Category: Blog

Distraction and Addiction

Why are we so attracted to bright and shiny objects?

Here you are, on track, fervently applying your talents and skills on what will have the gretest impact on your life, that of your family and possibly the world when suddenly… What’s that?

It’s interesting to say the least. You justify disengaging for the briefest of moment, only to investigate the interruption for a minute, with the full intention to returning to the subject at hand.

Before you know it, the day is spent. One thing or another has successfully distracted you enough that all your good intentions to be intently productive have failed, and you ask yourself, “Why?”

No need to berate yourself. We all do it, and there’s good reason.

If you’re of the scientific persuasion, it might make you feel better and give you the tools that you need to understand why your mind tends to wander (just like the rest of us) which may enable you to actually do something about it.

We all seek some kind of reward for doing the things that are less than enjoyable. Scientists who study the mind often reach down to lower creatures for clues to uncover the answers of why we do the things we do. Rats think, process instincts and reasoning skills are compact and plentiful, so they make excellent test subjects in the laboratory.

If scientists run tests on rats in cages with levers that dispense an edible treat they can come to reasonable hypothesis of how we also might respond to rewards by studying the results based on the psychology of animals.

Neuroscientists track the electrical and chemical activity of the rat’s brain as it responds to stimuli based on pressing levers and getting something in return, shedding light on how the mind works in terms of short term pleasure and long term happiness, which generates questions to ask about how the results might compare to the human brain.

The subcortex is the pleasure center of the human brain, which is also true for the brains of other animals on this planet including rats. If one were to administer an electrical charge to that portion of your brain, you would feel a surge of pleasure.

Though shocking humans at this spot on the brain is problematic, it can be triggered by drugs such as heroin.

Distraction is not always associated with pleasure. Your attention may be interrupted by something inconsequential and meaningless, which may never result in a sense of pleasure just as Heroin addicts can experience a great deal of need when they burn out the ability of their subcortex to reward their continued drug use, so they experience little or no pleasure response leaving them wanting more all the more as they try to achieve the result they were accustomed to during their regular drug use.

It’s the Wanting

Wanting something is what fuels our distraction. Desire circuits are located near the subcortex and are more prevalent than pleasure circuits and are triggered by the neurohormone, dopamine. The effect of dopamine in this part of the brain is the key component in addictions.

Even when no drug is present, just being reminded of situations, circumstances or any trigger that initiates recollection of the use of the drug, releases a dose of dopamine in the brain, making the addict want to use the drug again to re-experience the full effect even more.

We all are wired to want the things we like due to the desire and pleasure circuitry in the brain being so closely associated. The downside of addiction is that as you bombard the pleasure center repeatedly, it’s ability to make you feel the thrill decreases, leaving the addict to want more and more substance, while casual users are more likely to experience the original high without damaging the subcortex’s ability to thrill.

Engaging in fun activities that are not addictive always have a sense of pleasure associated with them, while routine activities are more closely associated with addictive qualities and become less enjoyable over time, like watching television or engaging with our electronic devices and social media.

We were so excited about our TV that we wanted more and more channels. Now those who have watched it most have hundreds of channels but can’t find anything to watch.

What does your phone use say about you?

Social media is the new heroin, as each interaction produces a dose of sweet dopamine which keeps us wanting/needing more and more… leading to the decline of organic conversation in our culture.

Now that you have a basic idea about why your body reacts like it does to certain stimuli, you might be able to withstand succumbing to the lure of distraction, allowing you to stay more keenly focused on the meaningful aspects of life, without getting derailed.

If you find that you are unable to disengage in the distractions of life on your own, you may need a little help from your friends (a coach, counselor or consultant) to break the addiction and resume your life and experience long term satisfaction and happiness.

You can do this.

Your best life is waiting for you.

Living in the Now

How magnificent might it be if we could live every day fresh and new, free from the darkness of our past? Our memories and the vibrations of the thoughts of our past set the tone for the life we live. But what if we could break free from the past and live each day as a new day? How glorious could it be? How much better could every new day be? If it were possible, this would be living in the now.

