speak your truth | David M Masters

Dead Men Tell No Tales

An ancient idiom referring to those who hold secrets are unable to reveal them if they are no longer among the living. In effect, if any secret(s) was/were not revealed prior to his (or her) exit from the body one might say, “He took it with him to the grave.”

Indeed, many secrets and untold tales lie beneath the surface of any graveyard.

Today, despite the phrase being used as a title of Johnny Depp’s Pirates of the Caribbean installment, the idiom still rings true. While it may have been (and still may be) an effective way of silencing those who are in possession of hidden truths, there is still no doubt, you will not be left with the ability to say much following your passing.

Which reminds me of the first burial I attended. When I was young, my family never went to a funeral. I heard about people who “passed away” but never witnessed a ceremony. My parents just thought the whole idea was morbid and did not believe in celebrating death. After my parents separated, one of my mother’s boyfriends, (name removed), was called upon to bury his father.

This would the first death ceremony my three younger brothers and I would attend. The boyfriend sold his motorcycle to pay for the unmarked plot. We traveled to Astoria, Oregon to attend to the details. Even though the boyfriend had two other siblings, he (and we) were the only ones to stand alongside his father’s freshly laid grave. The son’s only words spoken over the humble, unofficiated service was, “I wish things could have ended differently.”

After a moment of silence, it was off to the recently passed father’s apartment for a bit of treasure hunting. We opened the door to the apartment and were overcome by the rank odor of formerly thick, stale cigarette smoke which lacquered the walls, revealing an extremely small studio, just a desk, a bed, and a small room housing a toilet and a sink. The sliding window was painted shut. In the closet was an ironing board (the iron was in the desk, along with two pairs of tidy whiteys [not so tidy, nor white] and two pairs of socks), two ironed pairs of slacks, two dingy shirts, and a sports coat.

The only other belongings were some toiletries, an empty bottle of orange juice (the kind delivered by the milkman in a glass bottle) in the wastebasket (along with empty cigarette packs and a Baby Ruth candy wrapper) and the entire area was littered with empty bottles which once held a wide variety of booze.

I thought we might collect the bottles to clean up to fill with colored water to sit in the window sill, which I remember being in fashion in those days, but the son insisted on us gathering them to discard in the trash.

This was a defining moment in my younger years and unanswered questions remained with me ever since. Who was this man? What tales could he have told? What secrets or wisdom could he have passed on? Why were there no unsmoked cigarettes, was a Baby Ruth candy bar his last meal, and why was his bed made? Those among many other questions, I or others, will never know the answers to because he took them to the grave with him.

In a previous post, I mention a friend and mentor who I helped to tell his story, only he died a few days before we were able to publish it. I still have his unpublished work.

I’m pretty much an open book, not prone to keeping secrets of my own, maybe because I hold so many secrets that I keep on the behalf of others. In my many years in the ministry, counseling, coaching, and consulting, I have heard a great many tales to which I have a sacred oath to uphold in the guarding of these secrets.

But I have lived a marvelous life, which has been an incredible journey with many tales yet to be told.

And you have, as well.

Your journey has been so amazing. You have lived a life no one else could even imagine. That is, unless you tell your story.

Have you ever wondered, “Should I write the story of my life?”

Oh, YES, you should… and you needn’t stop there. There are a great many stories you could tell. Tell them all (at least the ones that won’t get you killed). Write your book, share your wisdom, speak your truth, and tell your story.

It’s never been easier to write a book than it is right now. So, now is the time to take action, write your story, not because you are going to die one day, but because

your story is dying to be told.

Let it out.

See: How to Write a Book about My Life

Be True to Yourself

When you’re getting an idea of who you are, not the you you’ve been programmed to accept but the you that came to this planet with a clear purpose, message, passion, and mission, you are in the process of defining your unique and individual self and you want to be true to yourself, the you that you are becoming.

You are knowing your truth (which may change periodically as you continue to grow and expand in your own personal evolution), have a desire to achieve your highest and best, want to live a better life, your best life, make the world a better place, and have a strong compulsion to be true to yourself.

“To thine own self be true”
~ Wm Shakespeare

While being true to yourself seems simple enough on the surface, beneath and deep within yourself this sense of congruence can look like so many things depending on where you are on your personal journey.

You know you’re being true to yourself when you’re feeling good about who you are. You really like the you that you are becoming and are starting to love yourself for who you are.

That voice inside your head which badgered you with different forms of negative self-talk is fading away into the dark void as your self-confidence rises to match the acceptance of your divine mission.

Understanding that communication is the key to delivering your own unique message, you are finding new and better ways to express yourself and speak your truth without offending the people you are trying to effectively communicate with.

You’re not having to maintain different personalities for different work, social, friend and family situations. You can represent your self as yourself without having to compromise, impress anyone, or care about what anyone else thinks, and you’re feeling good about it.

You are living a more centered and congruent life and are able to manage life’s situations, circumstances, and unforeseen obstacles which may arise, without the panic or sense of helplessness that you may have once felt in the past.

There is a simple ease for finding places of peace and joy in all things, decision-making comes without confusion or conflict, and you are more able to exercise your daily feats with accuracy, a high level of precision and performance.

All this is true for you when you are being true to yourself.

To be true to yourself you can give up the activities which no longer serve your new, more expanded self.

