Tag: see things differently

Learning How to Love New Perspectives When Suddenly Awakened

We all do it. We see the world through our own eyes and naturally assume, without even realizing it, that others see it the same way. We project our values, our expectations, and our understanding of life onto the people around us. And why wouldn’t we? That lens is all we’ve ever known. It’s the filter we’ve used to survive, to grow, and to make sense of everything.

But then, one day, it happens. That person you thought you knew so well, maybe a friend, a coworker, a spouse, or even your own child, says or does something that completely throws you off. It feels like the rug is pulled out from under your feet. You’re disoriented, confused. “How could they think that way?” you ask yourself. “That’s not the person I thought they were.”

And in that moment, the awakening begins.

You’ve just had a front-row seat to the reality that we don’t all think alike. In fact, the chances of anyone thinking exactly like you are nearly zero. Why? Because no one has lived your life. No one has walked in your shoes, suffered your pain, celebrated your victories, or endured your struggles.

Every single human being you encounter is the sum of their own story, often a story you’ve never read a page of. So it makes sense that someone might react in a way you never expected. Still, when it happens, it can sting. Especially if you’ve invested emotionally in your perception of who you thought they were.

Imagine you’ve been friends with someone for years. You talk often, share laughs, and even supported each other through tough times. You assume, without even discussing it, that you share the same core values. Then one day, they make a choice that completely contradicts what you believe is right or loving. It’s jarring. Your mind races: Have they changed? Or did I just never really know them at all?

Or maybe you’re in a relationship, believing you both want the same future. Then you find out they’ve been carrying an entirely different vision in their heart. Again, the ground shifts beneath you.

When someone surprises us in this way, our first instinct is often to take it personally. We feel betrayed, misled, maybe even foolish. But here’s the truth: it’s not about you. It’s about them, who they are, how they’ve lived, and what they believe, all of which may have never been revealed until now.

The question is, What do you do with that information?

When you lead with love, you begin to shift your response from judgment to curiosity, from resentment to compassion. Here’s how:

1. Pause and Reflect Before Reacting

Before you speak or make assumptions, take a breath. Ask yourself:
“Is this person wrong—or just different from me?”
Reacting from offense rarely leads to deeper understanding. But responding from stillness and love often opens a door to a more authentic relationship.

2. Ask, Don’t Assume

Say something like, “Help me understand where you’re coming from. I wasn’t expecting that.” Approaching someone with genuine curiosity instead of blame invites dialogue rather than division.

3. Remember Their Story Isn’t Yours

You haven’t lived their life. You haven’t carried their wounds or fought their battles. It’s easy to forget that in the moment, but remembering it gives you a powerful sense of grace.

4. Forgive Your Misperception

Yes, you might feel embarrassed or let down, but that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you were foolish. It means you believed the best. And there’s beauty in that. Forgive yourself for seeing what you wanted to see.

5. Make Space for Growth (Theirs and Yours)

Sometimes these surprises are invitations for both of you to grow. You might discover a deeper connection through honesty—or you may recognize it’s time to lovingly create distance. Either path can be part of your evolution.

Examples:

    1. Two lifelong friends suddenly find themselves on opposite ends of a political spectrum. One votes a way the other finds morally unacceptable. The friendship fractures—until one of them says, “I still love you. Can we talk about why you feel that way?” That conversation doesn’t change their vote, but it heals the divide.
    2. A husband finds out his wife of 15 years wants to leave her job to start a nonprofit overseas. He never knew she had this dream. At first, he feels blindsided—but then he realizes, she had been quietly waiting for permission to be her full self. That revelation becomes a catalyst for deeper intimacy.
    3. A son tells his devout parents he no longer believes in God. They’re heartbroken. But instead of shutting him out, they say, “You are still our son. We trust that your journey is your own, and God’s not finished with you yet.” Love holds the family together, even through spiritual disagreement.

The Hidden Battle

Let me tell you about Amanda and Jacob, two people who loved each other dearly, but thought very differently about how to handle personal struggles.

Amanda was open. If she had a health issue, a bad day, or an emotional scar, you knew about it. Her friends knew when she had a cold, when her anxiety flared up, and when she felt overwhelmed. Vulnerability was her language of trust. And she felt safe sharing her humanness because she believed honesty invited connection.

