coaching | David M Masters

Your Friends Are Not Your Clients | Professional Boundaries

If you’re a coach, consultant, counselor, practitioner, therapist, financial advisor, attorney, minister, or just about any other professional, you’ve probably heard some version of this: “Can I ask you a quick question?” Of course they can. And because they’re your friend, you usually answer.

Five minutes later, you’re halfway through what would normally be a paid consultation. Twenty minutes later, they’re asking follow-up questions. An hour later, they’ve mentally enrolled in your expertise without ever enrolling in your process.

Then comes my favorite part. Several weeks later they tell you… “I tried what you said.” Followed by, “It didn’t really work.”

Or perhaps… “I thought you were going to help me with the rest.”

Wait… The rest?

Here’s the part that’s easy to forget. Professional results rarely come from professional answers. They come from professional processes.

A paid client doesn’t simply receive information. They receive observation. Clarification. Questions they didn’t know to ask. Context. History. Strategy. Accountability. Adjustments. Encouragement. Honest feedback. Someone walking beside them long enough to notice when they’re unknowingly sabotaging themselves.

Most breakthroughs don’t happen because of one brilliant sentence. They happen because someone stays with the process. That’s difficult to do over coffee.

Friends often hear the conclusion. Clients experience the journey. Those are very different things.

Imagine asking a surgeon one question at a backyard barbecue. You wouldn’t expect them to perform surgery beside the potato salad. The conversation isn’t the procedure.

The same is true in nearly every profession. Your accountant can answer a tax question. That doesn’t replace a comprehensive tax strategy.

Your attorney may explain a law. That doesn’t establish legal representation.

A mechanic may suspect what’s making the noise. That isn’t the same as diagnosing the vehicle.

Likewise, a coach may offer an idea. But coaching isn’t advice. It’s partnership.

Something else quietly happens when people become paying clients. They become invested. Investment changes attention. Attention changes implementation. Implementation changes outcomes.

People tend to value what they’ve intentionally committed themselves to.

That isn’t about money. It’s about ownership.

Friends also have another advantage that clients don’t. They already know us. Sometimes a little too well. Because they know us socially, they unconsciously assume our expertise must also be casual. It isn’t.

Our friendship is casual. Our profession is not.

Healthy boundaries don’t protect income. They protect relationships.

I’ve found it helpful to say things like:

“I’d be happy to give you a quick thought, but I don’t want to pretend that’s the same as walking through the whole process together.”

Or…

“There’s a much bigger picture here than I can responsibly answer over lunch.”

Or simply…

“That’s a great coaching question, not a coffee question.”

People usually understand. And if they don’t… That tells you something important too.

The professionals reading this already know the feeling. You genuinely want your friends to succeed.

You care.

You hope they flourish.

But caring about someone doesn’t require pretending that a casual conversation can replace a thoughtful professional engagement.

Your friends deserve honesty.

Your clients deserve excellence.

Fortunately…

Those two things can coexist beautifully.

Sometimes the most caring thing a professional can say isn’t,

“Sure, let’s solve your life in fifteen minutes.”

Sometimes it’s,

“I care too much about you to offer a shortcut where a process is needed.”

That isn’t withholding your gifts.

That’s respecting them.

And perhaps respecting your friend enough to invite them into the kind of transformation that only commitment can produce.

Everybody Lies | Now What Are You Going to Do About It?

Everybody lies. Some lies are tiny. Some are catastrophic. Some are told to protect others. Some are told to protect ourselves. Some are told because we are afraid of losing love, losing status, losing control, losing security, or losing the carefully constructed image we want the world to believe about us. And every once in a while, someone lies to you that you never expected would.

That one lands differently. Not because the lie itself was necessarily devastating, but because it woke you up. It shook your assumptions. It cracked open your illusion that certain people are somehow above human weakness.

Recently, someone I had known and respected for years lied to me. Not a stranger. Not someone I expected it from. Someone I trusted. And for a brief moment, it threw me for a loop. Not because I do not understand human behavior. I have worked in counseling, coaching, consulting, and personal transformation for a very long time. I know people lie. I know it intellectually. I know it professionally. But sometimes we forget emotionally.

