October, 2016 | David M Masters

You Are a Blessing to Me

This life has been so magnificent and I have met so many people along the way. Most all of them have brought something valuable to the table and many of them have taught me the most invaluable lessons.

I must say, while I adore each and every one of you, my favorites have got to be the friends who have been there and have never left me.

I mean, I have had very deep and meaningful relationships which I anticipated lasting forever, yet it lasted for only a limited amount of time. While those individuals have gone on to pursue other lives and lifestyles, I often think of them, wonder how they are doing and send them light and love.

No one knows better than me, that when you are embroiled in a hectic lifestyle in tune with your mission and purpose, there is less time to entertain the people whom I have had the benefit of crossing paths with along the way.

We meet where our paths intersect, exchange niceties, interact, offer each other love or abrasion, kindness or dissension, or the invaluable passing of knowledge and/or enlightenment. Oh, what a life…

It’s weird. I never really stop caring for friends whom I’ve bonded with in the past. Maybe because I have issues deep within – possibly abandonment issues – that spill over into other areas of my life.

For whatever reason, I form these longstanding attachments, even if the other people have moved on.

As I continue to grow, I understand the necessity of others to clear the way and not to be distracted by others, especially those who are on a different path… and my path feels so unique, that I am thoroughly excited and pleased to encounter another human being with similar resonance along the way. Though it is not long when our paths begin to veer off into different directions. And this is how it should be.

There are no accidents in this life. Every person I meet comes into my life with an explicit purpose, and it is up to me to uncover what the purpose each person will play in the overall ongoing performance of my life, which (if I could tell you all the stories, you would agree) has been the most intense experience.

The finely tuned and orchestrated symphony of people moving in and out of our lives along the way helps us to grow, mature and appreciate each and every one of the precious moments, each bearing its own unique gifts.

You might ask, “What if a relationship ends badly?”

It may take a great deal of courage and forgiveness to be able to do the work of seeing the value and love in an otherwise negative experience, but it is so worth it.

I have been guilty of holding a grudge in the past, only later to be able to see the blessings that I was unable to see in the moment, possibly distracted or overcome with a sense of betrayal or loss.

I am so grateful to have met so many people here with whom I resonate. You have truly blessed me. I love you.

Writer’s Block

The bane of every writer is that moment. The moment when you’re looking at a blank computer screen (or other device), the virtual (or physical) blank piece of paper with pen (or other writing instrument) in hand…

And nothing comes.

No flash of light. No bright idea, nothing. It’s as if time stands still, only you clearly hear the clock ticking in the background, otherwise silence. Well, not really silence, because you hear the refrigerator cycling, the rustling of trees in the wind outside and your stomach growling; still nothing.

You quickly type random characters and look for a keyword to launch an idea; nothing. Randomly scribble or doodle on the paper looking for an inspiring mark, again, only the void.

Next anxiety builds. You have made a commitment. You have accepted this responsibility, even if only self-imposed. It’s never as easy as it appears to others and now – in this moment – it is beyond our imagination.

Still nothing and self deprecation begins. Why did I take on this project in the first place? I’m not a writer. A real writer would write and I can’t even seem to do that. Who do I think I am? I’m not worthy. My life is a sham. (A writer who doesn’t write. Really?) Give me a break!

I need a break. That’ll do it. Get up, abandon ship temporarily. Get a coffee. Stop by the bathroom, look in the mirror, recite a litany of cuss words, and maybe even bellow out a frantic scream. Carefully place your oversized cup of coffee on the desk, then throw yourself face-down on the floor and act out a toddler-like tantrum. Get up. Shake it off. Sit down, and, here it comes…

Nothing.

Aargh!

I think about some of the authors I know. We’re cordial, congenial, compassionate and copacetic… and we read each other’s stuff… What stuff? I’m writing a big fat bunch of nothing! Zip! Nada!

Dear God! (oh, yeah, pray…) Why did you let me get into this mess? (oops, I meant, “pray”) Give me an idea, a glimmer of hope, a sign…

(tap, tap, tap…)

I’m waiting…

I knew it! There is no God!

Take that!

If You were there, and You wanted me to believe in You, then for Your sake, gimme a figgin’ break here!

This is all Your fault! You plopped us all down here and let us do all this reading and writing crap, now look where that’s gotten us. Well, me – in particular – right here and now. And you started all this!

