personal crisis | David M Masters

When you get upset at someone else, about what they have done, or some injustice you’ve suffered due to people, events or circumstances beyond your control, you actually bequeath to another (whomever you feel the offender is, whether it be another person, organization, government, system or even God) complete control over you.

While it feels as though someone or something outside of yourself has insinuated circumstances which has in effect victimized you in some way, as might be the case in terms of the loss of a job or a loved one, or the diagnosis of a severe illness, it is up to you whether you allow yourself to become a victim, or not.

If you feel bad, allow your feelings to be hurt by someone or something outside yourself, for every moment you allow your thought processes to be distracted by someone or something else due to your emotional state, you are forfeiting control.

Who You Blame is In Control

The object of your mind’s focus (whoever or whatever they are) is indeed in control of you and your emotional state. If you are blaming a circumstance, person, place or thing for things going badly or some injustice which you have suffered, then you are a willing victim to the object of your attention.

Is that what you want?

If someone has wronged you, do you really want that person to continue to further victimize and have control over your life?

In terms of psychopaths, narcissists and those along the Anti-Social Personality Disorder spectrum, they revel in the idea that they are honored by being remembered by you and are constantly in your thoughts. They feed off your negative attention and it empowers them to conduct more discontent in the world, as they continue to further enjoy the fruits of their efforts to drag you down and you continue to sink into depths of despair.

Your discomfort, loss, sadness and depression is their continued reward. They arrogantly acknowledge complete control. They assert their win and your loss as they enjoy every minute of it.

How to Stop Giving Away Control

The key to taking back control of your life is to stop blaming someone or something from causing your current negative emotional state.

If you want control of your life, you need to assert control and the only way to do that is to accept full responsibility for things being as they are.

Stop Blaming

Take Full Responsibility

You must find a way to stop blaming and start taking full responsibility.

A common method of taking responsibility is to accept the fact that your life is a journey, a path you travel which will have many experiences, some good, some bad, all to experience a full range of emotional states and allowing you to gain knowledge and grow as a result of the myriad of experiences you have along the way.

I, on the other hand, enjoy taking it a step further, imagining myself in a far-off place high above the world where we live out our life’s journey. In this place, I selected my parents, the time and place of my birth, the circumstances surrounding my journey as well as the challenges and obstacles that I would face to maximize my experiences throughout the course of m life.

I imagine myself as if I were off-camera (so to speak) hooked up to advanced equipment, enjoying having all the experiences that I have while hooked up to this equipment.

From this perspective, I am much more likely to not take things personally. It’s as though all my life experiences are part of a film I am watching, though I am able to experience all the sensations of my character in this medium.

If this is too far out of a concept for you to wrap your head around, no problem; you need not go that far out in space.

Just find other ways to stop blaming and accept full responsibility for your life. Find ways to release the emotional pain by any ways or means possible and retain the learning from all life events.

You gave it your best shot. You had faith, did the work and worked hard at it. You courageously supported, promoted and pushed all your chips onto the table in this deal in an “all or nothing” proclamation of your earnest belief that this was the answer.

Now, you realize – more than ever – sometimes things don’t turn out like you had planned.

You are mad, your feelings have been hurt, you feel betrayed, embarrassed even victimized.

As others are silently watching you, they are waiting to see how you are going to respond to this situation. After an uncomfortable state of shock, you react. Onlookers are taking note of the words that escape you mouth (or fingertips) in this moment.

Some people may unjustly mock, attack or ridicule you based on those first words acknowledging your pain or disapproval of seeing your hopes and dreams demolished. It is a brutal world, full of self-centered cynics who could care less about your emotional state in this tender moment, when you feel as though your world – undoubtedly the one that you so believed in – has crumbled to dust.

Inside each tragedy of life, there lies a hidden treasure chest. Only you have the key to see what’s inside. It’s in times, like these, that we can be empowered for massive growth and change.

there-is-treasure-in-your-tragedy-only-you-have-the-key-david-m-masters — There is treasure in your tragedy only you have the key

When I look back on my own setbacks, like the loss of a marriage and family, betrayal of family or friends whom I trusted, investments that evaporated or the loss of a son in a battle while he was serving offshore in Afghanistan, all of it – no matter how ultimately tragic it was at the moment – was an opportunity for me to grow and live a better life.

Many of us have suffered though what appeared to be insurmountable obstacles. Even though we may have felt as though life was so awful, we were able to push through and enjoy what life was holding for us on the other side.

So, after you’ve gained your balance, it comes down to this:

What Are You Going to Do About It?

This is where the rubber meets the road, or as my grandfather would say, it’s what “separates the men from the boys.”

Maybe you’ve expressed your feelings about your loss shouting from the rooftops, or you may have held your shattered dreams close to the vest, either way, following the realization that things didn’t turn out like you had hoped,

What are you going to do about it?

You could do nothing. You could play the role of the victim, or you could take action, determined to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

This is when you come face-to-face to the person you were meant to be. You can turn these inner feelings – that could ultimately destroy a normal person – into the fuel necessary to launch your new life or change the world in a major (or even some small) way.

You could talk about it, or you could rise up and take action. In times like these, you give birth or bolster the leader or warrior within.

Start evaluating your life. Look around and see who truly has your best interests at heart. Do some social housecleaning. Maybe it’s time for a change, possibly massive change of career, or location.

Is it time to leverage your skills, to assemble a team or mobilize a movement?

Once you’ve taken action, you realize what a powerful force for good you can be. Go forth in love, with understanding and benevolence, without judgment or disrespect and make the world a better place.