We create little islands of certainty around people we love, admire, or trust. We quietly place them into categories where we no longer expect ordinary human behavior from them. Then one lie reminds us that every single person on this earth is still wrestling with fear, identity, survival, insecurity, shame, ego, and the desperate need to feel safe. Including us. That realization can harden you. Or it can deepen you. That is the crossroads.

Every Lie Is an Opportunity

One of the most valuable tools I have ever developed in my work with people is the willingness to allow space for dishonesty without immediately punishing it. That surprises some people. They expect confrontation. Exposure. Correction. Consequences. But I learned something a long time ago: People often lie before they feel safe enough to tell the truth. Especially in the beginning of a coaching or counseling relationship.

If something does not feel right, sound right, or line up with the facts, I simply make note of it. I do not necessarily attack it immediately. I observe it. I hold awareness around it. I allow the story to breathe. Then something interesting happens.

Over time, the fabricated version becomes exhausting to maintain. The contradictions begin stacking up. The emotional energy required to maintain the false identity becomes heavier and heavier. People start tangling themselves in the barbed wire of their own stories. One lie requires another. Then another. Then another. And eventually, if enough trust and safety exist, many people come clean on their own. Not because they were forced into submission. But because they became exhausted from carrying the weight of separation between who they are and who they pretend to be.

That moment is sacred. Not humiliating. Sacred. Because when a human being finally feels safe enough to be honest, something profound happens inside them. Relief enters the room. Their nervous system softens. Their breathing changes. The armor begins to fall away. And for many people, that may be one of the first moments in their lives they have ever truly felt accepted while being fully seen.

That changes people.

We live in a culture obsessed with justice, exposure, consequences, outrage, and public destruction. Catch the liar. Expose the liar. Punish the liar. Destroy the liar. But very little attention is given to understanding why people lie in the first place.

Fear. Shame. Trauma. Survival. Rejection. Embarrassment. Insecurity. Childhood conditioning. Loss of identity. Fear of abandonment.

Most people do not wake up in the morning plotting evil. Most people are simply terrified of losing something they believe they need in order to survive emotionally. Now, that does not mean accountability disappears. Far from it. Truth matters. Boundaries matter. Integrity matters. But accountability without love often creates better liars instead of transformed people.

Fear-based correction teaches concealment. Love-based awareness teaches integration. That is a very different path.

I was fortunate to grow up around ideas like: “I’m okay, you’re okay.” “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” “We are all doing the best we can with what we have.” Those ideas grounded me. Not because they excuse destructive behavior, but because they remind us that human beings are unfinished creatures trying to find their way through life while carrying invisible burdens.

When you approach people with compassion instead of immediate condemnation, something extraordinary becomes possible. Growth. Real growth. Not performative compliance. Not fear-driven obedience. Not temporary behavioral suppression. Actual transformation. And transformation almost never happens through humiliation. It happens through awareness. It happens when people discover truth inside themselves.

That is why I have never been overly interested in controlling clients through rigid systems, punishments, or demands. Yes, structure matters. Yes, accountability matters. But lasting change usually occurs when people arrive at their own realization.

When the light bulb turns on inside them. When they see themselves clearly for the first time. When they finally become tired of running from themselves. That moment cannot be forced. It can only be invited.

People sometimes ask me why I continue doing this work after all these years. The answer is simple. I live for the moment of epiphany. The moment a client suddenly sees the truth about themselves with complete clarity.

The moment the masks fall away. The moment they stop defending their pain and begin understanding it. The moment self-awareness replaces self-deception. That is the payoff for me. To sit in the room while another human being reconnects with themselves is one of the most sacred experiences I know. Not because I “fixed” them. I did not. They found themselves. I simply created enough safety, enough love, enough accountability, enough space, and enough patience for truth to emerge naturally. That is very different from forcing compliance.

So What Are You Going to Do About It?

When someone lies to you, you stand at a fork in the road. You can become cynical. Suspicious. Closed off. Controlling. Punitive. Emotionally armored. Or…

- - You can become wiser without becoming harder.
  - You can develop discernment without losing compassion.
  - You can learn to see human weakness without abandoning human love.

That is the challenge. Not to become naive. But not to become cold either. Because the truth is this:

Every single one of us has lied.
Every single one of us has hidden.
Every single one of us has protected an image.
Every single one of us has feared rejection.

