Sometimes you want to do something so bad but it just seems too impossible, distant or out of reach. You can feel like you’re unworthy, not educated or qualified enough, or feel like someone else would be better or more respected for doing that thing that you want to do.
Focusing only on the ultimate goal, the end game, can be just too intimidating because it seems so far off or impossible from where you’re standing right now.
What’s the answer to how to do what you want, if you really want to?
Keep the idea of your ultimate goal out there but take your focus and refocus it on taking small steps that lead you closer to your goal. You don’t have to do it all in one fail swoop. Just move a little closer to it each day or each week.
So, what do you want?
Want to live a stress-free life?
Do something relaxing every day, meditate, take a walk in the park, take a bubble bath with scented candles.
Want to start a new, or build a better, business?
Schedule time to research strategies and ideas – being certain to include taking action (not just research) – every week.
Want to write?
Then write. 500 words a day doth a writer make.
Prioritize
You can prioritize whatever you want and if you are moving toward it on a regular basis, sure enough, you’ll get there.
To prioritize and move closer to what you want (what you really, really want), all you have to do is what everyone else does (I know, they make it look so simple. Right? Well, it is).
Expanding on Newton’s Third Law of Motion, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,” Robert K.Merton, suggests that in sociological situations there exists the Law of Unintended Consequences. The Law of Unintended Consequences proposes that even with the best of intentions, things can happen which were totally unexpected.
The resulting consequences may take any of three basic forms, which are: Good, or Bad (or potentially really bad). Bad unintended consequences seem to dominate the idea, which is akin to Murphy’s Law.
It is good to be mindful about the potential ripple effect either anticipated or not, but don’t let worrying about the details get you lost in the paralysis of analysis. Here are a few examples of the law of unintended consequences in action, both good and bad.
Good Unintended Consequences
If you’re going to have unintended consequences, good ones are the preference, if you could choose. This is when your intentions are to have a particular good outcome from your effort or action, yet you are able to experience wildly greater unexpected goodness from your taking action than you could have ever expected.
Stories of good unintended consequence include buying a $5 painting to cheer up your sick friend with no expectation that the painting would be a $5 Million-dollar piece of art. Or with the best intentions, you develop a wallpaper cleaning product which is never embraced and as your company is about to topple, you find out that what you’ve really invented was one of the most famous kids’ playtime product, “Play Doh.”
Maybe you and your girlfriend decide to open a little shop to cater to your vegetarian friends in your hometown making it convenient to find healthy food, only to unexpectedly grow into “Whole Foods,” igniting a healthy food movement.
Bad Unintended Consequences
Bad unintended consequences refers to some ancillary unfortunate implications that result from your well-intended action.
In America, we wash our eggs to clean any possible infection off of them. This also scrubs a protective layer off of them, which makes it easier for eggs to get infected.
In the kitchen introduction of the microwave all but eliminated familial dining together as each family member now is more likely to fend for themselves using the microwave,
Making texting illegal while driving to cut down on accidents resulted in increased accidents because persistent texters who were previously texting in plain view were hiding their phones while texting a much more dangerous approach to texting while driving.
The Regans are famous for promoting drugs and music with illicit lyrics with their “Just Say No to Drugs,” and censorship of nasty music by making easier to identify the music by requiring “Parental Advisory” labels to the music media.
Side airbags were designed to save more live but ended up endangering the lives of children, who were fatally injured by the deploying airbags.
The “three strikes” law which imprisons third-time felony offenders with 25-year-to-life in prison, resulted in more law enforcement deaths resulting from offenders attempting to avoid the higher penalty.
The US government’s funding and CIA involvement in backing the Afghan Mujahideen in an effort to slow Soviet expansion led to the rise of the Taliban and Al Qaeda.
In my work with couples I hear a lot about the different ways that mates are unfaithful in their commitment to each other, there are many other ways to practice infidelity, and there are so many ways to break love’s sacred love bond. So, infidelity it’s not just sexual.
In a therapeutic environment, you might be surprised what might be genuinely considered infidelity, and you may have been none the wiser, thinking that you’re within the bounds of your love relationship when you are actually far over the lines which make up the boundaries of love’s commitment. For instance,
Just to give you a taste of some of the most common affairs that you might not think of at first blush as being considered cheating (if you’re the offending partner).
Here are 9 of the top non-intercourse-related infidelities and destroyers of relationships,
1. Flirtatious Infidelity
While flirting may seem like harmless fun because there is no intention of following through in a sexual manner (at least not on your part) therefore you reason that you’re just enjoying a little playful banter. Certainly, there’s no harm in that.
