Tag: judgment

What “Don’t Throw the Baby Out with the Bathwater” Really Is

One of my early ministry mentors, Brother Bryan, had a saying he repeated often. “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” At the time, I smiled politely. I understood the words, but I wasn’t sure I understood their weight. Years later, I think I finally do.

The old expression comes from a simple picture. After everyone in the household had bathed, the water was dirty. Really dirty. When it was finally time to dump the tub, you had one more job. Make sure the baby isn’t still in it.

The point wasn’t about bathing. It was about judgment. It was about remembering that something precious can be hidden among things that genuinely need to be discarded.

I think we’ve become remarkably skilled at doing the opposite.

Today, we often throw away the baby first.

    • Someone hears that a priest abused a child. Suddenly, every priest becomes suspect.
    • A teacher commits a terrible crime. Now every teacher must prove they are safe.
    • A police officer acts dishonorably. Every officer wears the stain.
    • A politician lies. Therefore, politicians can’t be trusted.
    • A man betrays his wife. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
    • Someone commits a felony. “They’ll always be a criminal.”
    • One member of a race behaves badly. The entire race inherits the accusation.
    • One immigrant.
    • One business owner.
    • One coach.
    • One pastor.
    • One doctor.
    • One stepfather.
    • One teenager.
    • One generation.
    • One denomination.
    • One political party.

Our minds are astonishingly quick at taking one painful story and quietly attaching it to millions of people we’ve never met. Perhaps it’s because our brains are trying to protect us.

Patterns help us survive. If one berry made someone sick, avoid berries. If one cave held a bear, check caves carefully.

Those instincts served our ancestors well. But human beings are not berries.

People are not statistics. And they certainly are not headlines. The news has a difficult job. It reports what is unusual. Very few reporters stand outside a school to announce that every child arrived safely today.

No one interrupts your dinner because another hundred thousand fathers came home from work, hugged their children, and quietly loved their families.

Ordinary goodness is rarely spectacular enough to become breaking news. Extraordinary failure almost always is.

The problem isn’t that we hear about terrible things. The problem is that we begin believing terrible things are ordinary. And somewhere along the way, our curiosity quietly dies.

    • We stop asking.
    • We stop meeting individuals.
    • We stop allowing people to surprise us.

Instead, we file them. Category. Label. Case closed.

Jesus seemed unusually unwilling to do that. He met people one person at a time.

    • Tax collector.
    • Roman soldier.
    • Religious leader.
    • Woman at the well.
    • Fisherman.
    • Leper.
    • Thief.

He somehow managed to see the individual without pretending the problem didn’t exist.

That takes wisdom. It’s easy to condemn an entire group. It’s harder to remain curious. Curiosity isn’t naïve. Curiosity simply refuses to let someone else’s story become everyone else’s sentence.

    • I’ve known remarkable pastors.
    • I’ve known terrible pastors.
    • I’ve known honest business owners.
    • I’ve known dishonest ones.
    • I’ve known people with criminal records who became among the safest, kindest human beings I’ve ever met.

I’ve also known people with spotless résumés who quietly destroyed lives.

Character doesn’t travel in packs. Neither does integrity.

Every human being deserves the dignity of being encountered before being categorized.

Brother Bryan was right. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

You may discover that the thing worth protecting was there all along. Perhaps the real baby isn’t the person you’re judging. Perhaps it’s your own ability to see people clearly. And that’s something worth protecting.

Spiritual Alchemy: A Shift of Perspective to Serve Not Judge

What if we dared to adopt a lens of a different perspective to view life’s complexities in a world polarized by opinions and absolutes? Instead of clinging to rigid beliefs or passing judgment, imagine if we navigated our experiences based on a simple principle: does it serve or not?

This notion challenges us to transcend the binary constraints of right and wrong, good and bad. Rather than getting entangled in the complex matrix of opinions, we’re invited to explore what truly serves our well-being, growth, and interconnectedness.

Consider, for instance, the common tendency to label others negatively. It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing everyone as a “jerk.” But does this perspective truly serve us? Does it foster understanding, compassion, or healthy relationships? Or does it merely perpetuate a cycle of negativity and bitterness? Believing that everyone is doing their best may serve us far better. This mindset opens doors to empathy, forgiveness, and the possibility of avoiding building walls of isolation but building bridges for interconnectedness.

How we talk to ourselves can either empower or disempower us. Do our self-criticisms motivate us to improve, or do they chip away at our self-worth and resilience? Instead of indulging in negative self-talk, what if we approached our struggles with compassion and self-acceptance?