And every single one of us longs to be loved beyond our imperfections. That realization changes the way you see people. Including yourself.

A Practical Guide:

Moving from Strict Accountability to Love-Based Growth

This does not mean becoming weak, passive, or enabling destructive behavior. It means learning how to create environments where transformation becomes possible.

1. Separate the Person from the Behavior

A lie is behavior.
It is not the entirety of the person.

When you attack identity instead of addressing behavior, people become defensive instead of reflective.

Say:
“That story doesn’t seem consistent.”

Instead of:
“You’re a liar.”

One invites awareness.
The other invites war.

1. Stay Calm When You Discover Dishonesty

Most people expect emotional punishment.

When you remain calm, observant, and grounded, it creates psychological space for truth to emerge later.

Overreaction often drives dishonesty deeper underground.

1. Observe Patterns Instead of Isolated Incidents

One contradiction may be confusion.
Repeated contradictions reveal deeper issues.

Notice:

- - - Emotional inconsistencies
    - Changing narratives
    - Avoidance patterns
    - Sudden defensiveness
    - Over-explaining
    - Excessive justifications

Observe without becoming consumed by suspicion.

1. Build Safety Before Demanding Vulnerability

People rarely tell the truth where they feel emotionally unsafe.

If someone believes honesty will lead only to shame, rejection, ridicule, or abandonment, concealment becomes survival.

Safety does not eliminate accountability.
It makes accountability productive.

1. Ask Questions Instead of Making Accusations

Questions open doors.

Accusations slam them shut.

Try:
“Help me understand something.”

Instead of:
“You’re obviously lying.”

Questions invite self-reflection.

1. Allow Natural Consequences Without Cruelty

Compassion does not mean removing all consequences.

Trust may need rebuilding.
Boundaries may need strengthening.
Access may need limitation.

But consequences delivered without hatred create opportunity for maturity instead of retaliation.

1. Recognize Your Own Capacity for Self-Deception

Humility changes everything.

When you understand your own imperfections, you stop approaching others from a throne of moral superiority.

That softens your delivery without weakening your standards.

1. Leave Room for Redemption

Many people become trapped inside the identity others assign to them.

When you leave room for people to evolve, they sometimes rise into that opportunity.

Not always.

But far more often than cynicism would have you believe.

1. Focus on Awakening, Not Winning

Winning arguments is easy.

Awakening consciousness is rare.

Ask yourself:
“Do I want revenge, or do I want healing?”

That question changes the entire interaction.

1. Become the Kind of Person Safe Enough for Truth

This may be the most important step of all.

People tell the truth around people who can handle truth.

Can you?

Can you hear difficult things without collapsing, exploding, condemning, or retaliating?

Can you remain loving while still remaining discerning?

That is emotional maturity.

And that level of love changes lives.

Including your own.

When Success Starts to Arrive Before You’re Ready

One of the greatest privileges of being a coach is seeing possibilities that people cannot yet see in themselves. Sometimes you catch a glimpse of the person they are becoming long before they do. You can almost see them standing on the other side of fear, living the life they say they want, sharing their gifts with the world. And because you see it so clearly, you lean in.

You spend extra time. You answer one more email. You offer a discount they didn’t ask for. You open doors they couldn’t have opened on their own. Not because you’re trying to rescue them. Because you genuinely believe in them.

Then, just as things begin to move… They ask you to stop. “Turn it off.” “I want my old life back.”

As coaches, it’s easy to mistake this for rejection. It usually isn’t. More often, it’s something far more human. They’ve simply reached the edge of what feels safe.

The interesting thing about success is that it doesn’t only solve problems. Sometimes it introduces entirely new ones.

- A new website brings inquiries.
- A published book brings opinions.
- A growing reputation brings attention.
- Attention brings decisions.

And for someone who has spent years living quietly, even positive attention can feel overwhelming.

To the coach, the phone ringing sounds like opportunity. To the client, it may sound like danger.

Neither person is wrong. They’re simply experiencing the same reality through different nervous systems.

One sees possibility. The other experiences exposure.

This is why coaching isn’t simply about helping people achieve success. It’s about helping them become the kind of person who can comfortably hold it.