On the other hand, you’re unconsciously communicating to the person with whom you are flirting with, that you might entertain the idea of having a secret relationship outside of your current love relationship. To add to the veracity of the seemingly insignificant jesting, you are communicating to the person with whom you are flirting that you think there might be a better deal available, one that is better suited for you, than what you have waiting for you at home.
Even though simple flirting may not seem harmful on the surface, this is the breeding ground and part of the grooming process for almost every sexual affair.
2. Confidence Infidelity
Having a confidant, someone to whom you can bare your soul to and share your deepest and darkest secrets who shares the same gender as your love interest is another form infidelity.
You may justify your reaching out to this person because you just needed someone to talk to, but the truth of the matter is, you are placing more trust in this third party than your mate, and after a while as the bond grows between you and your confidante, is easy to understand how things can easily get intimate with someone with whom you share your most intimate details.
If you do need to talk to someone, seek out a coach, counselor, therapist or clergyman to talk to. At least, these people have taken a professional oath not to threaten your relationship but to assist in its advancement.
3. Financial Infidelity
Seventy percent of all relationships fail due to money issues and financial infidelity is never more real today than at any time in history. If you, or your partner, is funneling and/or siphoning household finances for any number of reasons, this is a severe breach of trust and when it comes to light, can be just as bad (if not worse) than a sexual affair.
Motives are complicated to uncover because partners who engage in financial infidelity are likely to keep their lips sealed, take the money and run, when they’re found out.
Some of the most popular couple money swindlers are closet shoppers, and gamblers, addiction feeders, and secret money hoarders. In any case, financial infidelity is serious business.
4. Activity Infidelity
When things get a little dicey at home, you might prefer to be somewhere else, unwinding with someone who will not respond to you, like the person who is awaiting your arrival at home, especially if your relationship is going through a tender phase.
There would appear no harm done and there should be nothing that would alert your mate’s suspicions by simply having a little time away, taking a break with friends to loosen up. Plus, you always come home in a good mood. So wouldn’t your partner encourage such an activity?
The problem is, again, that these soirees can (and often do) lead to flirtatious infidelity or confidence infidelity which are gateways to sexual infidelity.
5. Whistleblowing Infidelity
When you report intimate details and off-color remarks about your partner, you are communicating that there is trouble in paradise, and the more you blab about your mate’s inadequacies, the more your friends, family and whoever hears your tales of woe will encourage you to save yourself from such a horrible fate.
Now, you may be just sounding-off or letting off steam, in an effort to find some release for some pent-up frustration in your relationship. But when you start talking to others about your partner’s misdeeds, you are not only breaking the confidence of your love relationship but putting down your partner in his or her absence is far more damaging than just being disrespectful.
Talking to others about your partner behind his or her back is often a signal that the relationship is unsustainable and if left unchecked, it will fail.
6. Digital Infidelity
Simply chatting it up with someone over the Internet, playing games, which involve chatting back and forth, or simple, harmless banter using only your devices can wreck and ruin a love relationship.
Just like you shouldn’t participate in these trysts in the real world, likewise, they shouldn’t be condoned in the virtual world, especially with someone who shares the same sex as your partner. Again we have all the elements of the previous infidelities including playful banter, possibly confiding intimate details, obviously spending time in an online activity, and could include an element of talking behind your partner’s back.
While being online may give you a false sense of safety, we all know that crossing the bridge from digital relationships to face-to-face encounters is very real and it happens every day.
And if your digital relationship includes sex-talk (or more) then this is clearly upscaled to sexual infidelity, even if it is virtual sex.
7. Catwalk Infidelity
You know what this is; things are getting a little lackluster at home, and you’re just not feeling as sexy as you once did, so you get all dolled up to walk the catwalk in an effort to get some appreciation for your appearance that you feel like is being taken for granted at home.
To start with, you probably wouldn’t want your partner to do this in your absence, and the idea is to attract a certain type of attention, which usually has a sexual element to it, so don’t do it.
If you really want to be appreciated for being all dressed and made up, looking and smelling nice, then honor your relationship and schedule a night out with your partner. Then when people respond to your (maybe even sensual) good looks, they may think about how lucky your partner is to be with someone so desirable.
8. Withholding Sex Infidelity
Yeah, how about that? Who’d a thought that not having sex with someone else could be considered infidelity? Sure enough, in therapeutic environments, it comes up quite often in couples counseling.
