Who Are Your Real Friends?

You’re a friendly person. You’ve made some friends. Then one day you wake to discover that there are friends and there are “friends.” So, who are your real friends?

Friends may look and feel similar on the surface, you feel good around them and have fun. When things get lean or rough, or maybe you need a little more support than usual, that’s when you find out who are your real friends.

Real friends have your back no matter what, unlike friends who may not be so genuine who make themselves scarce when times get rough. They are supportive of you, even when you suggest that you might like to try a bit of coloring outside the lines. If you want to explore or experience something new, they may or may not agree, or come along, but they will always support your right to do so and be excited to hear your stories about how it went, without judgment.

Over time friends get increased access to all the different sides of you. As they get to know you and all idiosyncrasies, real friends see these as interesting or “cute” sides of yourself, even that whacky unpredictable side of you that very few people know. They see these as individualities which make you a “cool” person, and they feel a sense of honor for getting to know you more intimately.

Unlike your shallower friends, those who are your real friends accept you just the way you are, however and whenever that might be. You don’t have to get dressed-up or fix yourself up to do a live video chat with your real friends. And they know that it goes both ways. You can meet at a coffee shop in your sweats like it’s “no thing.” It doesn’t matter because you share more than a superficial surface connection.

All your friends want you to make time for them, and you do a pretty good job, but what about when you would like them to come along with you, or meet you to share some quality time? Where are they? Your real friends will make time for you, even if it’s outside their normal schedule because real friends actually care about you, just as much as you care about them.

When you really need someone talk to, to share your heart with, your real friends will be there supporting you even in your toughest of times. If you’re sad, they might feel just as sad as you do but will try to be the strength you need when times get hard. They do not impose their views or advice, nor tell you what to do about whatever it is that’s troubling you. They let you express yourself fully, without judgment, empathetically supporting you along the way, reassuring you that things will be okay.

When all the other friends have faded away, your real friends will still be there. Even after long periods of time of not being in each other’s presence, when you get together again, it’s not like one day has passed and you pick up right where you left off.

And when you step on the wayside, lose your balance and falter, if they are not there to catch you when you fall, they will be there to help you pick up the pieces. Even if you’ve done something that has inadvertently caused harm to your friends, your real friends will not hold a grudge and they will forgive you because they are compassionate and know that they make mistakes, too, sometimes.

Above all your real friends value your confidence. They trust you and you trust them. You can tell your most intimate secrets to a real friend, and they will not tell your tales behind your back. Real friends protect you and respect you’re entrusting them with these sensitive details.

Who are your real friends? They’re the ones who’ve got you, no matter what.

A real friend has the potential to become your best friend.

The other friends, who might not be so genuine, will show their true colors soon enough. Hopefully, you don’t have to learn about them through friend betrayal.

Try not to judge them, for they are only doing the best they can with what they have. Maybe they will learn how to be better friends later in life. Who knows?

Who is Your Best Friend?

Who is your best friend? That person who is always there for you, listens to what you have to say without judgment, laughs with you when you fall short of the mark, eager to see things from your point of view, encourages, supports and cares for you unconditionally is your best friend.

Your best friend builds you up, doesn’t tear you down, and when your world is crumbling all around you, is the only one who risks all to stand beside you when everyone else is running to save themselves from the falling debris.

A best friend will soften the blow of harsh truths and also can face you with the most piercing truths without tiptoeing around the most sensitive details. In a sense, helping you see the things in yourself that even you might find hard to face.

Your best friend maintains a delicate give-and-take balance. I help you, you help me, and we celebrate each other’s wins and failures, with a supportive smile. Even in our darkest hour.

Your friend accepts you for all your strengths, weaknesses, catastrophes, and doesn’t talk behind your back. Your friend sees and believes in your greatest potential while inspiring you to achieve your highest and best.

You can trust your best friend with the most intimate details of your life, your dreams, your fears, your innermost thoughts, and personal struggles.

A best friend brings out the best in you.

Without friends, joy would not be as sweet, and grief might be utterly intolerable.

Your friend is the witness to your life and the part you played in this life. If anything were to happen to you, your friend is the one person who might be able to tell your story, if you weren’t there to tell it.

You don’t have to pretend to be anything. In the presence of your friend, you are safe to be who you are, honest, open, vulnerable, without fear of being betrayed. You can trust that your friend will maintain confidentiality, no matter what.

Friends will come and go, but your best friend, will always be there. Even if you are separated by time and space, your relationship survives perfectly intact. When you are reunited, you pick up right where you left off without missing a beat.

A true friend survives the test of time.

Lovers may come and go but the love of a true friend endures. While the temporal waves of this life crest and trough, your friend is the buoy willfully tethered to you for better or worse.

In a perfect world, our family would be our best of friends. In the world where we live, our friends become our best family, bound by more than flesh and blood.

There is tremendous gratitude for the friends who have stood by me, in the good times, and the bad. Friends who did not judge, berate, and helped me to look at the bright side, even when things looked bleak, and hope was all but lost.

There is great love here for my family of friends.

My wish for you, is that you can find such friends in your life.

A true friend can make all the difference, adding sacred spice to your life.

The following is a poem written by Aaron (Ben-Neth) Fairbairn written in 2002:

My Friends

I think that I may tend to overlook
What I read in an assigned textbook
But one thought fills my heart with cheer
It’s the thought of my friends I’ve made this year

School, to some, may appear too tough
Too hard, too simple, not fashionable enough
Still I go, I attend with school pride
Because I have my friends by my side

Everyday wondering what I should wear
What clothes, what shoes, how to fix my hair
I don’t know why I fret, or even care
As long as I know that my friends will be there

School can be a hassle, getting up early everyday
But it all seems worth it in some strange kind of way
As another school year comes to close and ends
I know those I’ll miss the most are my friends

Find Friends

Let’s face it, without friends to share the good moments in life with, it reduces one’s quality of life. And if you’ve taken the position of, “I don’t need no stinking friends,” then it is certain that you will not. If you ever find yourself in need of a friend (which happens from time to time) you will not have anyone to turn to when it would be beneficial to have someone you could lean on.

