Complexity in Romance

As you’re growing, changing, expanding, and evolving you may notice complexity in romance as your romantic relationships begin to don a new look and feel. As you are becoming more empowered and are filling your desire for love from within, your attention shifts because you no longer are as needy as you were before. You no longer seek love from outside yourself. Instead, you let your limitless love which wells up within you to overflow to others, which leads to complexity in romance due to your spiritual growth.

When you are looking for your soul mate or romantic interest, often you are in search of characteristics which would compliment your own, and – more importantly – you are likely to be looking for support for areas in your life which are lacking.

As you grow and change, you become more confident as the things which may have made you feel as though you needed support from someone else begin to resolve themselves. The areas of your life where you felt inadequacies are no longer threatening to you as your personal growth affects all areas of your life including emotional, physical, spiritual and financial.

If you were lacking in some of these key areas of life when you were looking for a suitable mate, it is likely you sought someone who could assist you in these areas. As you evolve into the higher version of yourself, you no longer seek fulfillment of these areas of life from your partner.

Does that mean love fades?

No. The love that you share with your partner could exponentially grow uninhibited by your need to seek fulfillment in him or her if you are headed in the same direction. On the other hand, it could lead to complexity in romance, as one of you grows and expands, the other one might not, or you could begin to grow in completely different ways, leading lives on diverging paths.

Romantic relationships are a key component in the process of growth. For instance, things are rarely conflict-free in a relationship between two people. When the opportunity for conflict presents itself, it is often an indicator of some inner work that needs to be addressed within yourself, even though it may feel as though your partner is wrong, or attacking you.

Once you start addressing romantic complexities in this way your growth and evolution accelerates as you are constantly finding your heart, body, mind, and soul in a perpetual state of metamorphosis. Instead of looking at ways to mitigate the damages, you are healing those overwhelming and/or delicately intimate areas of your life.

In this way, romantic partners provide us with a mirror which reflects to our consciousness those areas which need to be addressed further expanding your continued growth and evolution. There could come a time when your continued growth may not be impacted by this person anymore. If you are still in need of further inner growth, you may attract someone else in your life to work out your other life issues.

Ever notice how you (or someone else) might be attracting the same kind of person into your life over and over again? This is a clear indication that you have unresolved issues that you have not processed internally, yet. Until you have done so, you will always attract the type of person who will present these issues to you as if they were on a silver platter.

“It’s not me. It’s them!”

Sure, it looks like they’re at fault, but this is a bold indication that there is work in you centered around this area of life that needs to be addressed and dealt with until you can move to a higher vibrtational relationship.

Once this relationship has served its purpose, the romantic interest will fade, leaving you feeling more like pleasant roommates or brother and sister. If anger and resentment persists, this chapter has not reached its conclusion. Separation may be bitter and painful, and (sorry to say) more of the same is already on its way.

When you have healed and evolved to a certain degree of healthy advancement, only them can you truly exercise your free will when attracting and selecting a mate, otherwise, your seeking will be powered by lack and need for growth.

At some point you will begin to understand that relationships don’t happen to you, they are manifested from that deepest part of you which seeks to encourage your personal growth and expansion. You are never a victim, always the student.

You will never again cry out the question,

“Why is this happening to me?”

Because you will know you attracted this complexity in romance for your greatest good. When you find the lesson, apply the understanding, heal and grow through to the next level, you are genuinely grateful for the experience and are able to continue, no longer having to suffer the angst of that issue forthwith.

You are Healing Love

There is no one to blame for feeling as though you are in conflict, disrespected, or abused when complexity in romance arises. Once you understand the truth, you welcome these feelings as indicators of areas of life which need to be addressed before you can move on, and it’s all on you. You are the healing lover.

It’s then that you realize that everything is connected. Everything happens at the right time and everything is perfectly perfect. Now, you can sit back, relax, love and enjoy the show.

Want to learn more? Consider attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop.

How Do You Know When You’re in Love?

You’ve been seeing this person for a while and things are going well. So well, in fact, that you start to ask yourself, “Am I in love?” If you start asking the question, there’s a good chance you may be falling in love and you start looking for signs you’re in love, but how do you know when you’re in love?

Signs You’re In Love

You think more about them than you think about yourself

If you find yourself going through the day thinking or day dreaming about them and find you are projecting them into your routine when they’re not around, then you might be falling in love. When you love someone, when you’re shopping, you might wonder what he/she might link about what you’re thinking about buying. Little things, like driving by a billboard will make you wonder what he/she might think about that, or passing a cineplex and you find yourself wondering which movie he/she might enjoy seeing with you. If you are finding yourself thinking about them in these little ways (without obsessing), there’s a good chance you are in love.

You’re love lab’s chemistry kicks in

There is no doubt that love is a science project on crack. If you’re in it, the mad scientist inside you is pumping all kinds of chemicals racing through your heart, mind and body, such as dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopresson, creating the same sense of euphoria as taking a hit of cocaine. You really are high on love. You find yourself feeling happier and more confident when you are thinking about this person and find yourself feeling even better when you’re anticipating being in their presence as your chemical sense of attachment increases.