If it were possible to truly live in the now, what might it take to start living a life free from the past? If you could suspend disbelief for a moment and ponder such a possibility, here are some of the processes to consider if you were to dare to begin living in the now.

Be Aware

If you are living in the now, you are very cognizant about your surroundings. You see things as they are, uninfluenced by the history of your past. This perspective honors life as it is in the moment.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not something you seek from someone else. The only forgiveness you can ever truly experience is the forgiveness you administer. Forgiving yourself and others for anything that has happened previous to this moment in time enables you to live in the now. Forgiveness clears the slate for new information uninhibited by previous thought processes, previously accumulated data, judgments and negative influences.

Especially if you’re carrying around wounds inside, it’s time to forgive, let it go and step into this moment, free from the past: Now.

Take Out the Trash

Living in the now requires removing all the things from your life that pull you back into the past. If you really want to live in the now, you must get rid of all the baggage and things around you connected to your past, that could drag you down. It’s time for some serious house-cleaning and throwing out the garbage of the past, making way for truly living in the now.

Edify Yourself

If you are living in the new, there is no need for self deprecation. Every day you wake to a new day, you are a new person, fresh and innocent as a new born. There is no need to punish, abuse yourself or feel bad about anything in your past. The past is gone. It doesn’t exist. You are happy and confident to enjoy the new you in this new day. You only celebrate your strengths, abilities, goodness and worthiness now.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

If you’re living in the now, there is no need to worry. You can rest assured that everything you could ever need has been provided for you and this day in your journey. You’re already free from the past, now there is no need to waste any time fretting about what tomorrow might be. You’re happy in knowing you are and have forgiven and moving forward in joy and happiness. You enthusiastically embrace each new day, come what may.

Dream Forward

Set your attention and intentions on your new, best life ever. Using your imagination, empower your dreams to create an image of your new life going into the future. How much better can each new day be? What if you could have anything you want, fully enjoying your heart’s desires? What would it look like, feel like, taste, smell and sound like?

Here’s where you interrupt, saying, “That’s not the ‘Now,’ it’s the future.” Good point. Let me ask you this,

Can you change the past?
Can you change the future?

Okay, stay with me. You can have everything you’ve ever wanted if you take action (wait for it…) in the now.

Take Action

Living in the now enables you to take action (albeit as miniscule or gigantic) in this very moment that moves you closer to achieving your dreams. The desires of your heart were fulfilled in the moment you thought about it and are waiting for you, now in the future. Dreams do not come true by magic, they are realized by moving from where you are to where you want to be and removing whatever stands between you and what you want.

Think about it.

What if you can start living in the now in the now?

Now is no better time to start living in the now

If you dare

How to Find Your Purpose

You’re awakening to the idea that there must be more to this life, and there is. The life you’ve been living up ‘til now may be a constant denial of the idea that your life has meaning and purpose. You came to this planet with a unique set of skills, special abilities and a song to sing (message to share) with others. It might be time to find out how to find your purpose.

It’s no wonder your life lacks a sense of meaning, if you’re not embracing the real you. And you’re not alone. We’re all pretty much in the same boat. We’ve all been programmed to be sheep, easily herded in a society desperately trying to control us all by creating factions of conformity. It is much easier to manage groups of like-minded people than it is to try to influence 7 billion people. So, our individuality is stifled as we are programmed by our parents to accept the mediocrity of conformity, just as their parents and the parents before them did, as far back as anyone can remember and/or document.

More and more every day a growing number of us are awakening from our everyday trance of life to the idea that we might have a purpose and we do, we all do. So, it’s no surprise if one day you ask, What is my life’s purpose?

How do I find my life’s purpose?

While I spend a great deal of time working with clients to find and embrace their calling or purpose, what most people fail to realize it that their life leaves clues as to their purpose sprinkled everywhere. You can find your life’s calling by following your passion’s trail of crumbs leading the way to your purpose.