Jacob was the opposite. He was quiet, reserved, and incredibly strong-willed. If he was sick, no one would know. If something hurt, physically or emotionally, he’d push through. His silence wasn’t coldness; it was just how he learned to survive. “Keep it together” was his internal mantra.

Their love worked beautifully, for a time. Amanda appreciated Jacob’s calm. Jacob appreciated Amanda’s honesty. But the differences in their emotional processing styles created an unseen rift.

Then one day, Amanda came home to find Jacob passed out on the bathroom floor. A 911 call, a hospital stay, and a battery of tests later, the truth came out: Jacob had been battling symptoms of internal bleeding for over a year, hiding the pain, ignoring warning signs, and even throwing away test results he didn’t want to face. His condition had reached a critical point, and it blindsided Amanda.

She felt shocked. Hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she cried.
“I didn’t want to worry you,” Jacob replied, barely able to look her in the eyes.
And just like that, Amanda realized: Jacob never saw vulnerability the way she did.

This moment could have broken them. But instead, Amanda made a different choice. She paused. She breathed. And she chose love. She didn’t pretend it didn’t hurt, but she recognized that Jacob’s silence came from fear, not malice. And that realization deepened her compassion rather than her anger.

She said, “Okay. Then let’s do this together now.”

And so they did. Healing began, not just of Jacob’s body, but of their relationship.

Tips for Coping When Someone Isn’t Who You Thought

When someone’s true nature or struggles emerge unexpectedly, and it doesn’t match the picture you had painted, try this:

1. Acknowledge Your Shock, But Don’t Camp There

It’s okay to be surprised. It’s okay to feel sad. But don’t let those emotions harden your heart. Shock is part of the process of waking up to someone else’s truth.

2. Reframe the Discovery

Rather than seeing the person as “fake” or “deceptive,” consider that they’ve simply been coping differently than you would. This isn’t about you being wrong—it’s about you learning something new.

3. Ask Loving Questions

“Can you help me understand why you didn’t share this before?” is more powerful than “Why did you lie to me?” One invites connection. The other drives a wedge.

4. Embrace Both Ends of the Spectrum

Some people speak through transparency. Others speak through silence. Love must learn to understand both dialects.

To lead with love doesn’t demand that others be like us. It asks only that we love them as they are—even when they surprise us, even when they disappoint us, even when they suffer in silence.

And sometimes… that love becomes the very thing that opens the door for them to finally speak.

 

Reduce Conflict at Home

Isn’t it time to reduce conflict at home? Sometimes people just can’t seem to get along and this leads to a lot of conflict at home, work, school, among friends, and even while driving. When you get upset at something that someone else does, says, or communicates in some other way, you are likely to experience some degree of stress.

The greatest stressors will be initiated by those whom you know the best, the people within your family. While the family unit is no stranger to stress, if there are little witnesses to these active familial stressors, they will be affected the most. This is how children learn to interact with others, and this follows them into adulthood, even if they cannot consciously recall these events.

Even if the conflict does not engage the children directly, they are still being affected by these stressful situations. If you don’t believe me, just think back to familial conflicts which you witnessed when you were a child. How does that affect the way you handle stress and conflict today?

If you have children around watching your interactions with your family, you might consider taking a break or a timeout, the next time you feel tensions building. Maybe you can reason with the person you’re experiencing the conflict with and pick up the discussion at a different place and time. You might be surprised that delaying the discussion will allow you both to revisit the topic when emotions are not running as high.

This works for adults, adults interacting children, and among children as well.

This can have a tremendous effect on reducing the familial stress in relationships, also, it gives whoever might be inclined to do some deep inner work time to reflect on his or her own past to see if there are any hidden anchors from the past triggering the feelings which are being experienced in the moment.

If you are in a relationship with someone and are not able to manage taking a break or timeout, then you might consider seeking a relationship coach, counselor, consultant, or a member of the clergy, whatever appeals to you and seek assistance from a qualified third party, someone you can trust.

There are many techniques which can be applied to any type of relationship which will reduce both conflict and stress, and it’s up to you to check it out and take the appropriate steps to change your life. No one else is going to do it for you.