Here are some ideas and steps to help improve how we talk about and to ourselves, shifting from negative self-talk to a more compassionate and self-accepting approach:

1. Practice Self-Awareness:

    • Start noticing your inner voice and how you talk with it. Notice when negative thoughts arise and how they make you feel.
    • Keep a journal for recording your thoughts and feelings. Your journal can help you identify patterns of negative self-talk.

2. Challenge Your Negative Thoughts:

    • When you notice your inner voice speaking negatively, challenge them with evidence to the contrary.
    • Ask yourself if there’s a more compassionate or balanced way to view the situation.

3. Cultivate Self-Compassion:

    • Treat yourself with the same kind of care and understanding you would offer to a friend struggling with similar challenges.
    • Practice self-compassion exercises, such as writing yourself a compassionate letter or repeating self-love affirmations.

4. Practice Mindfulness:

    • Engage in mindful meditation to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
    • Use mindfulness techniques to ground yourself in the present moment and interrupt negative thought patterns.

5. Set Realistic Expectations:

    • Realize that perfection is an unrealistic expectation and that everyone experiences setbacks and struggles.
    • Set more realistic goals for yourself and celebrate the small victories along the way.

6. Seek Support:

    • Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support and encouragement.
    • Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you rather than those who fuel negative self-talk.

7. Practice Gratitude:

    • Cultivate a daily practice of gratitude, focusing on the positive aspects of your life.
    • Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and what you’re grateful for, even in challenging times.

8. Reframe Failure as Learning Opportunities:

    • Instead of viewing mistakes or failures as evidence of personal inadequacy, see them as opportunities for growth and learning.
    • Embrace a positive growth mindset that welcomes challenges and sees setbacks as integral stepping stones to success.

Examples:

Negative self-talk: I reframed my self-talk:
“I’m such a failure. I can never do anything right.” “I made a mistake, but I’m learning from it. Everyone makes mistakes, and it doesn’t define my worth as a person.”
“I’ll never be good enough.” “I may not be where I want to be yet, but I’m making progress, and I’m worthy of love and acceptance just as I am.”
“I can’t believe I messed up again. I’m so stupid.” “It’s normal to make mistakes sometimes. I’m human, and I’m allowed to be imperfect. I’ll try again and do better next time.”

By incorporating these practices into your daily life and actively challenging negative self-talk, you can cultivate a mindset of compassion, self-acceptance, and resilience. Changing programmed and familiar thinking patterns takes time and effort, so cut yourself some slack, be understanding, patient, and gentle with yourself.

Serving rather than judging invites us to become conscious co-creators of our experiences. It encourages us to cultivate empathy, resilience, and a sense of interconnectedness with all beings. By embracing this mindset, we transcend the limitations of ego and ideology, and we step into the boundless potential of our humanity.

The exciting thing about all this, is that once you start cutting yourself some slack, you will be more likely to do likewise to those around you, and less likely to be so judgmental about how others are doing or not meeting your expectations.

So, the next time you encounter a challenging situation or a conflicting perspective, pause and ask: What serves me in this moment? Let that guiding principle guide you toward greater understanding, compassion, and growth. After all, in the matrix of existence, there is always a way to turn even the darkest bondage into beams of light.

Releasing Judgment, Embracing Freedom, Connection and Growth

Judgment, whether directed at ourselves or others, creates barriers that limit our perception of reality. It stems from biases, past experiences, and societal conditioning, trapping us in a narrow mindset of “right” or “wrong.” While judgment may seem like a natural response, it often restricts our ability to grow, connect, and embrace the richness of life.

To move beyond judgment is to enter a space of curiosity, compassion, and openness. This shift allows for deeper understanding, greater awareness, and the freedom to evolve. Here’s an exploration of the impact of judgment and how releasing it can lead to profound transformation.

Judgment places rigid labels on people, experiences, and even ourselves. These labels create fixed beliefs and expectations that:

    • Close the Mind: By deciding something is “right” or “wrong,” we limit our ability to explore alternative perspectives.
    • Block Connection: Judgment often leads to separation, as we categorize others based on superficial traits or actions.
    • Stifle Growth: When we judge ourselves harshly, we reinforce limiting beliefs that prevent personal evolution.

For example, judging someone for their choices may stem from our own biases or unexamined values, yet it prevents us from understanding their unique circumstances or perspectives.

Judgment often reveals more about the one judging than the one being judged. It can arise from unresolved fears, insecurities, or unmet needs within ourselves.

    • Self-Judgment: Critical thoughts about ourselves mirror inner doubts and low self-worth.
    • Judging Others: Projecting judgment onto others can be a way to deflect attention from our own perceived shortcomings.