Your purpose glistens beneath the surface of your daily activities and can be found shining through as you perform your functions at work and likely even more passionately in your recreational activities.

There are some good methods you could employ to get a sense of your life’s purpose. Start by taking note of those activities where you shine, have exemplary performance that is noticed by coworkers or onlookers. What turns you on? What are the activities that bring you joy, provide a sense of satisfaction, contentment, relaxation or peace?

Make a list of the things you do, that when you do them, make you feel good.

If you’re still feeling uncertain about your life’s purpose, here are some more ideas… jot down your results.

What activities cause time to disappear when you’re engaging in them?

What activities give you a sense of accomplishment (or would if you did them)?

What people or ideas or things inspire or move you (may even tempt a tear)?

What kind of topics do people ask you for advice about?

What comes naturally to you? (Special abilities, skills and/or gifts)

What is the most important thing in life to you?

What challenges in life have you encountered and successfully overcome?

What are your most tightly regarded beliefs?

If you could teach a class about anything, what might interest you?

If you could deliver one brief message to the world, what would it be?

Is there anything in life you feel you could not live without?

Imagine you on your death bed; is there anything you might have regretted not doing?

 

With your list of results in hand (which you could sort in order of importance, rated on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being the least amount of satisfaction and 10 the most), ask yourself this question:

Considering my skills, talents, abilities, passions and things that bring me joy, how could I best serve my self, family, friends, community or the world at large in a way that would make me feel as though I have made an impact, served or done my part for the greater good?

The answer to this question is your mission.

Once you start engaging in fulfilling your life’s mission, nothing makes you feel better or gives you a better feeling of accomplishment. This is how you know that you know you are purposefully on track to living a better life, your best life and make the world a better place.

You Are a Mentor

More often than not, when I am working with a client who is an excellent match to me and my work, they end up being attracted to and thriving as a mentor helping others. You might be surprised to find that you are a mentor as well.

My clients and friends have gone through challenging circumstances and once they learn how to deal with their issues, extracting and embracing the hidden treasures in their life experiences and overcoming obstacles that may have otherwise thrown them off track, they discover are heroes.

They embrace the idea of being the hero of their own story. Once they are empowered to take control of the writing instrument, they are able to write and rewrite their story as necessary to ensure a magnificent story is unfolding. They understand what a blessing it is to be playing the leading role in the story of their life.

They may (most certainly do) write a book, create a support group, start a consulting or brick and mortar business and/or offer their expertise in the areas that others are facing as tragic challenges in their lives. These stories of successfully maneuvering life’s greatest challenges and thriving on the other side of despair give others great hope and inspiration to those struggling with similar issues and circumstances.

In this manner those most tragic and desperate moments are transformed from the darkest night to the most precious treasure, maybe even the brightest beacon of light emanating from your heart. You become the lighthouse, lighting the way for others to successfully navigate life’s most treacherous waters.

It is common for my clients and friends to feel a tug on their hearts to reach out in support of others who are struggling with the same issues they once faced and thought were insurmountable. In their darkest moments, many of these people contemplated (and some attempted) taking their own lives. Why suicide? Because in that moment they felt like the permanent sleep might be the only way to end the pain they were experiencing at the time. Thank God, they held on long enough to push through.

Just as you know in your heart of hearts there are others out there struggling in the same way and no one knows better than you do that there is hope and an incredibly satisfying life waiting just on the other side. How could you not reach out and help others, after overcoming and enjoying the light of new life with a renewed vigor, enthusiastic joy and happiness?

There is a sense that mentoring others is a calling, and answering the call makes sense of all the madness and suffering by helping those less fortunate. You know whereof you speak when you utter the words, “I know what it’s like.”

Either we come to this earth with an innate set of skills, abilities and message to share (song to sing) or life prepares us for what will be our greatest work. Either way, the wisdom and ability to share and serve the greater community along with all the necessary tools and other help that you may need to fully embrace this work will come to you in the right time as you take the steps necessary to achieve your highest and best.

