Suppressed Emotions Kill

When you bottle up your emotions, push them down, cover them up, and insist on just going on through life ignoring your feelings and living a life of emotional denial, you are committing murder. You are committing suicide because suppressed emotions kill you.

It’s a socially acceptable manner of suicide, not as blatant or open as hanging yourself, taking a bottle of pills, or as dramatic as throwing yourself off a bridge or blowing your brains out, but your suppressed emotions are killing you.

In his groundbreaking work, Bernie Siegel in Love, Medicine and Miracles: Lessons Learned about Self-Healing from a Surgeon’s Experience with Exceptional Patients, implicitly defines the number one cause of disease and premature death from medical maladies is pent-up emotions.

If caught early enough to reverse the effects of a lifetime of suppressed emotions, the patient who finds healthy ways to express himself or herself, live a better life, and find happiness, become the most exceptional patients, experiencing full reversal or remission of their condition and fatal prognosis.

Most people on Mother Nature’s death row have put themselves there by not wanting to rock the boat, express their feelings, or being proactive in looking after themselves. They accept their lot in life as being in service to others, selflessly, without any regard for looking after themselves.

If you don’t look after yourself, who will?

I pray you are ready to receive this. If you are not, there is no judgment here. After all, we’re all doing the best we can with what we have. If your heart and mind are open, consider this:

If you are living a life with health challenges, consider who you are putting first in your life. If you are not putting your own health, wellness, and happiness first, and not expressing all the emotions you keep hidden away, the things that make you sad, angry, hurt, disrespected, or unworthy, your illness(es) is of your own making.

\This includes all disease (which could be redefined as “dis-ease”). If you’re not happy, your body is not happy, and your immune system disregards your body just as much as you do. If you will not stand up and fight for you, neither will your body, and you will fall victim to disease and premature death. But you will die a hero.

Friends, family, and society will put you on a pedestal after you’ve died and tell stories about how you selflessly served others, even as your own body was suffering in decay. (Even though you may have silently wished for death to come knocking, just so you could get some peace.)

Or, you could become an exceptional patient. You could find the keys to the life you’ve always wanted and deserved, even though you may have denied yourself access to it in the past. You could uncover your unique, purpose, message, passion, and/or mission and start living a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

You can enjoy all the good things this life has been holding for you, just waiting for you to reach out for it, including all the love and happiness you’ve ever dreamed of.

But don’t believe me. Don’t believe Bernie Siegel, or anyone else. If you decide to change your life, while there is still time, and live the life that is your birthright, only you can do this thing. Only you can make the transformation from sickness to massively thriving by choosing to become an exceptional patient.

Every day, someone who stood at death’s door awakens and starts to live life with openness, honesty, self-love with ebullient vitality and energy, staving off any self-imposed death sentence, achieving their highest and best.

Let it be you.

You can live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Today, let it be you.

Unacceptable Behavior Loss of Love

I’m Falling Out of Love with You

Relationships are not for the weak. At times you can get to that critical point in a relationship when you’ve lost respect and admiration for your partner due to something that has bubbled up to the surface. In the beginning, it may not have been a problem, but as time has gone on, it could have grown to the place where you might find yourself saying, “I’m falling out of love with you,” due to this situation or behavior.

What can you do if unacceptable behavior or something your partner is doing is causing your love and affection to deteriorate?

Maybe your partner is displaying behavior that is damaging to you or him or herself, such as being too stressed out, overeating, drinking, declining health, short-tempered, etc… and his or her continuing to engage in this kind of behavior is causing you to fall out of love with him or her.

Ask yourself, “Can I take another ten years of living life like this?” If not, it’s time to do something about it before it gets even worse.

You need to create a safe space to have a critical conversation. This is far beyond the frightening, “Honey, we need to talk,” but you need to try to make it as unfrightening as possible, and ask for a block of time that is about three times longer than you might need for this conversation, because you need to allow your partner space to reply and react.

Unacceptable behavior loss of love couple communication I'm falling out of love with you

Abandon ancient ideals about, “not going to bed angry,” or trying to communicate without putting your partner on the defensive.

Once you ask for a block of attention, your partner may want a head’s up about what the talk is about. Don’t give it up, stay true to having the physical and emotional space to follow this topic through to have the best possible outcome, especially if now is not a good time, and energy levels may be running low or are exhausted. Make sure you’re both as well equipped as possible mentally and emotionally (late at night, not a good idea).

