There I was alone in my bed in the fetal position in my bed. I had suffered so much loss, buried my stepson, watched my family break apart, suffered financial loss, attacked by people I loved and adored, non-physical entities, as well as predatory psychopaths, which left me feeling hopeless and helpless in this, my darkest hour. I had never felt so alone and suicidal on Christmas as I had in that moment.
I had planned the steps necessary to take my own life in a clean and quiet manner, in such a way as to not make a spectacle or leave behind a mess for anyone to clean up, knowing that it would be a while before anyone found my body.
I’d spent a lifetime helping others with their mental health issues as they’d sought me out for support along their path to achieving their highest and best. I’d been a student of the therapeutic sciences. Up until this time, I had only a background in Pastoral Counseling, Christian Therapeutic Sciences, and mastered Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and Hypnotherapy, as I dabbled in other modalities. I thought the more tools I had, the better assistance I could offer my clients. I had huge success in working with others using prayer and meditation.
I had a good life, full of treasures and traumas, and had experienced the entire spectrum of experiences this life had to offer. I felt that I had lived more life than the average person up until this point, so it wouldn’t be like I’d be missing anything. I had made a positive impact on the lives of people I’d counseled and trained, which meant that whatever energy I’d passed onto them would survive and continue to serve the world in my absence.
I felt as though I’d done the best I could, and could not see any way to recover from my current state of affairs. I was hurt, desolate, exhausted, and felt as if I had nothing left to give. I knew the holiday season was a time for increased suicide, and now, I knew why. Even though I knew I would just be counted as another normal statistic (I’ve always been resistant to being considered “normal”), I was determined to see this through.
I would leave behind children I loved more than anything, who would not understand why their parent would do such a thing. So, in a last-ditch effort to give them some spiritual support, especially now during the holiday season, I decided to send them love.
While I loved them, I really had no love resources left within me to give. I was empty. The only thing I could do would be to send them God’s love from some infinite source from without and beyond myself and send it to them.
I used self-guided prayer meditation to send this infinite unconditional love to each child and to their children as well. This was late on Christmas Eve, and I thought my coup was inspired because any lift of their spirits which they may have felt from this spiritual effort, would have been attributed to the holiday season.
Using this meditative process, one by one, I filtered this infinite love through every cell of each child’s body, their mind, and the deepest parts of their psyches and souls. After I’d completed the process and blessed each child, I felt like I could do more. (Not realizing this was a huge improvement, already from when I started this process.) So, I continued the process for extended family members as well.
I thought about my friends and neighbors, how they could use a boost, which might help when they’d heard of my taking my own life, so I sent love to them using this meditation.
It was at this point that I decided to include the people who had disrespected and attacked me on the behalf of predatory individuals, and the predators as well. For even with all things considered, weren’t they only doing the best they could with what they had? Many of them did not know what was really going on, nor any recognition of how their actions would affect me. I sent unconditional love to every one of them.
Then, I felt compelled to continue the process to include my local community, the state where I resided, the country, other countries, and the world.
Then, I thought, remembering this is the time of the season that others would be taking their lives, along with me, so I sent love to them, that they might grasp enough of this love, that they might be able to make it one more day, because in most cases one more day could make all the difference.
I had imagined their lives as not being as full and complete as my own, and thought if given the chance, they could have plenty of life ahead of them to experience a better life, possibly their best lives, and maybe even help to make the world a better place, if they could just make it through this tough time. So, I sent love to them.
I thought, even if only one person was able to feel the love to make it past this moment without taking his or her own life, my life would have been worth it.
I felt as if my efforts had made a difference.
After my last act of benevolence had been completed, I noticed that I felt better. The sun had come up. It was a fresh Christmas morning. I looked outside to see no snow, but it was cool and brisk, and I was alive. Feeling more alive. As if I had made a contribution, and my dream… My dream of being able to reach just one person had come true.
While I had flowed all that eternal love through me to others, it filtered through the cells of my own body as well.
I had come out on the other side, strong, and at peace with all that was.
That Christmas morning, I vowed to expand my studies to include energetic work, in an effort to better understand what miracle had just occurred.
My practice of Sending Love to the World became an annual event for me, personally, and others have joined me in sending love to the world at this time of year.
If you feel so inclined, you could join us in sending love to the world this year, and every year.
We start sending love to the world on November 11th, and continue through the 1st of January, in the hopes that we might help to make the world a better place and by all means save some.