By recognizing judgment as a reflection of our inner state, we can use it as an opportunity for self-awareness and healing.

Releasing judgment involves shifting from a fixed mindset to one of curiosity and openness. Instead of labeling something as “good” or “bad,” we can ask:

    • “What can I learn from this?”
    • “Why might this person think or act this way?”
    • “What does this reveal about myself?”

Curiosity creates space for understanding, empathy, and growth, allowing us to see the world in richer and more nuanced ways.

Benefits of Releasing Judgment

    1. Expanded Awareness: Letting go of judgment broadens our perception, enabling us to see the full spectrum of human experiences.
    2. Deeper Connections: When we approach others with compassion instead of judgment, we foster trust and authentic relationships.
    3. Personal Growth: Releasing self-judgment creates space for self-acceptance, empowering us to embrace our flaws and strengths equally.
    4. Inner Peace: Living without judgment reduces mental and emotional strain, allowing for a more harmonious and balanced life.

How to Let Go of Judgment

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness

Recognize when judgment arises by paying attention to your thoughts and emotions. Ask yourself:

    • “What triggered this judgment?”
    • “Is this judgment based on fact, or is it rooted in bias or assumption?”
    • “What does this say about my own fears or beliefs?”

Awareness is the first step to dissolving judgment.

2. Practice Compassion

Replace judgment with compassion, both for yourself and others. Remind yourself that:

    • Everyone is on their own journey, shaped by unique circumstances and experiences.
    • Mistakes and imperfections are part of being human.

Mantras like “I choose to see with compassion” can help reframe judgmental thoughts.

3. Embrace Curiosity and Openness

When faced with situations that might trigger judgment, adopt a curious mindset.

    • Ask Questions: Seek to understand the perspectives or motivations behind actions.
    • Challenge Assumptions: Question the beliefs that underlie your judgments.

Openness invites learning and growth, transforming judgment into a tool for discovery.

4. Let Go of the Need to Be “Right”

Judgment often stems from a desire to prove ourselves right or superior. By releasing this need, we free ourselves from the rigidity of dualistic thinking and embrace the complexity of life.

5. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps us observe our thoughts without attachment or reaction. Through meditation or present-moment awareness, we can notice judgment as it arises and consciously choose to release it.

Letting go of judgment is not about ignoring boundaries or tolerating harmful behavior. Instead, it’s about replacing criticism with understanding and separation with connection.

    • Acceptance Over Approval: Letting go of judgment doesn’t mean agreeing with everything; it means accepting that others’ paths and perspectives are valid for them.
    • Growth Over Stagnation: When we release judgment, we create space to evolve, embracing life’s complexities rather than resisting them.

The Freedom of Non-Judgment

When we let go of judgment, we liberate ourselves from the constraints of rigid beliefs and limited perceptions. This freedom allows us to experience life with greater clarity, compassion, and authenticity.

Living without judgment opens the door to:

    • True Understanding: Seeing others and ourselves with clarity and empathy.
    • Genuine Connection: Building relationships based on acceptance rather than comparison.
    • Unrestricted Growth: Evolving into the fullest expression of who we are.

As we release judgment, we not only transform our inner world but also contribute to a more harmonious and compassionate society. In the end, the journey of letting go is one of coming home to love—for ourselves, for others, and for the world.

Each moment is an opportunity to choose curiosity over criticism, understanding over judgment, and connection over division. In doing so, we embrace the full spectrum of human experience and unlock the infinite potential within ourselves and others.

Embrace Curiosity & Tolerance Over Hardcore 4 a Better Life!

As a life coach, I’ve witnessed many individuals struggle with rigid mindsets, viewing the world through a narrow lens of black and white. This perspective often leads to isolation, judgment, and the draining of one’s life energy. But there’s a more fulfilling way to live—one that fosters curiosity, tolerance, and a deeper connection with others. Shifting to this mindset can transform your relationships, enhance your well-being, and enrich your life.

The Power of Curiosity and Tolerance

Curiosity and tolerance are the keys to building meaningful relationships and understanding the world around us. When we approach others with an open mind and a willingness to learn, we create space for empathy and connection. Instead of viewing differences as threats, we begin to see them as opportunities for growth and learning.

Those who embrace curiosity and tolerance tend to know more about the intimate details of their friends and acquaintances. They understand that life is not just about themselves but also about others. By valuing people from all walks of life without judgment, they contribute to a more inclusive and compassionate world.

Why Change?

