Here I am again. Single. Not broken. Not bitter. Just… here. With my heart still open. Somewhere along the road of this life, I found myself standing in a place that many never speak of, yet so many know intimately: the quiet space between relationships. In this place, I’ve grown stronger, wiser, and, despite everything, still believing. Not in the fairytale kind of love, mind you, not in some Photoshopped fantasy or Disney-fueled delusion, but in the kind of love that two people, fully awake and aligned, co-create through intentionality, trust, and truth. That’s the flame I seek, not the spark, but the sacred fire.
The Monogamous Soul in a Non-Monogamous Culture
Some of us were simply born monogamous. Not out of obligation. Not out of fear. But because it is the truest expression of how we give and receive love.
I’ve spent four decades helping others repair the broken pieces of their hearts and their relationships. I’ve counseled the confused, comforted the betrayed, and witnessed the many shades of coupling, successful and otherwise. I’ve also stood on the same stages as anthropologists who made compelling arguments that human beings are not biologically wired for monogamy.
And maybe they’re right.
But I’m still wired this way.
I’ve tried. I’ve waited. I’ve healed. And I’ve been hurt. I’ve seen partners pledge fidelity with their words while living infidelity in their actions. And each time, it cuts deeper, not just because of the betrayal, but because I believed them. I saw the best in them, and I wanted so deeply to share the journey toward a shared destiny.
So, I spend long stretches in singularity. Not because I can’t be with someone. But because I won’t settle for being with someone who doesn’t match the frequency of devotion I bring to the table.
Why We Keep Looking
I know the question: “Why keep looking?”
Why keep hoping, if the odds are stacked against us?
Why keep believing, when the world around us says “just hook up and move on”?
Because… some of us are built to love deeply, one person at a time. We don’t want to divide our affection. We don’t want to fake our way through life. We don’t want a revolving door of novelty. We want roots. We want growth. We want the real thing.
And yes, I’ve also seen the fire fade.
That initial magnetic, primal heat, it’s intoxicating. It’s the fuel of new love. But what happens when it turns to coals, or worse… goes out? That’s where the real test begins. That’s where love shifts from emotion to devotion.
I’ve coached couples back from the brink. Some have rekindled that passion with new adventures, vulnerability, and honest communication. Others… not so much. And often, I’ve seen that the pursuit of that “first-time fire” leads people down the road of betrayal.
Not because they’re evil. But because they’re chasing a moment that can never be duplicated.
And so the cycle continues.
When You’ve Seen It All… But Still Believe
Even though I’ve seen the damage, the hollowed-out hearts, the broken trust, the faked affection, I still believe.
I still believe there’s someone out there for me. Someone who isn’t perfect, but who is perfect for me. Someone who values trust over titillation, presence over performance, growth over games.
And I believe the same for you.
Even if you’ve been lied to.
Even if you’ve lost count of the false starts.
Even if your heart has been shattered into a thousand pieces.
There is still something sacred about believing.
Tips for the Weary Heart
If you’re tired… take heart.
Here are a few reminders that may help you along the way:
-
- Being alone is better than being with the wrong person.
Don’t trade your peace for pain. You’re not missing out. You’re preparing for someone who truly fits. - Recognize the signs early.
If their words say “monogamy,” but their actions don’t align; believe their behavior, not their promises. - There’s no shame in believing in love.
The world may laugh, but stay soft. Stay open. Real love is rare, but not extinct. - You’re not broken for wanting loyalty.
You’re not old-fashioned. You’re not delusional. You’re simply tuned into a frequency most have forgotten exists. - Heal, don’t harden.
Use this time to become the kind of person your future partner will be grateful to meet. Whole. Healed. Honest. - Hope is not weakness.
It’s your superpower. It’s the light that makes you magnetic to the right person.
- Being alone is better than being with the wrong person.
To the One Who Still Believes
Maybe you’ve been burned.
Maybe you’re still healing.
Maybe you’ve sworn off love more than once.
But if there’s a quiet whisper in your soul that says, “I still believe,” don’t silence it.
That whisper is the signal. That whisper is the call.
That whisper is your heart reminding you that you are still alive.
You are worthy of a sacred kind of love.
A love that holds you through your seasons.
A love that honors your soul.
A love that doesn’t make you question your worth.
You’re not crazy for waiting.
You’re not weak for hoping.
You’re not alone in your longing.
You are one of us.
And we still believe.
With love, in truth,
~ David