You put up with them, gladly

He or she may not be perfect, but you love them just the same. This is a healthy balance, being able to see their quirks and find them somewhat endearing, instead of putting them down for their flaws. You don’t think they’re perfect, only that he or she is just perfect for you, with all his/her shortcomings. If certain characteristics are less desirable than others, you are able to point them out to each other in a healthy way and help each other refine yourselves as you desire to grow and become better versions of yourself. And those things that make you smile or laugh at yourselves (because they’re so cute) as both of you stumble or find yourselves in awkward situations that could have been handled better, this is more positive than ridiculing or judging your partner and demanding change.

You are growing and changing

When people fall in love, they don’t just adopt the other person’s likes/dislikes. Instead, they each desire to become better versions of themselves as they begin to look at life with the support of their loved one and you begin to change. Your daily routine(s) and habits change noticeably. You find yourself more aware of how you spend your time, and you are finding better ways to maximize the precious moments you have available and are motivated to work on your own shortcomings and developing your individual characteristics. You are more comfortable with life, and are likely to find yourself finding ways to contribute to your community and make the world a better place.

You are more apt to compromise

Not only are you considering the thought of compromise, taking the thoughts and ideals of your loved one into consideration, but you’re not self-sacrificing or falling into martyrdom as you seek to negotiate to arrive at win-win solutions, so that you both get satisfaction from the resulting agreement. Being iin love with someone means you can actually feel good about the process of compromise and arriving at a mutually beneficial conclusion and being fair in your negotiations. One person should never be making all the concessions.

You enjoy celebrating his/her wins

When your lover gets recognized for doing good, or achieves a significant goal, they are excited. You find yourself celebrating equally (or possibly even more) when they accomplish something that even you may not have been able to do so well. This is in contrast to when you see someone else honored or rewarded, which makes you feel competitive or question their worthiness. You have a sense of pride in their success and are proud of their wins, having the same feeling(s) that you might have for your own offspring. It’s as if both of you are sharing the same accolades together.

You share mutual respect

When you’re in love, you love and respect each other, which is definitely a higher calling than just enjoying someone’s company. You are outgrowing the friend zone and are interested in seeing how far this relationship can go. When you have high regard for who they are as a person, you really like them and they are clearly feeling the same way, then you know you’re falling in love.

You miss him/her when he/she is not around

If you are feeling a bit less independent, desiring to spend more time with your lover, missing them while they are away, without going off the deep-end, you might be developing a bond with this particular person. How much you long to be with someone when they are not around might be a way to measure your love for this person as you are developing a committed relationship.

You want your people to like him/her

You are concerned about how your family and friends feel about your lover. You want them to accept him/her because you want all your highly regarded important people in your life to be happy with this person, welcoming him/her to play a more integrative role in your social circle(s). If you find yourself presenting your partner in a good light to your peers and defending their integrity, you are climbing the scale of love and developing a healthy attachment that may stand the test of time.

You might feel the occasional twinge of jealousy

As your relationship with this person becomes more desirable, your particular sensitivities towards them and their continued safety and well-being will make you more inclined to entertain a bit of jealousy based on your interdependence and trust. You are not inclined to mistrust them or be suspicious of their covert activity, more so you have a concern for their well being in a world that is unpredictable because you would hate to see them suffer any inordinate challenges, or be involved in an accident. Unhealthy jealousy, based on low self esteem and insecurities marked with suspicious activities such as checking their cell phone or browser history is not considered as love so much as it is obsession. If its love, you will maintain a healthy concern based on your trust, mutual respect and love for him or her, not entertaining the green-eyed monster because they might be sneaking around or someone might steal them away.

Why Is Love So Hard?

You’ve been there. You’ve fallen in love with someone, given your heart, mind, body and soul to someone and expected the same in return. More often than not, loving someone and expecting them to love you in return invites a world of trouble and what appear to be insurmountable obstacles. It can leave you asking, “Why is love so hard?”

First of all, keep in mind that we’re talking about two different people. There are three different thoughts about how relationships are formed, based on

Opposites Attract
People are attracted to Carbon Copies
Attraction is Chaos

When opposites attract, of course, trying to work it all out will be problematic. In fact, this is the entire concept of attracting your Twin Flame. The idea of the twin flame insists your partner is the polar opposite of you, the other half of you, destined to create a higher version of yourself when the two of you are united if you can survive the hell and high water to achieve exponential personal growth.

When people are attracted to carbon copies, they are (often unconsciously) looking for someone who is familiar, either like someone who was a powerful influence (positive or negative) in their earlier life, or someone who is like themselves in compatibility (or “chemistry”).

Then there is the thought that attraction is chaos and random. In this scenario, there is a degree of animal magnetism, followed by the assumption that no one is every truly satisfied in romantic relationships. These relationships are destined for trouble but if the couple is willing to work hard at it, they can maintain a long term relationship.
Some of the things that can make trying to maintain a relationship so hard include

What Is Love?

In my work with couples, it is common for individuals in a relationship not to have the same definition of what love is. How can a couple be “in love” when they don’t share the same idea of love’s definition?

Our society has warped the sense of love’s definition by offering romantic ideals based on fairy tale knights in shining armor and Disney Cinderellas to films depicting love at first sight and other magic of falling in love concepts.

Of course, there are more substantial concepts of love which include love as being based on integrity and commitment which means you stay with your partner whether you like it or not because you made a promise or signed a contract. On the other end of the spectrum are people who approach the idea of love as being an opportunity for personal and/or spiritual growth.

Understanding each other’s definition of love, coming to a shared definition and understanding how each person feels as though they are being loved are two of the best tools to have an idea of early on in the relationship or when looking for ways to offer help in a troubled relationship.

