truth | David M Masters

Relationship Truth and the Soulmate List

Okay, you asked for it, so here it is: The truth about romantic relationships is that most of them (the successful ones) take work. Sure you have to have all the components…

Broken heart

First you have to start without a broken heart. If you’re looking for mister or miss right, you have to be ready to have a relationship. That means, if you’ve been in one prior, you’d best get a handle on recovery from your previous romantic episode before you go running headlong into the next one, otherwise, you’re just not ready. That’s the truth.

Lonely

“But I’m lonely and don’t want to be alone.”

Okay, I get that. But how long do you expect someone to stick around if they are unable to stand the whirlwind you bring to the table. If he/she reminds you of your ex- either you’re still hung up on your ex- (and not ready to be seeing anyone. See Broken Heart, above) or you’re attracting the same type of person (and how did that work the last time?).

Get Busy

Get busy doing the things that make you feel good, the things that you love. If you’re feeling good all the time, you don’t have the time (or energy) to feel depressed or lonely. I try to stay busy, focused on my clients and spending quality time with my friends (who, unfortunately all are paired up, but fun nonetheless). I can always relax and take time off for her, after I’ve found her.

Awakenings

When you start to realize these things, you can either forge forward with little regard to them or start to wake up to the music. The title of the song you want to hear from within is, “Do Something Different,” or learn to find happiness in the same old types of relationships that you’ve had in the past.

I have this formula that I use; maybe you will find it helpful for you (maybe not). I call it my

Soulmate List

I have a list of fifty-or-so attributes that I am looking for. In an extra-large font, it takes up three pages.

I came up with the idea, while working with a coach and mentor in Florida, who had used some of these techniques to find her life-long soulmate (that’s what I’m looking for, too) and I’ve added my own tweaks to form a new system. Briefly, it goes, like this:

1a. To first make a list of all the things that you didn’t like in the men in your past relationship.

1b. Then go over the list and translate those into a list of positive attributes (the opposites) that you would look for in Mr. Right. (Ditch the negative list.)

2. Next, make a list of all the things that you liked (or thought you liked) in the men in your previous relationships.

3. Combine the two lists of positive attributes, and you’re almost there…

4. Then, being as specific as you can, think of all the attributes that you would like that aren’t already on the list. (The Floridian coach cautioned me not to leave anything off, because she had neglected to put down, “Physically healthy,” on her list, and wished she had, later.)

Then she says read the list every day, out-loud, once in the morning and once in the evening, and you will get what you confess.

I told the story to my grief counselor, he thinks it’s a great idea and is going to start using that model in his practice.

If you decide to give-it-a-go, I’d like to see your list. (It’s also a great way to turn around some of the pain of past relationships and turn them into positive attributes. It keeps you from focusing on the garbage, leading to real healing.)

The Real Truth

Finally, the real truth is this: My intention was to write and create a book based on this system called, “The Soul Mate List,” with the intention of telling my world’s greatest love story of all time and describe how I found the love of my life quickly and easily using my system.

I find that this system has been highly effective in preventing me from being sidetracked by potential romances that were not my highest and best (nor I theirs). = WIN

On the other hand, seven years… No soul mate… LOL

The Truth and Nothing But the Truth

Let’s talk about truth…

What is truth? What does that mean to you?

How can you know whether something is true, or not?

When someone asserts an absolute, its easy to question the credibility of the messenger as well as the veracity of the message.

For anything to be true, it must be based on fact(s) and/or based in reality; though a truth could also be based on collective beliefs based on much less fact and/or reality as it is known. Truth can also be either subjective or objective.

The measure of truth highly depends on the information that is available for evaluating the prospective truth based on the perspective of the investigator.

In my own life, I have asserted many things as absolute truths based on my valuation of the material that was available at the time. Interestingly, I have lived long enough to discover that many of the things that I believed to be true, based on information that was available (or that I was fed) at the time, required reevaluation as new information came to light.

Truth in its highest form would be absolute, but who are we to assert that we could be the authority on anything? One truth about truth is, “seek and you will find.” As long as there is a quest for the truth with a desire to come to a particular outcome, some searcher, somewhere, sometime will derive the conclusion sought.

Yet, we are responsible to seek and maintain our own truths as we travel along this life’s journey; it is a sacred gift, not bestowed on other life forms on this planet. The key is to be open to the idea that truth is a moving target, ever evolving, as we observe, grow and gather information along our individual paths.