Living with a hardcore, judgmental mindset can be exhausting. It burns up your life energy, drains your body’s natural resources, and can lead to a compromised immune system, making you more susceptible to illness and depression. This perspective also tends to increase the likelihood of accidents and mental health challenges.

In contrast, those adopting a curious and tolerant approach enjoy better health, happiness, and longevity. They are more content, resilient, and connected to others. They create a more harmonious and joyful life by embracing diversity and respecting different viewpoints.

Steps to Shift from Hardcore to Curious and Tolerant

If you’re ready to make the shift from a hardcore mindset to one of curiosity and tolerance, here are some steps you can take:

Self-Reflection

Begin by examining your current beliefs and attitudes. Are there areas where you tend to judge others or see things as black and white? Reflect on how these perspectives impact your relationships and well-being.

Practice Empathy

Put yourself in others’ shoes and try understanding their perspectives and experiences. Ask yourself what might have led them to their beliefs and behaviors. This practice can help you cultivate compassion and reduce judgment.

Challenge Your Assumptions

When you catch yourself making snap judgments, pause and question your assumptions. Consider alternative viewpoints and seek out information that challenges your beliefs. This can broaden your understanding and open your mind to new possibilities.

Embrace Diversity

Surround yourself with diverse people and experiences. Engage with individuals from different backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives. Listen actively and ask questions to learn more about their stories and viewpoints.

Practice Active Listening

Focus on truly listening to others rather than planning your response while they are speaking. Show genuine interest in what they have to say and validate their feelings and experiences.

Cultivate Gratitude

Develop a habit of gratitude by acknowledging the positive aspects of others and appreciating the diversity around you. This can help shift your focus from judgment to acceptance.

Set Intentions for Openness

Each day, set an intention to be open and curious. Remind yourself that everyone is doing their best with the resources and knowledge they have. Approach each interaction with a mindset of learning and growth.

Let Go of Control

Accept that you cannot control others or their beliefs. Focus on what you can control—your reactions and attitudes. Allow others to be where they are and do things their way, respecting their autonomy.

Practice Mindfulness

To stay present and centered, engage in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing. This can help you become more aware of your thoughts and reactions, enabling you to respond with greater tolerance and understanding.

Celebrate Differences

Recognize that differences make the world more exciting and vibrant. Celebrate the diversity around you and acknowledge the value of each unique perspective.

Changing your base vibratory tone from hardcore judgment to curiosity and tolerance is a journey that requires patience and practice. But the rewards are immense—more excellent health, happiness, and fulfillment. By embracing curiosity and tolerance, you can create a more inclusive world where everyone is valued and respected. Remember, we are all in this boat together, doing our best in this life. Let’s honor each other’s paths and embrace the beauty of our shared humanity.

Forgiveness and Judgment

To forgive or not to forgive, should not be the question. If Jesus or God is who They say They are, then They are the only ones with the right to truly exercise frue forgiveness and judgment. But we are taught to forgive others for their wrongs against us. In this case, forgiveness is for the forgiver to feel better about the wrongness they feel about the one they feel has wronged them.

What if the person who acted wrongly, offended, betrayed, or otherwise made you feel victimized didn’t actually do anything malicious to you? What then?

Forgiveness and Judgment Cougar on the <Loose

For instance, I live in the Pacific Northwest where we enjoy a certain amount of natural wildlife with which we share the environment. I heard a story that a cougar had been spotted lurking around a predominant neighborhood in an upscale community nearby. Radio and media alerted the city that a cougar had been spotted and to take special precautions.

Around this time, a mother playing with her young son in the fenced yard went inside to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer. When she returned, the boy was gone. There was blood on the grass, and it appeared that the cat had followed its natural instincts.

The community gunned up, hunted down the cougar, and ascertained that the cougar was the culprit. A truly tragic story.

But who was wrong? Obviously not the child who was an innocent victim. The mother? The cougar?

Certainly, the mother and the neighbors assumed the cougar was wrong. But the cougar is a cougar. Yes, no doubt it was a tragedy, but that’s what cougars do. No, they don’t usually go around attacking children, but they do prey on living food, the easier the food is to get, the quicker they satisfy their hunger.

Not unlike your pet cat. If your pet cat sees a mouse, it is fair game, it can be fun or food or both fun and food. A wounded bird is even better.

In the case of the cougar and the child? It is easy to jump to the conclusion that the cougar is the offender, and the neighbors were the judge and jury, as they took matters into their own hands. Justice, as it were, was served. The cougar paid the price for its sins with its life.

