This Relationship’s Going Nowhere I’m Out

“I am just not feeling it. My husband and I, it’s like we’re from two different planets. I just can’t live in a relationship that’s going nowhere. Can’t do it. I’m out.”

From that to,

“I was in a loveless relationship with my husband and ready to cash-out when I realized that he was my soul mate and now we share the deepest and romantic relationship together forever.”

If you find yourself in a difficult relationship (this applies to all relationships, not just those of the romantic persuasion) you could just bail out when it doesn’t seem to suit your needs (no one would blame you, this is your right) or you might consider, as some have, calling on the power of the universe to have your back.

Those who do, often experience dramatic changes within a year. So, be aware this is not normally instantaneous change. Change, evolution, real change takes time. If you’re interested in giving it a go, consider adopting some of the basic principles that can get you miraculously from where you are now to where you’d love to be with very little effort (though effort is required).

As much as it seems like it’s all about how incompatible this person seems to be in the moment, you might be surprised that this process starts with you. Yes, you.

You have been raised and trained to accept what’s been put on your plate and to expect nothing more. You’ve been programmed for mediocrity and “settling” for less than your highest and best, when that is not what you came here for.

You came here to have it all, and this is your birthright. It’s time you decided to take back your divinity as a child of God and reclaim your sacred life, now.

And it starts with you, getting to know and love you, the true authentic you, with all the blessings that have been bestowed upon you in this life. Even if it looks lackluster, and may have been incredibly painful, causing you to accept anything less than your best life, but has brought you to this moment in time. And the you who you’ve become and as transforming into through this magnificent evolutionary process is nothing less than magnificent.

If you’ve quashed and squelched your special purpose, skills, abilities, and unique message, the universe has caused you to experience life which would further prepare you for this moment, the moment of awakening to your unlimited potential.

Now is the time to start to embrace your divinity and find ways to express who you are through the words you speak and the deeds you do. By activating your 7 points of evolving expansion, you can raise your vibration to love and above.

You must get to know who you really are and love everything that you are and can be in this life and beyond, all of it, even the stuff you thought was not good (and no one was saying it wasn’t bad) but it helped to bring you to who and what you are today, and will magnify your future potential.

Don’t wait for anyone to validate or love you. You are the love of your life. Love yourself deeply, now, more than ever, every day more and more. As you find ways to fill your heart with love, this overflowing love can spill over to the others you care deeply about, your family, your community, and the world at large. Any other form of giving love is really servitude and generosity, if your heart is not full and overflowing with love. (And there’s nothing wrong with that. We need all the love we can get.)

So fill your loving cup by learning to love who you are, accepting and embracing the life that has brought you to this point in time, find ways to fill your heart with love, and take full responsibility for looking after yourself and seeing that your needs are tended to.

When your loving cup is full, then you can truly spread the love that overflows to others.

Sometimes you encounter situations and circumstances that rub you the wrong way. Find ways to take another look at the scenario, from an alternate perspective, keeping in mind that your desire is to raise your vibration to love and above, and maintain this higher frequency.

With any circumstance, there is a full spectrum of responses you can initiate in response to the situation or thought. On one end, you can stand and fight because you’re justifiably “pissed off,” and on the other end of the spectrum, you can choose to apply love and see the event from God’s perspective.

Often perception interpretation can lead to misunderstanding, and no one would blame you for going there. After all, you’ve endured many life experiences that have caused you to reach conclusions rapidly as a form of self-defense. Thankfully, this skill has gotten you this far.

If a person’s words or actions have set off your inner alarms, instead of jumping to conclusions, try jumping into the other person’s perspective. Why would he or she say or do such a thing? What life traumas might be underneath it all? Can you find compassion for someone who might act or react in such a way? Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What does that feel like?

And if that weren’t enough, look at it from God’s perspective. I could be with a completely indiscriminate person that I do not get, at all, but if I were to ask for God’s opinion, God would say, “I love him” (or her). Could I then, by seeing through the eyes of love, see those redeeming qualities that God sees?

Yeah, I might not agree with them, but they do have that God-loves-‘em-so-much quality about them. Who am I to judge? A little tolerance goes a long way. Try asking yourself What are People Like Who are Tolerant?

The quicker you are to change the way you think about a negative thought and turn it into a loving thought, your love quotient remains at the high level you are practicing to regulate. As with anything, the more often you do it, the easier it gets.

As you start to turnaround how you think about things, the whole world starts to turnaround, adjusting to your new perspective, but you must shift your point of view, first.

Raising your vibration makes you start to expect more positive responses and good things to happen to you, and they do.

If your attention is focused upon this person who you might like to be a better match for you but is not in the moment, no problem. You respect the fact that we’re all doing the best we can with what we have, and this is a beautiful child of God you’re looking at, regardless of how off-base or weird he or she may appear right now.

You can be proactive by giving him or her a chance to respond in a manner which is more befitting of your new higher vibration. You may go through an entire scenario and have it come up leaving you feeling unconnected and empty inside. By all means, do not just walk away in silence. This is the new you, with your full awakened presence intact. Give him or her another chance.

Speak up. Let him or her know that you thought this could have gone better. Try reframing the situation and all the two of you to give it another go, to see if you can come up with a more favorable outcome. If this is practiced in love, with a pure heart, the outcome will be more to your liking. Maybe not to meet your fullest expectation, but look how closer you are to having the synchronicity you desire. Good job.

As you do this, the person you’re practicing with begins to anticipate this as opportunities arise and he or she rises to meet your positive loving expectation. You expect more, receive more of what you want in connection, and love grows.

Love is all there really is  …

Trends in Relationship Anxiety

Relationships can be hard. In fact, it’s said that relationship that are the hardest to work through tend to be the best. If you don’t find yourself believing that, do a little research on twin flames. Though relationships can be difficult, and one might think, “It shouldn’t be this hard.” It might be advantageous to look at the latest trends in relationship anxiety.

