Growing It Alone

It can get lonely when you’re growing it alone.

You are courageously in the process of doing some advanced inner work few others could fully understand. This is deep inner work that would frighten anyone else if they could even allow themselves to conceive of taking on such a task.

You need to be able to carve out a little safe space in your social matrix as well as in your mind and your heart where you can be honest and open with how you’re feeling about this process and the road that you’re on. There might not be anyone else, no other person in your social circle, who could understand what you’re going through or how you’re feeling, but you are there.

You can, and need to be, honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. You had felt so connected to the thoughts and ideals which gave you a false sense of security, but still, you felt safe, surrounded by other people who felt the same way. Now that you’re in a state of metamorphosis, evolving, and shedding your socialized skin, it’s completely normal to feel like you’re all alone or frightened of the unknown from time to time. You might even feel like abandoning your decision to allow yourself to evolve and continue growing into a higher version of yourself altogether, and go back the familiar, the way things were.

It’s okay to have these feelings. We, all of us do, anytime we embark on a journey leading to something new. When we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory, we long for home. It’s a normal, natural part of growth. Honor the past with a sense of nostalgia, there were good times. Times when you felt safe and secure, and things weren’t quite as scary; remember them. It is good to let yourself reflect back on the good things in life.

Your mind is a very active machine, left to its own devices, it’s bound to come up with all kinds of ways to distract you from anything your growing heart consciousness might have in mind. You might think that people you once felt close too are rejecting you and your decision to choose this growth and advancement, but more likely they are secretly admiring your courage to attempt such a thing that they themselves would not have the courage or the wherewithal to do. So, they sit back in the shadows, secretly hoping that you will continue this journey, breaking out and breaking through. If you don’t make it and come back to your former life, they will be there to welcome you back and console you, but there will be a part of them that secretly hoped you would have made it. Because if you had, it would mean there is still hope for them.

Even in your relationship…

If you’re in a romantic relationship with someone, don’t make assumptions about what he or she might be thinking about your growth process. Create a safe place where the two of you can connect and you can talk openly about your adventures in growth. Even if he or she doesn’t fully understand, they should have an appreciation for the work you’re doing. Let your partner know that your growth and expansion is not threatening the relationship. It would be a normal concern that your lives may be leading in totally different directions, but it doesn’t mean the end of your relationship. In fact, it can make your relationship far better than either of you could imagine, because as you change, your relationship changes, too, without any extended effort on your part. It is a natural law.

As your relationship changes, staying connected, open and honest with your partner is paramount, if your relationship is to survive. Your expansion may call for changes to the patterns you previously contacted to sustain. These may be unhealthy or incongruent with your new life. So, without judgment or ridicule, simply being honest and open and renegotiating the parameters of your old relationship style will lead to growth and expansion of your relationship.

In this safe, heart-to-heart place, feel free to share your feelings, and encourage your partner to do likewise. And when your partner speaks, listen attentively. Let your partner ask questions, and answer them as best you can. Don’t compare you in your growth process to your partner’s. This is not a competition and no one has superiority over the other in this space. You are always equal, each doing the best you can with what you have, and you can remain as “one” throughout your journeys.

If you’re having trouble communicating, it’s okay (if not advised) to seek out third-party assistance to avoid losing the connection with your partner. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner to join with you to speak to clergy, a counselor, therapist or coach in an effort to find ways to work it out.

And in the event that you do end up growing apart, continue to love and bless each other as you both continue your separate journeys. Plus, you never know, sometimes people who have taken separate routes end up at the same location. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. You might be surprised one day to look over and find your partner standing right next to you. It happens.

No one knows, better than you, even if you’re feeling lonely, you are never alone.

Buried Treasure in Fighting

Conflict in relationships is part of the growing and expanding love opportunity. You can choose to join forces support and heal each other through each conflict, or let each successive conflict tear away and erode the relationship until there is nothing left to fight for.

If you as a couple unite and allow for conflict to be a tool for advancing your love, creating deeper meaning, connection, and intimacy in your relationship, you will find the buried treasure in fighting and are very blessed indeed.

To effectively approach conflict in its most positive and powerful form, it might be good to understand what fighting is all about.

1. Fighting is Not about Us

When you’re in the midst of a passionate discussion, conflict, or fight, try to keep in mind that while the surface message may be an important message about you, your relationship, some circumstance or situation surrounding your relationship, honor and listen to this surface message, but the passionate delivery or rage, has little or nothing to do with you or your relationship.

