assume | David M Masters

When someone judges you, you feel slighted or are offended. Thankfully, for the most part, you have no idea how often you are judged by you, what they say behind your back, what they think or judgments they make about you which are rarely, if ever, spoken.

When you become aware that someone has assumed something about you which is not true based on some small detail which you thought was innocuous, but to them it triggered a whole lifetime of living, tracking information, categorization, and complicated belief and protective emotional and rational processing.

Often people come to quick conclusions based on their observations and perceptions so as to save valuable time in a fast-paced world, and as our world gets more and more fast-paced we assume and categorize more just because we don’t have the contact with people which would be required to really get to know someone.

People judge you because they don’t know you, who you really are, and because they lack self-confidence, feel threatened by you, or are preoccupied with fear.

When someone judges you, it is unfair and doesn’t adequately represent how you feel, what you do, or who you are no one would blame you for getting upset, angry, or having your feelings hurt when someone judges you.

What do you do when someone judges you unjustly?

Try not to take it personally.

I know that sounds like a tall order because how could you not take what someone thinks or says about you personally? I mean, it’s about you, right? How much more personal does it get?

Before you get defensive, you might consider that the person who has judged you prematurely, incorrectly, or unjustly may be doing so with very little regard for you.

When someone judges you, they do so based on their own lifetime of experience. The use of one word or phrase, a particular style of apparel or makeup, your choice of material goods or services, the way you walk or look at someone, even your tone of voice and the way you breathe. Any or all these things (and many more) can trigger a whole subroutine spanning years of collected data connected to someone’s negative past, and you are judged.

Let’s face it no one knows you better than you and if you could cut yourself, and your judge, a little slack, for certain there is no way that the person who has judged you could possibly know everything about you which would prove the injustice of his or her judgment based on very little real data.

You are offended, and you recoil from someone’s brash assumptions about something that couldn’t be further from the truth, and you feel like defending yourself or feel the inclination to give them a piece of their own medicine and spend time analyzing and judging the person who has judged you.

If you were honest with yourself, you could admit that you also have a propensity to judge others prematurely. We all do it to varying degrees. It is part and parcel of the human condition.

Thousands of years ago sage advice was handed down to us to, “Judge not lest ye be judged,” and, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Indicators that this cycle of judgment of others and separating ourselves from others based on appearances or assumptions has been going on for a long time.

When someone judges you, it feels like abuse, and in many cases, it could be viewed as abusive behavior. This judgmental cycle of abuse could be stopped if more people would stop projecting their own perceptions onto others, though this would be not easy undertaking.

Nonetheless, there is a change taking place, and others are starting to exercise concerted efforts not to judge others, and you could be one of them.

Plus, the law of attraction is at play here, for when you judge others, you attract more judgment from others.

You could try not to judge others because you don’t like being judged by others. You can take the high road and set a good example of how we can better respect each other in a world that is spinning out of control.

The next time someone judges you, remember their assumption have very little to do with you, it is more based on his or her own fear, anger, or insecurities, for if they were more motivated by love, they might be more understanding of you and others.

Love, authentic love, doesn’t judge. Love seeks to understand, is empathetic, and compassionate.

Love is good, kind, and realizes that we, all of us, are simply doing the best we can with what we have, and offers others the same rights and privileges, that we might like to have for ourselves.

We all know that things are not always as they appear, yet widely we still tend to base our opinion of another person based on a very small data sample. As much as we know that we don’t like people to judge us, reduce us to a structured personality profile, assume that we are a particular kind of cat or two-dimensional caricatures; still we tend to do this when exposed to another individual whom we might not know very well.

Our first impression of someone will influence and spin everything they say or do from that point forward to support our initial opinion or generalization of the kind of person this person may (or may not) be.

In business, some of the best talent to support your organization comes from the least likely candidates. Often someone who does not interview well may bring the most significant impact to your organization. They might not look the part, dress fashionably or have the best social skills but what they bring to the table can far supersede your more trendy hires or associates.

Of course, we don’t just tend to judge people by their appearance in the sifting and sorting of the hiring process, we judge people based on our own impression of them in all areas of life.

There is the homeless person holding the “Will Work for Food” sign, we don’t think twice before making an immediate evaluation of this person, even though we do not have a clue who they are, what their position in life is, whether they are genuinely broke or not.

When we’re on the prowl for a potential mate, book covers enter the game again. This one’s not handsome/pretty enough, not tall enough, too short, bad taste in fragrance, shoes or jewelry. Then, of course, there’s the number one book cover, “What kind of car does he drive?”

Especially if we’ve been around the relationship venue for some time, we have a whole list of items to disqualify any potential suitor who might come our way, based on our own personal bias and experience.

In a supermarket, you could hear someone in line repeat a particular phrase that sets off all kinds of bells and whistles and you immediately jump to a conclusion about what kind of person this is based on a string of seven or eight words that triggered your psyches.

If you’re on the lookout for demons, you’re likely to find them everywhere you look.

It appears the most judgmental people of all can be found trolling the Internet looking for people to insult, degrade and humiliate.

I know someone who poured their heart out on Facebook (alright, inadvisable, nonetheless) this person was waylaid by an onslaught of vile accusations and ridicule. All from one transparent, honest and open statement, let loose for the world to see; only to be made the subject of further abuse.

In the event that you get hammered by one of these haters, please try not to take it personal. They don’t know you, and they know no other way to make themselves feel better, than to put someone else down. It’s not about you, it’s about their nature, regardless of who you are, haters gonna hate.

Are you a hater?

If we look deep inside ourselves, as much as we would like to deny that we are “haters,” truth be told we are probably more like the haters in the way that we judge or falsely accuse others based on very little information. Some people are falsely accused and sentenced to prison, for being less than desirable.

What can we do about it?

Well, on social media, if you see someone’s post that seems crass or insensitive, maybe check out the individual’s profile to see if he/she is the type of person that you imagined they were based on a few words on a public post. You might be surprised to see a lovely person, who might even be a considered a “friend” if you met him/her face-to-face.

You just cannot rely on your first impression of a person based on a single statement, like or share. You do not know who they are, what’s happening in their life or what caused them to respond in that way. Chances are, if you had walked a mile in that person’s shoes, you would have done the same thing.

And it’s likely that you have liked, commented and posted something questionable, you’d rather not be defined by at some point. Nowadays, it is prudent to think before you post.

You might consider getting used to the idea that there are other people who are a lot more like you than not. These people also have histories, families, hopes, dreams, and beliefs just like you (though dissimilar) and that’s okay. Isn’t it?

If not, not to worry, there’s room for you, too… and we love you anyway.

Tag: assume

When Someone Judges You