Why Do I Keep Attracting Jerks?

Here we go again, the end of yet another relationship, and things have not turned out the way you wanted. You start to question what’s wrong with you and ask, “Why do I keep attracting jerks?” or the wrong lovers?

Here’s the answer. First off, there are some things in play, that once to recognize it, will help you get a handle on what is happening. This knowledge will help you make the necessary adjustments as you entertain the idea of finding a suitable love interest.

There is a lot of talk about chemistry between two people, which is likened to a like-mindedness or sense of familiarity which makes it easy to be attracted to or fall in love with someone with whom you feel this “chemistry.” While this sounds well and good, the actual chemistry that is going on is quite contrary to what you’re thinking it is.

Chemistry is not compatibility, chemistry is the chemical reaction that’s triggered by the release of the love hormone cocktail send rushing through your brain, hijacking your mind and your body. The same thing happens when you take a hit of cocaine.

You are high (literally) and understandably not in the proper frame of mind to make rational choices. Although, things will be exciting and fun for as long as the level of this chemical reaction is sustained at a fairly high intensity.

Unfortunately, the chemistry declines and fades over time, and at some point, you start to sober up and see things more clearly. This is when you start to notice inconsistencies that you couldn’t see earlier because you were basically love-stoned out of your mind.

What triggers your love cocktail?

Many things come into play for triggering the release of your love cocktail, normally it’s a combination of your survival instinct which is attracted to physiological strength and hints of financial and social success, either in his or her present state or projected into the future. That’s on one hand.

On the other hand, you are also triggered by your past, an attraction smoothie blended of childhood trauma, focus on unresolved issues with a dysfunctional parental relationship, and the history of your life. This attraction smoothie will have you triggered by the worst possible person for you.


Okay, actually this is the best person for you; not for a love-relationship, but for your personal growth. When you feel the onslaught of your overwhelming personal chemistry engaging, it’s a pretty sure sign that something unpleasant is ahead.

People come into your life for one of two reasons.

As a Lesson

You attract toxic people who are necessary for you to learn something that you wouldn’t be able to see in any other way. If you close off the idea of issues that need to be dealt with or changes you need to make, the dysfunction increases until you crack.

Running, claiming you’ve been victimized yet again, and hiding yourself away only offers a temporary pause in the process. When you are ready to re-engage in life again, here he or she comes again. Why?

You can break the cycle by looking within, asking yourself why. If you’re unable to see any changes that would be beneficial for you to make within yourself and your own life, then inviting a third-party, a coach, counselor, or clergy to help you uncover the areas in your life that could be better.

The Lesson-people are there for your highest and best, even though it feels like the opposite at the moment when you are overwhelmed with the pain of the toxicity.

As a Blessing

Other people are attracted to you to be supportive, to help you maintain a level keel throughout the crazy that life throws at you. These are your (angels) friends who will be there for a season, as they move in and out of your life, while a select few will be there for longer periods of time (sometimes a lifetime).

So, instead of your first reaction toward someone that makes you feel bad, do not focus your attention on the act, situation, or circumstance which causes you to feel angst or as though you’ve been victimized, look inside yourself.

Ask yourself, “Why?”

“What can I do to deal with the issues of my past, or changes I can make in myself to neutralize this challenge once and for all?”

The answer is the key to your liberty, breaking free from the cycle, and a better self-aware life filled with love and happiness.

The greatest love of all awaits and starts with you.

Money and Divorce

“Everything is fair in love and divorce.”

Many comparisons can be made between divorce and war. At the very least most would agree that both divorce and war are emotionally charged and many casualties are suffered in the fighting amidst them.

In many cases, the currency of marital dissolutions is the money associated with not only the divorce itself but the system which promotes and manages the process.

Already emotionally-charged, participants of a divorce are compelled to fight for “what is rightfully mine” in an effort to seek some sort of remuneration for the efforts expended during the marriage, and often, to strike out at the other partner in a final act of revenge.

Financial revenge is an empty purse executed in an effort to regain one’s lost sense of power which does not work.

As I have worked with individuals engaged in the divorce process, at some point (hopefully early on), someone needs to ask the question, “Is the money worth it?” Although, that is not to say that one shouldn’t expect to receive what might be rightfully theirs.

If it is all about the Benjamins, then how does it feel to know that the lawyers and the court system are likely to get more than their fair share of the cash and assets? Quite often, when all is said and done, there is far less to distribute or split, after the resources have been absorbed by the system and the process.

What about the damage which is suffered by the couple engaged in the process of ending the marriage? And you must consider the fall-out of the nuclear family explosion as friends and family are infected with the emotional radioactive poisoning which results from exposure to the blast.

The effects of the ensuing battle for the dollar is far-reaching, and in many cases, after all, is said and done, there is little or no satisfaction from walking away from a well and thoroughly fought divorce with the lion’s share of the cash. Those who have chosen to fight the fight, fought it masterfully and won, report not feeling as good as they thought they would, and some report actually feeling bad or worse.

Divorce can be a negative cyclone of energy, and once you get caught up in this energy’s whirlwind, it can be all-consuming.

The best position to take when ending a marriage is to the best of your ability be mindful about being fair and seeking a win-win resolution throughout the emotionally charged life challenge.

If you and your partner are able to keep your wits about you, you may be miles ahead, if you are able to go through the process via mediation, rather than fighting the war in the battlefield of divorce court. Another upside to mediation is that the lawyers and courts are profiting far less from the affair, than a frontal assault with legal teams fully-loaded. Also, the emotional impact is held to a more respectable level throughout the mediation process.

The most mindful participants in a divorce would be well-advised to assemble their own support team to hold them in a safe and sacred space throughout the process, Team members might include a doctor, financial advisor, mental health professional, health and diet consultant, and a life or relationship coach, among others, to help successfully support you so that you are more able to survive the process with as little loss to your emotional, physical and/or spiritual health.

It’s okay to admit this is a tough time, and you’re somewhat lost in the overwhelm of it all, but you can get through it.

And be forewarned to expect to have to engage a grieving process following the wake of divorce.

Divorce, like war, is nasty business but you can make it through with as few casualties as possible if you are mindful.