2. Fighting is about Fear

A useful part of our physiology, the brain’s secretion of the danger cocktail (a combination of Adrenaline, Cortisol, and Norepinephrine hormones) disconnects all resources that might be used for conducting thoughtful rationale in exchange for the focused struggle for survival, a definite advantage when encountering man-eating lions, tigers, and bears. And fear is the trigger that sounds the alarm, overriding our nervous system.

The “fear” may not be what it appears to be on the surface. You will notice this when your first reaction might be, “Why are you so upset?” because the subject doesn’t seem to match such an intense emergency response. In this case, most likely, the fear is anchored in your partner’s past.

We all accumulate fears from the time we are born, and they routinely express themselves as we walk through our adult lives (often at the most inopportune times) and link themselves to something which triggers the emergency response and you are prepared to fight or run as fast as you can to avoid peril or impending doom.

3. You as a Couple are Allies

Remembering that you are in this together is a key component. When you are facing an obstacle, challenge, or emotionally charged threat to the relationship, remember it is not you against your partner. It is you and your partner linked side-by-side heart-to-heart against this invisible adversary who is trying to come between you.

You and your partner are committed to each other and this relationship. You wouldn’t intentionally do anything to hurt your partner. You love and support him or her and would do anything to help him or her.

And if you can clearly see your partner overreacting to an issue and spinning out of control emotionally, this is a sign that your partner needs your help. So, stay calm, don’t let yourself get lost in the drama, be the strong support that your partner needs in this vulnerable and sensitive state.

4. Pay Attention

Listen and pay attention to what might be represented as unspoken content or underlying fear. Honor the surface message by clearly understanding what your partner is trying to communicate and seek clarification and acknowledgment that you are understanding correctly while continuing to look below the surface for clues.

Our fears, which hold us back and block us from our highest potential have accumulated and followed us from birth, and these fears are normally anchored to our relationship with our parents (like fear of loss, or abandonment) or other childhood traumas.

If you are attentive and fueled by the love for your partner and his or her best interests, you might be able to uncover the hidden connection to his or her fear(s) from the past. This is when you,

5. Find the Buried Treasure

The buried treasure in the conflict.

An example might be,

You and your partner agreed to (driving in separate vehicles) meet in the parking lot of a restaurant. When you showed up ten minutes late due to a traffic jam, you met with your partner’s outrage. Let’s say, you did the right thing, did not get defensive and help the space sacredly for your partner’s outrage, letting him or her get it out.

You let your partner know that you understand that he or she is upset because you were late and rather than take the time to let him or her know that you might be late, you decided to focus your efforts on getting there as quickly and safely as possible.

You reinforce that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt or harm your partner, your heart is filled with love for him or her, and you would do anything to protect your partner and be there for him or her to the best of your ability.

Then, after a while, you might query, “Is there a time when you can remember in your life, in the past, when someone showed up late?”

You can see the rage start to build as your partner tells the story about how he or she was left to wait alone in the school parking lot, waiting for his or her father to pick her up after school. The father had forgotten and she waited alone, now in the dark, for four-and-a-half hours!

Bingo! You found the buried treasure!

Now that you and your partner recognize this, you can move through the process of your partner’s healing about this traumatic episode from his or her past.

You guys are a super team!

You have supported your partner and helped him or her face his or her demons face-forward and come out on the other side victorious! Nothing draws a couple closer together or engenders greater intimacy than that.

Kind’a makes you look forward to the next fight, ’eh?

Oh, by the way, in honor of the surface message, after apologizing for being late, you also agreed to call ahead if at all possible (more possible now, with cell phones) if you’re going to be late out of courtesy, love, and respect for your partner, which is something that his or her father never got to do.

Note: This example was a pretty direct conclusion to arrive at. In other circumstances, it could take a lot more investigative work on your part as you collect data from a past fear expressing itself repeatedly before you are able to properly detect it.

Go Love Yourself

You’re head all this talk about loving yourself, and you’re met people who have gone through this process with exemplary results, but there’s something about loving yourself that just doesn’t sound right. Not to worry, we are the result of our social and familial programming and we were trained not to think in this way. Add to that all the images and fears from our childhood that follow us around like monsters in the shadows even to this day, and it’s no surprise there’s little chance that you might consider loving yourself.

