Why do People Say One Thing and do Another?

It can be confusing and make you wonder, why do people say one thing and do another? You’re a reasonable person and you go through great lengths to keep your word with other people, and you would think that other people would offer you the same courtesy.

Before we delve into the psychology of it all, let’s remember that we’re all basically good people with good intentions. The problem with good intentions is that the road to hell is paved with them (so they say).

Generally, when someone tells you they’re going to do something, their intent is to actually do it, because they want to please you, to support you, and to feel they are a part of your team. Often, they are so eager to please that they agree to things they may not have thought through fully.

Life is hectic and our desire to “be there” for the people we care about often overrides the realization that things come up in life that may make it difficult to follow through with the commitments we make to our friends. Because of this, we often overextend our ability to do the things we commit to.

So, try not to take it personally when someone says one thing then doesn’t follow through. Keep in mind that their intent was to be there for you because they do care about you.

If you’re the kind of person that does whatever it takes to keep your word and maintain a high level of integrity with those who you make promises to, you know how hard it can be sometimes with the commitments you make to others. While you are to be commended for having such high standards, your expectations of even yourself may be so high that you’re impeding your own quality of life.

Maybe it’s time that you started to lighten up a bit on your own expectations of yourself. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or even panicked about fulfilling your obligations, maybe its time for you to cut yourself a little slack. Sometimes we can get so obsessed about keeping our word that it can lead to destroying your quality of life.

It’s okay to have things come up, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed, this is that greater part of you saying this might be too much for you to bear. So, cut yourself some slack, and be polite about it. Call or text the person you’ve over-committed yourself to and let them know that you might not be able to perform in the manner that you thought you could have when you told them you would do the thing you said you would do.

Once you’ve done that, you can instantly feel the sense of relief that comes from honoring yourself while still letting your friend know that your intention was to keep your word.

It is not the end of the world, just because you failed to follow through on what you said you would do on someone else’s behalf. Forgive yourself and keep moving forward, enjoying honoring yourself.

Keep that in mind the next time someone tells you that they will do something for you, and they fail to follow through. Tell yourself, “I know that things come up,” knowing that you do that, too. Forgive and bless them, because you know that you’re being flexible will be a great source of relief for the person who made you a promise that was just too stressful for them to keep.

Life is not just black and white. There are so many shades of gray in our experience and being flexible actually opens the door for new opportunities that you may have missed along the way when you’re more adaptive to change and allowing the flow of life to progress naturally.

This can be particularly difficult for you if you’ve been trained in a manner to think that life is just black-and-white. For instance, for people who have spent years in the military or a paramilitary organization, they have been trained to see things as this or that without any shades of gray.

This is an effective way to manage large groups of individuals with little or no leeway for life to flow when resources are limited, and chief objectives must be maintained with high levels of performance, but this is unnatural.

Life is flowing, not militaristic.

Of course, there are also toxic people who make it a habit to tell you they will do one thing but do another just to wreak havoc with your life. This is another thing entirely.
These are the people you need to keep at a safer distance, moving them further from your circle of friends. If they are showing you that they are unwilling or unable to do the things they say they will, then it’s on you to stop expecting them to do anything they say. Problem solved.

Release your attachment to expectation, and learn to lighten up on yourself and others.
You got this.

Keep moving and going with the flow.

Allow Unto Others

Everyone remembers the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Matthew 7:12) but I would like to see it upgraded to the Diamond Rule rewritten to say, “Allow unto others as you would have them allow unto you.”

That is to say that you allow everyone else the same respect and courtesy that you would like to receive from them. Not to hard to imagine how this diamond rule could be a huge improvement on the simply doing of things, which is great, but to simply allow someone to be, as you would like to be allowed to be, is a far superior concept.

The precepts for the diamond rule are that all of us are equal, we are all in the process of being, we are all in different stages of growth and change, no one is better than anyone else, we are all individual, yet one and the same.

Some of the ways we can prepare our mindsets to appreciate others in this way would be to honor our differences. Realizing that we are all uniquely different, seeing and celebrating our differences instead of putting others down for being different.

Not being afraid about getting to know someone who is different and might have potentially hugely differing points of views on things, may have an accent, might look and act different, maybe even have a sense of wonder about what it might to be like that person.