You Are Afraid

Fear is the reason for failure not only in relationships, but other areas of life as well. Fear is the most destructive force in our world and it hides deep inside you, and it serves only two purposes: To Protect You from Pain or Death – or – To Destroy Any Hope of Having a Good Life. In relationships participants are afraid of committing to another person, afraid that if they leave themselves open they will experience pain and/or loss of self. There is the fear that your mate may not be “the one” (what if someone better comes along?). There is the fear that love will fade, the initial attraction dissolves or each of the partners fall into stereotypical roles in the relationship. What if your partner devolves into an abuser or suffers health challenges that would scare anyone who might be left the eternal caretaker?

Atop the heap of fear of the endless unknown or expected possible negative outcomes is the fear promoted by witnessing the failed relationships all around you. Trust is the hardest thing to establish in a world where you are surrounded by unrequited love, infidelity, dishonesty, lies, physical or mental abuse, secret-keeping, addictions, embezzlement, con games, and a degree of evil lurking in the shadows seeking to break or destroy you. You have seen many relationships fail as most of them do, or witnessed the sacrificial martyrdom of one of the participants in a relationship to “make it work” and you don’t want that to happen to you. It’s no wonder you’re frightened about falling in love.

There Is No Such Thing as Love

Then there is the idea that there is no such thing as love, where people believe that love is nothing more than an ideal, thought process of tool used to get what you want in life. Let’s face it; society has trained us to believe love is a superficial means to an end. In this materialistic scenario there is no real connection between two people, instead one or both parties are shallow participants only focused on what they can get out of the relationship. When they fail to get what they want, or feel like they see a better deal on the horizon, they’re gone.

Don’t Want to Deal With It

No one wants a great deal of drama in their life, and if you’re in a close relationship with someone else (even if it’s not a romantic relationship) it can become problematic.
For the people who will avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs, it’s easier just to bail out altogether. There is no sense of fighting for love, what is right or the greater good. Instead of thinking, “I’d rather fight than quit,” these folks are more likely to think it’s time to, “Cut my losses,” and walk away because it’s easier than dealing with the drama or facing their own inner issues (especially, if they think there is a potentially better relationship waiting in the wings).

The Broken Hearted

It is harder for one who has loved and lost due to having their heart severely broken or crushed than one who has not endured this type of pain. The broken hearted people have a great deal to work through before they can be truly ready to re-enter a love relationship, but they often seek to quickly replace the love that was lost by seeking out a new relationship, like a love band aid, to treat the wound, but this is only superficial treatment and will likely lead to the failure of the subsequent relationship. Others, out of fear, will avoid putting themselves at risk, ever again. So, the broken-hearted must heal their broken heart to have any hope of an effective love relationship.

The Uncompromising List

After a few go-rounds in the relationship department, you tend to accumulate a list of what you don’t want to see in future relationships based on your negative love observations and experiences. Unfortunately, if you focus on the negatives of past relationships, you are likely to attract more negatives in future relationships; it’s how the law of attraction works.

No matter how complete and comprehensive you list is, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to find anyone who can measure up to your standards.

Not that this is completely a bad idea. Instead of focusing on negatives, focus on the positives and make a list of only these qualities, like my soul mate list. You will be surprised at what may appear on love’s horizon.

Don’t See Eye to Eye

In this day and age, there is a preponderance of posturing for separation. Society promotes the polarization among people and also in relationships, which makes us all somewhat narcissistic as we care less and less about others and more and more about ourselves.

Even though you are separate people, you need to look for opportunities to find the common ground, which you can share together in the long run, while allowing each of you to maintain your independence, a sort of interdependence instead of codependency.

In a relationship between two people, there is so much to manage, prioritize and compromise to affect a successful and long lasting romantic relationship. It takes work, investment of resources (time, emotion and financial) and a commitment to work it out rather than bailing out.

Is Love Worth It?

This is a question you have to ask and answer for yourself.

I will always be ever the romantic, believing that love is the most powerful force in the universe and can conquer anything. Love is the highest and best vibration in the world.

Is love easy? No. Is life easy? No. If it was, where would be the excitement in that?

It’s better to work on your relationship in love, rather than not to have a love relationship to work on at all. It will take work, I believe it’s worth it.

If you believe, and are looking for a way to break through to the other side of your most amazing love adventure ever, call me.

Awakening to True Love Workshop at Your Location


The Awakening to True Love Workshop presented by Sherry Lynn Marie and David Masters is a huge hit throughout the Pacific Northwest.

Host an Awakening to True Love Workshop in your location… If you dare. This is not your romantic fairy tale seminar, this puts you in the driver’s seat of your love life. Ask us how you can host an Awakening to True Love Workshop in your town.

Who Should Attend?

Singles in search of true love and/or their soulmate
Individuals who want to increase the quality of all their relationships
Couples with the desire to invite true love into their relationship
Anyone who wants to set their relationship on fire

Rather than rekindle a disintegrating romance these tools, tips and techniques will totally dismantle all your previous misconceptions about love and empower you to embrace a whole new paradigm of true love, if you dare.

Meet Your Event Hosts

Sherry Lynn Marie

Author of Love Letters from the Lighthouse and Reiki Ranch alumni, Sherry Lynn Marie presents the keys to mastering authentic love in contrast to the love you’ve believed in, in the past in this groundbreaking Awakening to True Love Workshop based on ancient Toltec writings.