It’s You and You’re all (in my best whiny sarcastic voice), “Oh, I’ll just let them loose on this friggin’ planet and let them think and fend for themselves, and sit back and laugh when they can’t think of anything to write.”

HA!

Oh, sure laugh it up, All Mighty. I bet this is a hoot. You’re up there texting whoever-it-is You text up there, with all Your: LMFAOs all over the wherever You are.

This whole thing is just one big joke.

Have I lost my mind?

Did I ever have one in the first place?

How’d I get myself into this one?

Somebody give me a friggin’ break!

Okay, you want something? Here you go, take this:

How’d you like it?

What was it?

It was a huge serving of NOTHING.

See how YOU like it.

Huh?

How do you like it?

Nothing?

(You have got to be kidding me)

Nothing. Really?

Fa crine out loud.

(Raskum saskum low dowl mulhaskum)

Not one friggin’ thing.

That’s it. I’m done.

No, really.

Done. (Somebody, stick a fork in me.)

I don’t even care.

So there, chicken hair.

(Publish)

How to See Things Differently

And Make Them Real

The first step in seeing things differently is to see things differently, to actually purposefully see something differently. You can immediately see something different if you can imagine it being different.

Viewing the three dimensional view from your prospective analyzing the data a rendering a conclusion are all thought processes of the conscious mind, alternatively accessing the imagination harnesses the power of the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is much more powerful than the conscious mind which performs logical functions and routines.

It’s like the difference between singing, whistling or humming the melody of your favorite song. You are limited to the capabilities of the physiological capacity of your upper body, which as magnificent as this composite of biological components and characteristics is, is nonetheless limited in comparison to the power of your unconscious mind which can imagine to hear the entire song, all the background instruments, melody, harmonies, all combined, just as though you were actually listening to the recording.

Make It Real

The ability to imagine – or visualize – anything, causes whatever you focus your attention on to become more real.

Imagination is a powerful tool that must be used with care to avoid creating a state of being, circumstances or materialization of that which you do not want.

For instance, if you use your imagination to visualize a positive scenario or circumstance, the positive energy created by your mind, body and inner force field will begin to attract other positive fields in an effort to enable you to see that which you desire in the real world.

On the other hand, if you use the power of your imagination to visualize a negative scenario, the negative energy created from a low level vibration, like fear, will attract and visit you with exactly the outcome you would rather have avoided, or absolutely did not want as a result.

The greatest minds of our time have used their imagination to visualize futuristic – otherwise unimaginable and impossible – systems, processes, products and devices, while we, the buying public enjoy the advancements that all are the result of someone’s vibrant unconscious thought which was first imagined, then was brought to life in the real world for all to behold.

There are several components of successful visualization and manifestation (the realization of that which is imagined in our 3D world). Those who are masterful at both visualization and manifestation combine the number of times that they take time to visualize what they want, with increased supporting data, feeling and exquisite details. And as their imaginary visualization tarries on, they increase its detail, size and see it coming true with all the effects on the person doing the imagining as well as everyone else this visualization could possibly affect when brought to fruition, while increasing the focused time spent visualizing.

This process certainly brings about nearly every major breakthrough, though admittedly, many breakthroughs also occur by accident (this refers to a completely different process), it is the purposeful methodology that we focus on at this time, because you can use it to bring to pass

Your Wildest Dreams and Fantasies

Or

Your Greatest Fears and Disasters

It all depends on how you use this powerful mechanism in your life.

So, if you want to see anything differently, simply do so by visualizing it differently using your imagination. If you really want to make something different do it more often, add more detail and feeling, increase its intensity and do it more often.

Suggestion: If you’re going to utilize this power, keep your focused energies positive.

Everything Has Led to This Moment

What if everything… Everything that has happened in your life, every moment, every accident, and every misstep, wrong turn or mistake… Was precisely and perfectly coordinated and executed in your life at just the time… to bring you to this time and place, right now?

The you that you are, everything. Every lesson you’ve learned, every heartache you’ve felt, every injustice you’ve suffered, every time you felt you were unworthy, self-conscious or doubted you were the person you were called to be, even when you felt like everything was going wrong. All of it, each and every minutest detail orchestrated to create in you all the skill, excellence, sensitive heart filled with compassion, courage, and strength… All alive, fully activated and ready to empower you to emerge triumphant.

This Is You Right Now

There is no doubt about it.

