what someone is thinking | David M Masters

What Are You Hiding?

I have had the privilege of having people confide in me, telling me their deepest, darkest secrets. I know what the “official story” is about a great many things, and I have heard the truth behind the headlines directly from the sources. I have also been massively deceived by a sociopath, the greatest keeper of secrets, only to find out the truth at great expense.

One particular psychopath with whom I’d become acquainted with who was referred to by prosecutors as inherently evil and claimed himself to be a pathological liar could wield lies like his identifying superpower. With a keen ability to defraud, counterfeit, and masquerade, he enjoyed false careers as everything from an airline pilot, attorney, mental health counselor, therapist, investment banker, real estate, precious metals, and Wall Street broker, just to name a few.

The psychopath was the embodiment of the phrase, “If his lips are moving, he’s lying,” (according to one Chief Investigator) as he committed a wide variety of crimes while bilking unsuspecting widows, and vulnerable adults, among a long list of other types of victims, left wounded, alone, and penniless. Lying, he claimed, was his form of exercising his First Amendment right to free speech, which he was entitled to by constitutional law.

Being proficient at lying is not relegated to narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, pathological liars, or evil people.

As much as we’d like to say, “I could never lie, like that,” the truth is all of us, including you and me, lie all day long, every day of our lives, albeit without any malicious intent.

What are you hiding?

You are deceptive, hide the truth, and lie every day; we all do. It’s a standard human basic survival skill.

You’ve learned from a very early age, generally two years old, that telling the truth does not serve your best interests. It usually starts with you being sent to your room or otherwise punished by a parent (or parental figure) for honestly fessing up to something that your parent(s) disapproved of. So, you learned to lie and have perfected the craft over time.

You learned to lie (just like we all did) to avoid punishment, disapproval, or pain, and to make life easier to manage, to make friends, to advance in careers or society, and to be attractive to others, especially romantic partners. Leaving you wondering why lovers lie?

Other reasons for lying include getting what you want, to be recognized, establish and maintain an image, to garner attention or sympathy, and to find out if someone else is lying or trustworthy.

No matter how much you know someone, how close you are to anyone, you can’t tell what’s going on inside someone else’s head, it’s just not possible. Just like no one can tell what’s going on inside your head, and you do the best you can to present yourself as the person you believe yourself to be, even if it means lying.

Those of us who might be on the autism spectrum are probably the worst liars (by that, I mean, not very believable when lying and lie the least), but the rest of us are fairly competent at lying.

The fact is, the whole world, the three-dimensional world that we all inhabit, is entirely an illusion of belief systems which are hardly based on truth, but on lies, we’re programmed to believe as truths, and we believe them so much, that we would defend them with our lives.

If we live, we live a lie to the best of our abilities, where we are surrounded by lies, but most of us do it with the best intentions.

Just the Same Only Different

Different people do things for different reasons. Sometimes they do the same things for very different reasons, so we (especially those in the help professions) have to be careful about stating anything affirmatively as being true 100% of the time because the truth of the matter is that nothing is true 100% of the time (or at least, very little).

One person might do something or display a certain characteristic, while another might do exactly the same thing only for very different reasons. Just the same, only different.

One person might hang up the phone in the middle of a heated conversation defensively because they are fearful that they might say something in their defense which might hurt the other person’s feelings, make matters worse, or utter something they think they might regret later. Another person might hang up the phone in the middle of a heated conversation as an act of aggression, purposefully with the intent of making the other person enraged. Just the same, only different.

In Star Wars Episode 8, Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo tell the same story very differently. Each one from their own perspective, each one being truthful based on their own experience and understanding. Just the same, only different.

For instance, I spend a little of my time helping victims of psychopaths because I know what they’re going through. Even though this type of work does not resonate well with the rest of my work, I do a little of it out of reverence for my own experience and my empathy for others having to deal with this kind of tragedy.

So, I have put out a book, put up a website, and created a video in an attempt to help these people as much as I can. One of the ways I try to help victims of psychopaths and potential victims is by trying to help them to detect a potential psychopath early on, so I list six characteristics that can help someone identify a potential psychopath quickly and easily in a brief 10-minute video in an attempt to help as many people as I can as quickly as possible, without making it so complicated.

Of course, this is in no way an official diagnosis which would take a professional a great deal of time and study reviewing over 100 characteristics and behavioral expressions. It is what it is, a simple tool that is quick and easy to use.

As you know, if you put yourself out there to do anything good, haters will come out in droves to try to knock you down. Based on that 10-minute video, I have been attacked and ridiculed, but I don’t take it personal, nor do I take it too seriously. I am also more resilient and am for the most part unmoved by their attempts to hurt my feelings, so I am grateful to be their target, which might defer their inclination to attack someone else who might be devastated by such a virtual assault.

Thankfully, I get praised both by victims and potential victims for having the intention to help and put the information out there for them to find, far more frequently than I get put down by people who are just doing the best they can with what they have, as am I.

If I say (as I do in this brief video) that psychopaths are charismatic, it does not imply that anyone who is charismatic is a psychopath, nor does it imply that all psychopaths are charismatic, to assume so would be at the very least unwise.

No matter what human characteristic or action you are reviewing from your perspective, you cannot know what is, or was, actually going on at the time because you can never truly know what is going on inside another person’s head. It is just not possible. Even if the person in question desperately wants you to know what it was like to be him or her in that moment in time, no matter how they try to convey the totality of this information to you, you cannot really know.