Withholding sex is a powerful weapon used in relationships, and even masturbating, which doesn’t even involve another person at all, can be just as harmful to a relationship as any other kind of sexual affair.
No matter how you look at it, withholding sex is generally not considered a healthy move for building a sound relationship, and there are a lot of programs, counselors, coaches, and therapists who specialize in these things. Consider seeking one of these, or at least do some Googling to see if you can discover ways to put more excitement and satisfaction in the bedroom.
9. Child Infidelity
What?
Yes, it happens all the time. When one of the parents feels as though they are not getting all the love and support that they want from their partner, they focus intently on their children to drain all the love from them that they can. And children will love you unconditionally, at times when your partner may not be willing or able.
When your relationship with your kids supersedes your relationship with your partner, the sacred bond is broken, and the relationship will deteriorate and die.
That’s a lot of Infidelities
Yes, it is. And what might be considered infidelity for one person, might not be considered infidelity to another person. It’s up to each couple to make their own way through this life together if that is your goal.
Times are a changing, and relationships include a lot of give-and-take, negotiation, and establishing rules and boundaries if they are expected to survive and have any longevity.
That is unless you are able to love unconditionally.
If you’re a practicing Life Coach you are going to run into the client who is going to be underperforming. For whatever reason, the client is not fulfilling their end of the bargain in the coaching relationship. What can you do when your client refuses to do the work?
All coaches should have a given specialization, and as part of the coaching agreement, your client agrees to do the work necessary to achieve their goals and/or continued personal and professional growth.
You may notice at some time in your coaching when a particular client reaches a point or enters into a nonproductive phase. Several sessions have passed with no change, and your client seems to have no motivation or commitment to follow through on their end of the bargain. Sure, they don’t have any problem paying for the sessions, but you’re feeling like you’re not being faithful to your commitment to your own calling or mission.
Do I love my clients? Yes. Am I going to do the work for them? No.
Here are 5 steps to consider when your client refuses to do the work
1. Refer Your Client Elsewhere
The client’s needs may have turned away from your specialty and they have found themselves on another path, at least for the moment, or all together. For instance, if I am a Business Coach and have a business client who has committed to increasing their business, and we’ve made good, continued progress until the client’s entering this phase, maybe it’s time to either change our agreement, or refer them to another coach who specializes in the focus that seems to occupy their attention as of late.
Referring him or her is not that difficult for me because I share my Olympia Life Coach practice with many other practitioners. So, it is easy for me to say something like, “I see your life focus has changed while your attention is focused more on your relationship than your business. How about I refer you one of my associates, a Relationship Coach who specializes in the area with which you are now concerned? When you have completed your work with him (or her), you can come back to me when you are ready to focus again on your business.”
For me, it’s important to stay focused on clients with dreams and goals who are willing and able to take action, moving through the process, as necessary, whereby I assist them in achieving their highest and best, if I am to remain true to my own calling. Of course, if they meet with a challenge and they are on top of it, I can shift my focus in the moment, to overcome a persistent challenge, but if they are going to tarry there for long, I am more likely to refer them to a specialist.
2. Reaffirm Commitment to Accountability
It might be a good idea to remind the client about what they sought you out for, again directing them to their initial service agreement, call to action, and performance-based accountability. As a coach, your primary method of operation is to encourage clients to set their goals and keep them accountable for taking the steps necessary to do their part.
While they are having their attention focused away from their own work (that specific work which they contracted you to assist them with) they might suggest that you accept additional compensation for helping them pick up the slack, or perform their part (doing their homework) on their behalf. This would be a good time to reaffirm that is not your responsibility to do their work for them, that is their job. They must be held accountable in keeping their end of the bargain.
Having this discussion might be just what it takes to get them back on track.
3. Review Their File
As your client’s accountability partner, you will have records to use as proof of their nonperformance over the last X number of sessions. While you appreciate their willingness to pay you for being their sounding board, this is not your primary function. Certainly, you want to be empathetic, encouraging, and open. You want to share the details of their personal life, especially if it is interfering with their follow-through and progress toward their goals. While you may be able to get them over the hump for approaching unforeseen challenges that may not be directly related to the performance of their coach, this is a powerful service to offer your client ensuring they do not get waylaid by obstacles that would otherwise impede their progress, but this is not your primary service.
Showing them their consistent lack of action based on your notes may be enough to get them back on track (which reinforces your commitment to keeping adequate records). After all, you are their accountability partner, right? Then it’s up to you to hold them accountable.
4. Set a New Goal
Your client can choose from a couple of options if they are to continue as your coaching client, those options would be to
1.