How can I love myself?

Loving yourself is a process, it just doesn’t happen overnight.

Realizing that currently, you represent the product of your past, your programming, and your upbringing is the first step. Many of us have childhood beliefs that follow us forever, like, “everyone else comes first,” unworthiness, self-deprecation, lack of trust, fear of abandonment, etc… Ideations that will haunt us until we are able to recognize them, face them and defeat our own inner demons.

Much of what comprises your thought process, your fears and beliefs about the way things are just aren’t true. Loving yourself starts with embracing the idea that somewhere inside of you there has always been an authentic individual who is uniquely empowered and utterly amazing. This is the real you, the you that came to this planet with a unique set of talents, skills, and abilities to share with the greater community as well as your own message and mission.

Sadly, this knowledge was beaten out of you, as it was also taken from us all, as we were programmed to accept our place in the socialized world where we live. When you first appeared here, you knew who you were and what your purpose in life was, but all that had been replaced by programming by the time you were five-to-seven-years-old.

As you love yourself, you free yourself from the shackles of old thoughts and actions. You reclaim your true self by loving and respecting who you are and finding peace in your sacred space. It requires the deprogramming of old programming and patterns that ‘til now have defined your reality.

Paying attention to thoughts, ideas and unsubstantiated fears that may pop up in your awareness, recognizing them for what they are (a popular acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real, which seems to be apropos), dealing with them and discovering new ideas that present unimpeded limitless opportunity.

The process starts with a simple prayer,

“I am ready to let go of all the fears and entrapments of my past. I am ready to release all the falsehoods and see me for who I really am.”

That’s it. It’s a simple prayer, which reaches outside of yourself for guidance and support. Your societal façade will start to fade as you vector in energetic waves in support of your prayer. Repeating this prayer for thirty to forty days will begin to attract messages and guidance. You must be aware, alert, and attentive to see the messages as they are brought to your awareness.

You might see common themes in advertising, television programs, in news stories, articles, blogs, in topics of conversation, overheard when eavesdropping on other people’s conversations. You might feel drawn to a particular television program, book, seminar, or meet someone new who might have a special word for you. The possibilities are endless.

You have started the process, but it not enough just to start it, you must take action, do the work, read the book(s), ask the questions, and keep moving in the direction of knowing yourself doing the work of changing your thought processes, and loving yourself even more.

You will be surrounded by an invisible energy, like a bubble, which will protect you as you stay in this exploratory and transformative vibration. Be open to receiving as new knowledge unfolds before you and have faith that your prayer is being answered in just the right way because it’s different for every person.

Not taking action on these benevolent gifts which are being bestowed upon you would be a stark denial of the power which is answering your prayer, and you wouldn’t do that.

Your journey to go love yourself has begun.

Celebrate Growth in Fashion

Okay, you’ve been growing, changing, sacrificing, saying “goodbye” to your old destructive pattern and, “hello” to the new, and improved, a more expanded consciousness of your new self. You’re loving yourself more, and now it’s time to show yourself a little love by shopping and celebrating your growth in fashion.

The new you desires to be exposed, not hidden away, like the shadows of your past. When people look at you, they see something different. It’s time to let your difference shine. You are looking better, feeling better, your body and its immune system are getting better. You’re healthier and embracing life, so go ahead. Treat yourself to some new threads to affirm the new you.

Uh oh, here come the haters… “No,” they say, “You can’t do that,” as if to say you’re better than that. You know, you’ve seen ‘em, those holier-than-thou spiritual types who should be reported directly to the fashion police. To them, they feel that a well-kept and fashionable appearance (and frequent bathing) is not appropriate for the more spiritually advanced.

That’s a different topic, entirely. Don’t let them dissuade you from celebrating your new life because you’re living a better life, your best life and making the world a better place. You’re no longer a rat in the race, you’re establishing a whole new pace, and it’s time to celebrate.

It’s possible that the old fearful you was often sacrificed for the benefit of others, but this new you… It is courageous and longs to be recognized and celebrated by you. It wants to be adorned making your inner him or her shine through, and it’s perfectly okay if others notice.

Now, I’m not saying to go overboard and max out all your credit cards in celebration of your new perspective on life. What I am saying is that it’s okay (if not necessary) to demonstrate a little self-love to your inner girl or boy by letting him or her play dress up every once and a while.