We often assume people fear failure. Many do. But just as many have an underlying fear of success. Not because success is bad. Because success asks something new of them. It asks them to become visible. To make decisions. To establish boundaries. To say “No.” To trust their own judgment.

If those muscles have never been exercised before, success itself can feel threatening.

Sometimes people don’t quit because the opportunity is wrong. They quit because the opportunity arrived before their capacity caught up. That doesn’t make them weak. It makes them human.

As coaches, we need compassion for that reality. Not everyone who wants clients is ready for strangers. Not everyone who wants influence is ready for visibility. Not everyone who wants a larger life is ready to leave behind the safety of a smaller one.

Our assignment is not to force readiness. Nor is it to take their hesitation personally.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is to say,

“I understand.”

“The door remains open.”

“If today isn’t your day, perhaps another season will be.”

There is wisdom in continuing to believe in people without insisting they become who we know they could be. After all, we don’t get to choose another person’s timing. We only get to choose our posture.

- Keep believing.
- Keep serving.
- Keep opening doors.

Some people will walk through them immediately. Others will stand in the doorway for years. Some may even walk away. Bless them anyway. Because people rarely forget the person who believed in them before they believed in themselves. And perhaps that belief will become the very thing that gives them the courage to return one day.

Until then, keep shining. Not because everyone is ready for your light. But because someone is.

The Truth Behind Transformational Change in Coaching Clients

I get accused of being a miracle worker. People ask me all the time, “How did you get (insert name) to do that?” They marvel at the transformations that take place, commenting, “What a miraculous change!” But here’s the truth: I am not a miracle worker. I simply align myself with people who are ready for a miraculous change in their lives.

That’s the secret. I don’t force change. I don’t manipulate outcomes. What I do is create a space for transformation, but the real work—the real magic—comes from the individuals who are ready and willing to step into their own power.

Early on, I learned that not everyone is at that stage. If someone’s path isn’t aligned with my purpose, then no matter how much effort I put in, it won’t serve either of us. That’s why, when I recognize that someone isn’t on a journey I can truly assist with, I don’t try to push the process. Instead, I refer them to someone else who may be a better fit. I release them with love and trust that they will find the right guidance for their unique path.

But when alignment does happen—when someone’s journey is in sync with my own—that’s when the real magic unfolds. It’s an exchange of energy, a mutual elevation. Their success becomes my success. Their transformation enriches my life as much as it does theirs. That’s the true power of alignment, and it’s why the results seem miraculous to those on the outside looking in.

This is the unprecedented win-win scenario I experience more often than not. It’s not about me. It’s about being in the right place at the right time with the right people—those who are ready to claim their own miracles.

And when that happens? Transformation isn’t just possible. It’s inevitable.

How You Can Apply This to Your Own Practice

If you want to see the same kind of transformation in your own work, the key is alignment. Here are some steps you can take to create a similar system in your practice:

1. Identify Your Strengths and Purpose – Know what kind of transformation you are uniquely equipped to facilitate. Not every path is yours to guide.
2. Recognize Readiness – Look for clients who are truly ready to make a change. Transformation is most effective when they take ownership of the process.
3. Release Mismatched Clients – If someone isn’t in alignment with your work, refer them to someone who is better suited to help them. This not only benefits them but also preserves your own energy and effectiveness.
4. Create a Supportive Environment – Foster a space where clients feel empowered to take action and embrace their own potential.
5. Mutual Growth – Approach your work as a shared journey. When you align with the right people, their success will also elevate your own growth and experience.

By following these principles, you create a system where real change happens effortlessly. You aren’t forcing transformation; you are simply guiding those who are ready into the version of themselves they were always meant to become.

I Can Believe Whatever I Want to Believe

One of my favorite one-liners is, “I can believe whatever I want to believe.” That will stop any coach, consultant, or counselor right in their tracks. Some people have these weapons that they wield whenever they feel like they might be feeling challenged beyond their ability.

We work so hard to encourage our clients to reach new heights in their relationships, businesses, and lives, but there is a point where the client is just done reaching for new plateaus. They get to a point where their desire to grow and change is too far beyond their willingness to push through and continue the journey.

You, if you are the coach or therapist, must let go of your expectations. For us in the business, the excitement that comes with accompanying someone on an explosively exciting journey onward and upward is often the fuel that inspires us to do what we do. I know that it is for me, that’s why I only work with the movers and shakers.

