Love Is What Is Love

Sometimes in life, your desires for love fall flat compared to your expectations.

There are four basic types of love, such as

4 types of love world friend family romanceOne World Love

There is an innate part of us that expects that all peoples can mutually respect, love each other unconditionally and live in harmony. We all want to love and be loved without division, no matter what. Yet, we are disappointed to find division prevails so predominantly that we are more often than not at odds with each other and peoples find themselves warring against each other.

Love Between Friends

You have grown up with someone or met someone with common interests and something in you reaches out to them connecting with them in an effort to appreciate them, feel an affinity, even love them for who they are, what they stand for and you feel compelled to protect the relationship between you. You hope that this friendship-type-of-love will last forever. It doesn’t take long to find out that people are often not who they appeared to be, as we project ourselves onto them in an effort to establish such a love, nonetheless, some deep friendship connections do withstand the test of time.

Love of Family

When a mother gives birth to a child there is a deep connection a love-bond that is possibly closer than any other bond between two people. This love connection can spread throughout a family with the possibility of establishing a love relationship amongst all family members. Some love among friends can grow to familial proportions. While some families are united in love, some family and friends are united by bonds fueled by other adhesives.

Even though we want to love our parents and want to be loved by them, often the love we desire is not the love we receive, so we are inclined to accept whatever love we can receive from parents and/or family members if we are able to receive any at all.

Romantic Love

Romantic love is the most potentially powerful love between two people. So powerful in fact that the participant (or participants) in this type of love are willing to risk with in the belief that the potential for living the highest quality of life is more meaningful and enjoyable when shared by two of the most intimate of partners. This love includes a deeply emotional and strong sexual attraction, the feelings that fuel this type of love often do not last long but the relationship can survive out of a sense of duty or necessity.

Why is it that most all the love we desire seems to elude us?

Try this:

exude the love you desire to receive regardless of the circumstances or lack of reciprocity

Exude the love you desire to receive regardless of the circumstance or lack of reciprocity.

If you feel separate or different from the other people in the world, send love to the world, love all other people, even if they do not appreciate or love you. Love your neighbors and friends likewise, even if they mistreat you. Love your family members as if they loved you more than anything, whether or not you feel there is any evidence of their affection or support for you.

The love you seek would be a combination of all these types of love and you may be surprised to discover you will not find it outside yourself until you’ve found this degree of love within. Only then can you expect to attract the kind of person who also has the same capacity of love.

So ask yourself, “What would it look like if I loved all the people of the world, my neighbors, friends, family, and potential mate completely?”

Love like it’s the only thing that matters

because it is.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

 

Soul Mate Draw

I’m not much for playing poker or any card games for that matter, but it occurs to me that being in search of your soul mate can be likened unto playing a draw-poker-style game. The odds vary hand-to-hand and, at least in my experience, sometimes you bet everything you have on what you think is a hand that cannot lose, only to find someone else had a better hand. Unbelievable but true and you are left empty-handed and alone.

After a hand, like that, you’re likely not to even want to play again for a while. Time passes and you’re feeling a little more confident, then you think maybe it’s time to see what’s happening at the table of love again.

soulmate draw

You walk into the poker room, a little more cautious this time, survey your surroundings, watch some of the other games in progress, then select a table and request to be dealt into a round. You place your initial bet and before you know it, you’re feeling a little more comfortable being back in the game.

Some games have a significant buy in while others do not. Depending on the game and how much you’ve invested, you have more to lose but also more to win. We all hope to win, but sometimes (if not more often than not) we lose.

Such is the game. But the more you play it, hopefully, you get better at it.

You don’t fall for all those false tells of the other players. You have a better idea about what a good hand looks like.

In this game, the dealer is God – the universe, fate, the powers that be – and you’re not afraid to ask to draw another card if it doesn’t feel right.

I’ve played some good games in my life, and I was all in – and they were the best played games ever – but they’ve left me wanting more true love. I’m not expecting to beat the house, only to finally get that royal flush in hearts I’ve always longed for.

When I started playing the game of love, I expected only to play one game and I’d be good forever. I bought-in to a couple of huge tournaments since then. I’m not saying the games weren’t the best games ever – because they were – but I think I could do better.

