supportive | David M Masters

From Advice to Empowerment: The Art of Supportive Conversations

In the heart of every coach is a sincere desire to help. We see someone struggling, lost in confusion or pain, and everything in us wants to reach out, fix it, and make it better. It’s a noble instinct, but it’s also where many well-meaning conversations go off track.

The difference between advice and support is the difference between control and freedom.

Giving advice can feel like the fastest route to helping someone. But in truth, advice is often a shortcut that bypasses the person’s internal wisdom. When you tell someone what to do, you subtly imply, “I know better than you.” You might not mean it that way—but it’s often how it lands.

Supportive conversations, on the other hand, build trust, self-confidence, and personal growth. They say, “I’m here with you. I believe in you. You’ve got this.”

Let’s go deeper into this art—because supportive conversation is not just a skill. It’s a way of being.

Why Quick Fixes Undermine True Growth

Imagine this: a friend tells you they’re struggling with their marriage. They feel unheard and disconnected. You immediately say:

“You just need to communicate more. Have you tried date night? That worked for me and my spouse.”

What just happened?

- You’ve made an assumption about their problem (communication).
- You’ve inserted your own experience and projected it as a solution.
- You’ve taken the wheel of their emotional process.

They might nod and smile. They might even try your suggestion. But deep down, they don’t feel seen. Their pain hasn’t been explored, their voice hasn’t been heard, and they’ve been handed a tool that may or may not fit the job.

Support isn’t about handing someone a hammer. It’s about helping them build their own toolbox.

Creating a Container for Empowerment

At Olympian Life Coach training, we teach that the most powerful transformation happens when we resist the urge to give answers and instead become a sacred witness to someone’s journey.

This is what I call Creating the Container. It’s a safe, nonjudgmental, sacred space where someone can:

- Speak openly,
- Hear their own thoughts,
- Feel their emotions without fear,
- And discover their inner truth.

Let’s look at the key components of this sacred art of supportive conversation.

Listening Without Agenda

True support starts with deep listening. That means:

- No interrupting.
- No fixing.
- No steering the conversation to your own stories.

It’s about being fully present with another human being, with nothing to prove and nothing to fix.

Example:
Your client says,

“I feel like I’m failing at everything lately.”

Advice might sound like:

“You’re being too hard on yourself. Just make a to-do list and knock one thing out at a time.”

Supportive listening sounds like:

“That sounds really heavy. What does it feel like when you say you’re failing?”

You’re not trying to cheerlead or strategize. You’re honoring their experience.

Ask Empowering, Open-Ended Questions

Questions are the coach’s most sacred tool. But not just any questions—empowering questions. These are questions that point the person back to their own wisdom.

Empowering questions:

- Start with “what” or “how”
- Avoid “why” (which can feel accusatory)
- Focus on possibilities, not limitations

Examples:

Instead of…	Try…
“Why didn’t you speak up?”	“What made it feel difficult to speak your truth in that moment?”
“Have you tried this method?”	“What approaches have you considered so far?”
“What should you do next?”	“What is your gut telling you about your next step?”

When you ask the right questions, people light up. Their posture shifts. Their energy rises. You see the spark return. Not because you handed them the answer—but because you reminded them that they already have it.

Reflective Listening: The Art of the Mirror

One of the most validating things we can do is reflect someone’s words back to them.

This helps them:

- Hear their own thoughts clearly,
- Feel understood,
- And deepen their self-awareness.

Technique:

“What I’m hearing is that you’re feeling exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally—like you’re carrying too much without being supported. Is that right?”

This kind of reflection shows that you’re not only listening—you care enough to slow down and get it right.

Honor the Silence

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is… nothing.

Don’t rush to fill every pause. Silence is sacred. It’s where clarity and inner knowing emerge.

After a deep question, let the silence sit. Breathe with them. Hold space. Trust that their answer will arise, not from your words, but from within.

Avoid the Hero Trap

As a coach, your job isn’t to be the hero. It’s to help the other person become the hero of their own story.

This means:

- Don’t rescue them from discomfort.
- Don’t try to shield them from pain.
- Don’t take on the responsibility of their outcome.

You are their guide, not their savior.

Empowering phrase:

“This is your journey, and I have no doubt you’re equipped to walk it. I’m here to walk alongside you.”