I love being nearby or even in the room when someone reaches a breakthrough or epiphany. Seeing people grow and change, go through that metamorphosis from where they were when I first started working with them, then seeing them in the fullness of their capabilities, and being with them step for step along the way, that is the blessing beneath the work that I do.

What does someone mean, when they say, “I can believe whatever I want to believe?”

That means that in your communication and encouragement to look at things from a different perspective you have reached a stage that has gone well beyond the ability of the client to comprehend and they offer up the phrase, “I can believe whatever I want to believe,” in a sense to stop the bus from going any further.

It can also be a refusal to even look at something that might challenge their current rationalization, which gives them a feeling of comfort and security, or it may be more deeply rooted in their belief system or dogma.

In any case, your client has drawn a line in the sand that is not to be crossed, at least, for now.

This is your client’s journey and he or she has every right to direct his or her own path, even if you might see trouble ahead if he or she chooses “this” over “that.”

What can you do?

Of course, you should continue to present the ideas of alternative choices and what the future could hold given different decisions and actions.

You may tell your client about the experiences of other clients who may have chosen “this” over “that.” Third-party reference material may be available that you can refer him or her to.

We encourage always having an open mind, and you too must maintain open-mindedness with your clients at all times, remembering this is their journey, and you must ever tell them what to do. The responsibility for their decisions lies solely on themselves and it is your job to support them and see them face the challenges they may face as they take responsibility for themselves.

So, when someone tells you, “I can believe whatever I want to believe,” know that you’ve reached an impasse and back off your approach, and have your client restate his or her limitations, and work within those boundaries, but don’t stop offering other perspectives or ideas that may encourage them to take a moment and think outside the box.

Besides, that’s what we do best. Right?

And it is the “looking outside the box” that leads to those most valuable life-changing moments.

The Alien Perspective Method: A New Way of Seeing Clients, Coaching, and Life

One of the greatest challenges in coaching, or in any human interaction, really, is the temptation to assume you already know. You’ve studied, you’ve learned, you’ve lived. You have a working map of reality that makes sense to you, and it’s natural to think that map is universal. But here’s the truth: your map is not their map.

Every person you meet is a universe unto themselves. Their beliefs, experiences, wounds, victories, and dreams create a world as unique as a distant star system. When you approach someone with the assumption that you already know what they need, you’re not really seeing them, you’re projecting your own reality onto theirs.

That’s why I developed what I call The Alien Perspective Method.

It’s a way of approaching clients, colleagues, and even friends and family with the kind of reverence and curiosity you would offer if you were meeting an alien being from another world.

Because in a very real sense, you are.

Step 1: Suspend Assumptions

The first step is humility. When a client sits in front of you, release the idea that you already know who they are or what they need. Catch yourself in the moment you think, “I’ve seen this before” and remind yourself: you haven’t. This is not a category. This is a person.

Step 2: Enter the Client’s World

Imagine this person as an alien visitor. If that were true, you wouldn’t assume you knew their culture, their values, or their history. You’d ask questions. You’d listen. You’d lean in with curiosity. And you’d let their world become the sacred space for the session, not yours.

Step 3: Honor Their Momentum

So many well-meaning coaches derail progress by insisting on their own paradigm. But what if your client already has positive momentum in some area of their life? Why knock them off course? Honor what’s working. Build on it. Use their existing momentum as fuel for the next breakthrough.

Step 4: Co-Create Possibilities

Instead of prescribing pre-packaged answers, explore possibilities together. Let solutions arise naturally from the client’s own worldview. You don’t have to be the all-knowing authority. You can be the co-creator, the partner in discovery. That’s where the magic happens.

Step 5: Invite, Don’t Impose

Your role isn’t to force your perspective, it’s to offer it as an invitation. Lay the options on the table. Share the tools you know, but let the client choose which ones resonate. Respect their right to walk their own path, even if it looks different from yours.

Step 6: Remain Curious

The moment you lock into, “This is this, that is that,” you stop learning. Stay open. Stay curious. Let yourself be surprised. Every client is not only a student, they are also a teacher. If you’re listening, you’ll leave every conversation wiser than when you arrived.