Reinstate the previous task, and set a new date for achieving the task that was missed. Although before agreeing to do this, make them think it through answering questions like,
a. What day will you do it
b. How much time will it take, and
c. Will you have all the tools necessary to accomplish it?
2.
Set a new goal or task to complete prior to the next session
Setting an entirely new goal may result in trimming down the agreed upon action to be taken making it more attainable for your client during a period of time when they are not on the top of their game. It’s better to make a little progress than no progress at all.
If that doesn’t work,
5. Final Review
The following session will be a review of your client’s agreement and their inability to follow-through with their end of the bargain. You have already attempted to lower the bar of expectation and renegotiate the original agreement to accommodate for their current distractions.
This will be the final review of their agreements and nonperformance based on your notes.
If they are still unable to be true to their own commitment to their own program for personal or professional growth, then severing the relationship might be in order, either for the interim, until your client is ready to get back on board, or indefinitely.
Be certain to affirm that you are not judging them, are not saying anything about where they are in their life, nothing being right, nothing being wrong, things are just as they are, and this coaching relationship is not working for either of you at this time.
Bid them adieu, with God’s blessings, and refer them to someone else, or simply let them go. You can keep the door open for reestablishing a new coaching relationship, down the road, when they are willing and able.
Ever get to that place in life when everything goes wrong? No matter how hard you try everything is going wrong. “I feel like I can’t do anything right when everything is going wrong. Nothing’s going right in my life.”
If that sounds like you, I just want you to know that it sounded like me, too, and so many of my other friends, mentors, and clients. You are not alone. Feeling like, “I have no one in my life,” or when everything goes wrong, and you can’t imagine what to do when you feel lost, is a clear indication that something amazing is brewing for you.
I know, when you’re thinking more like, “I hate my life!” The last thing you want to hear is everyone’s canned answer, “Don’t worry, things will get better.” And I am not offering you that, so don’t hit the back button, keep reading…
You must understand that there is divine architecture at work in the closed-system world where we live. In this bubble which encases our planet, all things are equal, continually in a state of metamorphosis and change. The change may be slow, like coal naturally turning into diamond, or rapid like the vaporization of water when heated, and even though the water appears to vanish when boiled, it still remains in our bubble, only in another form so as not to upset the sacred balance. Everything is based on this delicate balance ever-changing powered by a divine force in perfect rhythm and rhyme.
You and your life are not exempt from the sacred laws of balance.
Keeping this in mind when it looks as if no matter how hard you try it appears that everything is going wrong, and you’re thinking, “I feel like I can’t do anything right,” you’ve lost all hope and nothing is going right. There is an amazing transformation about to take place. Just as the charcoal must experience extreme pressure, the caterpillar must die, and the water must endure the boiling point to transform, your metamorphosis must endure and survive the transformative process.
If you are able to survive it, you will emerge on the other side of this torrential life upheaval, to realize the amazing gift of new, better, and far more enthralling life that waits for you.
The process may be painful, grueling, and may seem as though it would never end. Just as some women may endure a great deal of difficulty in childbirth, while for others it seems to progress effortlessly, so it is for the birthing process you are going through. This life transformative process is different for every person; for some, it is easier than others, though it is generally believed that those who must endure the most tragedy also are more likely to receive the greater reward.
So, if the process you are going through is rather painful and tragic, then it would be reasonable that something far greater is waiting for you on the other side of the tragedy you are currently engaged in.It is up to you to figure out if it is worth it to you to endure the process. You could circumvent the process and live out your life comfortably as a piece of petrified coal… But to emerge a beautifully magnificent diamond, you must endure the stress and pressure to fully experience the metamorphosis.
It is up to you to figure out if it is worth it to you to endure the process. You could circumvent the process and live out your life comfortably as a piece of petrified coal… But to emerge a beautifully magnificent diamond, you must endure the stress and pressure to fully experience the metamorphosis.
Many people are excellent in finding ways to avoid the process, through a myriad range of options which will stave off the change, and this can be achieved to a high level of accuracy. In fact, our medical and mental health resources abound with gimmicks and the finest chemistry to keep you from having to change at all.
The powers that be are quite content with you remaining the way you are, a virtual cog in the machine, but you… You might be ready for something new. The new evolutionary you which is awaiting your release from your cocoon.
Imagine being able to endure all this, to embrace this pressure to emerge as the most brilliant diamond, or to spread your wings and fly, enjoying a life that seems all but impossible in this moment, but still, awaits your arrival on the other side.