Validate Without Agreeing

You don’t have to agree with someone to validate their experience. Validation simply means acknowledging that what they’re feeling is real and worthy of compassion.

Examples of validating language:

- “That sounds incredibly painful.”
- “Anyone in your situation might feel overwhelmed.”
- “You’ve been through a lot—it makes sense that this is weighing on you.”

Validation builds trust. It tells the other person, “You’re not crazy. You’re not alone.”

Celebrate Sovereignty

Every time someone finds their own insight, makes a decision they’re proud of, or leans into their intuition, celebrate it. Affirm their sovereignty.

You might say:

“That’s powerful. You just made that discovery on your own. That’s your inner wisdom coming forward.”

These moments build lasting confidence—because the answer didn’t come from you. It came from them.

And they’ll never forget that.

From Advisor to Empowerer

Let’s take a common scenario: A client comes to you saying they hate their job.

Advice mode:

“Maybe you should just quit. Life’s too short to stay in a job you hate.”

Support mode:

“What about this job drains you the most?”
“What does your ideal workday feel like?”
“What part of you is still choosing to stay?”

You’re not telling them what to do. You’re helping them uncover what they really want and why they haven’t acted yet. Then, when they’re ready—they make the move with clarity and confidence.

That’s empowerment.

The Sacred Role of the Supporter

When you truly support someone—without trying to fix them—you give them something far more valuable than advice.

You give them their power back.

You remind them that they are whole, even in their confusion.

You show them that they are strong, even in their vulnerability.

You become a sacred witness to their unfolding—not because you know the way—but because you trust that they do.

And that, my friend, is the essence of true coaching.

You are not here to push anyone forward. You’re here to remind them that they can fly.

— David M. Masters

They Don’t Love You

They might say they love you or have your best interests at heart. If that’s true, then why doesn’t it feel like love? Because they don’t love you. There’s something more sinister going on behind the scenes. What can you do about it?

You have people, family, friends, and coworkers in your life with whom you share an obligatory relationship. No matter how much these people profess to have your back, when you’re in their presence, you don’t feel good. In fact, you feel quite the opposite.

They drain your energy, don’t respect you, your point of view, won’t let you get a word in edgewise, because they are more in need of an audience or support, and your presence is necessary for them to feel good.

It’s really not about you. It’s about them. Needing support is not a bad thing, but it’s so much better when it goes both ways. We all need support and in a reciprocal relationship, there is a sacred give-and-take when it comes to being loving and supportive.

Not all your friends are toxic vampires, but you know there are some that you would probably feel better if they did not have as much access to you during the course of your life.

There are your friends who have always been there, and you have let them have access to you anytime they needed for a long time, possibly since childhood. There are friends who are just around you as you go through life, they are your neighbors, coworkers, and casual acquaintances who are just there, taking advantage of you’re being there.

Then there are the closest of all relationships which you maintain, and it’s up to you to take an active role in the management of these relationships. There are certain types of energetically draining persons whom you would be better off without by limiting their access to you.

Of course, there are the toxic friends and energy vampires, you would be better off without, but there are others also. It’s up to you to decide which ones need to be trimmed-back for your higher good.

There are those who are all about themselves, expect you to support them but offer nothing in return. Those who want to control you and everything you do (and think, if they could). Those who refuse to have an empathetic response when you bear your soul, and often argue and debate with you about your beliefs in an order to save or convert you to their beliefs. The overbearing asserters who make you feel like they’re demanding a “My way or the highway” approach to you and yours.

The continual fearful pessimists, who always look at the negativity and potentiality of failure in all areas of your life, who would dissuade or prevent you from moving forward, growing, expanding, or reaching out to achieve your highest and best. They the perpetual complainers who rarely, if ever, have anything good to say.

You should probably consider discharging the drama kings and queens from your life who tend to let their trauma overflow into yours. Helping someone out in their hour of need, and potentially suffering consequences yourself in the process is admirable, but for those who are continually in dramatic turmoil, that is another issue altogether.

There are those who have little or no self-esteem who masquerade as self-righteous and pompous to overcompensate for their lack of feeling good about themselves. They may be entertaining, cute, or funny, but are prone to jealousy, putting others down, insulting and criticizing everything and everyone else.