Why It Matters

When you coach from the Alien Perspective, you create space for genuine transformation. Clients don’t feel forced into your box; they feel seen, heard, and honored in their uniqueness. That kind of respect accelerates growth.

And here’s the bonus: you grow, too. By suspending assumptions, entering their world, and remaining curious, you expand your own universe of understanding.

That’s the Olympian Life Coach difference. We don’t just coach for results, we coach with reverence for the infinite possibilities each soul carries within them.

So the next time you sit across from someone, remember: you are meeting an alien. Step into their universe with curiosity, and together, you just might discover a whole new world.

I Tried to Be What You Wanted Me to Be I Just Couldn’t Do It

You’re a love and relationship counselor and it’s obvious that this couple is having challenges. They are clearly not seeing eye to eye and you’re doing what you can to help them communicate more clearly, then she says, “I tried to be what you wanted me to be, I just couldn’t do it.”

This is one of those one-liners that just brings everything to a halt. When one of the partners says, “I tried to be what you wanted me to be, I just couldn’t do it,” this is a clear indication that the partnership is over because it takes two to make a couple. This participant has clearly stopped wanting to be a part of this couple anymore.

Is this an indication that the relationship is over? As a couples’ coach, you probably already know that when one or more of the participants in a relationship say, “It’s over,” or, “I’m done,” hope for a bright future still remains. I mean, they are in your office. Right? What does that tell you? There is work that can be done. Just because they have reached an impasse does not mean that this challenge is fatal.

It helps to know which phase they are in the 7 Phases of Love to help predict how much hope there is for the couple who faces this particular circumstance, where it appears that a great deal of effort was put forth in an attempt to please the other partner, but the this particular partner has reached the conclusion that further work to become the person that the other partner desired was beyond her reach.

I Tried

The insistence that she “tried” indicates that they were probably not that good of a match at the outset of this coupling in the first place.

Blame it on Mother Nature

To her credit, maybe there was a deep attraction to this person, and she did desire to enter into a longstanding love relationship, maybe even to go as far as to commit and marry this person. Often at the beginning of a relationship desire and hormones take over and we find ourselves, victim, to Mother Nature’s love trap. All she (Mother Nature) wants is for matting to ensue because she wants babies.

So, we have this programming that turns off all rationale so that copulation can prevail. Mother Nature really doesn’t care about families, she just wants babies.

This appears to be one of those relationships, where the intimacy shared in those early moments was good enough for this couple to have the hope of a longstanding relationship, so they married (but did not have any babies).

To Be What You Wanted Me to Be

It wasn’t long before the wife discovered that she and her new husband wanted completely different things out of life. She decided, early on, that she would make concessions, compromising her own desires and beliefs, to accommodate his. This was a valiant effort and she was supported in doing so by family and friends.

At first, the concessions, were not that big of a deal, but after time, it began to annoy her, but she persisted, continuing to sacrifice her own wants, needs, and desires for his, for the greater good of the relationship.

I Just Couldn’t Do It

The “I just couldn’t do it,” means that this partner has reverted in some way to her previous self, as she was prior to his relationship, which she feels is not conducive and is not an appropriate state of affairs to sustain any possible future as a couple.

The last time I heard this, unbeknownst to the husband, his wife was a prostitute. Also, not known at the time the statement was made by her, “I tried to be what you wanted me to be, I just couldn’t do it,” she had returned to her previous profession as a full-on sex worker, while he was at work, or when she was away visiting family.

In this circumstance, she was right, and this did lead to the end of the relationship, but that does not always mean that it is “the end.” We all have seen relationships recover from what appeared to be impossible odds.

That’s why we who are in the business proclaim that “Love conquers all.” Even if it means that it rarely conquers because we are mere mortals and unconditional love seems too far off a possibility for most of us, nonetheless, even if in the rarest of circumstances,

Love conquers all.

Helping someone who hasn’t asked for it

I know you like to help people. You see someone struggling and you want to lend a hand to offer them support so they can have a better life. This is all good and shows you have a servant’s heart.

It’s a tough row to hoe when you’re helping someone who hasn’t asked for it.

The key is to be gentle when dealing with someone who hasn’t really asked for your help. You cannot assume where they are in their life’s journey and you cannot know what’s going on inside someone else’s head or heart.