The truth, then, is as varied as we are; each of us determining our own truths from moment to moment.

What if someone does not ascribe to our idea of what is true about a particular idea or concept?

This is where one should practice the wisdom of decorum. If you maintain the belief that an idea that is true, yet it is clearly not accepted by the masses, you must proceed with caution and good judgment out of respect for your potential audience.

People are not able to hear any message or see anything without a proper sense of congruency to have an intellectual connection with your idea (cognitive dissonance).

Anytime someone shares an idea that I experience cognitive dissonance with, I say:

“Thank you for sharing. You are absolutely right. What you believe is true. Keep sharing your light with those who can hear you.”

If I can decipher enough congruency to get a grip on what they are trying to say form their perspective, and I am unable to find an appropriate positive or uplifting response, I simply say:

“I see what you mean.”

This allows my mind to consider understanding what the person is saying from their point of view at some time in the future.

It always amazes me, when I hear a concept – that upon the initial discovery of the idea – I find hard to believe; but, if I do not violently reject it and allow new information to be gathered and evaluated over time, the concept may begin to appear more credible. The new idea starts to become visible and possibly more credible than other ideas that I held closely previously. This concept may create a challenge for comprehension based on its conflict with old ideas in light of new information or discoveries, ergo anything is possible.

I find solace in the precept that all truth resides within the truth continuum, and that all of it, whether previously thought to be true or presently, even if only held to be true by a single individual, resides within the truth continuum. Therefore, anything and everything thought to be true, just is.

Keep an open mind. Don’t judge others for where they are in the truth continuum and do not overtly assert your ideas. Share openly but humbly, allowing your audience the opportunity to let your idea(s) sink in as they begin to collect more information, possibly challenging things that they once revered as absolute.

Debate is folly and overwhelm causes others to discard any value that your message might have.

Share compassionately, and don’t waste your efforts on those who cannot possibly comprehend what you are trying to say, but never stop… Those with the ears to hear will hear you.

I’m listening… Are you?

Coaching Truth

You may know me by my work at Olympia Life Coach, or you might have taken any of my many classes or been trained and certified as a Life Coach by me, and if you have, you’ve heard me refer to the “truth matrix” at one time or another.

Having a grasp of the truth continuum can be extremely valuable in the way you interact with your life coaching clientele. In this business, you never know who is going to walk in your door and what condition they might be in.

Remembering that you’re in the business of helping someone do the best they can with what they have is of primary importance. You are not here to educate, train, or convince anyone of anything. Other experts in various modalities are called to ministries which persuade people to do or think in certain ways, but the life coach is there to support the client, period.

Clients may be predisposed to any concept of life or belief system. It is not the coach’s job to change what anyone believes, only to accept clients for who they are, believing whatever it is they might believe, without judgment or ridicule.

We do present clients with challenges, and a plethora of “what ifs” in an attempt to encourage clients to look at things from different perspectives, but their reality is solely their own, and we encourage them to make their own decisions supporting them all the way (unless it comes to a point where it becomes a conflict of interest, then you can refer them to another coach).

This is where the idea of the truth continuum comes in handy, as the truth continuum assumes that whatever the client thinks, or says is somewhere inside the truth continuum, even if it sounds contradictory to anything you might believe as being true.

The truth continuum honors the right of any client to believe anything they want and enables you to support them 100% in whatever they long to accomplish in their life without judgment or criticism.

Of course, all life coaches are not created equal, and no two are the same. You are encouraged to specialize in particular areas of expertise. For instance, there was a time when I specialized in drug and alcohol addictions. Since those early days, I have moved on to other areas of expertise.

When someone approaches me, who desires coaching regarding alcohol or drug addictions today, I refer them to another Olympia Life Coach who specializes in that particular area.

I stay focused on the vibration of the areas of coaching which resonate with me at the time.

Certainly, if I am working with a client who encounters a bridge which must be crossed to better approach the goals and ideals which he or she is working on, I can reach into my cache of previous specializations if we can keep moving ahead without any loss of momentum. If it requires a more long-term commitment, again, I am likely to refer my client to another coach specializing in that area.

My client is welcome to either maintain the work with both coaches, each working in their area(s) of expertise, or alternatively to return following the other work which may cause conflict with their primary focus.