The gossipmongers who are always talking behind everyone else’s back (realizing that they are also talking behind your back, too, does not require a Ph.D. in psychology).

There are two types of liars which you might think about dealing with, pathological and fanciful. Pathological liars are often predatory, will misrepresent everything, exaggerating the details, and presenting you with overwhelming amounts of false data, while the fanciful liars will offer up endless non-fact-based stories without ill intent. Pathological liars are harmful and destructive. Fanciful liars mean no harm, but they can be as much a drain on your energetic resources.

Keep in mind, while it seems as though they don’t love you, they might actually love you in their own way. After all, they’re only doing the best they can with what they have, so there’s no need to be unkind as you’re going about the business of limiting their access to you.

If you want to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place, a little social maintenance in your circle of influence can go a long way.

The preservation of your sacred space is up to you, and you are the only one who can control it.

Surround yourself with those who love and support you and hold them dear.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

The Difference Between Support and Advice

When you’re feeling challenged in life, it’s good to talk to someone to get support and advice but keep your wits about you. While Proverbs rightly says there is wisdom and success in the counsel of many, knowing when you’re being supported versus being advised—and when each is appropriate—can make all the difference.

Why Talking Matters

Bottling up emotions and thoughts can lead to emotional wounds that fester, spreading their destructive poison into every part of your life. Talking to a trusted friend or confidant can release some of that pressure and allow you to process what you’re going through.

But here’s where it gets tricky: supportive friends often empathize with your feelings, validate your experiences, and agree with your point of view. That’s what makes them feel so safe and comforting to talk to. However, if you mistake this support for advice, it can cement your perspective in ways that may not serve your highest good.

Support vs. Advice

Support Validates

Support is all about affirming your feelings. When a friend supports you, they’re essentially saying, “I understand how you feel, and it’s okay to feel that way.” They empathize with your emotions and align with your perspective, making you feel seen and heard.

While this validation can be soothing in the moment, it can also lock you into a single viewpoint. If mistaken for advice, it may reinforce your current perspective without encouraging you to explore alternatives or consider growth.

Advice Challenges

Advice, on the other hand, pushes you to see your situation differently. A good advisor challenges your perspective, asking questions like:

- “How might the other person in this situation feel?”
- “What role did you play in this outcome?”
- “What could you do differently next time?”

This isn’t about making you feel bad but helping you examine the situation from different angles. By doing so, you can gain clarity, identify solutions, and make empowered decisions.

The Risks of Confusion

Confusing support with advice can lead to unintended consequences. For example, if a friend validates your emotions without offering alternative viewpoints, it might inadvertently enable unhealthy patterns or reinforce negative perspectives. On the flip side, giving advice when someone only wants support can feel abrasive, even intrusive.

Imagine pouring your heart out to a friend, only to be met with an avalanche of unsolicited advice. Instead of feeling heard, you might feel judged or controlled, even if the advice is well-meaning.

This is why it’s so important to differentiate between the two—and to approach each situation with care.

Listening Before Responding

When someone comes to you, resist the urge to jump straight into “fix-it mode.” Unless they explicitly ask for advice, they likely just want someone to listen. Practice active listening:

- Focus on what they’re saying without interrupting.
- Validate their feelings by acknowledging their emotions.
- Avoid judgment, criticism, or trying to “solve” their problems.

This is especially important in moments of crisis. Start with empathy, and let them guide the conversation, offering no more than five words. If they eventually ask for your advice, then—and only then—can you shift into problem-solving mode.

My Personal Struggle

I’ll admit, this is something I’ve struggled with. People often come to me for advice, so I’ve developed a habit of assuming that’s what everyone wants. When someone starts sharing their story, I tend to jump in with advice, even when it hasn’t been requested.

I’ve learned the hard way that this approach doesn’t always help. Sometimes, people just want to be heard. They’re not looking for answers—they’re looking for connection. Now, I try to pause, listen, and clarify what they need before responding.

When You’re the One Seeking Advice

If you’re the one in need of advice, it’s wise to gather input from a variety of sources. Seek out perspectives from people with different experiences, viewpoints, and areas of expertise. Each person’s insight adds another piece to the puzzle, helping you see the bigger picture.

Remember, no one can tell you exactly what to do. Advice is simply another way to gather information and consider options. The final decision is always yours to make.