Remember to support your partner as much as possible through this process. Recall all the things that are endearing about your partner, how wonderful he or she is, remember all the reasons you fell in love with him or her in the first place, and think about the things you would miss if he or she was not in your life at all any longer.

And preface any conversation with appreciation and gratitude before getting to the heavy portion of your subject.

Your partner is going to be defensive because no one does a thing unless they receive some benefit from it. At the outset, it makes perfect sense to him or her, and so he or she will feel justified in being defensive and fighting for something that provides some form of satisfaction or self-worth.

Remember that this person probably loves you and wants you to have the best relationship possible, so cut him or her a little slack by remembering this is who you fell in love with, while staying true to your position, and trying not to take it personally if your partner reacts emotionally in a negative manner. Don’t change your position or give in.

Besides fighting for the right to engage in the activity which has you falling out of love with him or her, they are likely going to counter-attack you with something about you which is disappointing to them, and the delivery could be harsh. This is a common self-defense tactic, so be aware and prepared for it, if it arises.

If you’re accused of something, don’t fall into defensiveness yourself, and resist the temptation to escalate the abrasion. Instead, respect and hold onto the accusation because it can be invaluable in negotiating an amazing breakthrough in your relationship.

When you’ve reached critical mass at this stage of your relationship and you can’t see yourself going on under these conditions, be honest and open with your partner and say what you’re feeling,

“I feel like I am falling out of love with you, and this is why…”

Then tell him or her. You might even add,

“If I’d have known this is how things were going to be, I wouldn’t have married you in the first place.”

This is about as grown-up a talk as you could possibly have, so don’t be afraid to say it like you mean it, and be committed to arriving at an outcome. Do not walk away from this issue until you get an acceptable answer.

This is a critical turning point in your relationship. Remember, this is the person you love, even though the love is waning at the moment, and he or she is not doing this as an assault on you. It is his or her issue, and you want to be as supportive and loving as possible throughout the process if you’re to have any hope of successfully moving forward in your relationship.

Seek to understand and arrive at a win/win conclusion, if at all possible. This is where the accusation which you filed away can come in handy. More valuable than a bargaining chip, this might be the key to arriving at win/win. Maybe you both can get what you want.

If things get too hot and heavy, and emotions are running high, take a break. Be compassionate with yourself and your partner. Try to avoid saying something you might regret. Allow time to cool down, re-center, remember all the good things, and re-engage when you are ready.

Losing Your Energy Take It Back

You’re growing and changing, making radical progress, but you feel like you’re losing your edge, your momentum is slowing and you feel like you’re losing your grip. You know you’ve got to find the energy to keep going because you know if you let go, all your hard work will have been for not. It’s time to stop losing your energy take it back.

While you’ve tried to keep focused on your position and keep moving upward and onward, you may have found yourself letting others drain your energy, or maybe you have consciously given away your precious energy reserves. In either case, it’s alright. You can reclaim your lost energy, recharge and get going again.

Losing Your Energy

There are many ways to experience energy drain, one is to let others get to you. When you’re feeling uncomfortable, upset, angry, or disgusted about anyone or anything in your circle of influence, it not only distracts you from your mission, but it drains your precious energy reserves. It is important to acknowledge the situation, if you must, let it go, and move on. In a sense, saying, “Oh well… I care but not too much.”

If you let someone be responsible for negatively affecting your state of mind, you have given them control over you. Stop doing it; take full responsibility and control of your own state and preserve your energy.

If you’re needing support or compliments from others to make you feel good, attractive, or feel as though your life is worthwhile, then you become dependent on others for fuel which is fleeting. Your true power and energy comes from within, not from others. The trap, here, which potential can overdraw your energy account, is if you fall into the pleasing of others to make you feel better about yourself, you will not only be distracted, but you will also be watching your energy go down the drain.

Unforgiveness is a black hole that feeds on your energy. If you’re harboring bad feelings about someone or something that has mistreated or robbed you from feeling good about yourself, you must let it go, or else be a slave to that person or circumstance forever. Forgiveness is the only way to repair the damage.