You have lived the most amazing life, have faced and battled your own inner demons, successfully traversed your personal obstacle course, you have looked adversity straight in the eye and not only survived but are so much better for having experienced the process.

You are discovering and exercising your unique skills and abilities, your otherwise hidden superpowers and are perfectly positioned to extract the sweet juices in every moment of this life as you help to make the world a better place.

Although you are recognizable on the outside and people think you’re the same person they have always known, you know you have been completely transformed and are barely resemble the you of yesterday (and this metamorphosis may have occurred to you more than once to get you to where you are today).

You may look like the same person but you are not… awakening, you realize your transformation now and are understanding how everything is connected and perfect.

You are ready to embark on the most important part of your life’s journey to date.

Fear

Of course, fear and doubt will begin to overtake you. As those old thought patterns start to emerge, you must push them away, brush them aside as you thank them for trying to protect you but you must remain true to your cause.

Thoughts of inadequacy; yes, you acknowledge your strengths and abilities but feel as though you may not be skilled enough yet… “Maybe I should wait and study or practice more before I engage.”

Really?

Do you think you have come all this way not to take action?

Stop second-guessing yourself.

One look over your life, the life you have lived up to this moment in time, and the whole universe concurs,

Your Time is Now

This is the time, this is the place

It all comes to this

You Are the Hero

There are people who are waiting for that heroic part of you to emerge. They are not in need of saving, but they do need to hear your perspective and your story. They are feeling all alone and as if no one could understand what they are going through, and you know better than anyone because you’ve been there. You know there is life on the other side, they need to hear your song in your voice to give them the hope they need to make it one more day.

You are the hero of your story

The world needs you now more than ever

Do something – anything – to move you closer

to engaging full-on.

Take action today.

Shiny Objects Everywhere

Ever get distracted by shiny objects? Those things that are newer, better things or processes that garner your attention with their sheer brilliance, clever packaging, advertising or have the possibility of garnering the support and love from your family and/or peers are indeed so shiny.

They immediately distract you and pull on strings deep inside you and you imagine how magnificent it would be, “if I only had” that, or one of those, then my life (family, or business) would be complete.

Only, more often than not, the shiny object does not meet your expectations of fulfillment following obtaining the thing you sincerely desired and believed it would help you to achieve the sought after feeling. So, the search is on for the next thing.

This not only applies to products, but relationships, education, programs, services, technology, social networks, investment and business opportunities. You can find shiny objects in any segment of your life and in most cases, the shiny object is a distraction, interrupting your otherwise focused progress in your life.

Because, let’s face it, even if you have the best (insert anything) once you get used to it, you start looking for something else a bit shinier.

It’s never more apparent in our society in relationships which have become somewhat disposable due to the social impact of the acceptance of the idea of disposing of something old (or has lost its sheen) and replacing it with something new is actually a good thing. Certainly, it makes sense from a profit standpoint, because in most circumstances transitioning in relationships creates additional cash-flow supporting our economy.

As it occurs to you, you might think, “Oh, so it’s a profit deal.”
Pretty much, that’s the truth. We owe a debt to the economy for encourage the deterioration of the family unit as well as other relationships, personal and in business.

And if you think it’s easy to abandon a relationship when it gets boring as you seek an alternative, think about how much more difficult it is to stay focused on a particular business interest, especially if you’re starting from ground zero.

That’s why most new businesses fail in the first one-to-three years. Two-thirds of the entrepreneurs throw in the towel and never try again, because the whole affair was a bust, leading to a lack of self-confidence, as they find safety and security restrained to their more convenient everyday life, yet always wondering, “What if…” things had gone differently?

Then there’s the other third of the former business owners who are endlessly in pursuit of the next new thing. They are often distracted by shiny objects in business opportunities, programs or systems, even prior to successfully completing the projects at hand. We call them serial entrepreneurs.

On and on it goes for them, one thing after another, never finishing one thing and they’re off to the next. Although this is an inefficient method of business building, unfortunately one percent of serial entrepreneurs breaks through (even if accidentally) and makes a fortune.

This success story spreads through the serial entrepreneurial community quickly, encouraging the remaining seekers to increase their shiny object pursuits even more. The energy created from the success of the one percent that it even attracts otherwise healthy business owners (as well as people who have never even thought of starting a business) to start looking for shiny objects too.

A shiny object can be a tool, or a destructive distraction.

