likely to take full responsibility for their actions. You know what to expect from someone who can be trusted. If they say they are going to do something, they do it. If they give you a head’s up that they might not be able to perform to an expected level, and they do not, they were honest and forthright, giving you fair warning. While untrustworthy individuals are more likely to make promises knowing they are unlikely (if not unable) to keep them, then make excuses or blame someone or something else for their inability to follow through with their commitment(s).

The only real way to know if you can trust someone, or not, is to trust them with something small at first. Then sit back and see what happens. If they prove that they can be trusted with this, then you can move on to other, more important issues. Sometimes trusting someone allows them to raise their own personal bar of integrity, answering the call with trustworthiness. Giving them the opportunity to show themselves as trustworthy might actually make them worthier of your trust in him or her.

Love Lies Why Lovers Lie

Why Do Lovers Lie?

When you enter into a committed relationship, an evolution takes place. As time goes on couples experience a metamorphosis as each of the participants grows and changes interdependently. Though they may be “one flesh” in the utmost romantic sense, they are still separate individuals both trying to do the best they can with what they have.

The only thing that truly bonds a couple together is the level of integrity and trust they have one for the other. If we can trust impeccably, be open and honest, we have the main ingredients of a highly successful and long lasting love life together. For if we do not have trust, what do we have?

As each lover evolves, there may be moments in time when they may be out of sync with their counterpart. What then?

Do you say, “This isn’t working for me; see ya,” as you depart with little concern for the former mate left behind?

Or do you lie and say, “I love you. Everything’s okay. You mean the world to me, nothing could come between us.”

Relationships are hard and no matter how we try to establish hard and fast rules for relationships, it is nearly impossible to have textbook answers for every conceivable scenario. We, as human beings, are far too complex for that.

While there are liars who selfishly lie to the extreme (we call them pathological liars) without regard to others (even if it appears to not be necessary to lie at all), alternatively we are talking about compassionate liars cohabitating in the space somewhere within the bounds of love.

While being totally open and honest are vastly important in relationships, being too open and honest can easily render a relationship null and void. Sometimes in a long term romance, the ability to lie is not only warranted, but may be a necessary component of romantic survivability.

Indeed, a long-term successful and loving relationship between two people consists or a delicate balance between truthfulness and deceit. Just ask any individual alone and off-camera who is part of a successful couple that has enjoyed a state of relationship bliss for many years what is the secret to their long-standing love affair? The answer (if conveyed honestly) will reference the delicate balance between truth and lies.

Why lie in a loving relationship?

For the sake of the big picture, in a selfless effort to preserve all that is sacred in a relationship, the occasion may (and often will) arise when the importance and reverence for the relationship exceeds the need to assert an opinion, fact or truth which might cause harm to the sacredness of the couple’s bond. Thereby justifying a bit of tale-telling to ease past what might have been a difficult situation that may have compromised the relationship or led to its dissolution altogether.

Let’s assume for a moment that the emotional spectrum of a relationship spans from love and acceptance on one end and anger and judgment on the other. Lovers often balance delicate of critical issues by where the consequence will end up on this spectrum. The unbridled truth may end up putting the relationship at risk by hurling it all the way into anger and judgment, while a love lie might not put the relationship at risk at all.

We learned this method of mitigating emotional-charged relationships in our youth. Where the truth may have sent our parents into a fury-filled emotional outburst with negative results, a little lie would sidestep the darkness and pain of disappointment and or impending punishment, and all was well.

I’m not saying it’s wrong or right. No two relationships can possibly be compared and everyone needs to find their own way. These types of “love lies” for the most part will go by completely unnoticed, except in the instances where the deception is interrupted by the otherwise naïve other lover. If we are honest, we would all admit that we do this to some degree without intent of malice.

In fact, we may tell a love lie because we love, honor and respect our mate so much, that we might do or say anything in support of the other and increase our love one for the other, even though our heart may not be totally vested at that particular moment in time. In most cases the love lie goes unnoticed and a greater love prevails.

When the one of the lovers discovers a love lie unawares, the couple needs to address the issue of the existence of this kind of deceit within the relationship. Each couple will have their own unique strategy for dealing with these types of inconsistencies.

The hardest road of all for a couple to attempt to maintain is that of complete and utter honesty regardless of the feelings of the other lover. In some cases this can work, but it takes a unique chemistry between two individuals who can manage such a relationship for long.

This is the emotional high road that if navigated correctly, with love and tolerance, without anger or judgment , we simply accept things as they are and allow each other to be without taking the unbridled truth personally or as an assault to be defended against.

For the rest of us, we try to set and manage boundaries for truth and honesty and believe that our love will survive the test of time, if we truly honor and value each other and the relationship as a whole.