Don’t get me wrong by assuming that because I’m relating my quest for a soulmate to a card game that I am a player, or that I’m playing the part of the victim who has been played by someone else. That’s not it.

I’m just looking for ways to relax, hold the space for the perfect hand of love, to be ready and willing to be all-in when my royal flush arrives.

So, here I am, at the table again. I am open, watching the other games in progress, the other players, trying to learn from both my and their mistakes and waiting for the perfect Ace of hearts to turn up.

I know, I’ve heard people say, waiting for the perfect hand is no way to play the game. Just have fun playing the game and play all the cards that you’re dealt.

Yeah, that’s not me; not my style.

Yes, I’ve been told that’s the problem with how I’ve played the game of love in the past: waited for one hand then bet it all and lost. But that’s their interpretation. I don’t think I’ve ever lost, because what I gained far surpassed everything I had to bet.

To the onlookers, other players (and sometimes in front of other live feed cam viewers) it looked like I lost it all; and I did. The pain of the loss was as real as it looked in that moment, but what I gained was far superior to anything I could have imagined, and the game itself was amazing.

Everyone has their way of playing the game. That doesn’t make it good or bad, right or wrong, it just is what it is. And if you’re cheating (believe me, in this game it’s impossible to cheat but you can go on believing you are), that’s okay too, because this house always wins.

Looking forward to playing the best game ever…

 

 

What is Love If True Love Dies?

In my opinion the sad truth of the deterioration of romantic love in our society is tragic.

Just as everything in the mainstream is moving toward making everything disposable diapers, water bottles, razors, pens, tissues, plates, shower curtains and home furnishings, likewise people and romantic relationships are also becoming more and more disposable.

I have witnessed this transition take place. I’ve seen the budding marriages forged in the fifties, fall victim to the wild abandon of the sixties. Then, in the seventies, the legal system welcomed no fault divorces ushering in the disposable marriage that has led to where we are today, bruised, broken and unable to find any love inside.

What is love if true love dies romantic love signs your marriage is over

I never asked the question, “What is love?” because as far back as I can remember, I had a keen inner sense or knowing what love meant to me, and even though I could have followed my peers in the sexual revolution, I maintained my composure and waited for “the one” I would marry following high school.

Innately, I always had an integrous approach to not only keep my word, but especially to do so if I made a vow of commitment in front of family and friends as witnesses. I pledged my love and commitment to not only a woman, but a family and the community. To me, this was heavy business, as love is a terrible thing to waste.

My deep respect for integrous love is one of the many things contributing to my personal freakiness. I don’t mind admitting it, and I proudly let my freak flag fly. I’d much rather make my own way, forge my own trail, research and discover new ideas, enjoy fulfillment, happiness and a quality of life that eludes the masses.

When I began my journey in the God business, I focused on love and relationships (no surprise, as this was my passion, even wrote a book about it) only to find the people who were attracted to counsel with me were not as interested in healing their relationship. Instead of asking, “How can we make our relationship better?” they were asking, “How do you know when your marriage is over?”

If you are in a potentially amazing romantic relationship, yet constantly on guard, continually looking for signs your marriage is over, chances are you will find what you are looking for. In fact, we know this to be true; you do find what you are looking for (and you always find it in the last place you look).

When someone comes in for relationship counsel asking, “Is my marriage over?” why we don’t just affirm, “Yes, you’ve already aligned yourself with the idea that love doesn’t exist, therefore it does not, and your marriage is over.” Cut your losses now, seek an attorney, get everything you can and be done with it as quickly and inexpensively as possible.

One of the main reasons I shifted my focus from relationships, was because my relationship ministry appeared to be more like torture. If someone is looking for an escape route, planning when to leave a marriage is appropriate. If he or she is thinking about how to end a marriage, then the best intentions of any counselor, therapist, coach or cleric has very little to work with. The best you can hope for is to delay the inevitable which usually leads to more damage, hurt feelings and increased legal battles. Where’s the love in that?