Think about taking a little extra time and thought prior to jumping ship, or investing in your next shiny object and ask yourself,

“Does this support my highest and best?”

If you have a clear set of defined goals, you can use this list to quickly qualify any shiny object.

Will it be a tool?

Will it be a destructive distraction?

Stay on track and don’t count yourself as one of the accidental one percent, instead purposefully honor your purpose and mission, so that when you’ve become a member of the one percent, you know you can rest assured, it was no accident and your success is honorable and well deserved.

Fear Disguised As

Fear is a chameleon, able to blend-in to any thought process it can find in your mind to stealthily thwart any opportunity for growth or change. Fear is the driving force of your soul’s dark side that has the ability to masquerade as other thought processes, keeping you from achieving your highest and best.

Fear may disguise itself, like:

Fight or Flight

The fight or flight response is the most recognized form of fear in action. Certainly, flight is a fearful condition, but fear can masquerade itself as preparing you for battle. It can cause you to defend your position using disrespectful tactics, choosing (emotional) weapons of warfare to battle otherwise supportive or inconsequential people in your circle of influence. If necessary, fear can escalate your emotional state to anger or rage, compromising rational thought.

Worry

Often closely associated with fear, worry keeps you distracted with heavy negative thought processes that have little substance for reality. Based solely on fanciful thought-plays fear will have you second-guessing and running endless debilitating “what if” routines until your mind is moved to complacent inactivity, overwhelmed by fear.

Doubt

“I don’t know, doesn’t’ sound right to me,” is fear’s way to keep you from entertaining an otherwise potential opportunity to make a change in your current life’s path. When masqueraded as doubt, fear often looks very similar to the kind of intuitive hit that someone gets from the heart which seeks to preemptively protect you from an otherwise unhealthy or even dangerous situation. This is the fuel that powers skepticism.

Overwhelm

When you’re at a crossroads and are looking at alternatives and paths to research or pursue, fear will seek out and present and flood your mind with so many opportunities, that you mentally abort the entire idea from fatigue, making it possible to come to a rational conclusion or make a decision.

Procrastination

Whether as the result of overwhelm, or not, procrastination is fear’s tool that prevents you from being able to take action. Taking action is the key to moving you in any direction, keeping your life from becoming stagnant. Just thinking about moving in any direction causes fear to awaken and if it can convince you not to take action today – simply put it off ‘til tomorrow – it can keep you complacent as you reside yourself to only passively fantasize about any potential movement or change.

Perfectionism

How many times have you failed to complete a thing due to feeling as though it is not good enough? This is fear disguised as making sure everything is just right, based on your lack of self confidence or fear of not attaining a certain level of perfection. More often than not, your intense attention to detail interrupted by any other of fear’s interventions, will stay off any potential hope of completion.

Responsibility

Creating a lifestyle based on responsibility or a sense of duty is fear militaristically acting out as a subconscious drill sergeant keeping you in-line with your dedication to conformity in a diligent lock-step fashion, disguised as “doing the right thing.” In a sense making you believe that staying the same is the right manner of living and to veer off the existing path would not be practical.

Mockery

Making fun of other people or circumstances with sarcastic overtones is fear preventing you from seeing value in other people’s (society’s or the world’s) progress. Zooming-in and exploiting a mis-step or mishap due to the efforts of someone or something else to change or advance, is fear protecting you from any inclination to move forward, because you would not want to be mocked or made the fool for trying to do so yourself.

Self-righteousness

The idea of thinking that you’re safe and secure in your complacent circumstances is fear-based and thinking that you are far better off rigidly defending your current place in life can make you feel as though you are better off than others who have not dug and settled into their own life-long foxhole. You have a feeling of superiority and look down on others who are not like you. You may also see others as untrustworthy, adversarial and feel compelled to disrespect, bully them or put them down.

Being Victimized

Being victimized is fear’s “safe haven” for otherwise progressive individuals. If fear can convince you that you have suffered a horrible injustice and keep you in a state of feeling victimized by others life circumstances or the establishment, it has built for you a nearly inescapable prison, where you can find safety only within its bars.

Apathy

You’re basically bored or could care less about anything. Fear will keep you without concern for others, society, the world or anything that is, “not my problem.” This nonchalant lack of interest makes you lethargic and creates space within your mind, which will seek out meaningless activities or thoughts to keep you in a state of unconscious consciousness, unable to be affected by anything meaningful.