Set boundaries to limit how people can have access to your feelings and your life. If someone is constantly dragging you down, holding you back, or leading you astray, establishing firm boundaries and enforcing them can protect you from letting these kinds of people drain your energy. You have the responsibility for creating and monitoring your own boundaries concerning other people and their access to your physical, mental and spiritual states.

Take It Back

While significant energy loss can be exhausting, constantly being aware of who you are and why you are here, will help you preserve your energy and keep you focused. Knowing and honoring your purpose, message, passion, and mission (PMPM) will help you discern when it’s time to limit someone’s access who may be draining your precious energies.

Even though you feel like you’re losing your grip, or losing ground, not to worry (worry is another energy drain) just survey your surroundings. Be objective as you evaluate your situation, while monitoring what is going on all around you, then make the changes you need to make to keep the energy you need to keep going on. Keep in mind increasing your passion can build up the additional energy necessary to move you further, faster, more productively and with even greater results.

See also: Reclaim Your Power.

This is your journey. It’s up to you to see that you stay faithful and true.

Composite Hybrid Approach to a Better Life

Looking after yourself will take a composite hybrid approach to a better life, assuring you have the resources to stay on the top of your game.

Whether you’re a soccer mom, an emergency room nurse, firefighter, law enforcement officer, or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, you best be taking the time out to look after yourself.

Think about it, yes people depend on you to deliver the goods, and look good while you’re doing it, but what resources are you drawing upon? You are drawing water from your well.

What if your well runs dry? Then where will you be?

What about all those people who depend on you? Where will they be?

It’s up to you to make looking after yourself just as much, if not more of, a responsibility as “being there” for others. If you don’t, your days of service may be numbered.

Your body is the gift you were given to do all the great things that you do. Without proper care and maintenance of your body, you will not have the resources to deliver the goods. So, take some time out of every day for the care and nurturing of your physical temple.

Composite Hybrid Approach to a Better Life

You’re going to have to mix up your daily routine to come up with a composite hybrid approach to a better life that works for you. Your special mix of diet, exercise, relaxation, maintenance of a sound mind and heart is all up to you, and subject to change at any time.

Even so, keep in mind that neglecting yourself is unhealthy and will cost you big time in the long run.

10 Steps to a Better Life

Some of the components of your composite hybrid approach to a better life should include the following elements,Emotional Release

1 Emotional Release

You can’t be holding back and burying your feelings. You need to find ways to let it out and deal with your feelings or else they will eat away at you and make you subject to contracting a disease or declining faculties. Team up with someone you can trust with your innermost details, and/or write out your frustrations in a journal. Find your own way to get them outside of the hidden recesses of your mind, heart and body.

2 Get Comfortable in Your Skin

This is not a competition, of a race. The only person you are competing with is you. Take your eyes off of other people. Do not judge yourself or compare yourself to anyone else. This is about you, your own personal best. It’s not about anyone else. Be the best you can be and don’t fall prey to your own negative thoughts, don’t put yourself down, or be envious of anyone else. This life is not about them, it’s all you.

3 Joy Break

Take some time out each day to do something you love, even if it’s just for a few minutes. You are your own supporter, no one knows you better than you, and you should be the first to see that you are spending some time “in the zone,” whatever that means to you. You deserve this; especially if the bulk of your day (or life) is spent in service to others. Find something you enjoy, and take a joy break at some point in your day.

4 Yuk It Up

Find some humor throughout your day. Put a smile on your face (even if you don’t feel like it). The more you smile, the happier you will be. When things go awry, don’t get down, get up. Find the humor in the faux pas and give it a giggle, if not a full-on belly laugh. This will keep you on the bright side of life.

5 Look on the Bright Side of Life

Work on maintaining a positive outlook on life and all things. It’s easy, when you’re juggling a variety of tasks, and seeing something not going as you planned in your work, or even in the world, to start throwing stones and getting upset. These feelings of angst are not healthy or supportive of your improved higher lifestyle of increased productivity and performance. Being positive, maintaining a positive perspective and remaining in a positive vibration builds your immune system and creates new neural pathways in your brain increasing creativity and lightning-fast problem-solving abilities.

6 Make Time to Grow

Cut out some time from your day to nurture your own self-growth. You can listen to a challenging or uplifting podcast, read a chapter in a book, take a jaunt to the gym, practice yoga, meditate or spend time in prayer. Whatever resonates with you, take a little time each day to promote your own personal growth.