This is your life, and those whom you care about deserve not to be impaired by your lack of control, and left to itself unhindered by someone’s drawing explicit boundaries, not seeing eye to eye, or having different points of view, could turn into an abusive situation.

If ever, any relationship is visited by abuse, you have the right and the responsibility to stop the abuse. You are never required to fight back if there is abuse. Just take the steps necessary to isolate yourself from any further abuse.

This takes a great deal of courage and determination, but you can do it.

You have zero tolerance for abuse.

Unintentional Jerks

Sometimes you run into people that rub you the wrong way, get under your skin, or you get upset when they’re around, or you just assume that they’re mean, when you could be quite mistaken. They could be unintentional jerks. Someone can come off as mean when the person in question has no intent of malice and idea that you (or others) are perceiving him or her as someone who is a jerk.

People only know what they know, and if you are able to take a look at what might be going on inside the jerk who is upsetting you, you might be able to reconsider your opinion of him or her, re-evaluate your judgment, cut him or her a little slack, and not take their words or actions so personally.

I know when I get intensely focused on a particular thought process or project, I can be less attentive to the real world going on around me. On more than one occasion, I have had an upset, potentially angry person interrupt my train of thought, expressing their dissatisfaction about trying to get my attention “X” number of times to no avail.

They were clearly on the verge of rage, but due to my attention being so focused on what I was working on, I wasn’t as aware as I might have been and missed the series of attention-getting activities escalating to break my trance, until it became an emotional outburst. And I look like an insensitive jerk.

I realize that I might feel the same way if the situation was reversed, and I was desperately trying to get someone’s attention, while they were distracted.

Like when unintentional jerks cut you off in traffic. You get all bent out of shape, but the driver who cut you off didn’t do so to make you mad or cause you to be the victim of any abusive road rage. The offending driver might have just had something else on his or her mind as they were changing lanes, and you might have been in the driver’s blind spot. (I know I have unintentionally frightened or made a few drivers angry in my lengthy driving career.)

Differences in personality or other character qualities might seem offensive because they are incompatible with your personality or style of communication. For instance, using cat personality types, if you were a Cool Cat and an enthusiastic Battle Cat was trying to explain something to you, you might be offended or angry at this jerk’s delivery method. You might feel slighted, insulted, disrespected, or condescended to, even though there is no malice intended, it’s just a difference in personality types.

Another issue might be that of jerks invading your “personal space.” You might feel safe with keeping a distance of arms-length-and-a-beer-bottle from a person you are communicating with, yet the person who’s trying to communicate with you is comfortable with about six inches. You feel like their being so close to you is offensive, and you would otherwise let no one encroach on your personal space, like that unless you were romantically intimate with them. So, you get upset, and you classify this person as obviously a jerk, even though it’s just a cultural difference.

Depending on your personality, someone else’s enthusiasm, or boisterousness might seem over-the-top or offensive (I’ve been accused of this periodically).

Even in conversation, someone might inadvertently become an unintentional jerk by striking a nerve by just making small talk. A simple question about your past might trigger a buried emotional wound and find you getting ready to post up for fight or flight when the person was just trying to be friendly. It is quite likely that he or she had no idea they were treading in sensitive territory, or else they would have never gone there.

Simple questions like,

What do you do for a living?
What kind of car do you drive?
What’s kind of food do you like to eat?
How old are you?

All these questions are normally innocuous, but you can see under the right (or wrong) conditions, these very same questions could seem offensive to some people with particular sensitivities. And you, if you asked them, would find yourself among the unintentional jerks.

You never meant to offend anyone or hurt their feelings, and all of this was nothing more than miscommunication or misinterpretation.

Consider, the next time you encounter an out-of-control jerk, ask yourself if he or she might be an unintentional jerk? And if you might be the one with a little less control than you could have if you were a little more compassionate and understanding?

 

Only a Fool Would Say That

Even though we like the welcoming, warm feeling that comes from being surrounded by like-minded people, there is no impetus to try to convert others from one point of view to yours. Certainly, there are people you like or admire whom you would like to have join you on your journey, and maybe they can be great traveling companions, but to try to convert them from where they are to where you are, is unwise, if not possible.