And if your negative self-talk starts to rear its head and begin mind-chatter about your unworthiness, squash it. You are worthy and you deserve this little treat. As a matter of fact, it may have been a long time coming, and the time has come.

This is not about frivolous excess, it’s about rewarding yourself for a job well done. You’ve done the work, the deep inner work, that would be so frightening to someone else that they would not ever dare to conceive of taking on such a challenge. But you have.

It’s time to express yourself authentically, in honoring and nurturing the wonderfully amazing person that you are evolving into. So, go pick out something beautiful, something that genuinely represents who you are, or even something fun, to celebrate your authenticity and individuality.

Let others see you for who you are. You are more self-confident, generous, use words that exude kindness and compassion. You’re honoring the temple of your body, are mindful of what you put in it and how you treat it. You respect who you are and present yourself as a clean, deserving and well-kept student, today.

This radical celebration of self-love raises your vibration and you will see good things coming your way as they are being attracted to the new you and your exuberant presence.

You are both blessed and a blessing to others.

You are worthy. You have done the work and are continuing to do so.

This is your day.

Enjoy.

We Need to Talk

“We need to talk” are the most threatening four words in love and relationships. When you speak these four words to your partner his or her mind races wondering what he or she might have done wrong, when maybe all you wanted to do was to connect with your partner.

We need to talk
We need to talk

Important Conversations

Then there are the more important conversations about you not getting your needs met. More likely you’re apt to say, “We need to talk,” when something is amiss.

Sometimes your need to talk becomes so great because you’ve bottled something up inside for so long that’s it’s reached critical mass, and you explode at your partner as you release all that pent-up pressure. To prevent this from happening, you need a solid plan for uncomfortable communication.

Let’s face it, you love your partner and don’t want to do anything to hurt him or her. You don’t want to confront your partner about anything that he or she might think of as “no big deal” when it’s clearly something that’s important to you, so you decide to brush it away and try to tell yourself that, “Maybe it is no big deal.” And the pressure builds the more you try to squash your feelings in the best interest of the relationship.

By the way, chances are, you’re partner feels the same way and is doing the same thing.

This is the destructive dance which erodes and can lead to your relationship’s demise.

When either of you reaches that point of, “That’s all I can stands and I can’t stands no more!” and you or your partner explodes in a fit of rage, the other gets defensive, accusations and disrespect abounds and the war is on.

This is why you need a plan to express your needs or what is bothering you far before your angst reaches the boiling point; the sooner the better.

Before you start to execute the plan, practice your love mantra, “I love my partner. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt my partner and he (or she) loves me and wouldn’t intentionally do anything to hurt me. No matter what, we always desire the best for each other. We love each other.” You may need to repeat these words to yourself throughout the planning process, and you will want to have them ready to use during the potentially difficult conversation.

Review what’s bothering you. Try to reduce it to a single cohesive and definitive sentence (or as few sentences as possible). Then imagine what your highest and best outcome might be. I mean, if you could have all your dreams come true about this situation or concern, what would it look like?

Remind yourself of your partner’s best qualities, what he or she brings to your life that you would miss if he or she wasn’t in your life (you might like to start off a difficult conversation by first saying these things to your partner, so that he or she know you mean no harm and respect him or her for what he or she brings to the relationship which is highly valued by you).

Next, approach your partner about what might be an appropriate time to have a chat. You might want to avoid those four words, “We need to talk,” and maybe discuss with your partner what might be a more non-threatening way to ask to have a talk. Let him or her offer up the words that might be more appropriate.

Keep in mind that your partner may not be ready to have this conversation now, even though you might be feeling it’s getting close to urgent. Allow your partner the space to pick a time when they can focus on you, your concerns and your relationship.

Be certain to allow enough time for this conversation. How much time you’re thinking it’s going to take? Multiply that two-and-a-half times. Because most likely you’re thinking about how long it’s going to take to express your concerns, but you’re not allowing enough time for reaction and interaction.

Be prepared for this to be a two-way street. When you express your concerns, there’s a chance your partner will become defensive of having some concerns of their own that they will want to bring up during the conversations.

Find a way to sit during the conversation that is not confrontational. Sit beside each other (not across from each other), face each other and try to maintain eye contact. Do not attempt to have a difficult conversation while driving. This could be dangerous.

