Category: Blog

In Love and Business

Couples in a loving relationship may find their way into a scenario where, as they are growing, changing, and expanding, they find themselves seeking self-sufficiency as they allow for more abundance in their lives by inviting entrepreneurship to join them on their journey. While financial opportunities abound, we all love the idea of doing what you love and allowing cash flow to be created doing so, how can this affect the relationship in love and business?

When your career is outside the home, it’s easy to come home, disconnect from the daily routine, unwind, and relax because there’s a clear separation between work and home. For the couple who is engaging in business together, this can be more of a challenge as you are undoubtedly going to be engaged in the work of running your business as it is part of, or overflows into, your home life.

As you may have guessed, these people find their way into my practice as they pursue their desires as they have proclaimed, “I want to do something with my life.”

Here are some ideas to successfully navigate your relationship in love and business.

1 Love Comes First

You must remember that while you may be partners in business, you are partners in love first and foremost. Your love has priority over all business activities. Make this your primary component in your values as a couple.

No matter what comes up, your partner comes first. You each must have the faith and assuredness that you have each other’s back in any situation, circumstance, or challenge you might face.

2 Create Space for Business

If not physical space, then at least emotional space. Create a state of consciousness where you conduct business matters and have discussions about the detail regarding business. This space does not need to remain completely devoid of romance, as there can be room for free-flowing, but keep your sacred love space separated (no heavy business details in the love space).

When your energy needs to be focused on business challenges you can go to this place and dissect all the components and examine the details without the fear that this might encroach upon your love space.

3 Trust

You need to trust your partner impeccably, but also you need to trust your business. You need to allow the business to be a tool, a vehicle, to teach you, to encourage growth, and expansion in just the right way that is perfect for you and your partner.

Being in business together can create many opportunities for learning, growing, and expanding together. Trust that all is in divine order.

4 Listen

Listen to your partner as well as that still small voice from within. Your partner, as well as your higher self, will often have unexpected clues to opportunities or obstacles that you might be unaware of or unable to see from your vantage point in the business trenches.

Be open and willing to listen, even if at first blush the idea or concept presented might be incongruent with your current thought processes. Don’t just listen to the words, but look through the eyes of love for the deeper meaning, try to hear the underlying message which might be trying to alert you about a particular opportunity or obstacle.

5 Review in Love

After you’ve had time to focus on business in the business space (remember, this doesn’t have to be physical space) you can retreat to your sacred love space. Agree to leave the heavy details behind, relax, and review the events, just as if you’d come home from work to discuss your day.

In this safe and sacred space, you might be given insight that could not be seen from the business space. Here, new ideas, dreams, and desires for the business may emerge, as well as an increased capacity for creative problem solving from this alternate vantage point.

6 Celebrate

If not at the end of every day, then certainly as often as possible celebrate. Make it a part of your strategy in love and business, relax, or go out to dinner, take a day trip, or whatever suits your fancy to celebrate wins (even the most minute ones) and take time to enjoy the goodness of having the freedom to be your own boss, set your own hours (and remember, this is a business expense).

You are entering a new phase and higher quality of life. If you can survive and maintain a high love vibration, health, wellness, and as much peace of mind as you can manage, you can enjoy true freedom, including financial freedom, if you remain in love, open and undeniably supportive of each other throughout this process.

Lasting Love Secret Ingredient

While trust is the most important foundational component of a successful love relationship, there is a secret ingredient in the chemistry of love which effectively predicts the long-lasting nature of a growing love relationship between two people.

If you want to have a great love that will last the test of time you must possess tolerance. Tolerance is the acceptance that we are all in a constant state of change. Just as you desire people (more specifically your partner) to love and accept you, wherever you are in your station of life, you must have both the willingness and the ability to love and accept your partner, whatever state or condition he or she is in at any time.

This is not a ploy or a game to manipulate your relationship, authentically loving and acceptance can only initiate in the heart space, and as you may have guessed the love and acceptance must start with you. You are a vibrational being vibrating at a specific frequency, you cannot give what you do not possess for yourself. So to truly be tolerant, you must first fully love and accept yourself, your history, your physiological makeup, everything about you, on the surface and deep within.

You must be in love with and full acceptance of you, your ever-changing emotional (at time unflattering) states, such as sadness, anger, and fear. You must be aware and know your ego and your relationship with it.

From this authentic place of loving and accepting yourself, aligning you as a person with that greater and higher part of you, or spirit, you can bestow love and acceptance to others from the heart with integrity. You are now able to better become one with the world, or the people who inhabit it, both paired and universally.