Inspired by the life and works of Mother Teresa, this former Catholic school girl, relationship coach, domestic violence counselor, reiki master and empty nester, Sherry Lynn Marie raised 4 children. She was born at Kincheloe Air Force Base, Michigan, raised in California where she lived at the Point Cabrillo Lighthouse, now enjoys her residency in the pristine Pacific Northwest’s Willamette Valley, where she enjoys nature and expressing herself in song.

Learn to love, fulfill your life’s destiny, achieve your dreams and fulfillment. Anything is possible with the right tools and guidance.

David M. Masters

Coach, consultant and author of Live a Better Life, Your Best Life, David M. Masters, presents the distinct contrast between the lackluster love we’ve been programmed by society to accept and the higher calling of unconditional love which can transform all your relationships including romantic and otherwise in the Awakening to True Love Workshop.

Minister, educator, entrepreneur, public speaker, and business consultant, David M Masters has helped many people improve their lives financially, physically, personally, spiritually and professionally. Following the loss of a son in Afghanistan, and subsequently, his family, Masters took a sabbatical to reconnect with his Higher Source as he continues to live out his life’s purpose, sharing his message and helping others to achieve their highest and best and make the world a better place.

Masters’ Awakening to True Love Workshop will rock your romantic world and set all your relationships ablaze with new found freedom and authenticity.

The price for this 1 day seminar is $120. Coming to a location near you.

Missed an event, or waited until all the seats were sold out?

Drop me an email to receive an advance notification for the next workshop in your area.

Here’s more on the Awakening to True Love Workshop…

Ever wonder why your relationships just don’t work out right?

In the beginning, you feel as though you’ve met your one true love and it’s not long before this magnificent love dream come true devolves into your worst nightmare.

Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail

Desperate to save your precious dream, you explore all the challenges that caused your relationship to be compromised or fail. Therapeutic intervention dissects your relationship and all its flaws such as

  1. basic compatibility
  2. communication styles
  3. disinterest
  4. abuse
  5. lack of trust
  6. betrayal
  7. unmet expectations
  8. unfulfilled obligations
  9. money issues
  10. infidelity

These top 10 reasons that relationships fail are not why relationships fail, nor are any of the other so-called reasons; they are only treated as symptoms, while the underlying toxic disease continues to spread – not only in your relationship – but most relationships in the world.

The real reason why relationships fail is due to the spread of this dangerous disease which spreads like a viral wildfire. This toxin, left to itself will destroy and break down every love relationship we’re involved in, not just out romantic relationships. This viral disease leads to the failure and destruction of all kinds of relationships, including a significant other, family, mom, dad, brother, sister, children, coworkers, bosses and platonic friends.

All our relationships are at risk of being infected by this deadly disease, which is the real root cause of the death of any relationship.

The Truth: Why Relationships Fail

You might be surprised to discover there is only one reason that relationships fail. If you’re fervently seeking to find true love, you will never find it if you are infected with the toxic disease.

Wonder what the toxin is that will thwart any relationship you have and cause it to fall to pieces, no matter how you try to save it?

The name of the disease is

LOVE

Yes, “love;” the definition of it, the concept of it and everything you believe about it, love is the disease.

What if

Everything You Know About Love is Wrong?

You’ve been infected with the toxin which has spread more and more with every interaction you’ve had with other relationships as far back as you can remember (and before).

Your parents, society, the media and Disney have planted and spread the disease so pervasively that you couldn’t recognize true love if you saw it.

 

Join us for the

Awakening to True Love Workshop

Where in this all day event, you will learn what love really is, how to have it, get it and keep it without fear.

Awakening to True Love Workshop
An All-day Event Coming to You
$120.00

Drawing from ancient Toltec wisdom, don Miguel Ruiz’s work, The Mastery of Love, other texts and new thought, Leading Edge University’s David M. Masters and Sherry Lynn Marie, in cooperation with your hosts are bringing this 1 day love, romance and relationship seminar which will change the way you love and look at all your relationships.

Following this event, you can choose whether to practice

TOXIC LOVE

OR

TRUE LOVE

Eliminate the poison that spreads the highly contagious disease of toxic love that promotes possessiveness, jealousy, envy, suspicion, bitterness, dishonesty, controlling, abuse, judging others and yourself.

Instead, you will learn to love unconditionally and have true love in your intimate relationships amidst a society dominated by the disease of love.

You will find the source of the power of true love emanates from within your heart and does not come from outside yourself. Thinking that love comes from anywhere else is the lie that germinates the disease of toxic love’s seeds.

In this 1 day event you will

  • Learn to forgive and love yourself as you learn about and eradicate the poisonous disease of toxic love.
  • Discover your inner strengths and realize the opinion of others, criticisms or expectations have no effect on or power over you.
  • Eliminate the risk of betrayal as true love’s trust cannot be broken.
  • Get to know you, who you are and who you were in your youth prior to the installation of this toxic, deceitful and manipulative viral software.
  • Get in touch with your inner beauty and purity as you share your true love for another with your newfound peace and serenity from within.

Your true love accepts others just the way they are; without criticism, opinions, or judgment.

Awakening to true love in self-awareness, self-love and self-forgiveness empower you to accept yourself, love your reflection in the mirror, loving in your relationships whether they be with your spouse, friends or relatives but most of all learning to love yourself regardless of what anybody else thinks or says.

 

Learn how to love yourself and by extension everyone and everything else that is out there in our universe.