Unmotivated

Fear drains chemicals (primarily dopamine) from the brain to reduce fleeting surges that may have given us enough motivation to actually make some progress. Fear seeks to maintain the status quo and reducing dopamine levels will keep you unfocused, maybe even lazy and less able to follow-through on life-changing moves (no matter how small).

Exhaustion

Many of fear’s processes can keep you in a state of fatigue which can thwart and hope of possessing the wherewithal to see anything through to its logical conclusion.

Look Behind the Mask

If you look behind the mask and remove the costumes wielded by fear, you can see it for what it is. Once identified and exposed, you can seek measures to counter its effects if you so desire.

Observer Doctor Obb’s Perspective Point of View

If your life is causing you emotional or physiological pain, it can be overwhelming, so overwhelming in fact that you may lose your ability to effectively manage your life. In moments like these, it is worth considering looking at your life from a different perspective.

I mean, think about it. What if you weren’t you at all? What if you were a giant scientist looking at different lives and how they play out on planet earth through a microscope? You zoom into and out of various lives as research, entertainment or pure voyeurism, collecting data for whatever reason you like or deem necessary. What’s the scientist’s name? Doctor Obb.

From the perspective of the observer, Doctor Obb zooms into a particular life (let’s say it’s David’s life) to see what is going on there. Doctor Obb could view any detail of David’s life at any time or place to examine either details of a particular incident or zoom out a bit to see how a particular event fits into the grander scope of David’s life.

Think a different perspective or point of view doesn’t make a difference?

Let’s zoom in and give it a go, just for fun.

Thanks to Alan Thicke’s younger brother, Todd, Bob Saget and Tom Bergeron, America’s Funniest Home Videos taught us how to look at tragic human suffering as something humorous, to be ridiculed and taunt other people as, “stupid,” while laughing our asses off.

From the perspective of the individual featured in the clip depicting their enormous (and embarrassing) fail caught on video, the event was tragic at the moment of impact. The reality of the situation was never more apparent to the star of the video that this might be his or her last moments on planet earth.

While life and death hung in the balance, the person holding the video camera (or cell phone cam) was laughing at the tragic mishap and may have even called the person whose life was at stake for this caught-on-video moment names or made fun of their lack of intelligence while laughing so hard they could barely keep the recording device focused on the suffering.

In the moment, the person featured in the video clip thought death may have been imminent. As they lay in pain, they notice their friend holding the camera laughing uncontrollably; even though in pain and with the thought of facing death, the injured party starts to join in, laughing, at his or her incredible faux pas.

Interestingly, had the person in pain been totally alone, there is a greater chance of actual end of life being the outcome.

Doctor Obb wannabee Todd Thicke and his producers scanning thousands of video clips run across the clip in question. While having some degree of empathy for the person who suffered the pain of the affair, they can’t help but laugh and think, “This might be good for ratings.”

Sometime later, both the star and the videographer as sitting in the audience of America’s Funniest Home Videos with the chance of winning a cash prize for the recording of the mishap watch the clip played before a live audience and millions of television viewers all over the world and join in laughter seeing the humor in the whole affair.

The live audience members are removed another level of observation, so to them it is even more funny to them than it is to the individuals who actually participated in the clip. Another level removed are the spectators watching their televisions (or other media devices) who are able to fully view, yet totally engage from any responsibility because the person who was hurt is not in the room.

By the time the clip makes it to the Internet and social media all bets are off and haters can fully disregard any dignity or humanity as it relates to the individual hurt in the event and can flame-away with their disrespectful remarks full-force.

Dr. Obb sees it all from his off-planet point of view and takes notes.

You, at any point in time, can zoom out to any of these levels of perspective and review the events of your life in review or in real time. You can choose to view any event (or portion) of your life as the participant or the observer.

If you choose to remain restricted by only the view of participant, you will likely subject yourself to a great deal of inner pain and angst, which is likely to affect your quality of life and reduce your potential healthy longevity.

Something to think about…

… from a different point of view.

Look at the Bright Side

Probably the most annoying trait of the optimist is optimism; the ability to see the good in even the most desperate of circumstances.

While humanity is programmed to remain in a state of fear, lack, discomfort and confusion, there are a few people who have either pushed beyond the programming or are born with an innate instinct to see the goodness, or at least the possibility of goodness, in anything that appears to be dismal.