The only people who make out on that deal are the relationship counselors, divorce lawyers and the domestic division of our legal system that supports the whole relationship debacle. (Don’t get me started on the decline of that system…)

I knowingly share the realization of the truth of what is, and I say, “I still believe in true love.” I believe that true love is making its way back to us. I’m not saying that its not (note to editors: the double-negative was intentional) going to be a difficult journey, especially when I look around and survey all the broken people with little capacity for love at all within them (more about that, later…).

Our lack of respect for integrous love has left an indelible mark on our hearts, if it hasn’t stomped out any hope of romantic love for good, but there is a growing compulsion that is beginning to emerge as people realize that all this independence is not what it’s cracked up to be.

True love does exist, there is love waiting for you that is difficult for you to imagine in this moment, and you don’t have to worry about how to find true love, because it will find you. This life, in its highest form is all about love, and you will never be happier and fulfilled as when you change your perspective and begin to peer through the eyes of love.

Think about opening your heart to love… Not just romantic love (that may be too much to ask, from where you are at the moment), but dare to begin to look at anything, beginning with the smallest of things, then progress to other situations and circumstances, with love in your heart.

You will be surprised at how you attract even more love, the more your love light shines from within. It’s a process you can love…

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Dating Over 40

The times they are a changing, and the entire dating landscape is morphing into something unfamiliar, especially for those who find themselves looking for a prospective mate while dating after 40 years of age.

Single women over 40 are wondering how to find a good man in this new sea of seemingly unpredictable possibilities. Many of these women are stronger, they’ve been groomed to be more self-confident, expecting more from their mate, see themselves as equals, and often carry wounds that may subconsciously blocking good men over 40.

dating over 40 how to find a good man you attract what you are

What Is A Real Man?

If you’re in search of a “real man,” first you must define what that means to you. Consider making a soulmate list of the characteristics that you’re looking for.

Even so, as you are searching online and in the real world intent on finding a good man, you might ask

Where did all the good guys go?

Be aware that there is an abundance of good men all around you, but your mindset may be blocking access to them. Statements, like, “I’m looking for a real man,” “I need a strong man,” or, “Why can’t he just man up,” or, “be a man about it,” will have the good men that you are looking for swerving to avoid you. And if a good man hears you speak words, like that, it’s likely that his attention will be diverted elsewhere.

Men Are Changing Too

They are becoming more sensitive, intuitive. They don’t even have to hear the words you are saying, they can feel your vibration and may avoid you solely based on unjustified feeling. Men are increasingly seeking more meaningful relationships and getting in touch with the things in life that bring them the greatest joy and fulfillment (a huge departure from the work all day to support the family model of the 1950’s).

While they might have been willing to exchange putting up with drama in exchange for good sex, in their youth, men over 40 and above are more likely to avoid drama, just like women over 40. Tolerance and teamwork are more preferred traits in modern romance. Laying down the law, like, “My way or the highway,” will more than likely send love a-packing, as ultimatums are undesirable and may be intolerable.

Be Mindful of What You Say

If you believe in the law of attraction, or not, the overwhelming statistics would indicate that what you speak is what you attract. Therefore, if you tend to voice the idea that, “all the good ones are married,” “there are no good men left,” or “all the hot men are gay,” (I find it interesting that women think all the hot men are gay, just as much as men think all the hot women are lesbians and gay men think all the hot men are straight.) the words you use will create your experience.

Inner Work

Single women over 40 need to take a look at what’s going on inside because in most cases not only do you attract what you say, possibly more importantly, you attract what you are. Ask yourself, “What kind of guys do I attract?” Then review the attributes of the men over 40 that you’ve been attracting. Are you able to objectively see any similarities between the men that you attract and any possible inner work that might be lingering deep inside? This might be worth taking a look at.

It Is What It Is

Realize that dating over 40 is different than any type of dating prior to the age of 40. Men and women are likely bruised, damaged or somewhat numb to the idea of entering a long term relationship or making a lifelong commitment due to past experiences.

If they’re anything like me, I am less likely to pair up with someone who I do not believe will be the best thing that could happen in my life. This does not mean she will be perfect, but she will be perfect (with all her imperfections) for me and likewise I will be for her.

