As integrous as I try to be, even I may say one thing and do another. For the longest time, I thought the one thing I would like to have etched in my gravestone would be the words, “Here lies a man who kept his words and lived by them.” Yet, even I can see that even I fall short, if I am able to see myself objectively. This leaves you wondering, “Why people say one thing and do another?”
The Human Condition: A Complex Contradiction
People are never exactly as they appear to be. Even if you think you know someone deeply, including their life story, you can never truly understand everything going on in their mind or heart. Each of us is a tangle of contradictions, living, breathing examples of incongruence.
Even with the best intentions, life sometimes prevents us from being perfectly aligned with our words and actions.
Everyday Contradictions
Our Words
We all make promises or commitments that don’t always pan out.
-
- “I’ll be there at four,” but you arrive at 4:05 or 3:55.
- “I’ll pick up everything on the list,” yet you forget the milk.
These small deviations from our words may seem inconsequential, but they reveal how difficult it is to stay perfectly aligned with what we say.
Our Contracts
Contracts and agreements are another area rife with contradictions.
-
- You agree to make timely payments on a loan but occasionally miss a due date.
- You pledge love and fidelity in marriage but end up in divorce court.
Even legal commitments are subject to human fallibility, highlighting how life’s unpredictability often disrupts our intentions.
Our Lives
The contradictions in how we live are perhaps the most glaring.
-
- Someone may value health and self-care yet overindulge in junk food and neglect exercise.
- A person who lives in chaos might maintain an immaculate home.
- Someone may wear sports apparel but never participate in physical activity.
These contradictions illustrate how our lives often deviate from the ideals we claim to uphold.
The Paradox of Hypocrisy
One of the most confusing contradictions is when people criticize or accuse others of behavior they themselves are guilty of. It’s not uncommon for someone to say, “I would never do that,” while doing exactly what they claim to abhor.
Even more baffling are those who accuse others of actions they are actively engaged in themselves. This form of projection creates confusion and mistrust, leaving us wondering how anyone can reconcile such blatant contradictions.
Why These Contradictions Happen
The truth is, contradictions are an inherent part of being human. Our minds, emotions, and lives are not linear or perfectly aligned. We are influenced by countless internal and external factors, from unconscious triggers to societal pressures and personal insecurities.
For example:
-
- You may see yourself as a kind and loving person, yet catch yourself judging others or ignoring those outside your immediate circle.
- You may value honesty but find yourself telling a white lie to avoid conflict.
Recognizing these incongruencies can help you uncover the triggers that lead to contradictions in your life.
The Path to Coherence
Once you become aware of your own contradictions, you face a choice:
-
- Make Changes: Take steps to align your words, actions, and beliefs more closely.
- Redefine Yourself: Adjust your self-perception to include the variations and inconsistencies that make you human.
This decision is what separates those who seek to live a life of alignment from those who remain content with their contradictions.
People who pursue coherence regularly self-evaluate and make adjustments to minimize incongruencies. They strive to live harmoniously, knowing that while perfection is impossible, progress is achievable.
Are You One of Them?
Do you know people who say one thing but do another? Are you one of them? If you’re honest, you’ll likely find that you are. We all are, to some degree.
Recognizing this truth isn’t about self-judgment—it’s about self-awareness. By acknowledging our inconsistencies, we gain the power to grow, adapt, and become more aligned with our values.
What’s a Good Example?
Think of the friend who preaches the importance of a healthy lifestyle but skips the gym and orders fast food. Or the colleague who talks about teamwork but hoards credit for success. These everyday examples remind us how common and natural contradictions are.
That said,
Understanding why people say one thing but do another helps us see the humanity in ourselves and others. Life is messy, and perfection is an illusion. Instead of judging, let’s strive to recognize our contradictions, learn from them, and move closer to the coherence we desire.
By doing so, we not only live more authentically but also inspire others to do the same. Let’s embrace our flaws and contradictions as part of the journey toward a more aligned, harmonious life.
What’s a good example of people say one thing and do another?