You cannot want something more for someone else than they want it for themselves.

Just be humble and offer him or her a choice. As you are encouraging others, try to remain empathetic and let them know you’d like to have them as a part of your circle of friends, and let them opt in or out. Let it be their choice.

You can’t really help someone who doesn’t want your help.

Letting your inner love-guidance system lead you, invite them to play with you in your world. You could invite them to share a meal or attend an event with you, and see how they do.

You hear many stories of personal metamorphosis which started with someone taking notice of them and inviting them along to experience something new. All they need was that little nudge to engage more fully in the spectrum of life.

A person might reject your initial invitation because they have low-self esteem or is not feeling up-to-par or lacking in self-confidence. So, it might be a good idea to walk away after the first rejection but give him or her another opportunity or two.

If you can find out why they don’t want to join you, maybe you can address that issue, then move on. Otherwise, don’t make them feel as though you are pressuring them.

You can help them by offering helpful comments about your observations of their social interactions if they are open to it, remembering to be gentle and kind as you do so.

The best way to give someone advice is to model the behavior yourself, like, “Watch me. See how I do it.” Let them observe you, then encourage them, “Now, you try it.”

In social situations, you can do the heavy lifting by setting up introductions for them, like,”Hey, this is my friend Jason. He’s an expert in repurposing technology. He’s amazing at taking old tech and turning it into something amazing. Don’t you have some old technology collecting dust?” Then, let them take it from there, as you continue to mingle elsewhere.

If you notice him or her struggling, don’t rush to their rescue. Just make a note of it for review later, in private. You are not coddling anybody, just giving him or her an opportunity to find their own way.

Be careful not to criticize but offer support humbly. You can lightheartedly mention that maybe next time, he check for toilet paper attached to his shoe before he leaves the restroom, without intimidating.

If you’re going to confront them on a bigger issue, like, let’s say she is a Debbie Downer, you might have to do a little more coaching on the many ways they can have more positive interactions with others in social settings.

Always remember, no one is broken or wrong. Everyone is just doing the best they can with what they have. You can offer assistance if they are willing to do their part along the way.

If they are not willing to participate with you in kind, then bless them as they make their own way. You may not be the best match to assist them or maybe this is just not a good time for them.

God bless you for reaching out, the world is a better place because of you.

Helping the Socially Inept

You’ve been supportive and non-threatening to the awkward socially impaired “ugly duckling” in the corner and after the passage of time, the social quack-hack reaches out to you and asks for help with their social awkwardness. What’s the best way to go about helping the socially inept?

Understand that it has taken a great amount of courage on his or her part to reach out to you, the last thing you should do is to overwhelm him or her with your enthusiastic outburst and overbearing excitement of being invited to change this duck into a “beautiful swan.” Too much enthusiasm may cause them to recoil and prevent them from reaching out to you again.

They realize they are socially inept and don’t need you to over-emphasize how awkward they are. Proceed with empath and compassion by trying to put yourself in his or her shoes. It’s taken a lot for him or her to feel like he or she could trust you with their uncomfortableness. Try not to chase them away.

Don’t overwhelm him or her by trying to suggest too many changes in rapid succession. This may cause him or her to recoil and send him or her back to his or her safe place. Go ahead at a slow pace, and do not make him or her feel like there’s so much to do that he or she will feel like a lost cause. Suggest only one or two things at a time, pause, and let him or her have time to adjust then ask if they might be interested in trying something else?

If he or she does not embrace your ideas or advice, don’t take it personally. Just try to be understanding of his or her plight and be supportive. It may just take a little more time for him or her to adjust to the idea of trying something new.

Let’s say, this person has a long history of fashion crisis and he or she has reached out to you for advice. In your enthusiastic desire to help you take this fashion-crime-scene to a trendy fashion outlet for a full-blown makeover. The idea of it sounds so incredible, but it might just be too much for him or her to acclimate to. Starting with shoes and a top might be a better starting point, then inviting him or her to do it again, someday, when he or she is ready.

This is the same approach you would use for any social awkwardness, such as mingling at a party. Don’t expect him or her to introduce himself or herself to a room full of strangers. Instead, encourage him or her to meet one or two new people and learn as much as he or she can about those two people in a few minutes. Let them go at their own pace, applauding them for their success, and inviting them to try again when they are ready.