It’s not to say that they couldn’t come around or eventually find their way to a more resonant vibration if that is part of their journey in this life. It is not incumbent upon you to save anyone from anything or to make someone think the way you do.

I like having many different kinds of people joining me on my journey while trying to be mindful and not judge people for being who they are. At first blush, this might look like a politically correct “celebrating diversity,” but it’s much more than that. It’s not looking at the diversity (diversity is a form of judgment), it’s allowing anyone, everyone, to simply be. To be who they are, where they are, to come and go as they please.

Just because someone else might share a particular resonance with you today, does not imply they we resonate with you tomorrow. We are all on our own journeys, our paths cross from time to time, to stay in one place too long leads to complacency and stagnation. You must keep moving if you want to continue to grow, change, and evolve into the best version of yourself, and allow others to do the same.

If you disagree with someone’s point of view, to criticize them for their belief is an act of violence. To impose your belief on someone else suggests you are supporting yourself with a sense of superiority, in essence looking down on someone else for not being as enlightened as you. You might even insinuate or call them a fool, as you sit on your self-endowed high throne of superiority.

Only a fool would say,
Only a fool would say that.

On your own road of enlightenment, you may be able to recall concepts which you held close to your heart, things that you believed so much and held so dearly, that you would defend them with everything you’ve got, even possibly give your life in defense of it, only to find out later, that belief no longer serves you. How could you not bless someone else for being on a similar journey on their own path to enlightenment?

No two journeys are the same. Even amongst the like-minded people you share experiences with, none of them followed the same path you followed to get to this point in time. Some may have had similar journeys but no two are the same, even if you’ve traveled hand-in-hand along the way.

To judge someone else for their beliefs is to disrespect their journey, and doing so explicitly demonstrates your lack of tolerance. For as much as you feel more awake or enlightened than someone else, to devalue another for where they are on their path is preventing your expansion, tethering you to your barbarian roots.

Pick Your Perspective

Fear or Love

Judgment or Tolerance

Tolerance is the polar opposite of judgment. Judgment is rooted in fear, tolerance is powered by love.

When you meet someone who believes something differently than you do, bless them, try to see their belief from their perspective, love and accept them for who they are, where they are, and celebrate their life, without the imposition of your beliefs.

This is not to say that you cannot share your perspective, certainly, you may, but do so with love and compassion, only to leave clues for someone to ponder along their journey.

To debate, to try to convince or convert someone is barbarism. Aren’t you ready to cut the cord that binds you to those archaic thought forms and leave them behind?

What if you’re on the receiving end?

How do you feel when someone tries to convince you that you are wrong and that you must change your mind or life to align with his or hers? No doubt, you can feel the barbarianism behind that approach when you are on the receiving end.

Your first response to being attacked by someone is

Fight or Flight

You could turn and run, or post up, defend your position and prepare to engage in a battle of wits, or you could choose to

Love

When you choose to love someone who is assaulting you, you try to see things from their point of view. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, expressing explicitly their point of view, and blessing them for where they are on their journey with compassion, not condemnation.

If you are safe and secure in what you believe, you have no need to defend it. You are impenetrable. If you harbor doubt and fear about what you believe, you are more apt to take a defensive stance, because there’s a part of you (that higher part of you) that is incongruent with your belief, so the ego takes over and prepares to battle in an effort to impose congruency by brute force.

Seeing different people as different, through the eyes of fear, building walls and separating them leads to chaos. You know that. Take a look around… You see it every day.

Seeing people as harmonious, through the eyes of love, allows you to see the perfection in everyone and everything. From this vantage point, you can see everything is connected and perfect.

Just the Same Only Different

Different people do things for different reasons. Sometimes they do the same things for very different reasons, so we (especially those in the help professions) have to be careful about stating anything affirmatively as being true 100% of the time because the truth of the matter is that nothing is true 100% of the time (or at least, very little).

One person might do something or display a certain characteristic, while another might do exactly the same thing only for very different reasons. Just the same, only different.

One person might hang up the phone in the middle of a heated conversation defensively because they are fearful that they might say something in their defense which might hurt the other person’s feelings, make matters worse, or utter something they think they might regret later. Another person might hang up the phone in the middle of a heated conversation as an act of aggression, purposefully with the intent of making the other person enraged. Just the same, only different.