In the meantime, if you meet someone who is extremely particular, happy with his (or her) life and is not jumping at the chance to fawn (or fondle) over you, just because you’ve expressed an interest

Don’t Be Offended

Don’t take it personal if your volunteering for love and romance is not embraced by a prospective suitor, be grateful that he (or the powers that be) have diverted a potential relationship that may not have been your highest and best. There are plenty of good men out there, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for any one of them. You have the time and space to be the love that you seek, and he will find you.

Relax

Take it slow. Realize that the process of becoming the love that you desire and attracting the perfect person for you may take some time. If you’re over 40, there may be many extenuating circumstances that are delaying his (or her) appearance, like a marriage, deteriorating health of a current mate, or any other number of details indicating that this may not be the right time for the both of you to be together.

If you are ready, and patient, the love you seek will appear at the right time.

Be Happy

In the meantime, fill your life with love and things that you enjoy. This will increases your quality of life and help keep you in a receptive state of mind that works like a love magnet.

 

Not Just the Two of Us

Wouldn’t it be great if the two of you were the only ones your breakup affected?

Reconciliation can be a bit more problematic due to the effect that the breakup had on others.

Not only are the two of you seeking counseling, being brutally honest and open, while trying to embrace forgiveness and building trust and a strong intimate, loving relationship, but you have to manage the impact the breakup had on those around you, mitigating the damages that occurred between the breakup and the reconciliation.

It is likely that you reached out to friends and family for support, while dealing with the emotional trauma associated with being dumped by the love of your life.

It is not uncommon for some of the friend-therapy episodes to include a heaping helping of ex-bashing. No malice was intended, but no one likes seeing their friend suffer from the emotional pain of being kicked to the curb by someone whom they’d otherwise liked, supported and whose friend have given her heart to. “That dog!”

What starts out as well-intended, therapeutic banter and meaningless falderal ignites violent rage (which is better than self-loathing depression) as emotions run high and statements are made that would never had been made if there was the slightest glimpse of hope for reconciliation.

Your friends are against reconciliation like an angry mob

How do you explain to your friends and family that the person who did you so wrong (whom you’ve depicted as a monster), is now back with a smile and handful of flowers?

You would expect nothing less than a tongue-lashing for jumping back into the fire… and while you may be more accepting and working toward building trust again, your friends and family do not want to see you hurt again and are less likely to welcome him (or her) back with open arms.

Some of your friends might even perceive that your reunion with your ex- is an insult to the integrity of your relationship with your friend. In this case, your friend(s) might think you’re better off with other friends, as they start to distance themselves from you as you might be seen as a toxic relationship.

After all, helping a friend recover from a traumatic (or abusive) relationship can exert a great deal of energy, leaving the friend/helper exhausted, depleting their own natural resources – which is acceptable if it helps to save the life of a friend – the sacrifice seemingly disregarded, if the offender returns for more and you let them.

Were promises made by the fleeing ex- to friends and/or family that were broken upon abandonment?

What about the children? Were delicate young lives affected by the break-up? What affect did the broken relationship have on them?

That’s only the half of it.

Of course there are his friends and family. God only knows what he told them about you while the two of you weren’t together.

Romantic relationships are hard enough; add to that the affect they have on many of the people within our social circles, especially those within our inner circle, and the relationship reverberates and ripples throughout our other relationships.

The rebuilding of the relationship with each other will also mean both of you will be rebuilding relationships with the other’s others in an attempt to regain trust and faith among family and friends (even if you did nothing wrong).

Is it worth it?

At some point you have to ask yourself, “Is all this effort really worth it?”

It’s better to ask yourself this question BEFORE you attempt reconciliation, because the last thing you want to do is to exasperate the situation by dragging yourself and everyone else through this nightmare (or possibly a worse one) again.

Be certain that you’re not settling for the sake of convenience.

And maybe you need more friends, like me, who will support you – no matter what you decide – we will be there for you.

True love will prevail All the love you desire is waiting for you

If it really is true love

Love will prevail

All the love you desire is waiting for you

It’s up to you to figure out if it’s with the person who betrayed you?

Or is this a distraction that will keep you from the love you deserve?

If the two of you share an uncompromising love for each other and are willing to endure what it takes to successfully heal your relationship, this could lead to your most amazing love story.

I applaud all those who believe in and cast their vote for love everlasting.