The mother may someday wonder if she should forgive the cougar, or pray to Jesus or God that the sinning cougar is forgiven. But did the cougar sin?

No. The cougar just did what cougars do, what they were born to do. Did the cougar extend its practices beyond reasonable boundaries? Yes. Doing so may have put the cougar at additional risk, for which the cougar did pay the price.

But the cougar was just a cougar.

So it is, when someone commits a crime, possibly any crime. If the perpetrator is a cougar, could they have done anything else besides commit said crime? Maybe not. May he or she be just a cougar? It’s all they instinctively know to do. They have a hunger or a yearning to do something, and they do whatever they need to do to satisfy it. Just like the cougar.

If I have been offended by someone, another person, and I feel victimized, did that offender purposely intend to hurt me, or was he or she just doing the only thing they knew how to tend to themselves?

Are these offenders just doing the best they can with what they have?

I know I’m not perfect. I’ve hurt people’s feelings while in the act of doing the best I could with what I had. I didn’t even know that I was hurting anyone. Yet here it is. I can clearly see now in retrospect, that I did inadvertently offend someone in a manner that had never occurred to me while I was about the business of doing the best I could with what I had.

Should I Ask for Forgiveness?

If I am aware of my transgression, yes. I feel an obligation to appeal to that person and ask him or her for forgiveness, even if I was unaware of my transgression when it occurred because I never intended to do that. And I am ashamed of myself for not being more aware that someone else might have been hurt in my doing the best I could with what I had.

Should I Expect Someone Else to Ask Me for Forgiveness?

There was a time when I felt that would be appropriate when I thought that if someone hurt me in some way that I was owed an apology, or begged for my forgiveness for their sin. Later, I realized that forgiveness was a God issue, and not a “me” issue. So, I let go of that expectation.

I might still like an apology, but I wouldn’t expect it. Especially if the offender was a cougar.

Anyone Could be a Cougar

What if the person who offended or victimized me was a cougar? A cougar could take almost any shape or human form. A drug dealer, addict, drunk driver, lawyer, judge, doctor, neighbor, friend, spouse, sibling, or priest.

Anyone could be a cougar. Just doing the best they can with what they have. Nonetheless, a cougar. Even me. And like the cougar, if I offend the wrong person at the wrong place and time, I too may have to pay the price for doing so.

Superiority of Judgment

Yet, we feel so superior that we would expect to have the right to be asked for forgiveness and feel as though we have the right and power to offer such forgiveness. So, we judge them, until they have paid the price for offending us.

Then I am reminded of a Jesus story about a woman who had been accused of adultery. The self-righteous Pharisees were standing around her with a fistful of rocks ready to execute their brand of justice when Jesus interrupted them.

Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast the First Stone

Were the Pharisees authorized to execute this action in John 8? Were they following Jewish law? Pretty much (though there were some concerns that possibly they may not have had all their ducks in a row at the time the punishment was to be delivered by the law. Certainly, all the players did not appear to be present as the law may have suggested).

Did the Pharisees have hidden sins? Apparently. When Jesus challenged them, they drops their rocks and walked away.

Were the Pharisees cougars?

Jesus did not condemn her and simply told her to go and sin no more. Maybe she was a cougar. She was the only person that Jesus told to change her life, and I think that was because she was in so much trouble with the overseers that they intended to kill her for her misdeeds, and maybe He might not be there on her behalf, the next time. Like the advice I might give to a repeat offender, especially in my state where we have a three-strikes rule.

In Matthew 7, Jesus says not to judge lest we be judged, and if we judge someone harshly, we will be judged likewise. Then he asks how can you help a brother with a splinter in his eye when your own eye is blocked by lumber?

Good point. Right?

I like Jesus’ examples because He loved many people and had a heart for those who were less fortunate, most likely unworthy, and of questionable character, and His influence on their lives was undeniable.

The price of sin is death (ultimately) but Jesus by His death and resurrection was the sacrifice by which we all have forgiveness for our transgressions, and claim the right to life more meaningful and long-lasting (eternal) than any of us might have been entitled to otherwise.

When we judge and are so self-righteous to think we are authorized to do so, are we not nullifying the words of Jesus or the perfection of His work on the cross?

These days, I would not run to usurp His authority.

Is it polite to forgive? Yes. Would it be nice if someone apologized or asked for forgiveness? Yes.

Should we expect or demand it?

From a cougar?

In this respect, forgiveness may be required by people who may not understand the divinity of all things, though being willing to let go and let God work out the details, especially if someone is a cougar, may lead to the higher road to travel through this life.

After all, aren’t we all just doing the best we can with what we have?