So uncommon is it in our society that optimists are ridiculed, bullied and made fun of throughout their tenure from the playground to the boardroom.

The effect of bad news is to “keep you down,” to keep the population so confused, angry, sad or depressed that it is improbable that one might seek solution for problems or to retain hope of a better world.

The special ability (or superpower) of the optimist is to see things from a broader perspective. While a particular scene may be absolutely dire, the view of the optimist can zoom out to as wide a view as may be necessary to see how this particular incident plays a significant part of a positive and uplifting outcome; a result that may have not been possible at all if not for this lackluster or even horrific episode.

In no way does this make light of the specific atrocity that consumes the attention and energy of the short-sighted individual who is intensely focused on the atrocity. Even the optimist is emotionally impacted by the event as any normal person would be.

The optimist knows that it is always darkest before the dawn and the light of a new day shed upon the landscape reveals even more than the day before because we do not exist within a timeless vacuum.

Growth necessitates change and change often comes from less than desirable circumstances. If there were no conflict, no confusion, no pain or suffering, there would be no growth, no change and no life.

Abraham Lincoln is credited as saying, “The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty,” this coming from a man who persisted in the worst of circumstances through difficult times and overcoming his personal shortcomings and not being thwarted by failure to become one of the most impactful Presidents of the United States.

It is this ability to visualize the big picture, a brighter future that helps the individual push-through the ugliness and despair to change – not only their individual circumstances – but the world for the better. It is a common trait amongst positive risk takers and change makers who inspire the rest of us to consider there might be hope in an otherwise dark future with ominous fearful overtones.

Nonetheless, if the past is any indication, things do get better. Our humanity has gone through tremendous growth, change and advancement to get us to where we are today. Even in just the last hundred years, we have progressed so much it is nearly unfathomable when compared to the rest of our existence. This alone, should forecast a brighter future, even in light of all the negative press and media.

Even in our darkest moments, our future is spectacular and those leading in love are the light bearers leading the way to a brighter day.

Want to be a Victim?

You’ve been victimized. There’s no doubt that you have suffered at the hands of another. You have been hurt and the fallout was devastating. Clearly you are the victim.

Once you’ve been victimized, you find your place within the Victim’s Spectrum.

On the left side of the spectrum is the full-on victim and on the right side of the spectrum is the fully-free victim.

In my work with victims I can find the victim at any place along the victim’s spectrum. Ideally, I would like to see all victims make their way to being fully-free but it is a process and some victims progress very far along the spectrum and some stay at the point they entered the spectrum.

There are advantages to being a full-on victim. You can easily gain the interest of anyone who is sorry you were victimized, but thankful they were not the victim in your story. You can garner their undivided attention while you tell your story and they pay close attention in the hopes that by doing so, they may be able to avoid falling victim to a similar circumstance.

People who love and care about you will offer their support, encouragement and empathetic concern as they try to comfort you while in the throes of pain and anguish and their support does help to decrease the pain from being victimized.

The full-on end of the spectrum is based in fear; fear of being further victimized and the fear can be debilitating, preventing you from being able to make any positive movement along the spectrum and may overflow into other areas of your life. Left unattended the full-in victim may be completely consumed by the fear, in the most catastrophic of circumstances may be catatonic.

Also, as the full-on victim, there is little responsibility on the part of the victim. Reduced to its simplest terms, the victim is right or good and the victimizer is wrong or bad (possibly even evil). Even though being a victim is embarrassing, and represents loss, shame and suffering, the affirmation of the victim’s goodness or rightness has some redeeming value and may be seen as comforting to the victim.

There is no condemnation for being the full-on victim and just as in dealing with grief (as in the loss of a loved one), only the sufferer can determine when is the right time to make any movement toward healthy healing and freedom.

In terms of spiritual enlightenment, the more advanced life traveler will more quickly firmly position him or herself at fully-free.

What does the fully-free victim look like?

1. Decides not to be a victim

You may not be able to reverse your victimization, but you can choose to not act or feel like one. Be aware that this is a process and its different for everyone.

2. Take full responsibility

That means you stop blaming someone or something else for your victimization. In taking full responsibility, you assume that you caused the events that led to your victimization and the actual victimization to happen.