Awakening to True Love Workshop

Advanced ticket sales only. Reserve your spot today. Seating for this event is limited

* All ticket sales are final. No refunds or exchange.

Love Lies Why Lovers Lie

Why Do Lovers Lie?

When you enter into a committed relationship, an evolution takes place. As time goes on couples experience a metamorphosis as each of the participants grows and changes interdependently. Though they may be “one flesh” in the utmost romantic sense, they are still separate individuals both trying to do the best they can with what they have.

The only thing that truly bonds a couple together is the level of integrity and trust they have one for the other. If we can trust impeccably, be open and honest, we have the main ingredients of a highly successful and long lasting love life together. For if we do not have trust, what do we have?

As each lover evolves, there may be moments in time when they may be out of sync with their counterpart. What then?

Do you say, “This isn’t working for me; see ya,” as you depart with little concern for the former mate left behind?

Or do you lie and say, “I love you. Everything’s okay. You mean the world to me, nothing could come between us.”

Relationships are hard and no matter how we try to establish hard and fast rules for relationships, it is nearly impossible to have textbook answers for every conceivable scenario. We, as human beings, are far too complex for that.

While there are liars who selfishly lie to the extreme (we call them pathological liars) without regard to others (even if it appears to not be necessary to lie at all), alternatively we are talking about compassionate liars cohabitating in the space somewhere within the bounds of love.

While being totally open and honest are vastly important in relationships, being too open and honest can easily render a relationship null and void. Sometimes in a long term romance, the ability to lie is not only warranted, but may be a necessary component of romantic survivability.

Indeed, a long-term successful and loving relationship between two people consists or a delicate balance between truthfulness and deceit. Just ask any individual alone and off-camera who is part of a successful couple that has enjoyed a state of relationship bliss for many years what is the secret to their long-standing love affair? The answer (if conveyed honestly) will reference the delicate balance between truth and lies.

Why lie in a loving relationship?

For the sake of the big picture, in a selfless effort to preserve all that is sacred in a relationship, the occasion may (and often will) arise when the importance and reverence for the relationship exceeds the need to assert an opinion, fact or truth which might cause harm to the sacredness of the couple’s bond. Thereby justifying a bit of tale-telling to ease past what might have been a difficult situation that may have compromised the relationship or led to its dissolution altogether.

Let’s assume for a moment that the emotional spectrum of a relationship spans from love and acceptance on one end and anger and judgment on the other. Lovers often balance delicate of critical issues by where the consequence will end up on this spectrum. The unbridled truth may end up putting the relationship at risk by hurling it all the way into anger and judgment, while a love lie might not put the relationship at risk at all.

We learned this method of mitigating emotional-charged relationships in our youth. Where the truth may have sent our parents into a fury-filled emotional outburst with negative results, a little lie would sidestep the darkness and pain of disappointment and or impending punishment, and all was well.

I’m not saying it’s wrong or right. No two relationships can possibly be compared and everyone needs to find their own way. These types of “love lies” for the most part will go by completely unnoticed, except in the instances where the deception is interrupted by the otherwise naïve other lover. If we are honest, we would all admit that we do this to some degree without intent of malice.

In fact, we may tell a love lie because we love, honor and respect our mate so much, that we might do or say anything in support of the other and increase our love one for the other, even though our heart may not be totally vested at that particular moment in time. In most cases the love lie goes unnoticed and a greater love prevails.

When the one of the lovers discovers a love lie unawares, the couple needs to address the issue of the existence of this kind of deceit within the relationship. Each couple will have their own unique strategy for dealing with these types of inconsistencies.

The hardest road of all for a couple to attempt to maintain is that of complete and utter honesty regardless of the feelings of the other lover. In some cases this can work, but it takes a unique chemistry between two individuals who can manage such a relationship for long.

This is the emotional high road that if navigated correctly, with love and tolerance, without anger or judgment , we simply accept things as they are and allow each other to be without taking the unbridled truth personally or as an assault to be defended against.

For the rest of us, we try to set and manage boundaries for truth and honesty and believe that our love will survive the test of time, if we truly honor and value each other and the relationship as a whole.

Write the Greatest Love Story Ever

When you think about the greatest love stories of all time, certain love icons come to mind such as Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, Mark Anthony and Cleopatra and Tristan and Isolde. While stories, like these, mesmerize the minds of many a lover over time to seek out relationship potentials similar to what are known as the greatest love stories, a closer look at these stories reveals they may not have been all they were cracked up to be and certainly are not really good examples of relationships to model in real life.

In case you haven’t noticed, the ends of these stories are more often than not terrifyingly tragic. Who wants to sign on for that? Don’t most of us lean more toward the idea of a happily ever after as a consequence of our greatest love of all time?

I think most of us could agree, if we were to write our own love story it would come to a glorious conclusion full of trustworthiness, faithfulness, shared vision, true love and happiness with a bit of adventure thrown in for flavor, leading to a happily ever after type of ending. This sounds much more appealing to me than those aforementioned heralded greatest love stories which did feature passionate love affairs (a necessary component to any tale of true love) but the story rapidly devolves into dysfunction and death not only of the love affair but the death of one or both of the lovers.

It is all so dramatic, as if the most sought-after love is so impossible that the only price to pay is to sacrifice one’s own life for hope of experiencing a brief passionate love. Really?