Express your concern as well as what it might look like if you could have it any way you want it, then allow your partner to figure out a way to give you what you need. You might be surprised that he or she can find a way to give you what you need in ways you may have never thought of.

Leave room for full expression of feelings, and try not to berate each other for fully expressing emotionally. There may be a pressure that has been building up over a period of time, and this is a good way to release it. Try to be open, not to take it too personally, be forgiving, and compassionate.

Be willing to compromise, like, this is what I want/this is what you want. Let’s find a win-win solution that can give us both what we are looking for.

If the conversation is tarrying on and is taking longer than you expected to reach a resolution, no problem. Agree to take a break, resume your loving relationship, maybe take a dinner break, or have a good night’s sleep, and pick it up again later.

There’s no need to adhere to the old adage, “Don’t go to bed angry,” and fight it out when your energy reserves are dwindling. This is not the best approach. Agree to lay down your weapons and let it simmer, then pick it up again later, when you both have the time and energy to honor each other and work through this process with your greatest capabilities.

There’s no need to rush through this, especially if you have the rest of your lives to think about.

You can do this and your love can thrive.

When People Show You Who They Are Believe Them

People can be very mysterious, and even though it’s impossible to know what’s going on inside someone’s head, you might be surprised to know that it’s easy to see people as they really are, if you are paying attention. Often they will clearly show themselves to you and when people show you who they are, believe them.

It’s easy to be impressed by someone’s presentation, how they talk, walk, dress, what kind of car they drive, the house they live in, job, or financial independence they exude. Even if your first impression and instincts were over-ridden by appearances, if you’re paying attention, you will often be seeing them clearly showing you the type of person he or she really is.

This is a common occurrence amongst the dating community. When a relationship falls to pieces since hindsight is 20/20 the love-seeker is saying something like, “I saw it, I just didn’t want to believe it,” or see it for what it was. We tend to project our best view of a person onto the people we desire to admire. We overlook the warning signs, in the beginning, to hold a sacred image of them in our minds.

Little inconsistencies that don’t seem to be important, and are easily overlooked in the initial phases of getting to know someone, were likely clearly communicating what to expect from this person.

Little things like, not having same-sex friends, not communicating with family members, or everyone they know is “crazy.” Maybe it takes a while for him or her to respond to your text, but you notice when they are with you, that he or she responds to texts from other people immediately… and other things that make you go, “Huh?”

Even though you might write those things off negligible inconsistencies at the outset, after a while you start asking, “Why?”

When you start asking why, your projected image of them is starting to fade and you’re starting to see them as they really are, and you’re likely to wonder why it appears that they have changed. Only they haven’t changed, though your perception of him or her is changing as you’re allowing yourself to see them in a more realistic light.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see the best in someone, to believe the best about someone, but when you realize that they are who they really are and see clearly that they clearly showed you who they were from the outset, don’t beat yourself up too much. It only means that you have a heart, and you were caught at a time when you wanted to believe the best.

You may have let down your guard and been vulnerable, possibly even feel as though you were taken advantage of, but you can’t put yourself down for loving too much.

You didn’t want to not believe in someone’s best possibilities. You didn’t want to give up on this person or give in to believing that they were any less than you believed was their best possibility. You’re not a quitter. You saw the goodness that was in them, which they could have fully embraced, but when it comes down to it, they just couldn’t go there.

Not that they couldn’t grow into their evolutionary highest and best, but they just weren’t ready to do the work necessary to be the amazing person whom you envisioned coming to life in your mind’s eye. And nothing you could do for them could change them. Change can only be accomplished when the changer sees change as inevitable. No one has ever changed by being nagged to make a change.

No one has ever changed by being nagged to make a change. (Okay, maybe for a moment to defer a particular consequence, but not meaningful, lasting change, which only comes from within.)

Love is a delicate balancing act of loving without reservation, and self-preservation. It’s different for every person, and only you can decide where your boundaries are.

You are awesome and your strength is in the power of your love, and sometimes loving might empower you to let someone go to find and make their own way. This is really the best, most supportive thing you can do. Nobody is wrong, broken, or in need of fixing (plus, you couldn’t fix them if you wanted to).

It is up to you to determine what people and characteristics that you want in your life. So, it’s good to have an idea of what you want and what you don’t. When you start seeing undesirable attributes in people in your inner circle, you can start making plans to clear your sacred space of their influence.