Each one of us is very different, and there are personality traits that in general seem to accumulate around certain types of people but these are only generalizations, and they are not 100% accurate in all people at all times. These are only general observations over time, tracked and cataloged by people who are doing the best they can to help others.

People who help other people as part of their work, ministry, or in the answering of their calling, use these categorization techniques to try to ascertain how best to help someone in an analytical approach to whatever is challenging them at the particular time, without having to invest hours trying to uncover the complex backstory of a potential client or patient.

“I killed a man.”

This is a powerful statement, which at first blush evokes an emotional response and might have you thinking about the death penalty, an eye for an eye, or some other such notion. Nonetheless, many people might find themselves in a particular situation where such an act might be prudent, part of your job description, or even financed by a municipal, federal or other government agency.

Depending on not only the facts and circumstances surrounding the killing, but what was going on in the mind of the person who committed the act at the time, and ever since, can be very different than you might be able to conceive of from your perspective.

Of course, actions which we make, based on decisions that we make, in every step that we take of our life’s journey need not be tragic or life-changing and can range from littering or parking in a handicapped parking spot to cheating on a test or speeding on the interstate, all for reasons you and I could not possibly know unless you or I are the transgressor.

Still, if you witness such an act from your own perspective, it’s easy to jump to conclusions, make assumptions, or judge someone for doing something that you might feel would be against your own personal knowledge, convictions, or morals.

Like on Facebook, one person might want to post on their relationship status, “In a relationship,” because they’re engaged to be married, while the other partner has nothing on their relationship status because… well, who knows. And what difference does it make?

There’s no need to get yourself all worked up over someone else’s life. They (just like you and I) are just trying to do the best they can with what they have. It doesn’t make them a psychopath, sociopath, obsessive-compulsive megalomaniac with narcissistic tendencies or any other conclusion that you might jump to, it just doesn’t really matter, unless you are being attacked personally, then… maybe… some other steps might need to be taken.

But, if it’s just in the fantasy world of social media, try to take it for what it is. What you see there does not define you, nor anyone else. Just have fun with it and try not to let yourself get out of sorts over it.

Don’t let it get to you.

If someone says something crazy about you on the Internet, don’t pay it any attention. It’s not for real. If there is no foundation for it, do not dignify someone’s rant or attack with a response, even if it’s brought up to you in a real-life situation by an uninterested third-party.

Keep this in mind: If you don’t want to be judged, refrain from judging others.

It’s okay. There is much love here for you.

You Can’t Tell What’s Going on Inside Someone Else’s Head

No matter how deeply you know someone or how much you observe their behavior, you simply cannot truly know what’s happening inside their mind. Sure, you can try. If you gather enough information about them, talk face-to-face about their innermost thoughts and feelings, and apply every tool or technique you know—be it psychological, spiritual, or even intuitive—you might get a vague idea. But even at best, it’s an educated guess. And that’s being generous.

Really?

Yes, really. Think about this: when someone notices you seem distant and asks, “Are you okay?” your instinctive response is likely, “I’m fine.” But in that moment, just before they interrupted your train of thought, an entire symphony of emotions, ideas, and vivid mental images was playing out in your mind. Even if you wanted to share what was going on, how could you possibly convey it in its entirety? Words would barely scratch the surface of the experience taking place within you.

Now take that snapshot of yourself—one fleeting moment of inner life—and apply it to every single person you interact with, whether briefly or deeply, every day. When you ask someone how they’re doing, and they respond with a polite, “I’m fine,” what’s really going on behind that simple statement?

Do You Care?

With the people who matter most in our lives, we care deeply. We want to understand what’s happening inside their heads because we rely on these connections to ground us. Feeling connected often means seeking some degree of understanding—predictable reliability—about how our loved ones think, feel, and act.

But the truth is, even with the people closest to us—siblings, best friends, children, or parents—we still don’t fully know what’s happening in their minds. Not in moments of silence, and certainly not in moments when we’re absent from their lives.

Perspectives Shape Reality

Everyone sees the world from their own perspective, shaped by their unique experiences, beliefs, and emotional states. Two people can hear the exact same story and react in entirely different ways.

Take this example:

A woman pulls into a convenience store parking lot in a panic, screaming for someone to call an ambulance. While a bystander calls for help, another person approaches the woman’s car and asks through the closed window if she’s okay. She yells that she’s been shot in the back of the head. He asks her to unlock the door so he can help, but she refuses, saying she’s holding her brains in with both hands.

When the ambulance and police arrive, they open the car to discover that a container of pop-and-fresh dough had burst in the backseat, striking her in the head.

One person laughs uncontrollably at the absurdity of the situation. Another weeps, overcome with sorrow for the woman’s panic and fear.

Same story. Two wildly different reactions.

The Mystery of the Mind

When someone reacts in a way we didn’t expect—whether it’s their laughter, anger, tears, or silence—it can feel jarring. We might even question how well we know them. This unpredictability, which we often interpret as unreliability, highlights the vast complexity of the human mind.

In those moments, we are reminded of a profound truth: no matter how much we love, trust, or analyze another person, we can never fully know what’s going on inside their head.

So, the next time you find yourself surprised by someone’s actions or reactions, pause. Remember that every person carries a universe of thoughts, emotions, and experiences that you may never fully understand. And that’s okay.

What truly matters is the effort we make to connect, even when the mystery remains.