While we might reside ourselves to believe that God the Almighty writes the story which we all must follow or our fates are written in the stars, the truth of the matter is this:

You are the author of your own love story

So, you best start writing the love story that you want to experience. Your story can take a dramatic twist with the lover you are now engaged in a relationship with, or you can begin to attract the love you desire in any way you see fit as you are the author of your own love story.

First off, forget those famous love stories with all that drama leading to loss of life. This is your chance to write the perfect love story using characters already at your disposal or with an entirely new cast. The choice is yours.

You can write in all the passion and romance you’ve ever desired without all the drama. You can share a co-creative life experiencing all the best things this life has to offer and you can write the happiest of endings as you walk hand-in-hand into the sunset together in loving celebration of a life well lived.

To do justice to your new story, remember to retain the learning from your previous experiences without carrying the negative energy associated with your past. Though you may have gone through negative experiences keep in mind that these events were only put in your life to help you focus intently – not on what you don’t want (because that will only bring you more of the same) – on what you truly desire as you highest and best.

Start writing about your perfect lover; How will you meet? What will he or she look like? What will their life be like? What are the key characteristics to look for? So that when he or she appears in your life, you will know that he or she is the one based on the character study of your true love.

Keep in mind that while perfection may be too much to expect in this incarnation, allow room for characteristics which may be negotiable, while other may remain deal-breakers. Stay focused but have an open mind regarding the many possibilities which are even now approaching your horizon as you write.

Allow room in your story for unexpected changes and challenges as these lead to increasing the possibility of even greater love as you go through these experiences together, strengthening your bond and commitment. The key is to share the experience fully together, ready for any upset and able to do what is necessary to make it to the other side. What waits on the other side of these obstacles and challenges will exceed all your expectations for having the greatest love of all.

Your romance can – and should be – full of sustained enthusiastic joy and happiness. Happiness does not have to be a temporary state of mind, as you may have thought in the past or read about in other stories. You, as the author of your own true love story, have the advantage of holding the writing instrument firmly in your own hand, no one else is forcing you to write anything, write from your heart and continue to write until all your hopes and dreams begin to materialize.

When faced with a challenge, weigh all your options, make a decision based on what resonates with your heart and makes you feel good. What things are good, lovely, inspirational, expressing joy and happiness; use these criteria to base your decisions on.

In those love stories celebrated as the greatest, often includes betrayal as a key component which could affect your story in a negative manner. Your love interest need not be forbidden, in a relationship with someone else (even though there may be a degree of excitement associated with exercising a lurid affair), or promised to another. It may be in your best interest to attract someone who is authentically available and not involved with another. You can write your love interest as one who is pure and truly available to be yours and yours alone, if that is the true nature of your desire. This will assure a solid foundation for the fulfillment of your future love story.

Think on these things as you write your true love story and watch the details appear and play out throughout your life’s journey. Your story has been quite a ride up to this point, now it is time that you craft and experience the greatest love story of all time.

This love story is yours and yours alone and even greater than any love story told.

Love Is What Is Love

Sometimes in life, your desires for love fall flat compared to your expectations.

There are four basic types of love, such as

4 types of love world friend family romanceOne World Love

There is an innate part of us that expects that all peoples can mutually respect, love each other unconditionally and live in harmony. We all want to love and be loved without division, no matter what. Yet, we are disappointed to find division prevails so predominantly that we are more often than not at odds with each other and peoples find themselves warring against each other.

Love Between Friends

You have grown up with someone or met someone with common interests and something in you reaches out to them connecting with them in an effort to appreciate them, feel an affinity, even love them for who they are, what they stand for and you feel compelled to protect the relationship between you. You hope that this friendship-type-of-love will last forever. It doesn’t take long to find out that people are often not who they appeared to be, as we project ourselves onto them in an effort to establish such a love, nonetheless, some deep friendship connections do withstand the test of time.

Love of Family

When a mother gives birth to a child there is a deep connection a love-bond that is possibly closer than any other bond between two people. This love connection can spread throughout a family with the possibility of establishing a love relationship amongst all family members. Some love among friends can grow to familial proportions. While some families are united in love, some family and friends are united by bonds fueled by other adhesives.

Even though we want to love our parents and want to be loved by them, often the love we desire is not the love we receive, so we are inclined to accept whatever love we can receive from parents and/or family members if we are able to receive any at all.

Romantic Love

Romantic love is the most potentially powerful love between two people. So powerful in fact that the participant (or participants) in this type of love are willing to risk with in the belief that the potential for living the highest quality of life is more meaningful and enjoyable when shared by two of the most intimate of partners. This love includes a deeply emotional and strong sexual attraction, the feelings that fuel this type of love often do not last long but the relationship can survive out of a sense of duty or necessity.

Why is it that most all the love we desire seems to elude us?

Try this:

exude the love you desire to receive regardless of the circumstances or lack of reciprocity

Exude the love you desire to receive regardless of the circumstance or lack of reciprocity.

If you feel separate or different from the other people in the world, send love to the world, love all other people, even if they do not appreciate or love you. Love your neighbors and friends likewise, even if they mistreat you. Love your family members as if they loved you more than anything, whether or not you feel there is any evidence of their affection or support for you.

The love you seek would be a combination of all these types of love and you may be surprised to discover you will not find it outside yourself until you’ve found this degree of love within. Only then can you expect to attract the kind of person who also has the same capacity of love.

So ask yourself, “What would it look like if I loved all the people of the world, my neighbors, friends, family, and potential mate completely?”