Something to think about…

 

 

He’s Gonna Get His

When you experience, witness, or hear about someone’s wrongdoing, it’s easy to respond with a nonchalant, “He’s gonna get his,” which casts a powerful karmic spell. Take heed about wishing karma on someone because if it’s cast with malice or negative emotion it will backfire on you.

He’s Gonna Get His

This is a basic fact of the divine balanced nature of life. Everything that goes around comes around but it is not up to you or me to decide when, where, or how karmic justice will play out.

We can participate by casting our karmic spells, aligning ourselves with the justice of divinity. Your heart is a powerful energetic tool which can cause you to reap unforeseen karma yourself if you do not do so with a pure heart.

The saying, “He’s gonna get his,” is a shorthand reference to the more descriptive,

He is going to get what’s coming to him

That is to say, if someone thinks, says, or does something with malice of intent to take advantage of someone, to disrespect God or His creation, to do harm to someone or something, or even to neglect or ignore someone in need, that this will in some way revisit the very same person, in some way, possibly when he least expects it.

This gives us all a chance to revisit our selfishness, our egos, which for the most part run unbridled sometimes without a thought of how our thoughts, words, or our actions might affect others and the world around us.

Karma is not about revenge, karma is about love, about having the chance to make right that which was wrong in perfect balance and harmony. Karma is not about crime and punishment. Karma is about perfect love. Perfect love casts out all fear and all negative emotions which are connected to fear.

Karma is a bitch

How you can cast a karmic spell using the phrase, “Karma is a bitch,” with purity of heart is beyond me but it may be possible, if it can be said without any negative (fear-based) emotion.

Take heed: If you cast a negative karmic spell on someone, any negative emotion ricochets the spell back on you.

The Born Loser

The Born Loser refers to the person, who is not a bad person, but he just seems to have the worst luck No matter how hard he tries, he gets stuck in the never-ending cycle of bad luck, seemingly out of proportion to any deserved karma. Sometimes people will grab onto the idea that he is paying a karmic debt from a past life.

More often than not, if you dig deeper, you discover that he is paying the price of casting karmic spells with an impure heart.

The Born Loser is likely one who passes judgment on others quickly, and casts the karmic spell to in effect punish people whom he has defined as abusive or criminal and in need of a serious readjustment, not realizing that any negative emotion, which is not pure love, will bounce the karmic spell back onto he who has cast if.

While the Born Loser might be an extreme example, I think you get the idea.

You might know someone (someone you may know intimately, who might even be wearing the same skin as you) who seems to be experiencing a disproportionate degree of negative karma.

If you look closer, I think you will find that this person is casting negative karmic spells and reaping the rewards for doing so. I see it all the time. I think you will too, now that you know what to look for.

The cure is simple. Stop casting negative karmic spells.

It’s simple but it’s not easy to stop doing something you’ve been doing for a long time and instead; doing the opposite, casting spells of pure love, free from judgment or angst.

It doesn’t happen overnight (though I have seen people change instantly due to an epiphany or major paradigm shift) but you can learn to replace a negative thought with a loving thought.

All your effort to move from fear to will pay off in living a better life, your best life, and who knows? You might even end up making the world a better place.

It all starts right here, right now, if you choose. It’s your choice.

You can change your whole life

Note: While the theme of this article was written addressed in the masculine, it applies to the feminine just as well.

Evildoers and Hypocrisy

My mother used to say, “All the deepest, darkest, most dangerous souls hide undercover in churches.” When the secret crimes began to come to light regarding activities covered up by the Catholic church, my mother and millions of other people, felt justified and vilified in their accusations of the church secretly providing safe harbor for evildoers.

As easy as it might be to point your finger at the church, the breaking news is not as dramatic as it may seem, especially with all the drama and exploitation fueling the fire in the media. The news is not so impressive if you look at the facts. Statistics dictate that any group of any size will have a certain percentage of evildoers.

It doesn’t matter where you look. Where ever you look, in religious organizations, educational institutions, State agencies, Government departments, military installations, corporations, businesses, non-profit organizations, or anywhere else where you find a number of people working together, you will find evil.

The Catholic church is an easy target because it is a very large organization but you will find the same percentage of evil in the same proportions per capita just about anywhere.

Why? Because none of us is without sin. Each and every one of us has the potential for evil within.

Some of us fight any tendency toward darkness than others for various reasons.

Some of us, due to early awareness and observation of others engaged in different forms of evil, made a vow to ourselves to not live that kind of life. If that is you, you are careful to watch for signs which might indicate that you may be headed down the wrong road, and you are quick to make adjustments so as not to fall into the trap of evildoing which you are focused on not falling victim to.