It will take time, and the process may be uncomfortable, excruciatingly painful even, but it will be worth it. It is an immutable law.
I know I said that I wasn’t going to say, “Don’t worry. Things will get better.” They do get better, but only if you are willing and able to endure the transformative process.
After a while, when you’ve endured and have had the experience of many of these metamorphoses if you’re like me when nothing is going right, you might start looking around for the good things that are waiting for you in the wings.
Of all the things I know (and that is knowing so much to realize that I don’t know anything), this one thing remains. When it looks like things are at their worst, and it appears that there is no hope for any possible positive outcome, and I don’t know what to do with my life, I can recognize that I am in a state of transformation.
Knowing this gives me hope that something far greater is in store for me, but I must be purified by the immense pressure, like the coal, if I am to enjoy being a diamond.
By the way, once you’ve achieved the state of becoming a diamond, you are still a raw diamond, a diamond in the rough. There is still plenty of road ahead for cutting, faceting and polishing coming before you will be able to appreciate the new evolved you in all the brilliance of your new life.
It’s all a process, everything in this life, and you are no exception, though you may choose to opt out of the evolutionary process. Most have and doing so is commonplace. Even so, more and more of us are embracing the transformation process, and the world will be a better place because of those who have evolved.
You, too, could be a part of this evolutionary change. I believe you are.
You have noticed you are not quite like your contemporaries as you’ve moved through life. You have noticed that you have special abilities which have peeked through along your life’s path, you noticed, maybe someone else did, too, but you were quick to sluff it off as coincidence, or some other effort to disregard it, because after all is said and done, you just want to be normal; to fit in with your peers. You have no desire to be different.
Nonetheless, you are different. You do have unique special abilities which most people are never gifted with. Life has even placed you in situations and circumstances that would kill any normal person, yet your death-defying special abilities brought you through your challenge.
How much more powerful would your special abilities be if you would embrace them, practice them and let them evolve into their full potential instead of hiding and disregarding them?
How difficult is it for you to watch the news, seeing people in pain, suffering, or an impending crisis, knowing that you could help, if you weren’t trying to hide your true potential(s)?
You know you could make a difference, possibly even set the world on a new and better course, yet you shy away thinking, “I’m not worthy,” not good enough, not educated enough, not enough of whatever it is… Guess what?
There is no training for you or your special abilities, you and yours are so individually unique that only you can step into them, fully experience, and learn to wield your special powers.
God hasn’t brought you this far to leave you stranded or to squelch the super power(s) that He gave to you in the first place.
People have encouraged you, but you’ve shied away, rejecting the idea of attracting any unwanted attention, or to separate you from the comfort of your peers. You’ve found a comfortable place in life, surrounding yourself with what you need to get by in such a way that there is safety and security there.
Outside this bubble of complacent safety, is uncertain risks that bring flood of fear-based thoughts just to think about it is too much to imagine.
Turn off the TV, isolate yourself, shore up the walls you’ve built around yourself. Close your eyes, plug your ears, bury your head in the sand… Still you feel that beckoning tug… the Spirit of God calling you forth into the life that beckons you.
Most people will not embrace their special (hidden or long forgotten) special abilities, and it will never be more apparent to you than in your final moments when you evaluate the missed opportunities of your life and the endless list of regrets.
The greatest super heroes of all time are filling graveyards all over the world, and no one even knows. If that doesn’t make you weep when you walk through a graveyard, I don’t know what would.
Don’t let your light be squelched out, like that.
It’s never too late. If there is still breath in you, life pumping through your veins, there is still time.
Is it frightening? Does it feel like it’s just not possible? Are you afraid that you might fall on your face while your friends look on to laugh at your ridiculousness?
Your hero’s journey starts when you start overcoming your fears and start stepping into your destiny. Let that day be today.
It’s time to stoke the fire, let your light shine, and make the world a better place.
Training and certifying coaches for years, I hear two distinct references about great coaches and their ability to coach
You can train to be a great coach
Great coaches are born, not trained
Both are true, you can train to be a great coach and the best coaches are born to be coaches. And I would add another,
Life can call and make you the best coach
Let’s take a look at these ideas, digging a little deeper
You can train to be a great coach
Coaching, like any other trained profession, can be learned. The skills can be taught and learned in a classroom setting. In this respect, any good student could learn to be a great coach, technically.
Trained coaches are advised to discover and find a specialty, an area to focus their particular expertise, to specialize in a particular type of coaching.