In Star Wars Episode 8, Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo tell the same story very differently. Each one from their own perspective, each one being truthful based on their own experience and understanding. Just the same, only different.

For instance, I spend a little of my time helping victims of psychopaths because I know what they’re going through. Even though this type of work does not resonate well with the rest of my work, I do a little of it out of reverence for my own experience and my empathy for others having to deal with this kind of tragedy.

So, I have put out a book, put up a website, and created a video in an attempt to help these people as much as I can. One of the ways I try to help victims of psychopaths and potential victims is by trying to help them to detect a potential psychopath early on, so I list six characteristics that can help someone identify a potential psychopath quickly and easily in a brief 10-minute video in an attempt to help as many people as I can as quickly as possible, without making it so complicated.

Of course, this is in no way an official diagnosis which would take a professional a great deal of time and study reviewing over 100 characteristics and behavioral expressions. It is what it is, a simple tool that is quick and easy to use.

As you know, if you put yourself out there to do anything good, haters will come out in droves to try to knock you down. Based on that 10-minute video, I have been attacked and ridiculed, but I don’t take it personal, nor do I take it too seriously. I am also more resilient and am for the most part unmoved by their attempts to hurt my feelings, so I am grateful to be their target, which might defer their inclination to attack someone else who might be devastated by such a virtual assault.

Thankfully, I get praised both by victims and potential victims for having the intention to help and put the information out there for them to find, far more frequently than I get put down by people who are just doing the best they can with what they have, as am I.

If I say (as I do in this brief video) that psychopaths are charismatic, it does not imply that anyone who is charismatic is a psychopath, nor does it imply that all psychopaths are charismatic, to assume so would be at the very least unwise.

No matter what human characteristic or action you are reviewing from your perspective, you cannot know what is, or was, actually going on at the time because you can never truly know what is going on inside another person’s head. It is just not possible. Even if the person in question desperately wants you to know what it was like to be him or her in that moment in time, no matter how they try to convey the totality of this information to you, you cannot really know.

Each one of us is very different, and there are personality traits that in general seem to accumulate around certain types of people but these are only generalizations, and they are not 100% accurate in all people at all times. These are only general observations over time, tracked and cataloged by people who are doing the best they can to help others.

People who help other people as part of their work, ministry, or in the answering of their calling, use these categorization techniques to try to ascertain how best to help someone in an analytical approach to whatever is challenging them at the particular time, without having to invest hours trying to uncover the complex backstory of a potential client or patient.

“I killed a man.”

This is a powerful statement, which at first blush evokes an emotional response and might have you thinking about the death penalty, an eye for an eye, or some other such notion. Nonetheless, many people might find themselves in a particular situation where such an act might be prudent, part of your job description, or even financed by a municipal, federal or other government agency.

Depending on not only the facts and circumstances surrounding the killing, but what was going on in the mind of the person who committed the act at the time, and ever since, can be very different than you might be able to conceive of from your perspective.

Of course, actions which we make, based on decisions that we make, in every step that we take of our life’s journey need not be tragic or life-changing and can range from littering or parking in a handicapped parking spot to cheating on a test or speeding on the interstate, all for reasons you and I could not possibly know unless you or I are the transgressor.

Still, if you witness such an act from your own perspective, it’s easy to jump to conclusions, make assumptions, or judge someone for doing something that you might feel would be against your own personal knowledge, convictions, or morals.

Like on Facebook, one person might want to post on their relationship status, “In a relationship,” because they’re engaged to be married, while the other partner has nothing on their relationship status because… well, who knows. And what difference does it make?

There’s no need to get yourself all worked up over someone else’s life. They (just like you and I) are just trying to do the best they can with what they have. It doesn’t make them a psychopath, sociopath, obsessive-compulsive megalomaniac with narcissistic tendencies or any other conclusion that you might jump to, it just doesn’t really matter, unless you are being attacked personally, then… maybe… some other steps might need to be taken.

But, if it’s just in the fantasy world of social media, try to take it for what it is. What you see there does not define you, nor anyone else. Just have fun with it and try not to let yourself get out of sorts over it.