Love like it’s the only thing that matters

because it is.

 

Soul Mate Draw

I’m not much for playing poker or any card games for that matter, but it occurs to me that being in search of your soul mate can be likened unto playing a draw-poker-style game. The odds vary hand-to-hand and, at least in my experience, sometimes you bet everything you have on what you think is a hand that cannot lose, only to find someone else had a better hand. Unbelievable but true and you are left empty-handed and alone.

After a hand, like that, you’re likely not to even want to play again for a while. Time passes and you’re feeling a little more confident, then you think maybe it’s time to see what’s happening at the table of love again.

soulmate draw

You walk into the poker room, a little more cautious this time, survey your surroundings, watch some of the other games in progress, then select a table and request to be dealt into a round. You place your initial bet and before you know it, you’re feeling a little more comfortable being back in the game.

Some games have a significant buy in while others do not. Depending on the game and how much you’ve invested, you have more to lose but also more to win. We all hope to win, but sometimes (if not more often than not) we lose.

Such is the game. But the more you play it, hopefully, you get better at it.

You don’t fall for all those false tells of the other players. You have a better idea about what a good hand looks like.

In this game, the dealer is God – the universe, fate, the powers that be – and you’re not afraid to ask to draw another card if it doesn’t feel right.

I’ve played some good games in my life, and I was all in – and they were the best played games ever – but they’ve left me wanting more true love. I’m not expecting to beat the house, only to finally get that royal flush in hearts I’ve always longed for.

When I started playing the game of love, I expected only to play one game and I’d be good forever. I bought-in to a couple of huge tournaments since then. I’m not saying the games weren’t the best games ever – because they were – but I think I could do better.

Don’t get me wrong by assuming that because I’m relating my quest for a soulmate to a card game that I am a player, or that I’m playing the part of the victim who has been played by someone else. That’s not it.

I’m just looking for ways to relax, hold the space for the perfect hand of love, to be ready and willing to be all-in when my royal flush arrives.

So, here I am, at the table again. I am open, watching the other games in progress, the other players, trying to learn from both my and their mistakes and waiting for the perfect Ace of hearts to turn up.

I know, I’ve heard people say, waiting for the perfect hand is no way to play the game. Just have fun playing the game and play all the cards that you’re dealt.

Yeah, that’s not me; not my style.

Yes, I’ve been told that’s the problem with how I’ve played the game of love in the past: waited for one hand then bet it all and lost. But that’s their interpretation. I don’t think I’ve ever lost, because what I gained far surpassed everything I had to bet.

To the onlookers, other players (and sometimes in front of other live feed cam viewers) it looked like I lost it all; and I did. The pain of the loss was as real as it looked in that moment, but what I gained was far superior to anything I could have imagined, and the game itself was amazing.

Everyone has their way of playing the game. That doesn’t make it good or bad, right or wrong, it just is what it is. And if you’re cheating (believe me, in this game it’s impossible to cheat but you can go on believing you are), that’s okay too, because this house always wins.

Looking forward to playing the best game ever…

 

 

What is Love If True Love Dies?

In my opinion the sad truth of the deterioration of romantic love in our society is tragic.

Just as everything in the mainstream is moving toward making everything disposable diapers, water bottles, razors, pens, tissues, plates, shower curtains and home furnishings, likewise people and romantic relationships are also becoming more and more disposable.

I have witnessed this transition take place. I’ve seen the budding marriages forged in the fifties, fall victim to the wild abandon of the sixties. Then, in the seventies, the legal system welcomed no fault divorces ushering in the disposable marriage that has led to where we are today, bruised, broken and unable to find any love inside.

What is love if true love dies romantic love signs your marriage is over

I never asked the question, “What is love?” because as far back as I can remember, I had a keen inner sense or knowing what love meant to me, and even though I could have followed my peers in the sexual revolution, I maintained my composure and waited for “the one” I would marry following high school.

Innately, I always had an integrous approach to not only keep my word, but especially to do so if I made a vow of commitment in front of family and friends as witnesses. I pledged my love and commitment to not only a woman, but a family and the community. To me, this was heavy business, as love is a terrible thing to waste.

My deep respect for integrous love is one of the many things contributing to my personal freakiness. I don’t mind admitting it, and I proudly let my freak flag fly. I’d much rather make my own way, forge my own trail, research and discover new ideas, enjoy fulfillment, happiness and a quality of life that eludes the masses.

When I began my journey in the God business, I focused on love and relationships (no surprise, as this was my passion, even wrote a book about it) only to find the people who were attracted to counsel with me were not as interested in healing their relationship. Instead of asking, “How can we make our relationship better?” they were asking, “How do you know when your marriage is over?”

If you are in a potentially amazing romantic relationship, yet constantly on guard, continually looking for signs your marriage is over, chances are you will find what you are looking for. In fact, we know this to be true; you do find what you are looking for (and you always find it in the last place you look).

When someone comes in for relationship counsel asking, “Is my marriage over?” why we don’t just affirm, “Yes, you’ve already aligned yourself with the idea that love doesn’t exist, therefore it does not, and your marriage is over.” Cut your losses now, seek an attorney, get everything you can and be done with it as quickly and inexpensively as possible.