You are born a great coach
In my practice, I see many people who are “born coaches.” What does it mean to be born a coach? It simply means that you may not have trained to be a coach but it is something you’ve done your whole life. And if you’ve come to this planet to be a coach, you’ve been coaching as long as you can remember and usually have a specialty.
If you came to this planet to be a coach, a quick review of the types of people who have been attracted to you for a particular type of advice, indicates your pre-destined target audience. For instance, if people have been drawn to you for advice on their love lives, then it’s pretty plain to see, you came here with the divine assignment of being a relationship coach.
Life made you the best coach
This type of coach is highly specialized and trained by life, sometimes the most tragic training and learnings from life have qualified you to be one of the few people with such unique terrestrial training, that most likely could never be taught in the classroom.
The training has likely taken place along a hard, treacherous road travelled by others, but you, though beaten and bruised (either physically or emotionally) have come out on the other side of this episode of life, successfully, with a positive perspective.
In this scenario, life has given you qualifications to help others navigate circumstances and challenges which you have first-hand experience with.
In most cases the life-trained best coaches are the most reluctant because it is understandable that their self-confidence might be somewhat lacking following their life’s struggle, and they are haunted by negative self-talk, such as not being worthy or well-educated in their imposed field of study.
Why else do you think life would have selected you to endure this harrowing experience?
Could it be that you have been hand-picked to be the lighthouse, beaming your message of hope and support to others who may be experiencing the same traumatic experiences, right now?
It was no accident that you were chosen to weather this storm, because no one is more qualified to offer hope to others going through what you went through.
These people are looking for you, right now.
Will they be able to find you?
They may not be able to make it without you…
The longer you put off answering the call, the more they will suffer. Wouldn’t you have wanted someone, like you, to offer hope and support?
What time is now for you to accept your divine assignment?
It’s time for you to “Coach Up,” and answer the call.
You already know you need to stop putting things off, watch news and the tube less, and stop participating in activities that are pure time-suckers. You know you need to be more proactive, set goals and deadlines to achieve them. And if you’re more aware, you know you need a system to track your progress and increase your accountability when it comes to doing the things that need to be done to create your highest and best.
Okay, you know what you need to do, you can see it clearly over there, on the other side of the crevasse which stands between where you are and where you know you want to be.
If you really want to get from here, you need to take a look at what stands between you and where you want to be. Here are some of the things that may be keeping you from having what you really want (what you really, really want):
You’re Afraid
Fear is probably the number one thing that stands between you and what you want, it is by far the most powerful influencer in the mind of all human beings. And in terms of making changes to your life, fear of change, and fear of failure are at the top of the list.
And at any point, if you decide to bail out on pursuing your dreams, there is a mob of folks waiting to welcome you back to your life of mediocrity, they’ll hug you, kiss you, tell you how sorry they are for you, they’ll make you chicken soup and nurse you back to mediocrity any way they can.
The best lives are enjoyed by those who have forged their own trail, conquering their fears along the way, knowing that the road ahead is going to be a challenge.
The road may be longer than you thought it would be, have more twists and turns, and you might even take a wrong turn every now and again, but you must start the journey and follow it wherever it leads if you want to get to where you want to be.
Paralysis of Analysis
Sometimes you can get so lost in the study or preparation of a thing that you become frozen in time and space. There is so much to learn, there’s always another book, seminar, class, workshop, a course of study, or guru who you’d like to meet that stands between you and where you want to be.
As prepared as you could possibly be, you could not possibly anticipate anything that might appear on your radar along the way. And if you tried to study and prepare for any possible scenario, chances are you’ll be lost in the prep and never feel prepared enough to confidently leave.
You’ve got to be ready and willing to act on what you have, and gather more information along the way. Otherwise, you will remain stagnant, a victim of the paralysis of analysis. If you run into an unexpected challenge along the way, you just have to do what every other expansion explorer does, scramble like hell, reach out to others, try to figure out a way to get around it, or slay the dragon and keep moving.
Lack of Motivation
If you really want to change your life, you need to be willing and committed to your continuing to make progress even if you’re not feeling it. Motivation is great, but it is often fleeting, what then?
That’s when your true character shines through, you can be a whiner or a winner. Your choice. If you’re going to pick up your toys and run home to mommy, that’s okay, maybe it’s not your time to be the winner. But if it’s your time to dominate your life and emerge the triumphant victorious winner you were always destined to be… Keep going, even if you don’t feel like it.
Winners make their doingness a habit, which requires no motivation. Doing isn’t just what you do, it’s who you are.
