As an Olympian Life Coach, I’ve been called a lot of things; some kind, some not so much. I’ve been labeled “The Love Guru,” accused of spreading “toxic positivity,” and even scolded by well-meaning Christians who say I’ve gone off the rails because I devote my life and abilities to anyone, people from every walk of life, from every belief system, every background. “You’re co-mingling with the lost,” they say. Honestly? That kind of cracks me up. Because if I’m being attacked from every possible angle, it tells me I’m doing something right, I’m not choosing sides, I’m choosing love.
When I scroll through social media, I see brave souls who dare to lead with their hearts, to be open, vulnerable, and authentic, and they’re attacked for it. Trolls and wounded people come out swinging, desperate to find some sense of control or purpose. For a fleeting moment, tearing someone else down gives them a spark of significance.
And as strange as it sounds, I say, good for them.
If criticizing someone is the only way they can feel a little better about themselves today, I hope it helps. Because there’s so much despair in the world, and sometimes even the smallest relief from pain is the best a person can find.
Unless you walk in my world, the world of coaching, healing, transformation, you might never see how close to the edge some people live every single day. For some, just waking up is a victory. Just breathing is a miracle. To attack someone who’s hanging on by a thread? That’s more than unkind, it’s inhuman.
Inhumanity isn’t about cruelty on a battlefield or evil in a headline, it’s the quiet, everyday lack of compassion. It’s the refusal to let another person have their dignity, their struggle, their own process of becoming.
And this modern state of extreme polarity, “If you don’t think like me, I hate you,” only feeds that inhumanity. I see it every day.
When I work with someone breaking free from a toxic relationship, I know what’s coming; I’ll be attacked. Not by the one who’s healing, but by the abuser who feels their control slipping away. People on the antisocial spectrum, narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, are masters of manipulation. They rally others to shame, ridicule, or destroy anyone who threatens their grip on another soul. They’re skilled at turning healing into heresy.
People often see my clients in a moment of transformation, not the beginning, not the end, but a single snapshot of their becoming. They might look overly enthusiastic, radiant, hopeful, even too positive. And someone will whisper, “That’s toxic positivity.”
What they don’t realize is that they’re witnessing the messy middle, the moment where the light first breaks through the storm clouds. Granted, they have not progressed to a state of balance, and who could blame them for being a little over-excited about a significant life-change. (I know, I’ve done it.)
Should we judge a butterfly by the awkwardness of its chrysalis?
Growth is never linear. It’s a constant metamorphosis. You’ll see glimpses of both darkness and light in people as they evolve. Some are learning how to hold joy for the first time without guilt. Some are just discovering what hope feels like again. And yes, it might look too bright, but I’d rather see too much light than none at all.
“Toxic positivity” is when optimism becomes denial, when we force a smile to avoid pain, suppress our emotions, or shame others for feeling sad, angry, or broken. It’s the refusal to acknowledge the full human experience, pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.
But real positivity isn’t toxic. It’s compassionate. It says, “Yes, this hurts, but we can still find meaning, growth, and love here.”
Toxic positivity dismisses pain. True positivity integrates it.
Toxic spirituality is similar, it’s when people use spiritual language to bypass reality. “Everything happens for a reason,” “You manifested this,” “Just raise your vibration,” all valid ideas in the right context, but when used to dismiss real suffering, they become weapons instead of wisdom.
Real spirituality walks with the broken, not around them.
So maybe, before we judge someone for being “too positive,” “too spiritual,” or “too open,” we can pause and remember that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have, in the moment they’re in.
If you catch someone in the act of transformation, celebrate them. Don’t tear them down. Because love isn’t toxic. Growth isn’t fake. And the heart that dares to feel deeply is not weak, it’s divine.
I love you, and I believe that growth and change are waiting for you just around the corner.
Toxic vs. Authentic Growth
| Aspect | Toxic Positivity | Authentic Positivity | Toxic Spirituality | Authentic Spirituality |
| Core Belief | “Good vibes only.” Denies negative emotions. | “All emotions are valid.” Seeks balance and growth. | “Pain is illusion.” Avoids responsibility for suffering. | “Pain is a teacher.” Embraces healing through awareness. |
| Emotional Response | Suppresses sadness, anger, fear. | Acknowledges and processes all emotions. | Dismisses pain as “low vibration.” | Holds space for suffering with compassion. |
| Effect on Others | Shames people for not being happy. | Encourages honesty and emotional expression. | Judges others for being “unenlightened.” | Accepts each soul’s unique path. |
| Relationship to Reality | Pretends everything is fine. | Faces reality with faith and courage. | Escapes reality through spiritual clichés. | Transforms reality through mindful presence. |
| Spiritual Focus | Image-based: appearing “positive.” | Heart-based: being real and kind. | Ego-based: superiority or avoidance. | Unity-based: connection and humility. |
| Outcome | Emotional repression, burnout, inauthenticity. | Emotional freedom, resilience, growth. | Detachment, judgment, hypocrisy. | Compassion, authenticity, spiritual maturity. |