For others, maybe they have dipped their toe in the waters of evildoing, have let themselves be overcome by the darkness, then sworn to change their lives, and fight the inclination to engage in this activity of darkness again.

In either case, you have a particular sensitivity to this particular form of evil (due to your vow to avoid it) and you are keenly aware of seeing the potential for this evil in others. If you see someone else break weak and give-in to this evil vice, then you are prone to adopting an aire of supremacy or self-righteousness because you’ve worked so hard not to partake in this type of evil.

You feel justified in judging your brother, and you judge him or her harshly because you would judge yourself just as harshly, and desire to see the offender punished to the highest degree of the law (or might even toy with your own unbridled thoughts of vigilantism, fantasizing about how you might punish the wrongdoer if you were, judge, jury, and/or God).

What you fail to realize, when you are apt not to tolerate much, in this not so far from narcissistic-state, is that as you are pointing your accusatory and judgmental finger at someone, there is someone else who is pointing his or her finger at you who sees the potential for evil in you.

Hypocrisy gets me in an uproar. I’m always quick to notice it in others because I try so hard not to be a hypocrite myself. Yet, every once in a while, someone points out my own hypocrisy (this just happened yesterday by a friend of mine, who is always quick to catch me and point it out to me). And once I feel offended by the accusation (which is my natural first response), I can step back and see even my own hypocrisy. My friend was right. I am a hypocrite.

I couldn’t see it because I was looking for different kinds of hypocrisy in myself and others. Duely noted, I can try to do better next time.

Just a reminder in humility and a reality check for myself that I, being human, possess all the potential for evil as anyone does. All I can do is to be the best person I can be with the tools that I have available to me. I can impose my sense of goodness, or right and wrong, on anyone else, unless to be fair, I allow them to do the same to me.

Though I possess all the potential for evil and hatred, I choose to live a life on the other end of the spectrum in goodness and love to the best of my ability and encourage others to do likewise.

I strive to honor others, where they are at and what they do, offering them the same respect that I desire to receive from them.

Regarding judging others, one of my heroes speaking to a self-righteous judgmental mob accusing a woman of doing evil, said, “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.” ~ John 8:7 KJV

A profound statement that echoes in my heart, when I find myself tempted to point my finger at someone else.

See you at the Recovery from Religious Trauma Event in Olympia, September 21st

Diagnosing Everyone

There are those of us who are in the mental health arenas, either professionally or as laypeople, who have varying degrees of knowledge of a variety of mental health disorders. Once you have access to this kind of information, you can fall into the trap of diagnosing everyone you meet or know as having a particular mental disease or disorder.

Some of these people are doctors, therapists, coaches, patients and/or curious bystanders.

It’s easy, once you get access to a certain amount of information, to consider yourself an expert, as you start to diagnose everyone you come across as having a problem.

In some cases, learning about certain mental disorders can be very valuable, such as dealing with someone you know personally, maybe intimately, who may (or may not) suffer from a mental disorder or disease.

Having a good understanding about how someone might react in certain circumstances can help you understand and deal with them when the face challenges or tend to react in ways that don’t seem normal to you.

This can be very helpful in helping you to determine if someone is “safe” to be around or have access to intimate details of your life, especially if they can have a negative effect on your life. You have every right to determine who has access to and influence in the life that you live.

Early detection of certain personality types, and of people who may be toxic, abusive, or potentially dangerous, is hugely advantageous.

Even so, diagnosing everyone is an unhealthy approach to building community and it keeps people separated by categorizing traits, which may not be signs of a mental disease or disorder at all.

This fits perfectly into the judge matrix.

The judge matrix keeps us separated from our peers because we can quickly determine what we do not like or approve of in someone else as we categorize those around us, placing individuals in a box of likeminded folks.

Doctors, therapists, counselors, and professionals in all trades do this; it is a widely accepted (and promoted) practice, but it not a high-vibration activity.

Admittedly, it may be an effective way to manage and filter through a wide variety of people and may enhance your ability to focus and save countless hours of discovery and therapy, it is unjust, and not conducive to promoting individuality, freedom, peace, and harmony.

The judge matrix destroys community, fosters separation and dissention, and is harmful to the potential expansion and evolution of the human race.

If you must diagnose clients as part and parcel of your day-job, or must attempt to diagnose someone in an effort to keep yourself safe from potential loss or harm, then do so, but do not let your judgment spread to your circle of influence, or the community at large.