Passivity
There is a huge trend toward using, “Whatever,” as a general excuse for anything that might not turn out the way you like as if it justifies walking away from anything because “shit happens.” And there are a thousand excuses that will sound like it justifies your quitting.
You just can’t have that attitude, if you really want what you really want. If it’s true, and you want it, and you think you can to what it takes to get it, you won’t be dissuaded by the first obstacle that shows up and say something like, “Oh, I guess that just wasn’t meant for me.”
No, it was meant for you, you just bailed out on getting what you wanted. What stands between you and what you want is not, “Whatever,” it’s you.
If it’s you, then start practicing doing things. Make a commitment to do something every day – no matter what – and do it. It doesn’t have to be anything big. It could be something like making your bed every day, or writing in your journal every night, and prove to yourself that you can learn to do something without letting life’s excuses get in the way.
Slow and Easy Wins the Race
Don’t take off in a full sprint toward achieving what you want. It’s better to take small steps toward what you want than no steps at all, and making continual progress assures that every day you are getting closer to what you want.
Sometimes, the over-ambitious person has a clear vision of what they want and they take off with the fervent expectation to be able to get there quickly because it is so clear to them, that they could actually reach out and touch it. Then, fail from utter exhaustion, possibly warranting a trip in an ambulance, then having to start over again from scratch, if they survive the ordeal.
(I did that once in Vegas. From the strip, I said, “Look! There’s the Rio, I’ll race you there…” My friend and I started out… It looked so clear, so close. Not my best moment, but a great analogy, eh?)
When is Now the Time for You to Start
You are ready. In fact, you’ve never been so ready. If you readied any longer, you’d start to rot.
You know what you want. Now go get it.
But keep your wits about you, be cautious but keep going, slow and steady.
What you do today brings you so much closer to what you want.
“I can’t seem to get in the groove for a better life.”
You know you want a better life, but you just can’t seem to gain enough momentum to make any significant progress, creating separation from your old life.
We all know, that you can’t expect change to come if you’re stuck in a rut and continue to do the same ol’ same ol’. So, here are some changes you can make to start rocking your new life.
1. Unplug
If you’re plugged into media streams via television, radio, or any other of the available media streams or devices, turn them off, or unplug them all together. Nothing will suck the potential new life from you and drag you back down to lower vibrations than feeding through the media IV.
And it’s not just the Constant Negative News (CNN), this includes sitcoms, late night TV, Netflix, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat… all of it. Not only do these distract you from achieving your highest and best, they create an incredible loss of time. Time which could be better spent doing anything else. Time which can never be recovered.
“But,” you interject, “Facebook,” or any other interactive media stream, “is a part of my,” (insert somewhat valid excuse) business promotional campaign, ministry, or how I stay connected to my family, etc. Okay, if you must stay connected, then do the responsible thing, monitor and meter your access. Limit yourself to 30 minutes a day.
Use all that extra time to work toward expanding the new you, creating your better life, or make the world a better place, in the real world.
2. Talk to You
When you’re on the path to a better life, chances are your negative self-talk will rear its ugly head in an attempt to dissuade you from changing your life.
You need to not let yourself get distracted by those critical inner voices from your dark past trying to drag you down with claims of your unworthiness, or taunting you, making fun of you, saying you’re not good enough, or are destined to fail, so why even try.
These inner victims have done a good job keep you stuck where you are in life. If you’re going to break free, all you need to do is correct the voice when it pops up. If it says, “You’re not educated enough,” then stop, correct it (do it out loud, if it’s not too embarrassing) by stating a positive reframing of it, like, “Lots of rich, famous, and influential people who have changed the world were not educated,” or some other positive statement and repeat it three times.
If you keep it up, you will find your inner voice begin to not only silence but start to encourage you to move forward. This is when you know you’re making positive progress.
3. People Up
What kind of people are you hanging out with?
There’s a strong connection between the folks you hang out with and where you are in your station in life.
In fact, it’s the number one reason why some people will never be able to exit a life of crime and will always be in trouble with the law because it’s a lifestyle, their family and friends are all in the same “line of work.”
If a criminal really wants to no longer live a life of crime, they need to get away from the hood and make new friends.
From an income point of view, it is said your income level and life view will be roughly equivalent to the five people you spend the most time commiserating with. So, who are they? What kind of life are they leading or promoting?
Do you have energy vampires, who suck the life (and possibly the resources) out of you, leaving nothing for you to focus on making a better life for yourself? Think about give them a less influential station in your social circle, or give them the boot altogether.