Self-doubt immediately will rear its ugly head and try to dissuade you from embracing your calling but you’re not falling for it – not this time. And, as you do reach out to help others, you receive additional benefits of growth and healing by answering the higher calling.

As a mentor, the structure of the mentor/protégé relationship is less strict and more personal than a formal tutor or school-based classroom educational learning environment. This is a highly customized intimate learning process where both the mentor and the protégé (mentee) learn from each other as they continue to grow in their field(s) of study.

Interested in becoming a mentor?

Stay tuned for more information, or drop me a line.

Angels Among Us

Angels are all around you, whether you acknowledge their existence or not. You don’t have to be religious (because they are not) or believe in them but they are always there. And if you think about it, you have probably had an interaction with angels, particularly your guardian angel, already.

Not to be confused with ghosts who have possessed bodies, like us, previously, angels have never lived life on this planet and have never suffered death. They exist in a higher dimension, can see and interact with us cross-dimensionally and we cannot see into their dimension under normal circumstances. Though there are reports of those rare circumstances, when one of us is invited to see into their world.

Occasionally, our guardian angel(s) will make themselves apparent by various signs, may even appear before us in a visible form, and certainly their presence can be felt.

Remember that time you almost crossed paths with the Grim Reaper? You were “this close” to being in the wrong place at the wrong time and “Bam!” in that instant your life could have come to an untimely end. But it wasn’t your time, and your guardian angel intervened in a split second to see that your life was not interrupted.

Not only is this just one of the miraculous benefits of having a guardian angel, but it is a clear indication that you have work to do, some significant contribution to bequeath to this world before you leave it and transition to the hereafter.

I’ve heard so many stories of near-death experiences, about fatal car accidents which were avoided by people who have a feeling – a powerful knowing – that had it not been for angelic intervention, they would have been killed in that accident. Usually, this feeling is followed by sense of knowing that it was not their time accompanied by awareness that their life had some unfulfilled purpose.

A recollection and review of the incidents that led to interruptions or delays that prevented you from being involved in the accident further supports intervention by one’s guardian angel. One recurring story that could be told –and could even be yours – might go something, like this: even though you’ve regularly travelled the same section of roadway at the same time of day, this day in particular, something insignificant (but unusual) delayed your travel, such as a phone call prior to leaving home (though no one was on the phone). While this could easily be explained away as coincidence, it was far from that. In my case, a flat tire prevented my being involved in an Interstate pile up in 2014.

Your guardian angel is always watching over you, loving, caring and protecting you (whether you like it or not) assuring if it’s not your time, you’re not going anywhere, indicating you still have something to do.

Ever find yourself sinking into the depths of despair, a dark depressive state? You’ve reached out to friends, which has helped in the past, but has left you feeling empty. Sought counseling, and just can’t seem to find a way to break through? In these moments (regardless of your beliefs) you find yourself reaching out to a higher power?

Your angel is there, waiting to love and comfort you. There is no other more empathetic force than your guardian angel who feels all your feelings, hears your thoughts, shares your pain and cries your tears. No human could possibly love or understand you, like your guardian angel who has been there with you through each and every moment of your life.

In those darkest moments – when no one else is around – if you find yourself in loving repose, you have let your defenses down long enough to feel your angel’s loving embrace. When just moments ago, all was lost, you find the strength and courage to take another breath, another step, and are able to move forward, against all odds.

Even though your angels are always around you, you can call on them and interact with them, if you so choose. Do you need to believe angels are real? Not really, nor any other supporting believe in particular, except for to suspend disbelief long enough to allow the interaction.

Once you’ve made a connection with your angel (you might have more than one angel, many people do), you may become more aware of your angel’s presence and find them only a thought away.

New Year New You

Join the evolution and celebrate the new you by adopting attributes of the next generation of evolving sui generis earthlings. You don’t need to jump all in, simply try adding one or more of the following states to your awareness. Try ‘em on for size and see how they fit.

