Expectation Imposition

You can try to impose your expectations on another person, but is this really advisable?

I know, I’ve been there, too

I have been in the flow of helping others in counseling, coaching and consulting since high school. In the beginning my work was focused primarily on Christian counseling and I recognized that if it wasn’t impossible to legislate Christian conduct, it would certainly be immoral to attempt to do so. It resonated as true within my sense of being that a person could only conduct their lives in such a way as was congruent with any sense of rationality they could muster based on the individual lives they had lived up to this point in time, or simply put

Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have

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Yet early in my ministry, I kept running into walls and posturing against leadership promoting the idea that certain ideas and expectations should be enforced in order to allow participation in our program. After attempting to find ways to work-around these organized spiritual obstacles unsuccessfully, I determined more secular spiritual endeavors would better suit my ministry.

I mean, really? It appears to me that Jesus had an entirely more radical approach, like, “Love God, mind your own business and don’t screw anybody over” (admittedly, a Masters’ paraphrase, but you get the idea).

As I continued assisting others and later transitioned into training counselors, coaches and consultants, I continued to promulgate the idea that while trying to assist someone along their life’s journey, we should not impose our expectations on the client.

It’s not your life

You can, yeah but, me ‘til you’re blue in the face. I will never concede that you will ever know what’s best for another person. You may have your ideas, and by all means, it is your charge and responsibility to share your ideas, as well as others, to help your client see there are options they might have not considered.

Allow them to make their own way

You must allow them the space to make their own decisions and take their own actions and live out their own lives in their own way.

I have standards

Great; no problem with establishing a target market around the type of individuals you achieve the best results with. You only have a certain number of hours available to help others, it is prudent for you to establish your niche so you can better serve your clients with the resources you have available.

You cannot – and should not – try to be everything to everyone. This will lead to disappointment, discouragement and burnout (the fate of most non-specializing counselors).

If I can see that a client is not a good match for my coaching style, I do not demand they comply with my standards. Instead, I refer them to someone else who is better suited to help them with where they are on their life’s journey. Maybe, at a later date, we will be more compatible.

The easiest sign to identify a novice counselor, coach or consultant, is when he or she says, “I told them what to do and they wouldn’t do it,” with a certain degree of angst. While a more-seasoned professional might say, “I made some suggestions. In my opinion, they did not select the option I might have selected but c’est la vie.”

When someone doesn’t take advice from you and you’ve encouraged him or her to look at all the possible outcomes from various points of view, you might consider applauding them for blazing their own trail, then just sit back and see how their decision works out for them. You might be surprised (as I have been on many occasions) how well things do work out for them, even though you might not have fared as well.

And if things don’t work out for them as well as they’d hoped, for god’s sake do not tell them, “I told you so.” Instead, put yourself in their shoes; how would you feel if you were him or her? A little humility goes a long way. It is not your job to judge, but to empathetically support the client; not to validate your ego-dominated superiority.

Lighten up – Let it be

The Right Coach for You

I work with many coaches and therapists and actively engage in training and certification of coaches and consultants. In my work with many coaches and consultants, what I’ve found is that no two practitioners are the same.

The right kind of life coach counselor therapist consultant for you

This is the beauty of the landscape filled with those assisting others with a myriad of issues and circumstances in life and business. In a perfect world, you would be able to find the perfect match for a coach, counselor or consultant with the tools necessary to maximize the time spent with your specialist.

Successful practitioners are constantly honing their skills and expanding their areas of expertise in an effort to better serve their target clientele. I have close to 40 certifications under my belt and instruct 18 therapeutic science modalities.

When someone comes in to work with me, it is of primary importance that together we discern whether this is a good match before we pursue our work together. Depending on your needs and what we both bring to the table, I might refer you to another coach whom is better equipped or specializes in a particular area.

We all have different areas of expertise, and our practices tend to morph and change over time. For instance, areas of specialization that were predominant in my practice years ago are now better handled by others whose practices focus on those target areas.

You might be thinking, what about all those previous areas of specialization? (Especially, if you worked with me previously in an area that is no longer on the menu of services covered in my current practice.) Of course, I am grateful that you sought me out, am happy to see you again and proud of your progress and accomplishments, but I must be true to my current calling and focus and to you and yours. So in your best interest, I will refer you to another associate.

All this to say, if you’re seeking a professional to team up with in your local geographic area, chances are there is someone keenly suited for your needs, requirements and/or circumstance. Which implies that it’ll behoove you to seek out someone who is just right for you.

Just as you come into the office with a certain set of skills, you want to make sure that your needs are commensurate to the skills that your coach, counselor or consultant has command of or access to.

It might be a good idea to know what type of coach you are looking for, nonetheless, a good coach will be able to help you determine and locate an appropriate type of coach. Coaches can specialize in areas of life, life skills, spiritual, family, parenting, relationships, dating, health, wellness, fitness, personal performance, professional development, career, business, leadership and executive (secret weapon) coaching just to name a few (of over a hundred).

Coaches may also have practices that include alternative therapeutic modals, like NLP, EFT, hypnotherapy, etc…

In your initial intake consultation, you should be able to ascertain whether this is a good match for you. If not, there is a good chance that your practitioner can refer you to someone better suited for you.

Coaching Truth

You may know me by my work at Olympia Life Coach, or you might have taken any of my many classes or been trained and certified as a Life Coach by me, and if you have, you’ve heard me refer to the “truth matrix” at one time or another.

Having a grasp of the truth continuum can be extremely valuable in the way you interact with your life coaching clientele. In this business, you never know who is going to walk in your door and what condition they might be in.

Remembering that you’re in the business of helping someone do the best they can with what they have is of primary importance. You are not here to educate, train, or convince anyone of anything. Other experts in various modalities are called to ministries which persuade people to do or think in certain ways, but the life coach is there to support the client, period.

Clients may be predisposed to any concept of life or belief system. It is not the coach’s job to change what anyone believes, only to accept clients for who they are, believing whatever it is they might believe, without judgment or ridicule.

We do present clients with challenges, and a plethora of “what ifs” in an attempt to encourage clients to look at things from different perspectives, but their reality is solely their own, and we encourage them to make their own decisions supporting them all the way (unless it comes to a point where it becomes a conflict of interest, then you can refer them to another coach).

This is where the idea of the truth continuum comes in handy, as the truth continuum assumes that whatever the client thinks, or says is somewhere inside the truth continuum, even if it sounds contradictory to anything you might believe as being true.

The truth continuum honors the right of any client to believe anything they want and enables you to support them 100% in whatever they long to accomplish in their life without judgment or criticism.

Of course, all life coaches are not created equal, and no two are the same. You are encouraged to specialize in particular areas of expertise. For instance, there was a time when I specialized in drug and alcohol addictions. Since those early days, I have moved on to other areas of expertise.

When someone approaches me, who desires coaching regarding alcohol or drug addictions today, I refer them to another Olympia Life Coach who specializes in that particular area.

I stay focused on the vibration of the areas of coaching which resonate with me at the time.

Certainly, if I am working with a client who encounters a bridge which must be crossed to better approach the goals and ideals which he or she is working on, I can reach into my cache of previous specializations if we can keep moving ahead without any loss of momentum. If it requires a more long-term commitment, again, I am likely to refer my client to another coach specializing in that area.

My client is welcome to either maintain the work with both coaches, each working in their area(s) of expertise, or alternatively to return following the other work which may cause conflict with their primary focus.

This is the beauty of working with many other coaches, counselors, and consultants in my practice at Olympia Life Coach.

If you’re interested in joining the team at OLC, contact me and I will see what we can do.