You might be able to develop a genuine curiosity about other people, how they go here, their history, heritage, and details about the place that they came from. No need to be timid shy about asking someone about their lives if its non-threatening and tempered with compassion, sharing, and caring.

If something someone says generates a negative feeling inside you, do not lash out at the person who is sharing. Instead, think about looking inside of yourself and ask yourself why you might have responded in that manner to his or her words?

There’s a good chance that you have some hidden (or maybe not so hidden) negative programming at work which might have made you feel that way. Might be an indicator that some deep inner work is necessary for you to continue your own growth and evolution.

As you get to know someone else’s world, continue to grow in your own sense of self, and what you believe. The more self-confident and secure you are in yourself you are, the less defensive you will have to be. If you are very secure about you, there is no need to be threatened by a differing viewpoint, and you can honor someone else’s point of view, like you would want them to honor yours.

Don’t be afraid about using your imagination to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What might it be like for that person, having lived the life they lived until now? Even in the most difficult circumstances, if someone is disrespectful or expresses anger, instead of posting up to fight back, why not try to understand why he or she might be responding that way?

Chances are, if you’d lived that person’s life, step by step, having endured everything in life that led up to that point, you would have reacted the same way.

When someone’s reaction surprises you or seems to be out of character, you may become curious and wonder why? They might even want to talk about it if you’re non-threatening and genuinely concerned and can have this conversation compassionately without pride or judgment.

Just remember that deep down, we’re all the same. In fact, just to put your mind at ease, even with all our differences, we are 98.2% exactly the same.

So, maybe – just maybe – the next time you think about judging someone or feeling different, you might think about my diamond rule and, “Allow unto others as you would have them allow unto you.”

It doesn’t seem like too much to ask, allowing someone else the same respect and courtesy that you would like to be treated with.

What an excellent way to be different, by allowing others to be different, too, while feeling safe and secure in the knowledge that we are all in this together.

And if you are very brave, you can let the diamond rule flow over into all areas of life where you feel separation or negative feelings about other people, places, or things.

Everything You Need is Inside of You

Everything you seek, everything you want for yourself, others, and the world, everything you need is inside of you to be and have whatever you desire and make your wildest dreams come true.

If you have a strong desire to occupy a certain station in life or be a certain type of person, your desires have already been manifested. The “you” that you desire to become has already appeared in all its fullness in the future.

Your desire is part of your birthright calling forth the “you” you were destined to be, the very same person you long to become. It is already done.

All the love you could possibly want exists within you right now in real time. You must look within yourself to find it. It has always been there, will always be there, in unlimited supply, and all you need to do is to tap into this vast powerhouse of love which is all-powerful, unconditional, and conquers all.

You have the power to send this purest of love energy to those to others, to those who struggle and face life’s greatest challenges. You can send love to the world, changing current circumstances, giving hope where there was none to be found, and calling forth new life in a desperate age.

All the happiness and joy you could ever want is there, waiting for you to be found and embraced, it is in every part of you, in all its fullness in any quantity you could imagine, ever present and hardwired, waiting for you to unleash it.

The peace that passes all understanding is fully activated within you. All you need to do is to let go of everything that clouds your view of it to see and feel all the purest peace that has always been there, will always be.

The prosperity and abundance which appears to elude you are already there, right now. All you need do is to remove all those thoughts and things that stand between you and all the things you want, as you embrace all your skills, abilities and gifts, allowing yourself to rise to your highest and best.

Have health concerns? Fear not. Perfect health is yours. It is all there in every cell of your body, the healthy you, waiting to come forth. You have the keys to overcoming every physiological or mental frailty, diagnosis or disease, inside of you, waiting to be released.

Looking to connect with others? You are already fully connected to all life. You are one with everything, all matter, seen and unseen, every person, place, and thing is an extension of yourself. All you have to do to realize this is true is to stop resisting and enforcing your own separation from the fullness of life. We are one.

All the attributes you desire to attain, trust, wisdom, discernment, intuition, all there inside of you waiting to be released.

Your mind is the insulator programmed to keep you from being all that you could possibly want to have or be. There is no struggle in having or being all that you desire. Those sparks of longing are all those things which you already are waiting to reveal themselves to you.

All you must do is to let go of all those things which keep you distracted from what you seek or desire, rise to the fullness of your divine nature and allow all that you desire to be, and be it will.

Your heart is the doorway to love which allows you to access all the unlimited possibilities, everything you want, everything you were destined to be and have as your birthright.