One of the main reasons I shifted my focus from relationships, was because my relationship ministry appeared to be more like torture. If someone is looking for an escape route, planning when to leave a marriage is appropriate. If he or she is thinking about how to end a marriage, then the best intentions of any counselor, therapist, coach or cleric has very little to work with. The best you can hope for is to delay the inevitable which usually leads to more damage, hurt feelings and increased legal battles. Where’s the love in that?

The only people who make out on that deal are the relationship counselors, divorce lawyers and the domestic division of our legal system that supports the whole relationship debacle. (Don’t get me started on the decline of that system…)

I knowingly share the realization of the truth of what is, and I say, “I still believe in true love.” I believe that true love is making its way back to us. I’m not saying that its not (note to editors: the double-negative was intentional) going to be a difficult journey, especially when I look around and survey all the broken people with little capacity for love at all within them (more about that, later…).

Our lack of respect for integrous love has left an indelible mark on our hearts, if it hasn’t stomped out any hope of romantic love for good, but there is a growing compulsion that is beginning to emerge as people realize that all this independence is not what it’s cracked up to be.

True love does exist, there is love waiting for you that is difficult for you to imagine in this moment, and you don’t have to worry about how to find true love, because it will find you. This life, in its highest form is all about love, and you will never be happier and fulfilled as when you change your perspective and begin to peer through the eyes of love.

Think about opening your heart to love… Not just romantic love (that may be too much to ask, from where you are at the moment), but dare to begin to look at anything, beginning with the smallest of things, then progress to other situations and circumstances, with love in your heart.

You will be surprised at how you attract even more love, the more your love light shines from within. It’s a process you can love…

Dating Over 40

The times they are a changing, and the entire dating landscape is morphing into something unfamiliar, especially for those who find themselves looking for a prospective mate while dating after 40 years of age.

Single women over 40 are wondering how to find a good man in this new sea of seemingly unpredictable possibilities. Many of these women are stronger, they’ve been groomed to be more self-confident, expecting more from their mate, see themselves as equals, and often carry wounds that may subconsciously blocking good men over 40.

dating over 40 how to find a good man you attract what you are

What Is A Real Man?

If you’re in search of a “real man,” first you must define what that means to you. Consider making a soulmate list of the characteristics that you’re looking for.

Even so, as you are searching online and in the real world intent on finding a good man, you might ask

Where did all the good guys go?

Be aware that there is an abundance of good men all around you, but your mindset may be blocking access to them. Statements, like, “I’m looking for a real man,” “I need a strong man,” or, “Why can’t he just man up,” or, “be a man about it,” will have the good men that you are looking for swerving to avoid you. And if a good man hears you speak words, like that, it’s likely that his attention will be diverted elsewhere.

Men Are Changing Too

They are becoming more sensitive, intuitive. They don’t even have to hear the words you are saying, they can feel your vibration and may avoid you solely based on unjustified feeling. Men are increasingly seeking more meaningful relationships and getting in touch with the things in life that bring them the greatest joy and fulfillment (a huge departure from the work all day to support the family model of the 1950’s).

While they might have been willing to exchange putting up with drama in exchange for good sex, in their youth, men over 40 and above are more likely to avoid drama, just like women over 40. Tolerance and teamwork are more preferred traits in modern romance. Laying down the law, like, “My way or the highway,” will more than likely send love a-packing, as ultimatums are undesirable and may be intolerable.

Be Mindful of What You Say

If you believe in the law of attraction, or not, the overwhelming statistics would indicate that what you speak is what you attract. Therefore, if you tend to voice the idea that, “all the good ones are married,” “there are no good men left,” or “all the hot men are gay,” (I find it interesting that women think all the hot men are gay, just as much as men think all the hot women are lesbians and gay men think all the hot men are straight.) the words you use will create your experience.

Inner Work

Single women over 40 need to take a look at what’s going on inside because in most cases not only do you attract what you say, possibly more importantly, you attract what you are. Ask yourself, “What kind of guys do I attract?” Then review the attributes of the men over 40 that you’ve been attracting. Are you able to objectively see any similarities between the men that you attract and any possible inner work that might be lingering deep inside? This might be worth taking a look at.

It Is What It Is

Realize that dating over 40 is different than any type of dating prior to the age of 40. Men and women are likely bruised, damaged or somewhat numb to the idea of entering a long term relationship or making a lifelong commitment due to past experiences.

If they’re anything like me, I am less likely to pair up with someone who I do not believe will be the best thing that could happen in my life. This does not mean she will be perfect, but she will be perfect (with all her imperfections) for me and likewise I will be for her.

In the meantime, if you meet someone who is extremely particular, happy with his (or her) life and is not jumping at the chance to fawn (or fondle) over you, just because you’ve expressed an interest

Don’t Be Offended

Don’t take it personal if your volunteering for love and romance is not embraced by a prospective suitor, be grateful that he (or the powers that be) have diverted a potential relationship that may not have been your highest and best. There are plenty of good men out there, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for any one of them. You have the time and space to be the love that you seek, and he will find you.

Relax

Take it slow. Realize that the process of becoming the love that you desire and attracting the perfect person for you may take some time. If you’re over 40, there may be many extenuating circumstances that are delaying his (or her) appearance, like a marriage, deteriorating health of a current mate, or any other number of details indicating that this may not be the right time for the both of you to be together.

If you are ready, and patient, the love you seek will appear at the right time.

Be Happy

In the meantime, fill your life with love and things that you enjoy. This will increases your quality of life and help keep you in a receptive state of mind that works like a love magnet.