7 Diet and Exercise

It’s the dreaded D&E (believe me, I know. I wrote the book on Don’t Diet or Exercise, literally). But if you want to live a good life in service to others, you need the energy and raw materials it takes to have the vitality to be able to have the energy to “be there” when others might have thrown in the towel. So, take some time to exercise (it doesn’t have to look like exercise, you just have to move your body and breathe. You could do that dancing, taking the stairs, or briskly walking to and from the bathroom or parking lot). Eat more healthy food and take some vitamins and nutritional supplements.

8 Review Your Life

This is not a part of your daily routine but should be a routine which exists in the hybrid composite of your life. Taking the time to sit back and take a look at your life, where it’s been, where it’s leading you and what you’re doing on a daily basis is healthy. And it might alert you to the knowledge of the possibility that your life has gone astray, you have wandered off track, and the path you are on may not be able to get you to where you want to be. It might be time for a change.

9 Have a Goal

You get more out of life if you have a goal. In fact, the more goals you have, that you set and achieve, the greater fulfillment you will get out of life. How many goals? Mark Victor Hansen says, “You can never have too many goals” (and he should know, he has thousands of them). So, take some time and start thinking about the things in life you might like to accomplish, things of any size, small (easy to achieve) and large (more challenging) and set out to knock ‘em down, marking them off your list, one by one.

10 Make Adjustments Along the Way

I remember, in driving class, my driving instructor said, “Never hold the steering wheel in a death grip, pointed where you want to go. Keep it fluid, ever adjusting, loosely and comfortably moving you toward where you want to go.”

Whoa, who’d have ever known what a key to life that would end up being?

So, take Brian Johnson’s advice (no, not the lead singer for AC/DC, the driving instructor), don’t live your life in a death grip. Loosen up and keep it moving in the general direction you want to go, and make the journey as comfortable as possible, always making little adjustments along the way.

Looking After Yourself

We all pretty much do look after ourselves to some degree. We exercise, try to eat better than we might if we didn’t care at all, try to treat others politely or with kindness, but often neglect the other part of us that need tending to as well. Maybe it’s about time to think about looking after yourself more.

Start off with looking at ways you can honor your vessel, the body you were given to experience all the good things this life has to offer. The least you could do is to treat it like a car that you love, or even better, like the priceless treasure that your body is. While you might take your car in for a nice detailing, your body might be worth a little pampering too. Think about treating it to a massage, or a visit to the spa.

Hold sacred space aside for you to honor yourself. Make time to relax and settle into a peaceful state of mind. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, even if it’s only 17 minutes out of your day. This seventeen minutes is your sacred time, without interruptions. You might enjoy just closing your eyes and practice deep breathing, getting in tune with your heart or inner self. Just try it and see how this little, sacred space in time can affect the whole remainder of your day and your life.

Inside each of us is a little child version of us who longs to come out and play every once and a while. Honor this part of you, there’s no need to deny him or her, he or she is a part of you, so invite him or her to come out and play with you. Try to find occasions to make time doing the things that you used to like to do when you were younger. Remember the things that brought you joy in your youth? It’s different for all of us. It could be anything from riding a merry go round to playing ancient video games, and anything in between. Make time for your little guy or gal to come out and play.

Find your safe place. It could be a physical safe place or a safe place you can find in your thoughts and mind, where you can immerse yourself in the comfort of security. It doesn’t have to be a safe room or stronghold. You might find this level of safety and serenity soaking in a bubble bath, curled up in a comfy blanket listening to your favorite tunes, inventorying memorabilia, or reading a book accompanied by the dancing light of a scented candle. Whatever it is for you, wherever it is. This is your safe place, make time for it.

Think about taking the time to dream, daydream, or creative visualization. Using the creative power of your mind and imagination, you can go anywhere and do anything. This is youthful and powerful art that is often abandoned as we get older. When you were younger, the whole universe was at your beck and call, using the power of your imagination, and it still is. Look for opportunities and take the time to rekindle the flame of your power of visualization.