If relationships were easy, a lot of counselors and attorneys would be bankrupt, as well as many other industries and programs which are supported by relationship anxiety.

In my work with couples, I see particular trends which seem to come up. The mix changes from time to time, but they all seem to come in groups of waves. This year, it seems like there is a pattern representing a group eight recurring issues that may be a source of friction, breakdown, or relationship anxiety.

While a partnership between two people should encourage each partner to grow and change, sometimes this growth and change can lead to a separation, where the independence of each partner overshadows the union or togetherness, and they find themselves drifting apart, as they traverse different roads. In this case, the best decision might be to put an end to the confines of the relationship and each goes their own way with God’s blessings.

Even though the trends in relationship anxiety might indicate the end of an era, resulting in the total loss of the relationship, any relationship can be restored to its full potential, with the commitment, and diligence of both parties recognizing the problems and doing the work of reparation.

The trends in relationship anxiety of the day appear to be,

1. Not Working on the Relationship

When one of the partners is doing most of the work of keeping the relationship together, while the other just seems to coast along, this indicates there’s trouble ahead. A relationship is a two-way street. For it to work efficiently, both partners should be vested, ready and willing to do the work of maintaining connection and managing the relationship. Solo relationship management will result in the deterioration of the relationship and the one who has put forth the greater effort will feel the most pain in the end.

2. Unsupportive

In a healthy relationship, two people hold each other up and support each other emotionally. When the support of your partner is waning, you can bet so is his or her connection to you. This is apparent, and you’re able to recognize it with your feelings. You don’t feel like your partner isn’t supporting you, or lacks interest in those things that make your heart sing which you are deeply passionate about, you’re feeling more isolated, and you are. If your passions cannot find reconnection when you first feel this drifting apart, it may not be salvageable in the future.

3. You Don’t Come First

In the hierarchy of values which exist within a relationship, you need to be number one, just as your partner needs to be your number one priority. Certainly, in a healthy relationship each participant has their own independent lives they live, but in their togetherness, the other partner is the priority, and in keeping with this perspective decisions which are made should contain the weight of how your partner might feel about this or that. Taking you partner’s perspective into consideration is important, for without it… If your partner is making decisions without taking you into consideration, this will lead to a falling away, as he or she finds other interests which are more interesting and your station within your partner’s life fades to nothing as he or she spends more time with his or her hobbies, friends, coworkers, etc.

4. Broken Promises

Trust is the backbone of any relationship. Without trust, what do you have? Nothing. The way you bolster trust and integrity with strength and honor is to make a promise and keep it. Broken promises are the enemy of trust. Your word is your bond. If you say you will do something, do it. If not, be honest upfront and say you just can’t see yourself doing it. If your partner is continually falling short, and you’re feeling more and more frustrated, thinking about his or her “lies” (which they may not be) don’t think it’s going to get better. You can’t change him or her. That’s the way your partner is wired. If you can’t accept that, it might be worth setting a firm boundary, that you refuse to be treated like that, and move along. Or you could just accept that’s how your partner is and try to accept and ignore it as best you can. Can he or she change? Certainly, but it won’t have anything to do with you. People only change for their own reasons (if it’s to be lasting change).

5. Devices are More Important than You

This is a growing trend in the deterioration of relationships. It’s difficult to predict the effect technology will have in the future based on how our relationship with our devices appear to be overshadowing our face-to-face encounters and authentic connection with others. If your partner favors his or her phone or other devices over you, this is definitely cause for concern. Both of you spending a lot of time plugged into your devices seems like an insignificant distraction at first but the first one to break out of this techno-trance sees the price that was paid when he or she discovers that your human connection has lost its meaning.

6. Being Secretive

We all have our lives, our intimate private details which we keep safely locked away in our psyches, but if you or your partner are keeping secrets from each other so as to keep things on an even keel, this will backfire when the truth comes to light. In the most healthy relationships, there is an openness and honesty, even intimating difficult details and circumstance. We all realize there will be bumps in the road, but sharing and caring about them and keeping them on the table, openly discussed, makes all the difference. This level of communication can make a couple grow stronger while keeping secrets causes separation, each one disconnecting you a little more.

7. Your Plans Don’t Include Me

We all know it’s healthy to have a little time with our friends, a girl’s or guy’s night out, but when these soirées take priority over your significant other, your significant other loses his or her significance. N’est-ce pas? Togetherness must include some being together and it’s important to schedule time together in those times when you’re not under bondage to some more important commitment (like a job, let’s say). If you’re spending more of your available hours with others, don’t be too surprised when your partner packs his or her bags. This will happen if your partner is feeling as though you care about others more him or her. And if you’re hearing about your partner’s hopes and dreams of the future, and you’re not hearing how you factor into all of that, there’s a reason; he or she does not see you as a part of his or her future.

8. Selfishness

All of us have a little narcissist inside, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But if your partner is only all about himself or herself, then you know there’s going to be trouble ahead. All that, “Oh, I don’t want to eat this, I want to eat that,” which was so cute in the beginning is starting to get old, and since then there’s been so much piled atop the heap of selfishness, like, what television programming or movies to watch, what and where you eat, vacation destination and activities. A relationship is give-and-take, not take-take-take. If your partner’s interests are often self-centered, he or she is not into you.

Keep in mind, these trends in relationship anxiety are just food for thought. They don’t mean you should bail out of the relationship altogether. These trends only indicate the most frequent issues I have been seeing as being problematic sources of relationship anxiety in my work with couples. Left to themselves, yes, the relationship will fail but if these issues are addressed and worked on, overcoming such obstacles could lead to the greatest relationship of all.

But it takes two.