Also, keep in mind, you should not be the only resource for the socially inept person. You can be massively helpful by referring him or her to resources which he or she can study in private, such as book, magazines, websites, youtube videos, etc…

Invite them to check out the resources you’ve provided, inviting them to check back with you, when they would like to discuss his or her findings.

Try not to hold expectations of how enthusiastically they should embrace your advice and give them the space they need to go at their own pace. Then you can humbly pat yourself on the back for helping to make the world a better place.

All and Nothing Therapy

Having studied and taught a variety of therapeutic modalities and working in the field of therapeutic science for years it is not uncommon for counselors, coaches and consultants to maintain a tool box full of these methodologies. While we may have been trained in a particular method, you might find the resulting techniques practiced by each individual varies in their method of delivering the specific techniques, as each practitioner develops their own unique style, based on their own prowess of all the therapeutic tools.

Lately, in a round table session with many therapists, I was able to query over a dozen practitioners who all admitted they had created their own version of strict methods they studied. Only two of them insisted they felt compelled to follow the exact modality as trained, in order to be authorized to add them by name to their menu of services offered.

In this group setting, I referred to this idea as, “All and Nothing Therapy,” as a contrast to the phrase commonly used as, “All or nothing.” It seemed to be an adequate title, at least for the conversation at hand, to describe the idea that most of us had created our own methods based on our specific training which honored the specific therapeutic model but had evolved in individual practice to only be closely related to the original version. And in most cases, the consensus seemed to be, that the evolved version was a combination of other previously learned therapeutic modalities.

So, if you’re going to see me, or any of my contemporaries, be forewarned, you’re going to have a life-changing experience unlike you will get anywhere else. That said, what are some of the things that we deal with on a regular basis? Well, we all agree that we’re in the paradigm shifting business, which is the broad stroke definition of what we do, while we all specialize. My specialty has evolved through many different focus groups from love, marriage, relationships and spiritual growth to business, with my current client list looking mostly like enlightened businesspeople at the moment.

It’s not that they are enlightened about their businesses so much, as they are entrepreneurs on a spiritual journey of enlightenment, while they are pursuing their businesses as an outlet of their spiritual growth, and supporting their (metaphoric) travel expenses along their journey. And there is a growing trend as I am seeing more and more spiritually inclined entrepreneurs expressing their message, skills and gifts, as an outpouring through their businesses or ministries.

One of the common issues they need to overcome include eliminating empowering others to slow their roll, or to get them worked up and over-reactive to series of words spoken by people who appear to be determined to pull them to lower energetic vibrations.

Think about it, if someone can say words to you that cause you to be offended, hurt your feelings or make you want to either fight or flee, this is not a reflection of the state of the person speaking the words. This is a clear indication that you have been predictably programmed by society to respond to those words in a specific manner and you fall for it every time. The mere fact that you respond to those words negatively, qualifies you to be a predictably manageable member of our society.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

With a little help of my friends, you can listen to someone’s litany of disrespecting or vile words and not be affected negatively. While we all may approach this challenge differently, with a little intervention, and a bit of skill, you can be emotionally bullet proof.

So, if you’re finding yourself being sensitive to what other people think or say about you, get some help. Seek out a counselor, coach or consultant who can take you through a metamorphic process that will have you thinking differently about the things that other people say, because the truth is,

People who judge others, are only expressing their own inner struggle and pain

There is no reason to take it personally, when someone is acting out because they are amidst so much inner turmoil or pain. This might be the only way they know how to relieve some of the pressure of their life. You might even think about how you are blessed to be the method for them to relieve some of this pent up frustration of pressure. Someone else may have really been deeply hurt by this person’s outburst.

You can take charge of this area of your life and/or any other part(s) of your life by embarking on your journey of empowering self improvement by learning how to be successful with personal development, if you’re so inclined.

Seek out a counselor, coach or consultant to be your accountability partner you resonate with and start kicking ass and taking names. Get in touch with who you really are, in tune with your life’s purpose and sharing your unique message, skills and gifts, because a better life is waiting for you.

If your life has been going on… and it seems pretty much the same ol’ same ol’, maybe it’s time to embrace your uniqueness and live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.