Surround yourself with positive, supportive people, who are the kind of people you want to be like. If they’re vibrating at a higher level, your vibration will raise when you’re around them.
Whether conscious or not, these people are shaping your life. If you want to change the shape of your life, changing these five people is a good way to get ‘er done.
4. Do Something
The doers are the people who actually change the world. Rarely does a dreamer make a significant change in society, the world, or their own life by just imagining it, or by repeating positive affirmations. The people who make significant changes in their lives and the world take action. They do something.
You need to do something that is outside of your current routine, that will build up reserves in your new personal escrow account, which will contribute to your new life.
Do something every day. It doesn’t have to be huge, and it will have an accumulative effect on your new life.
5. Heart On
Get to know who you are at your core, as a person, as an extension of all there is in life. Your heart is the central point of your nervous system and has powers you can only imagine.
For men, getting in touch with your gut – your gut feelings – is all about knowing who you are and staying congruent with your true identity, the person you were always meant to be. That person is waiting to come to life, and it’s up to you to let it loose.
For women, it’s your heart, which speaks for itself. You know when something is right or wrong by the feeling in your chest. This is your heart, looking after you, guiding you, even though you may not pay attention to it much, now is the time to start living by your heart.
No matter where it’s felt, in the gut or in the chest, it’s all about the heart baby, and love is the conduit that powers it and ties us all – all things – together.
Get your heart on, start living a life of love for a better life, a better world and a better tomorrow.
If you’ve been thinking about starting your own mastermind group, and are about to take action, here’s a brief idea of what you need to do if you’ve been wondering how to start a mastermind group.
First off, you need to have a good idea what your mastermind is going to be for. Is it going to be to get better grades, be focused on effectively raising teenagers, improving personal performance/athleticism, making your community (or world) a better place, investing, starting or building a business, or some other reason? The purpose of your mastermind should be specific, and it’s not uncommon to have more than one mastermind but start with one.
Once you know what you mastermind will focus on, you’ll need to establish some ground rules for participation, like maintaining a high level of confidence among members, showing up prepared and on time. It’s also a good idea to establish exit procedures, in the event someone wants to withdraw or needs to be asked to resign.
A mastermind could also have a specific lifespan. For instance, if the mastermind is focused on a particular event, then following the conclusion and clean-up of the event, it would disband. Otherwise, your mastermind will be perpetual, allowing for growth and change of the mastermind.
As far as how many participants you will have in your mastermind, you can start with one other person and interview respective potential members. I think the best, most effective, number to manage is five or six members, but I think we can all agree that you should never have more than 12 other members. It just makes it problematic to effectively deliver the mastermind results to each participant (plus it calls for an all-day-long affair).
Selecting your mastermind members is a process, you want to find people who are similar to you in social stature and share similar – but different – aspirations. For instance, if your mastermind is focused on building a business, you would want to have several business people in different stages of varied businesses, who have particular skill sets.
When reviewing skills, be certain not to be shopping for what your business needs. Look instead for someone who is like-minded, has a business or interest that they want to see grow, is creative, ambitious, and desires to take their business and lifestyle to the next level. Don’t invite a bookkeeper because your business needs a better accounting system (this is a common mistake). Look for individuals who are likely to bring with them their own unique perspective.
Have regular mastermind meetings, either in person or virtual. Depending on what you desire to accomplish, and at what rate, you might want to meet once-a-week, or once-a-month. Once a week is common for virtual masterminds, with once every 6 months or annual face-to-face live mastermind. Live masterminds, usually start out at once a week for the novices, then settle down into once a month masterminds.
Know how your meeting is going to go and set appropriate parameters, such as allowing each participant to have 20 minutes to update and share, 10 minutes for the mastermind feedback, then onto the next person. Have someone designated to take notes (this task can alternate, or you can have one person designated), and one (could be the same person) to keep track of the time. Allow another 10-minute closing segment, to wrap up, bring up any new business, and to confirm the next mastermind session.
Your mastermind participation can be paid or non-paid, like membership dues. Paid raises the accountability of the members, plus it gives you a reserve expense account in the event that you might like to schedule a special guest, or event for your mastermind. Either way, a periodic guest or event will help to invigorate your group if conducted properly.
Since you’re seeking to start a mastermind, then you probably already know what to expect, the most effective way to create exponential growth by meeting with several other people in a mastermind, which creates a virtual additional personality/entity (the mastermind), which feeds the group with inspiration, ideas, solutions, and creative possibilities. Far surpassing the sum of the participants of the group.