Self-aware

Are aware of who they are— strengths, weaknesses, personality, values, etc. They know that the most important (and interesting) thing to know about is “self.”

Past Master

Reflect on and learn from past experiences, finding out what works and what doesn’t, and then adjusts their course of action as needed. They think about things before jumping in, and also take the time after-the-fact to actively reflect to fully understand what happened or didn’t happen.

Knowingness

Listen to and follow their intuition. They know how intuitions and insights come to them and are tuned-in internally to make wise decisions.

Think Outside the Box

Are open to different perspectives and see possibilities where most people don’t. They are comfortable with paradoxes and can relate to numerous sides of an issue or opinion.

Visionary

Can easily entertain innovative ideas, thoughts, and ways of doing things. They long for progressive and forward thinking information, concepts, and people. They often come up with new and radical ideas on a regular basis.

Tolerant

The evolutionary individual practices tolerance, marches to his/her own beat and allows others to march to theirs, without judgment or competition. Simply being and allowing others to be, find and make their own way.

Take Action

Recognize and respond quickly to opportunities and people. They act and react fast, and take care of what needs to be taken care-of, well ahead of schedule. These are the doers.

Resourceful

Don’t have to know it all, but they do know where to go to get whatever information, resources, training, education that they need. They are well networked and have people to call on for resource referrals.

Individuality

Think for themselves. They do not blindly believe things so-called “experts” say, in fact, they ask deep questions to discover their own truth.

Lifelong Learner

Are committed to being a lifelong learner. They continuously learn new things, and stay current with their skills, attitudes, and beliefs.

Embrace Change

The sui generis being is ever changing, expanding and growing in all ways possible, including mind, body and spiritual growth in an evolutionary metamorphosis.

High Aspirations

They are not satisfied with mediocrity or the status quo. They aspire to continue their evolution in all areas of life including abundance and prosperity to increase their ability to give, contribute and enjoy the best this life has to offer.

Sense of Humor

Do not take themselves or life too seriously. They recognize the importance of finding the fun in the irony and the comedy of everyday life.

Contribute to a Better World

They not only desire to see the world be a better place but offer their strengths, abilities, talents and resources to help make the world a better place for us and future generations.

… Just to name a few.

Hop on board, take the New Year by the reigns and make today the first day of the best of your life.

December Image Directory

Wrapping up the month of December, here’s a quick screen shot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters

Bullies and Their Victims 7 Steps to Overcoming Shyness Organic Conversation
10 Questions for a Better Life Love Lies Why Lovers Lie Live Healthy Exercise and Eat
You Are the Best Self Destruct Left Behind
Raise Your Love Vibration How to Heal a Broken Heart Map It Out and Do It
Make a T Chart Write the Greatest Love Story Ever Save Your Business Ship

Time to Do Your Own Thing?

 Love Balloon Therapy Personality Disorders and Diagnosis
Personal Adventurers 10 Seconds to Trustworthiness What  a Man Wants
7 Simple Steps to Create Your Elevator Pitch What Should I Do with My Life? sending love to the world 2016Sending Love to the World
How to Get What You Want

Telecommuting

 Veteran Suicides
What Does Your Phone Use Say About You? Alternative Energy Sources Victims of Psychopathic Relationships

Bullies and Their Victims

If you are attracting bullies (predators and less than desirable people who may be predisposed to victimizing you), it might be a good idea to take a look at what you might be doing to attract the attention of a bully and ultimately become a potential target.

Actually, when you think of bullying, your mind takes you back to the school yard, and media attention is being given to bullying among our youth today and its effect on our society. The truth is, it’s been going on for a very long time before all this media attention and the bullies of our youth, are now up to their same old tricks in adulthood.

Among adults, bullies are likely to most commonly rear their ugly heads in the workplace. Their attention is piqued by the same things as adults as they were in their youth, their radar is seeking out people who they do not like (for whatever reason) or are threatened in some way by.