Every once and a while, schedule yourself for a Me Day. Make this day (the whole day, or at least a nice, big, fat piece of this day) all about you. Set aside a specific start and end time, and just get away. No thoughts about the cares of life, things that get you down, worrying about this or that. Just take the day and allow yourself the mental break from anything that might hinder your possibility of having the best time with yourself, and have fun being you. No judgment, just have a good time. This is your day.

Take a break from procrastination. We all have stuff that we’d rather put off ‘til tomorrow, and we know for some things, tomorrow never comes. Not this day. Just like you would take a day for yourself periodically, same goes for something that you might be putting off. You will be surprised how good it feels to do that thing you’ve been avoiding. Now you don’t have to carry around guilt about it any longer. As a matter of fact, you could do the thing first and celebrate its completion with your Me Day.

Go to the park or the beach and kick your shoes off. Take a hike in the woods, or whatever is your fancy, but connect with Mother Earth. Find the time to take a break surrounded by her magnificence, the green grass, the pebbles or sand, the sound of lapping waves or birds chirping. Take a dog for a walk. Don’t have a dog? Borrow one from a friend or neighbor. This is a great way to put yourself in a position to receive energy from Mother Nature.

I hope these ideas inspire to spend time looking after yourself more. You will be amazed at how much this will raise the frequency of your life, and better prepare you to enjoy all the good things this life has to offer, and by all means, be creative and come up with even better ways to look after you.

Here’s looking at you, kid.

Preserving the Servants Heart

I have a servant’s heart, as do many of my clients. There is a downside to being of selfless service to others, and that is neglecting the self-care necessary to maintain a healthy life for the person possessing a servant’s heart. The result is a decline in emotional health, that left to deteriorate, will affect the biological system and adding undue mental stress. This could result in lack of self-respect, angst, premature aging and a host of other health-related issues.

Preserving the servants heart self respect healthy boundaries

The servant must find ways to preserve themselves to be able to better serve their clients, community and/or world at large. Often, the servant feels as though, “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one,” (Spock, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan).

There needs to be a healthy balance, even so – rarely – one may be called upon to make the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good. Many have had to answer the call, including my 20-year-old son who answered this call on a particular 4th of July while serving in the Armed Services in Afghanistan, though most of us in the service of others will not face paying the ultimate price on their behalf.

That said, to better serve others best, we in service must pay enough attention to our own needs to maintain a healthy platform to work from enabling us to better serve our communities.

Servants need to stop feeling the needs of others are more important than their own. If you have neglected your own self-care, it’s time to take back your life to increase your effectiveness in servitude. Your needs are important and only you have the ability to tend to your needs. It can be uncomfortable, but taking steps to preserve one’s self is paramount to your success in effective service over time.

The key is balance

Learn to say, “No”

For the servant, it can seem counter-intuitive, but you were created with an internal sensor to help you monitor when and what serves your highest and best performance of your service. Some call it intuition; at the very least it is that undaunted feeling of overwhelm, a clear indication the situation at hand is not congruent with your personal terms of service.

In this moment it is certainly prudent for you to exercise your ability to simply say, “No.” (I can see that grimacing expression on your face. Stay with me…) you must start using this word. Uncomfortable as it may be at first, trust me, it will get easier. It’s a small two-letter word that will help you create enough space to establish a basic parameter. It is not your calling to be all things to all men and besides, saying no doesn’t imply that you don’t respect or like someone; it only means no. That’s all.

You may need a little wiggle room to muster up a firm, “No.” If so, you could offer up a stall tactic, like, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”

If you have a long history of always saying, “Yes,” when it was not in your best interest, you could dress it up a bit by saying, “Now is not a good time for me,” or, “that’s not really my area of expertise,” and refer them to someone more keenly attuned to that particular circumstance or project.

You can refer them to someone who is better suited or equipped to take on the task, or encourage the person approaching you to examine their own abilities and some insightful review might lead them to the conclusion that they may have the skills necessary to undertake it on their own. Why not use your intuition to give them the opportunity to grow?

In the event you have accepted a particular responsibility and felt uncomfortable or resentful for having accepted the challenge, this is a clear indication, that when approached with this type of offer in the future, declining the assignment is certainly in order.

For the persons who call on you to serve them, and have little respect for all that you do, ask yourself, “Would I let this person treat my son or daughter, like that?” If the answer is no, then it’s time to start setting some healthy boundaries.