Many problems can occur within the bounds of relationships, especially when there is an unequal energetic break up with a cheater at hand. Relationships can bring out the best or the worst among the participants and one partner may be shocked at how everything shifts immediately when they have been unequally yoked with a cheater.
In the throes of a love relationship, everything appears to be equal, as this can be an intimate time of sharing and caring. You might even entertain the of growing in a relationship together, even to become “one flesh,” as they say, or there may be an undercurrent of relationship imbalance that you are unaware of.
Sometimes, even the best of couples can find themselves at odds as they realize their paths are no longer headed in the same direction, and parting, as difficult as it can be, appears to be the only logical thing to do.
There is an unequivocal shift of balance at the end of the relationship when one discovers that he or she has been embroiled with a cheater.
They say that, “He who loves the least rules the relationship.” That is to say one of the partners is a little more demanding of subservience, a sort of, “It’s my way or the highway,” attitude. If one of these lovers is a cheater, the one who is cheating is a little more demanding (for he or she loves the least) insisting that, “If you make one wrong move, I am out of here.” And may add, “and you will never hear from or see me again as long as you live,” or something to that effect.
So, it can come as quite a shock to the lover who has caught his or her partner cheating. The offended partner may have undertaken the rigorous painstaking procedures to launch a personal investigation in the hopes of being able to confront the cheater and have a conversation about the offender’s desire to seek intimate attention outside of the relationship.
Often, this is a good way to go about it, because as many jilted partners have found out, to accuse a partner without any evidence can easily be dismissed as blind jealousy or mental instability.
You are ready. You have exerted much meticulous effort to have the documentation necessary to approach your cheating partner, only to find that at the very first mention of infidelity, your partner responds with something, like, “I told you that if you,” (insert any number of conditions) “that I would be gone, forever.”
Then he or she promptly packs his or her bags and leaves to start his or her new life. The groundwork for which has already been laid. The cheater already has new romantic interests in the wings, may have casual sex partners (nowadays, both physical and virtual) , has a strong network of people set up to party and celebrate with, and can easily defame the partner he or she cheated on, proclaiming that the victim was a jealous psycho who accused him or her (the cheater) of horrendous, unbelievable things (though many of them would be, in fact, truths, if not all of them).
All of this was premeditated and put in place, ready to launch in an instant. All you had to do was to question the cheater. The cheater is under no obligation to respond to any of your accusations or proof. Why? Because it is over.
Only you may still be in love. You may be emotionally and physically suffering from the impact of the reality of this situation, and maybe your intention was to try to work through this crisis to see of your relationship would be one of the great relationships which could survive infidelity. And believe me, many do.
I have seen so many couples recover from infidelity, even from the worst-case scenarios and recover in the most miraculous ways, but it takes faith, dedication, commitment, and a willingness to do the deep (most likely the hardest) work to break through to true love. It happens.
Far more often, though, these relationships end abruptly (though many may go through many break-ups on the way to the final one) with one partner joyously celebrating their new life and freedom, while the other one suffers. This is a clear and present unequal energetic breakup with a cheater, which is extremely difficult for the partner cheated upon to recover from.
If the cheater is narcissistic, sociopathic, or has psychopathic tendencies, he or she may be very pleased with him- or her-self the more devastating his or her departure is to the victim of the breakup. The more wounded you are, the more powerful they feel. So, they will often flaunt their new celebratory life in your face as they discredit you all the way, just to add insult to any preexisting injury.
Has this ever happened to you?
If it has, please understand that you did nothing wrong. You may feel bad due to being suddenly shocked by the infidelity, the lies, the cheating, and no one would blame you. You are still in love and your ex- not so much. He or she is gone and trashing you all the way as they embark on their new life, while your heart is broken and bleeding.
Try not to give them the satisfaction of seeing you suffer. Healing will take time. Surround yourself with anyone who will not discredit you or call you a liar. Hopefully, you can find someone who will tell you something nice about you for a change. When you find these people keep them close and find your strength from within to feel good about yourself… without the need to strike out at your ex.
Most people will seek some revenge and want to expose the cheater with the truth of the proof they have gathered. Believe me, this will only prolong your healing process, and make your life even more drama prone. Resist seeking revenge.
The best revenge is to live a vastly successful and amazing life, regardless of what challenges you may have faced. Focus on doing that, as you ignore your naysayers.
You may find yourself participating in poor self-talk, ruminating about the past, thinking about the time and energy you wasted truly loving this person, beating yourself up for not seeing this sooner, or any other type of negative thought patterns. Please find ways to resist doing so, and thank God, that you found out now, and not later. (This could have been far worse if it had been alowed to continue even longer.)
You are better off without this person’s deceit and lies in your life.
Though it may not seem like it right now, know this: There is someone out there who is so well suited for you that every moment you spend with him or her will seem like a miracle in comparision to this experience.