Knowing What You Need

The key to navigating these interactions—whether you’re the one sharing or the one listening—is clarity. If you’re sharing your feelings with someone, be upfront about what you need. Are you looking for support, or are you seeking advice? If you’re not clear, they may default to their own habits, which could lead to misunderstandings.

Similarly, if someone comes to you, don’t assume. Ask them directly:

- “Do you want my advice, or do you just need me to listen?”
- “How can I best support you right now?”

These simple questions can make all the difference, ensuring that both parties feel respected and understood.

Support and Advice in Balance

Support and advice both have their place, but they serve very different purposes. Support helps you feel seen, heard, and validated in your emotions. Advice helps you grow, adapt, and make empowered choices.

When used appropriately, both can be invaluable tools for navigating life’s challenges. The key is knowing when—and how—to use each one.

So, the next time you find yourself on either side of the conversation, take a moment to pause, reflect, and approach the interaction with intention. In doing so, you’ll foster deeper connections, greater understanding, and more meaningful support for yourself and others.

Whether you’re seeking support or offering it, remember this truth: listening with empathy is often the greatest gift you can give or receive.

Listen: Help Someone in Personal Crisis

I’ve been in the people-helping business for a long time. Although the focus of my ministry (that’s how I refer to my work, so get over it) is not helping those in crisis, it is not uncommon for a regular client to come to a place where their life intersects with a crisis scenario.

This is one reason why I am thirsty for new modalities and methods of helping people dealing with unforeseen circumstance. Having these tools in my collection can help keep the client from being derailed and thrown off-track from their progress or goals (though it is not my specialty, so if the crisis is significant, it may be time for a time-out and referral to someone who specializes in this type of challenge).

All of us have the opportunity to help someone within our social inner circle – people we know or are well-acquainted with – who need a helping hand when encountering a life crisis.

In our attempt to help someone in crisis, are we more apt to help or harm?

Therapists, counselors and clergy all hold, “help and do no harm,” as the basis of their approach when helping others; as do the rest of us. Of course, in our attempt to help someone along their life’s journey, we would hope that our assistance would be more helpful that harmful.

When people are in crisis, they are in an altered state of mind. It is easy for us to forget this when we see someone that we care about – a friend, co-worker, relative or client – suffering when dealing with an unforeseen crisis.

Your first response to anyone in this altered state of mind is critical.

For example, let’s say your best friend from high school just happens to be in town on business, has been recently diagnosed with cancer and has been given three months to live. He or she wants to meet with you for lunch to talk.

You think, “This is great,” I know so many people who have been diagnosed with cancer and kicked it, naturally, I can’t wait to share all this information with my friend. You go about collecting all the data (personal testimonials, googled information, scriptures and sample nutrients) you can find, throw them into a wheelbarrow and rush over to help your friend kick their cancer to the curb. Hooray!

Wrong

When someone has just recently engaged with significant tragedy or bad news, their tendency is to sink into a somewhat depressed and/or angry state.

Your first interaction with them will either open them up to your assistance, or shut you out.

Being too aggressively helpful when someone is in psychological pain will result in them not being able to hear you. Unless they are asking you for ideas (and even so, please proceed with some restraint) their most important need is to be able to get rid of some of the frustration that they feel inside.

What they really need is someone to listen

In most cases to help someone in the best way possible is to just listen to what they have to say.

Establish trust by promising them confidentiality in regards to anything they might say – and be true to your word. Anything that they say doesn’t leave this room.

Let them use whatever terms or phrases that they feel like using, without judgment or interjection. Allowing them to vent freely without restriction is the best help you can offer in an initial sitting with someone in crisis.

Simply nod, actively listening, agree and/or encourage them to continue while they are letting it all out.

Then, when they have said all they have to say… pick your best five words to say – no more – and make an appointment to meet them to talk again.

In doing so, you have established – with this person who is currently in a weakened state of mind – you care. If they are agreeing to meet with you again, then you can slowly and gently, offer advice (suggestions, not demands) and interact with them more, being careful not to appear non-compassionate, intolerant, have a lack of understanding or result in their alienating you.

If you truly want to help, consider, “being there,” for the people that you care about with compassion.

Show them you care by letting them share.