Predators often look for good people who they feel compelled to take down a notch. They might feel threatened by your peace, cheerfulness and/or success and after noticing you think, “Oh, they think they’re so blessed, or better than anyone else, someone needs to teach them a lesson.” And they take it upon themselves to deliver your reality check.

From the point of view of the predator, this is their purpose in life, levelling the playing field and knocking well-doers off their pedestals, Even though the rest of us don’t see ourselves that way, this is how we are viewed by predatory bullies, as they are seeking out those who they could victimize or destroy next.

They are never satisfied by bullying one person. If you’ve been bullied and the bullying has come to an end, it’s not because the bully has stopped bullying, it only means his attention has been focused on a new potential victim, and if bored, the bully may come back to you, if you’re beginning to regain your composure and they feel you’re in need for another attitude adjustment.

So, you might be a potential target if you’re good at what you do, and may be better than them. They may see you as a potential threat to their success, or you may be what stands between him or her and their next promotion. Bullying coworkers is how they basically eliminate the competition. If they can discredit you by sabotaging you and/or your work to make you look bad, makes them shine in comparison. Taking out the competent competition at any cost is an effective tactic for the workplace bully. New hires at work always get the once-over by the workplace bully who can quickly evaluate the new employee’s potential to offer real value to the company organization. The newbies are easier to take out prior to establishing themselves and creating relationships. Inexperienced or older employees are also potential workplace prey.

If you are popular, successful and are well liked, you will find yourself a potential target, especially if the bully is lacking in self esteem or social status. Anyone who is more attractive, talented, has a natural inclination to be respected or celebrated by peers is seen as a potential threat and must be “taught a lesson.” If you’re getting attention – attention that the bully feels he or she is more entitled to – then, you may be at risk of becoming his or her next victim. They feel as though, if they cannot be the recipient of such attention, no one else will either… Not for long, anyway.

Intolerance fuels the fire of the predatory bully who sets out to humiliate anyone who does not share similar values or lifestyles as the bully. Folks that maintain high moral values and integrity are likely to become targets. Why? Because the bully cannot accomplish such feats or live an integrous life. The only way to make themselves look better is to force the perceived, “better than thou” target to fail (or at least to make them look the fool or failure to anyone that might be appreciative of their authentic integrity). These “goody goodies” also make outstanding targets because they are less likely to defend themselves, retaliate or fight back if attacked.

Let’s face it, these predators are small-minded and poor examples of being anything to aspire to become, but they are very effective at what they do best: decimating their victims. They harbor deep-seated inadequacies and jealousy that create their need to destroy others as the only means they know of to make themselves feel (or look) better.

More often than not, bullies do possess the talent and skills to be massively successful without aggressively laying waste to anyone or anything that stands in their way, if they could only use their powers for good, but their ego, insecurity and envious nature overrides the thought of doing the work necessary with their integrity intact.

7 Steps to Overcoming Shyness

People who know me today have no idea how shy and reserved I was throughout my early years. Life being what it is, I was invited to learn how to act as if I was not shy in certain situations, enabling me to thrive while others looked on. Now, no one could imagine my being shy, though I am still that shy young man inside, I am able to carry myself as though I am not.

If you’re like me, there is hope for you, too. Keep in mind that being shy is not a bad thing. In fact, just like these massively successful shy people, it can be your superpower. Like these celebrities, learning how to harness your presence in a way to not let your shyness hinder your potential is of great benefit in all that you do.

First of all, you have to understand that people who are looking at you are not as critical as you might think (this is a common misconception among shy people). While no one is suggesting that you not be shy at all, you will gain much self esteem and confidence from being able to master your shyness so that others need not even think that you are a shy person.

This gives you great confidence in challenging circumstances, and while you may have said, “Oh, I could never do that,” in the past, as you become more adept at controlling your public persona, you will find many opportunities unfolding before you as you hone your skills. Things that may have seemed impossible before, now are worth considering as potential possibilities.