3. Retain the Learning

Review the process of the victimization. What did you do to make yourself vulnerable? What could you have done better to protect yourself. When reviewing, try not to do so from a viewpoint of fear or anger, instead attempt to look through the eyes of tolerance and love. The learning is the purpose behind the victimization.

4. Be Thankful

Adopt an attitude of gracious thankfulness for the entire affair. You have survived and earned your master’s degree in how not to be victimized, like this, again. You have paid dearly for the training and experience, and you are thankful for the opportunity.

Speaking of opportunity, I have realized in my life, any time something goes tragically wrong, there is something better coming… I start looking around for something amazing that is on its way as soon as possible.

5. Forgive and Let Go

This means to forgive yourself for the part you played in attracting or allowing the victimization to happen. Also forgive all other participants in the victimization, remember you are thankful for their participation in your learning process.

Letting go means holding no grudges and not feeling bad. If you are able to authentically and honestly forgive and accept all the good that has arisen from this tragedy, you can let it go. That means: No complaining, only recalling the treasure hidden within the process and celebration of your survival.

6. Accept Your Calling

Your experience may have great value to others. This may have been the purpose behind the whole affair. You have been through it, you survived and are better for it. You now can offer understanding, empathetic compassion, hope and assistance to others who may be involved in a similar situation.

This is likely why you were chosen to have this experience, to help others. I know that was the blessing in my experience with a psychopath. It opened my eyes to something I didn’t believe existed prior to surviving the experience, as well as any other less than desirable (or tragic) experiences I have survived along the way.

7. Accept the Process

Realize that moving along the victim’s spectrum is a process. As you are in search of recovery, your progress may vary, but it does get better the longer you work on the process.

Remember, you are not a bad person, neither are any of the other players. Love yourself, love others and keep moving toward love and in doing so you will be the recipient of increased peace and harmony.

Business and Romance

Covering a wide variety of complementary skills, occasionally my clients will seek me out for alternative types of counsel to augment our regular regimen. For instance, Edward was a business consulting client working on building his manufacturing business. When he started working with me, he was a single father raising three children in junior high and high school spending his free time building his business, had a modest factory with half-a-dozen employees and was working his plan to expand the business.

As Edward’s business began to grow, he was able to hire managerial staff which gave him time to seek out his life partner and soul mate. He made the acquaintance of Laurie, a social worker who captured his heart. As they began to court and move toward marriage, Edward asked if he could make some regular appointments to work with me in a pre-marital coaching capacity? I agreed and started to meet with Edward and Laurie.

Relationships are not unlike a merger of companies or corporations, in that you are combining resources and working together for a common goal. So it is imperative to exercise due diligence in determining whether the merger is complimentary and has the strength to have a high probability of achieving success over the long-haul while satisfying the parties involved.

While Edward found Laurie’s profession to be acceptable, he sought her out as not only a love interest but also as a business partner.

Although Laurie had a nice state job which she felt compelled to stay with until retirement, she had a secret desire to create her own public relations agency. Of course Edward encouraged her to practice her PR skills on his company with the possibility of hiring her so that she need not continue to work for the state.

It turns out that Laurie discovered she had gone through life seeking to do what other people expected her to do. She got good grades and went to college for her parents. Early on following graduation she got a good job at the state, also more for her parents than herself, though she was satisfied with both her career and her income earning ability.

But what she wanted for herself was to give birth to children and her business. Two important desires that Laurie had put on the back burner for the sake of accommodating others, while Edward was more interested in her working with/for him and not interested in starting over as a father.

The couple ended up parting ways. Edward found a more suitable mate and later married, while Laurie resigned from her state job, took a sabbatical and returned to start her own business. She has since married an attorney with whom she has co-created a new family while they fully share familial responsibilities and support each other’s independent careers. Laurie loves her business so much that she says she can see her helping authors, artists and businesspeople spread their message while expanding their reach and raising their income-earning capacity for the rest of her life.

While working for the state, Laurie’s goal was to retire; now she loves what she does so much that she has no desire to retire. She says, “If I had all the money in the world, I would still be doing what I do to help others.”

Laurie had found her life’s purpose and embracing it using her unique skills and abilities enabled her to achieve a higher quality of life filled with the family, love and happiness she always wanted.

Who says, “You can’t have it all?”

Some people live a life of compromise, self-sacrificially denying their own wants, needs and desires for others, while a few individuals are awakening to discover who they really are and what they really want seeking an alternative path to achieve their highest and best.