Billions of cells are causing you to want everything that is rightfully yours.

Let go of that which insulates you, your self, your ego, your programming, your beliefs, all that separates you from everything. Every “thing” is you and you are everything, exceeding your wildest expectations and dreams.

And all these possibilities in all their glory exists deep within every molecule of your body.

Stop resisting and let it be.

Let It Be

I remember a time when I was much more opinionated. Maybe that’s not correctly stated. I think what I meant to say was, there was a time when I felt as though more people should share the same opinions as me.

Even though I’ve always been quite tolerant, my evolution has me being even more tolerant these days, and my quality of life and happiness quotient is much higher than before.

Once you start allowing everyone to make their own way in the best way they can with the tools in their possession, you have the ability to let it be (breathe) and there is magic in the let-it-be mindset.

let it be mindset no need to engage in negativity

Whether you’re in a romantic relationship, a business meeting, classroom, church, boot camp, climbing the corporate ladder, on any team from sports to Navy Seals, etc… there is magic in being able to state your case and let it be.

I’ve come to realize that any situation can have thousands of different potential ways that the details can play out with just as many varied results and what I’ve found (from experience and experimentation) is everything always works out for the best; even if it looks like the most horrible thing one could ever imagine is happening; the resulting effects are beneficial (either for the individual or the greater community). It doesn’t mean that a particular act or circumstance is not wrong – it very well could be – but the result serves a purpose that is beneficial.

Some of our historical martyrs were tortured and suffered greatly, yet in the moment – as bad as it was – they knew their circumstance served a greater good.

There is a simple principle that you get what you give. That is to say, if you are not tolerant with others (allowing them to live their lives in the best way they can with the tools they possess) then how could you possibly expect them to allow you to make decisions in your best interest and live the life you desire?

Not gonna happen.

I’ve found that simply stating my position while being frank, honest and open, then backing away is highly effective, both for my own state of mind and is a better form of service to others. I usually ask permission, first, like, “Can I be perfectly honest and transparent, here?” (pause) “Would that be okay?” Then I wait until I get acknowledgement from everyone in the room (even if it’s only one other person), then I say what’s on my mind.

If I am challenged, I don’t enter into an argument to defend my position. My position is only my position. I’m not saying that it’s right or wrong, it is only my opinion. It’s up to the other party (or parties) to figure out what to do with my statement – or not – whether to consider or ignore what I have to say. The more intellectual and savvy communicators may ask for clarification to better understand my position, which I will offer up to make certain that I am clearly heard (or understood). This method can add an exciting though-provoking opportunity to any boardroom or active conversation.

Taking the High Road

This is part of taking the high road. It’s about letting other people who are prone to strife and discourse to enjoy themselves and the level of discomfort that resonates with them, where they are at in their life’s journey today. It is always subject to change, though their dysfunction (wrong word) “communication style” may last a lifetime.

Give What You Want

It takes practice, but consider giving what you want, and either you will get what you give back, or the situation will change so that you can get what you give.

I work with many people and every day someone uses words like,

I don’t like…
I’m sick and tired of…
I hate it when…
I can’t believe…
I’m so upset because…

All which represent intolerance. They imply an I’m-right-you’re-wrong mindset. Why does anybody have to be right or wrong? If you could consider a more heart-centered approach to the same circumstances alternate responses could be,

I like that you found an idea that resonates with you.
You have a consistency of thought that is undeniable and could be envied by many.
I love it when you state your opinion with such emotion. You are very powerful.
I believe that what you believe is coming straight from your heart.
I’m at peace with allowing you to maintain your position and the way that you feel about it.

Be Open to Change

I am in the change business, and I deal mostly with people in transition. If you’re not open to the idea of change at the moment this will sound totally ridiculous to you (what am I saying? If you’re not open, you probably would not have read this far).

So, you are open. You’re like the many people who are making transitions in their lives, and the people around them may not like the change, so you will experience some resistance. By accepting that resistance will be part of your growth and that some struggle may be necessary to break through to be where you want to be, to enjoy the better life you know is waiting for you… Is it too much to ask that you give what you want?

If you want others to let you be, then maybe it’s time to allow others to be the way they are, where they are in the moment.

Move forward. Keep moving. Respectfully state your case, when appropriate or necessary then resume your forward movement, more mindful to allow the magic of

Let it be