This will take a degree of concerted effort on your part, just like I had to do, but know that it is so worth it.

Here are 7 techniques you can practice on how to overcome shyness:

1. Feel Great

Every morning, as soon as you get up, get in front of a mirror and say out loud, “I feel great! I feel great! I feel great!” Repeat this affirmation with enthusiasm at least ten times every day until it’s ingrained into your subconscious mind. If you feel a little self conscious to begin with lock yourself in the bathroom. The results will amaze you.

2. Look the Part

Look your best. Dress up more often. This gives you an extra feeling of confidence and self esteem. Feel good about yourself. On its own, just knowing that you look good will boost your confidence and reinforce with those who see you in your day to day life, there are things about you that are worth getting to know.

3. Act the Part

We’re all pretty good at putting on our individual cloak of invisibility. I use a modeling technique where I put on an invisible cloak of the personality traits that I need to have for the situation at hand. I think of it as if I was hired as an actor to act out a part in front of cameras and/or a live audience. Before I go on stage, I simply don my cloak of the character I will be playing and proceed to play the part to the best of my ability. When I am finished, I can put the cloak away (which may be after the event, off-camera, depending on the circumstance) and re-charge myself from any stress or strain that may have been subdued during my performance.

4. Take Risks

Take a risk at least once a day. I encouraged my friends to dare me to do something they were afraid to do. It’s very invigorating and conquering fears by taking risks helps you grow in confidence and self esteem. Start with small risks and fears and as you overcome them move onto bigger things. There’s nothing you cannot do. Be confident in knowing that change can only help you grow, and boost your self confidence.

5. Consider Disclosure

When you are engaged in a one to one conversation, or with a larger group of people, let them know that you’re shy. This prevents them from misreading you and they are far more likely to invite you into the conversation rather than leave you just listening and wishing you could contribute.

Many people, me included, find following a conversation in a noisy room difficult. If you are having difficulty – say so – and move so that you can hear. People respect honesty, and vulnerability and you will attract more honest people into your life as a result.

If you are finding yourself uncomfortable in a public speaking-type of venue, just announce that you are uncomfortable and inexperienced in the beginning and ask for people to consider not judging too harshly because you are so passionate, you want to share your message regardless of your public presentation expertise. They will honor your ability to take on such a challenge and listen more intently.

6. Reject Fear of Rejection

Rejection is a fact of life that everyone experiences. It is rarely you that is being rejected. If you are rejected, for example if you ask someone for a date, remember that everyone has different likes and dislikes. You may be attracted to one type of person and not others. The same applies to other people and you are probably just not their type. That does not devalue you in any way. Accept this and know that you will get over it. Never take it personally and keep in mind that if people reject you it is because of their own likes and dislikes and not because of whom you are. You are equally entitled to reject others because of your likes and dislikes.

7. Take Action

Engage in activities that make you feel excited and good about yourself or start a hobby that gives you a feeling of relaxation. This could be anything from gardening to Tai Chi to Karate. Take some lessons, dance, learn or master a musical instrument or take singing lessons.

Volunteer for activities that you feel like you’re just too shy to consider. Practice, practice, practice. Do something that excites you and may feel a little risky.

Exploring things that you are passionate about or give you a sense of excitement is a great antidote for shyness.

 

Organic Conversation

We are unique life forms on this planet, with the ability to conduct incredible internal processes of thinking and maintaining energetic connections and we are so blessed to be able to exchange thoughts and ideas with each other via interpersonal communication. While we are learning that everything living (and elemental, which does not appear to be alive) maintains an energetic communicative connection, we possess an expanded capability for maintaining connection and communication via language and conversational speech which increases our ability to have even more meaningful relationships.

The ability to converse one with another brings the world together, and when I meet someone from India in Las Vegas and we can easily communicate because we speak the same language, the idea that “it’s a small world after all” resonates so clearly in that moment.