I’m not saying you have to have a hundred friends, although someone I work with has hundreds of friends – probably the most connected person I’ve ever met – and while he maintains genuine friendships with them, when he needs a friend for anything (personally or professionally) a simple text, email or phone call is all it takes for them jump at the opportunity to help him. A few friends, like four or five, who live in within a hundred miles or so would serve you well.

These should be special friends. That means they are compatible, share some of the same interests and passion as you, integrous, trustworthy and you will have each other’s back. It’s not likely this will happen overnight but to remain open and willing to invite a few special people into your life would help to attract the right kind of people but don’t expect your new friends to materialize in front of you.

find friends frienships relationships

You have to put yourself in the right places to find friends who are the kind of people that would make good friends. You might even have to create opportunities to find friends. Consider joining an organization, creating your own club, networking event, regular themed meet up or meeting that will attract participants who are likely to share similar interests.

As you’re attracting a core group of friends who will “have your back” and you theirs, keep in mind that you are not desperate, and do not try to force a friendship. If you’re in the right place at the right time, a potential friendship will blossom naturally. Though you may need to make the first move (invite someone to coffee, etc.) be thoughtful enough not to seem aggressive while finding friends. Maintaining a genuine friendship is not hard work; they simply grow and mature without much effort.

Once you’ve met someone in public, you will need to move to a more private arena to build a relationship. True friendships are built off-line, not just during breaks at events. If you think you are too shy, you might want to practice putting yourself out there enough to create bonds with people you might like or learn to love if given the chance.

If you find a friend, or two, at a particular event or venue, it may be time to reach out to another group of people or to hang out with their other friends at other get-togethers to give you new opportunities to find potential friends that can grow into authentic relationships.

It is important to maintain a sense of community. You may find your regular circle of friends and family are not as supportive of your goals, dreams and desires – and may not even recognize a win for you as such, so – expecting them to celebrate with you would be confusing to them. But a group of like-minded individuals will “get you” and celebrate enthusiastically, helping to cement your new plateau, and encourage you to reach even farther on your quest to your highest and best.

These people could end up being your most trusted long term friends for life.

Connecting with Friends

Ever notice how friends seem to come and go throughout your life, yet others… Appear and reappear at various intervals… and when you get together it’s as if no time has passed as you slip right into the loving and caring relationship where you last left off?

That’s the sign of a true friend

People don’t seem to create the same kind of lasting bonds as they used to.

What’s social media got to do with it?

Social media is dual sided

Sure, it can instantly connect us to family, friends, acquaintances, business associates and people from our past. In regards to connecting in this fashion, the medium is priceless. I even use it to be engaged in the lives of my family and kids, somewhat closing the gap of separation by geography.

The electronic medium is instant – and delayed – all at the same time. Someone can post something in real time, and the viewer can view and/or comment at a time that is convenient.

In these respects social media is a huge upgrade to our lives on planet earth.

On the other hand it leads to deterioration in the level of intimacy in social relationships.

Friendships are more superficial, as there is less one-on-one face-to-face intimate communication.

Plus, there is a technological separation – a barrier – which cannot be bridged by social media. It is easier for me to misrepresent, cover-up, be dishonest or lie via social media to my “friends.”

There is less opportunity to open-up, trust and remain unfiltered in true heart-to-heart communication. Which turns out to create a greater need for counseling, coaching and consulting; and even these areas are beginning to move from offices to streaming via electronic mediums.

Making Real Friends

Childhood friends can form meaningful deep friendship for life

My earliest friendships date back to my childhood; from frolicking and playing (Dog-pile!) with my young friends, out in the open, walking the streets, hiking trails, splashing in streams, playing in the woods… Having fun and exploring; bonding, without supervision, without fear (except the fear of getting in trouble for not honoring the rule of heading for home when the street lights turned on).

Other friendships were forged in between classes from grade school through college. While in-person training is still the accepted model in public schools, there is a growing trend amongst greater education (starting to infiltrate high school) to telecommute or attend via Internet. Not having downtime in between classes, does not allow potential for developing a deep level friendship.

Take a Look Around

The next time you go out to a night club, restaurant – or even a college cafeteria – and take a look around… Even in these public social environments, more and more people are on their phones and tablets, connecting with others, even each other. Yes, I witnessed (and you may, too):

Two men sitting at the bar communicating with each other via text and over social media.

I realize I’m sounding like an “old person” right about now, because the times they are a changing.

The changes have me concerned about the future.

From this perspective, I see the world moving to a place where meaningful relationships are much less meaningful and are superseded by a new model of social connection that – while very connected – is completely disconnected.

How will this affect the future?

Will our children’s children be less likely to have meaningful connections (true friends) with other individuals?
Will there be a growing trend for us to further imprison ourselves, crawling deeper into our homes and only connect electronically with the outside world?

I may only have a handful of true friends – the ones who I have forged impenetrable relationships with, standing the test of time – but they are by far among the most treasured the most meaningful components of a life that would otherwise be solitary, even though I am surrounded by thousands of people. I salute each and every one of you with an enthusiastic

I love you, man!

Now, I’m going to go check to see how liked I am by counting my Facebook friends… 🙂