Diagnosing others is judging them based on a very limited amount of data, and you cannot know a person well enough be evaluating a short list of “red flags.”

Mental disorders or diseases are not the only way we categorize, diagnose, separate, and judge others. This applies to all categorizations which separate people into groups.

It is socially acceptable to sort people by gender, health status, age, height, color of eyes or hair, income, political views, religion, race, physical location or address (or lack of physical home address), media preferences, even the clothes they wear, and the cars they drive, amid a nearly endless list of categories to judge and separate others by.

Judging others is not good medicine.

One of my personal heroes said, “Judge not, lest you be judged.” And is akin to, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Unless “Judge” is part of your job title or job description (or necessary for personal protection) then it should be avoided. Even so, if you are required to judge, keep it focused on only the areas when and where it is warranted, and try to celebrate the differences of anyone else.

Judge if you must, then move on, loving and accepting others for who and what they are, regardless of their individual characteristics. Don’t take judgment home or to your community.

After all, aren’t we all just doing the best that we can with what we have?

I know I am.

And I love you just the way you are.

What Is Accepting What Is?

The idea of, “Accepting what is,” was introduced to our consciousness by contemporary spiritual leaders and thought leaders as a method of enhancing a higher vibration of life to be experienced by human beings who embrace the idea of accepting what is, rather than succumb to the feelings of sadness, worry, frustration, self-righteousness, disgust, anger, and hate associated with not accepting what is.

What is accepting what is?

Accepting what is, is the practice of filtering everything that is presented to your consciousness with a moment of conscious review, then to think, feel, and act accordingly in the present moment in a responsible manner; fully aware and as in control of your state of being as possible with as little negative impact as possible and responding with reasonable reaction to appropriately affect change, achieve resolution, or avoidance of further negative impact.

In its most basic form, accepting what is, means,

Accepting What Is and Let It Go

If you are not in danger, and this thing (person, place, situation, or circumstance) is not affecting you in real time, in this moment, take note of it, but do not let it upset you. If there is something you can do about it, take appropriate action, without losing your mind. If there is nothing you can do about it, let it go, and do not let it hold you back from loving, giving, and living your life in a more positive, higher vibration.

Accepting What Is and Take Action

If you are in danger, respond appropriately, without giving in to panic or over-reacting. Fight or flight are still appropriate measures if they are an effective way to respond. You should never willingly avail yourself to abuse or dangerous circumstances. Take the appropriate actions to maintain a reasonable degree of safety and security, but stay present in the moment, and do not allow your fear to overtake your ability to manage life day-to-day.

If you have faced an issue in your life, have taken action, and achieved no desirable results, this is a clear indication that Accepting What Is and Let It Go is a more appropriate course of action. Take the steps to back away, create a safe environment for yourself and focus your efforts in a more effective direction for promoting love, a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Not Accepting What Is = Death

As harsh as it sounds, equating not accepting what is with death, seems like an exaggeration at first blush. Nonetheless, resistance to acceptance promotes emotional incongruence, which overrides your ability to reason, causes people to overreact, and respond inappropriately, i.e. “overkill” (killing a housefly with a hand grenade).

In essence, you get so upset, you want to smash anything or anyone that you disagree with or doesn’t make you feel good. While this may eliminate the source of your disdain, it does not result in making you feel much better.

Plus, the negative impact of the feelings of sadness, worry, frustration, self-righteousness, disgust, anger, and hate take an incredible toll on the psychological and physiological state of the human body, depleting energy reserves, causing rapid decline of the immune system, leading to advanced aging, propensity to contract disease, and increasing the chances of experiencing premature death.

Where is the life in that?

There is no life in not accepting what is. In fact, not accepting what is keeps us, all peoples, separated from each other, fearful, and intolerant. This is not a sustainable way of life for long. Left to itself, not accepting what is, will eventually lead to extinction of humanity.

Accepting What Is

In contrast, accepting what is, allowing what it is to be (if we are unable to change it), without judgment or criticism is approaching life with the power of love.

In fact, you can only accomplish the feat of accepting what is, and allowing who or what it is to just be, with the power of love. It takes the most powerful force in the universe to accomplish such an act.

That is quite a high expectation to have for the world. The world changes to a more loving state moment by moment every time one of its people embraces accepting what is and allowing it to be and maintains a higher vibrational state of being.

Doing so, affects your life, permeating the energy field around you from three to five feet in every direction and creates a positive, loving energetic ripple effect throughout your community and the world.

One person can make a difference and have a huge impact on creating a better world for our planet and all its creatures.

Will you be a part of the change?