So, doesn’t it make sense to use our skills of verbal communication as much as possible?

With the proliferation of cell phones and their ability to exchange texts and images, our ability to communicate via the spoken word is diminishing. It might be time to review what your cell phone use says about you and consider reaching out to others in the 3-D world, it doesn’t take much effort at all.

If you look up from your phone, you might be surprised to see the myriad of opportunities available to practice your gift and skills of conversation with another human being, even though the tendency is to look up from the phone and avoid connecting with another person, even if it means fake texting or communication via your phone (fubbing).

I mean, you could practice your skills of verbal communication with inanimate objects, like (and you might have to start there, or you already be talking to your) stuffed animals, trees or rocks but they’re unlikely to respond to you in conversation. If they do, that is a conversation of a different type we can talk about later. And while you can talk to your dog, cat or other pet, it is still unlikely you will be able to hone your skills of interactive communication much.

So, think about putting your phone away and look around. I was in line at the store yesterday, and everyone in line was on their phone except for a young man with an armload of spinach. I might not have even noticed the boy if I was engrossed in my phone waiting for my turn to pay the cashier for my groceries. It turns out he was an 11-year-old grandson, running errands for his grandmother so that he could earn money to get a new video game. When I mentioned that he and I were the only people in line without phones, he said the only reason he wasn’t on his was because it was in his pocket and his hands were full with spinach for his grandma.

You could spark a two-way communication with as little as a, “Hello,” spoken to another person, though you run the risk of being snubbed (or fubbed) if the person is on their cell phone. It can be difficult to break through to interactive verbal communication with someone who has developed a dependency with their phone.

How does this happen? It starts with having the basic need of feeling connected to other human beings, so we text someone, comment or post a status update on social media. When we get a response, view, like or share, a shot of Dopamine is administered to our nervous system which makes us feel good. The feel good part is good but the downside of Dopamine is that along with it comes a craving, a need to have more. This is how Cocaine, or any other addiction, works inside our physiology.

Thankfully, reaching out via interactive verbal communication does not carry with it the same addictive quality but does satisfy our need for connection, so it might be worth giving it a go. If you try it, you might like it.

Try taking advantage of the many opportunities you have each day to strike up an organic conversation with someone you pass by on the street, or have a bit of fun with the cashier at the checkout stand. I love watching the expression of cashiers who are surprised to have someone actually try to engage in a brief conversation while they are trying to conduct their business in a trance state. Often their job requires they greet you as part of their compulsory duties, little or no response is necessary or expected. It breaks them right out of their trance when you respond with a complete sentence, or better yet a question. Try this live, unrehearsed organic form of entertainment… plus you will have connected with someone (even if only briefly) and may have even lightened someone’s workload that day.

While it is difficult to compete with the addictive qualities of our electronic devices, finding healthy ways to reach out in organic conversation can help enrich the quality of your life and potentially have a positive impact on the life of someone else.

The key is in the doing of it. Simply decide to start small. Leave your phone in your car while you shop. It will be there when you get back. This is a good place to start, to see if it makes you more aware of the real world full of people looking to feel connection (not the superficial faux-connection offered by our electronic devices) and connect a little bit. Just see if you can make eye contact, smile and say, “Hi.” You can feel the connection, even if that’s all there is to it.

You can ramp up the intensity, if you dare, by finding something about them (or what’s in their basket) to comment or compliment them on. If they take the bait, now you’re exercising your ability to engage in organic conversation. Congratulations.

To increase the quality of your organic conversation, think about engaging the energy of your heart in the communication process. If you have a general feeling that you have concern and/or genuinely care about the person you are talking to, they will be able to feel it in your words. And if you can maintain eye contact and pause to intently listen to their words as they speak, this intensifies the connection even more.

All it takes is a little practice and, who knows? You may find yourself not bringing your cell phone to restaurants or meetings. The possibilities are endless.

We are the only life form on this planet with the ability to experience real connection in face to face interactions with organic conversation. Let’s not let technology take it away.