You no longer feel the need to kowtow to others, so you don’t need to play games anymore. You don’t need to manipulate, fear someone might be trying to manipulate you, or even feel like having to laugh falsely regarding an off-color joke or remark which conflicts with your alignment.

Remember when you felt a sense of guilt or compulsory obligation to agree with someone, or compliment someone who really didn’t deserve it out of fear of not being liked, loved, or regarded as a nice person? You don’t do that anymore.

Misrepresenting or compromising your authentic self is no longer an option, and now, the idea of it seems not only incongruent, but feels like hypocrisy, or lying. In fact, you’re realizing, you can be totally honest, never needing to lie again, not even to spare someone’s feelings, because now you are finding ways to agree to disagree without lying or compromising, without dishonoring someone else’s right to maintain their own opinion, even if it contrasts your own.

Your openness and honesty empower you to be who you are, in all your strength and in your weakness, without having to make apologies if you’re experiencing a moment when you’re not on your game 100 percent. You’re allowed to have a bad day, or a less than peak moment, without having to apologize to yourself or anyone else.

Militaristically forcing yourself to do the things that you need to do to get to where you want to be in a devil-may-care, take no prisoners-type attitude no longer serves you. You are finding new, more positive, ways to find the motivation to do the things that serve you on the way to achieving your highest and best.

You don’t have to compromise your integrity anymore, not when you can be true to yourself.

It’s Not What You Say It’s How You Say It

Ever try to talk to someone, expressing an opinion that the person you’re talking to is not getting it? Not only is this person not getting it, they may have a completely opposite point of view. Once you’ve determined the person is not receptive to what you have to say, you might consider to assert yourself risking a full on debate which could lead to war, or clam up and walk away in an effort to avoid any potential conflict.

It’s Not What You Say,
It’s How You Say It

On the other hand, you can assert your ideas, concepts, and beliefs in such as way so as not to alienate the person (or people) you are trying to express your ideals to. I think finding a way to speak your truth is important. You need to say what you need to say but say it in a way that it won’t turn someone away.

You need to possess the self-confidence to assert yourself in certain circumstances. For sensitive or introverted personality types this can be a challenge. For those who are more sensitive, you need to get a grip on who you are. You are an amazing person who has been blessed with the opportunity to be here. You have accepted the life challenge which has brought you to this place and time to say what you want to say. It’s up to you to accept the challenge and speak your piece.

You are a unique individual who has come to this planet a purpose, message, passion, and mission to share and fulfill. You came here with special skills and abilities, everything you could possibly need to achieve your highest and best, live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place. Step into who you know you are and boldly go forth into the world, ready and willing to speak up when it is necessary or prudent.

It takes courage, and you can prepare for this higher level of sharing by practicing your sharing skills in private. Yes, just you and your mirror, or record your own audio and/or video. Review your delivery, and tweak accordingly. This can be a huge confidence-builder in terms of strengthening your assertion skills. Practice is good.

Defending your position, when you’re faced with someone with an opposing view is tricky business. This is where most people fall apart, isolate their audience, potentially bully, and prevent any hope of meaningful conversation. If you assert yourself too forcefully, the person you’re talking to is either going to post up for a debate or shut down. Anything you say after that is falling on dead ears and is not only a waste of your time; it is counterproductive because your defense tactic is too offensive. You’ve potentially hurt their feelings, bullied them, repelled your audience and sent them (metaphorically) running in the opposite direction that you intended.

Be mindful of the delivery of your message. Don’t raise your voice when you’re approached with opposing views, or use words or phrases that will alienate or put the person you’re trying to talk to on the defensive, such as tossing shoulds at your audience. “You should,” causes the person to position for battle. No one likes to be told what they “should” do, and just as importantly avoid using should-related terms, like shouldn’t, must, mustn’t, need to, has to, only if, or only when.

Awfulizing statements (a phrase coined by Albert Ellis) refers to words and phrases associated with the word “awful” which causes your audience to put on their armor and prepare for battle. Awfulizing uses the word “awful,” as wells as other words and phrases like terrible, horrible, it bothers me, I can’t stand it when, or I hate it, etc…

Don’t punish your listener by framing your message with punishment, even if it’s directed to others outside of the conversation. This is a sensitive topic of conversation which causes the listener to reach for weapons to ready themselves for battle, so avoid saying someone deserves to be punished, should be “taught a lesson,” or needs to know what it feels like. Including the damnation of others, or yourself.

Also avoid using constrictive or limiting words that are 100% exclusive, allowing no other possibilities, such as always or never.

Be open and honest without being offensive. You don’t have to be rude or resort to name-calling. Just say what you mean without compromising but do it in a kind and gentle manner. Assert yourself while remaining calm and centered as you share your message as you are being courteous, compassionate, and use a tender tone of voice, without having to be aggressive or disrespectful to your audience.

Try to speak the language of the person that you’re trying to talk to. Try to see your message from their point of view. Imagine what if might like to be this person, having lived the life they lived, dealing with circumstances and situation, which you may have no reference to. Consider having walked a mile in this person’s shoes. Then think about what presentation might be the best approach for trying to compassionately communicate with someone like this.

Listen to your audience’s opposing view with compassion, essentially seeing it with their eyes, from their point of view. Seek to understand first, then ask yourself, “If I were this person, what would I need to hear?” How would you need to hear it in order to be the most receptive?

It’s so important to say what you need to say, because if you don’t you give away your power and deny your divinity, So, say what you need to say but say it in way that you can continue to achieve your highest and best, live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.