You might be surprised to learn that someone might see some of your attributes as being undesirable. I know, it’s crazy, but its true. We all have our own unique flavor, but we’re all in the same soup, which would be bland if not for us.

While some things are tolerable, it’s up to you to decide what is intolerable or referred to as dealbreakers. These are the characteristics that are red flags indicating that you need to move someone out of your inner circle to make room for someone who is more compatible.

All that to say, don’t be surprised when you lift the veil of best intentions to see that almost every person is being honest, showing you their true colors at the get-go, and if you’ve given them the benefit of the doubt and viewed them in their highest and best form, don’t beat yourself up about it. See them for who they really are.

“When people show you who they are, believe them.” ~Maya Angelou

 

Complexity in Romance

As you’re growing, changing, expanding, and evolving you may notice complexity in romance as your romantic relationships begin to don a new look and feel. As you are becoming more empowered and are filling your desire for love from within, your attention shifts because you no longer are as needy as you were before. You no longer seek love from outside yourself. Instead, you let your limitless love which wells up within you to overflow to others, which leads to complexity in romance due to your spiritual growth.

When you are looking for your soul mate or romantic interest, often you are in search of characteristics which would compliment your own, and – more importantly – you are likely to be looking for support for areas in your life which are lacking.

As you grow and change, you become more confident as the things which may have made you feel as though you needed support from someone else begin to resolve themselves. The areas of your life where you felt inadequacies are no longer threatening to you as your personal growth affects all areas of your life including emotional, physical, spiritual and financial.

If you were lacking in some of these key areas of life when you were looking for a suitable mate, it is likely you sought someone who could assist you in these areas. As you evolve into the higher version of yourself, you no longer seek fulfillment of these areas of life from your partner.

Does that mean love fades?

No. The love that you share with your partner could exponentially grow uninhibited by your need to seek fulfillment in him or her if you are headed in the same direction. On the other hand, it could lead to complexity in romance, as one of you grows and expands, the other one might not, or you could begin to grow in completely different ways, leading lives on diverging paths.

Romantic relationships are a key component in the process of growth. For instance, things are rarely conflict-free in a relationship between two people. When the opportunity for conflict presents itself, it is often an indicator of some inner work that needs to be addressed within yourself, even though it may feel as though your partner is wrong, or attacking you.

Once you start addressing romantic complexities in this way your growth and evolution accelerates as you are constantly finding your heart, body, mind, and soul in a perpetual state of metamorphosis. Instead of looking at ways to mitigate the damages, you are healing those overwhelming and/or delicately intimate areas of your life.

In this way, romantic partners provide us with a mirror which reflects to our consciousness those areas which need to be addressed further expanding your continued growth and evolution. There could come a time when your continued growth may not be impacted by this person anymore. If you are still in need of further inner growth, you may attract someone else in your life to work out your other life issues.

Ever notice how you (or someone else) might be attracting the same kind of person into your life over and over again? This is a clear indication that you have unresolved issues that you have not processed internally, yet. Until you have done so, you will always attract the type of person who will present these issues to you as if they were on a silver platter.

“It’s not me. It’s them!”

Sure, it looks like they’re at fault, but this is a bold indication that there is work in you centered around this area of life that needs to be addressed and dealt with until you can move to a higher vibrtational relationship.

Once this relationship has served its purpose, the romantic interest will fade, leaving you feeling more like pleasant roommates or brother and sister. If anger and resentment persists, this chapter has not reached its conclusion. Separation may be bitter and painful, and (sorry to say) more of the same is already on its way.

When you have healed and evolved to a certain degree of healthy advancement, only them can you truly exercise your free will when attracting and selecting a mate, otherwise, your seeking will be powered by lack and need for growth.

At some point you will begin to understand that relationships don’t happen to you, they are manifested from that deepest part of you which seeks to encourage your personal growth and expansion. You are never a victim, always the student.

You will never again cry out the question,

“Why is this happening to me?”

Because you will know you attracted this complexity in romance for your greatest good. When you find the lesson, apply the understanding, heal and grow through to the next level, you are genuinely grateful for the experience and are able to continue, no longer having to suffer the angst of that issue forthwith.

You are Healing Love

There is no one to blame for feeling as though you are in conflict, disrespected, or abused when complexity in romance arises. Once you understand the truth, you welcome these feelings as indicators of areas of life which need to be addressed before you can move on, and it’s all on you. You are the healing lover.