Don’t let it get to you.

If someone says something crazy about you on the Internet, don’t pay it any attention. It’s not for real. If there is no foundation for it, do not dignify someone’s rant or attack with a response, even if it’s brought up to you in a real-life situation by an uninterested third-party.

Keep this in mind: If you don’t want to be judged, refrain from judging others.

It’s okay. There is much love here for you.

 

How to See Things Differently

And Make Them Real

The first step to seeing things differently is simple: decide to see things differently. Purposefully shift your perspective, and allow your imagination to create a new vision.

This intentional shift unlocks your ability to imagine something as it could be, not as it is. By doing so, you tap into the immense power of your unconscious mind, which is far greater than your conscious mind’s capacity for logic and analysis.

how-to-see-things-differently-and-make-them-realHarnessing the Power of the Unconscious Mind

 

Your conscious mind processes information in a linear, logical way, like analyzing data or drawing conclusions based on evidence. The unconscious mind, however, operates on a completely different level—it’s creative, boundless, and capable of immense power.

Imagine this difference in terms of music:

    • Your conscious mind can hum, whistle, or sing your favorite melody, limited by the capabilities of your voice and physical body.
    • But your unconscious mind can “hear” the entire song in your imagination—the instruments, harmonies, vocals, and every intricate detail—just as though you were listening to it live.

This is the power of visualization: seeing something not as it is, but as it could be, fully formed in your mind.

Making It Real

Imagination is not just a daydream—it’s a powerful tool that can shape reality. When you visualize something, you’re focusing your energy and intention on it, making it more real in your mind and setting the stage for it to manifest in your life.

But this power requires care. What you choose to visualize—positive or negative—can directly influence your reality.

The Power of Positive Visualization

When you use your imagination to focus on a positive scenario, you generate high-vibrational energy. This energy attracts similar positive forces, aligning circumstances and opportunities to bring your vision into reality.

The Risk of Negative Visualization

Conversely, focusing on a negative outcome creates low-vibrational energy, rooted in fear or doubt. This energy attracts circumstances that align with your fears, often bringing the very scenario you wished to avoid into your life.

The process works both ways—so it’s crucial to direct your imagination wisely.

The Secret to Successful Visualization

The greatest breakthroughs in history began with someone imagining the impossible. Whether it’s a groundbreaking invention, a transformative process, or a visionary idea, everything starts in the mind.

The secret lies in how you visualize:

    1. Frequency: The more often you visualize your desired outcome, the stronger the connection between your mind and reality.
    2. Detail: Add layers of detail to your vision. See the colors, textures, sounds, and every nuance of the scenario you’re imagining.
    3. Emotion: Infuse your visualization with feeling. How does it feel to experience this reality? Joy, excitement, peace? Let the emotions flow through you.
    4. Expansion: Over time, expand your vision. See it growing larger, affecting more people, and becoming more impactful.
    5. Focus: Dedicate focused time to this practice. The more attention you give your visualization, the more power it gains.

By combining these elements, you strengthen your ability to turn imagination into reality.

The Power to Create or Destroy

This process isn’t limited to creating your wildest dreams—it can also manifest your deepest fears. The energy of your imagination is neutral; it responds to whatever you focus on, whether positive or negative.

    • Your Wildest Dreams and Fantasies: Visualizing with positivity and detail can bring your most incredible desires to life.
    • Your Greatest Fears and Disasters: Dwelling on fear-based scenarios can inadvertently bring them into your experience.

The choice is yours.

How to See Things Differently

If you want to see something differently, start by imagining it differently. Use your imagination to create a new version of reality:

    • Visualize it more often.
    • Add more detail and emotion.
    • Intensify your focus.

This practice is like a mental rehearsal for the life you want to create. The more vividly you can imagine it, the more likely it is to become real.

A Word of Caution

If you’re going to use this incredible power, focus your energies on the positive. The more you visualize scenarios filled with joy, abundance, and love, the more your life will align with these high vibrations.

Your imagination is one of the most powerful tools you possess. Use it wisely, and it can transform your reality in extraordinary ways.

See differently. Imagine boldly. Create with intention.