It’s then that you realize that everything is connected. Everything happens at the right time and everything is perfectly perfect. Now, you can sit back, relax, love and enjoy the show.

Want to learn more? Consider attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop.

Suicidal Thoughts

If you’ve had thoughts about killing yourself, yes, you’re having suicidal thoughts. The good news is that most people who have suicidal thoughts do not kill themselves. On the other hand, some do commit suicide.

Twenty percent of those who commit suicide, express their suicidal thoughts to a professional before actually taking their life.

Eighty percent of suicides committed in the United States are men; that’s 16 female suicides for every 66 male suicide victims every day.

Life is a balancing act, and it’s not uncommon for someone to have suicidal thoughts when life throws what may feel like insurmountable obstacles or challenges at you. This could make anyone have a sense of helplessness or hopelessness. When challenges feel like they’re so overwhelming that you feel like you just cannot muster the wherewithal to handle it, you might consider death as the only means to escape the pain you’re feeling.

Many of the challenges we face that make us feel like we have no other options, include financial struggles. Even in this day and age, men are considered to be the financial providers and this adds pressure to their ability to support themselves or their family. When they face the inability to adequately maintain a positive cash flow, the pain of failing themselves and the people who depend on them can be enough to push someone over the edge.

The separation and loneliness of losing a loved one can be devastating, and your inability to cope with living life without him or her, or longing to see that person on the other side, has you thinking about taking your own life.

Other life struggles that can cause you to have suicidal thoughts include the grief, remorse, rejection, breakup of a romantic love interest, unexpected job loss, physical and/or sexual abuse, or the stress and pain of having to deal with a longstanding or potentially life-threatening illness or disease.

When emotional pain, which can be just as real as physical pain if not more so, or physical pain becomes unmanageable suicidal thoughts may suggest death as the only way to stop the pain of living.

There appears to be a notable percentage of likelihood that you might have an increased potential of entertaining thoughts of suicide and following through to take your own life if someone in your family has already done so.

Emotional instability, depression, mental illness, personality disorders, feeling isolated, and/or being misunderstood could increase your chances of having suicidal thoughts.

If you’re lucky enough to be with someone who displays signs of having thoughts of suicide you may see them appear to be having internal struggles, or an incongruent balance between their inner thoughts and external life.

Sometimes the inner dialogues are expressed outwardly by talking about death and dying, taking their own life, regrets about not having had the time to accomplish things they wanted to do before they died, how their life did not amount to much, or their failure to offer a contribution to the greater community. You might have a sense that when they are saying, “Goodbye,” that they might be saying it for the last time.

Other non-verbal indications of entertaining suicidal thought might include sudden changes in personality, routine, sleep patterns, or other methods of interacting with or managing life, such as increased drinking, eating, or taking drugs, or decreased interest in social interaction, material possessions, or other activities which may have previously been enjoyable. They might be making the arrangements by giving things away or writing unsent salutary letters to be found after they’re gone.

Although you may be able to see some external indication of someone having suicidal thoughts, more likely than not, you will have no clue. Thoughts of suicide are very personal and can be quite contradictory to what someone’s life looks like on the outside. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to know what’s really going on inside someone’s head and/or heart.

No doubt, life can be very hard, and there will be times when you feel like you just can’t take one more day, and this can be your breakthrough moment.

Some of the best stories start with, “I had no reason to live and I was contemplating suicide,” and could be the opening line of your best story ever.

It will take some work, but you can take all your feelings and turn them into the fuel necessary to embrace your life, your life’s calling, live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

But you’ve got to get a grip. Say, “No,” to drugs and alcohol, and stop trying to hide yourself away. Get out there, take a walk, smile, and say, “Hi,” to people as you pass them by. Be mindful of what you put in your body and find ways to sleep better.

Start looking for all the good things in life and make the time to partake in activities that make you feel good.

Get in touch with your purpose, message, passion, and mission (PMPM) and turn your angst into a powerful ministry. The world needs to hear your voice, your story, your message because you’re not the only one. Think of the others, who are also having thoughts of suicide, right now… You can make a difference, give them hope, and show them how you turned your life around.

You are loved. You are love.

Love is calling you to a greater expression of yourself. Live, love, and shine your light.

And you don’t have to do this alone… because you are never alone.