 

That sets the bar high but you have been called to this level of love and understanding as part of your metamorphosis and evolution, otherwise, you will have continued difficulty in connecting and communicating with your partner(s), especially when things are less than buoyant.

This concept is not so far removed from you that you cannot comprehend it because you yearn for this love and acceptance yourself. You want to be loved just the way you are without being judged or made fun of. Isn’t that right?

Then, embracing yourself, then allowing others to be as they are, while you love and accept them, just as you would like to be, is the next logical step.

While this applies to you, how much more so should this apply to the one other person who you love, and who loves you in return?

When your partner does or says something that makes you feel intolerant, as if he or she did or said something wrong, disrespectful, uncaring or even hurt your feelings. The first place to look, is not at your partner, but within. This is a surefire indicator that you have unresolved issues bubbling up inside of you, from the past, most likely from the distant past, which has been brewing and gaining pressure over time, looking for a place to escape.

While lashing out at your partner is an effective way to release the pressure, not only is it unglamorous, but you are better than that. You deserve better reducing your relationships to varying states of love and fear. You deserve relief and release of those things within that hold you back and drive a wedge between you and someone you love.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t have a safe, sacred space to fully express your thoughts and emotions, even if they are negative)

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

 

 

It’s Time for Me to Leave My Partner

Yes, no doubt, you’re feeling like you can’t take one more minute and that, “It’s time for me to leave my partner.” It may be well to call it quits if your relationship is completely dysfunctional and filled with abuse, then, by all means, you have to do what you have to do. But you might be jumping the gun if you feel like your connection is waning, you’re feeling like you have less and less in common every day, you’re feeling like you and your partner are growing apart on different paths, and if you’re just not feeling the love anymore, then you might be thinking, “It’s time for me to leave my partner.”

When nothing could be further from the truth.

In most cases, when two people are feeling like they are growing apart and feeling like calling it quits, this could be the worst thing you could do, if you are on an expansive path of personal growth and/or a progressive spiritual journey.

On the surface, that sounds whacked, but you must know that this feeling between two people is a marker, a huge blinking neon sign that begs you to, “Dare to Love More!” This feeling is the gateway through which you must pass to make it to the next level in your love vibration.

It is very likely that you and your partner are not as far apart as you might think, only that you are expressing yourselves in different ways, which should be celebrated, not eradicated.

Sure, your growth and expansion may look different, but you are both growing, changing, and expanding together, even though you might be using different distinctions, words, and phrases in an effort to communicate your expansion one to the other.

Let’s say the woman loves to practice meditation and yoga, while the man would rather play a team sport and also engage in watching team sports on television. You might think this to be an incredible mismatch.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Even though the symptoms look quite different, and the words and phrases sound very different, both members of this relationship can actually be growing in spirit and truth even though it looks quite different.

You might be surprised to know that team sports are very spiritual, and when athletes are engaged in team sports, they often get themselves into a spiritual state commonly referred to as “The Zone.” In this state, the brains of the teammates can co-create, communicate and access source energy, not unlike one might in meditation, prayer or in a group spiritual practice. This state of spiritual elevation is the same, though it looks very different, and it was accessed in very different ways.

When you are feeling as though things are getting difficult, or not feeling right, this is a clear indication not to look at your mate, to blame your partner, or look at your relationship as deteriorating. No, this is your sacred challenge to look inside yourself and realize this is a divine invitation to dare to love more and expand yourself.

If you feel as though your partner is annoying you, or up to no good, ask yourself why you feel that way?

The highest form of love is unconditional love, which usurps, “I love you no matter what.” Could you dare to entertain the idea of loving your partner unconditionally? This is your true calling. This is what this life is all about.

But it doesn’t start with your partner. In fact, it has nothing to do with your partner at all, except for your partner is provided to you as a tool, a mirror, reflecting back those areas where you have unresolved issues with you. Again,

Why do I feel that way?

Why does this or that drive you crazy?

If you’re doing meditation and yoga, it’s because this is necessary for you to grow and expand. It is clear that your partner doesn’t need to do those things. Your partner is managing his or her growth and expansion in a completely different way, and that’s okay.

It’s likely your partner has been trying to tell you this over a period of time but you’ve been able to understand him or her due to the variance in vocabulary. It’s as if you’re saying the same thing but in different languages, it’s no wonder it was difficult for you to understand, though the misunderstanding is understandable.

Maybe it’s time to listen with your heart and not be so quick to pass judgment. In fact, to do so would be hypocrisy. No one path is more right or wrong than another, and to suggest that your partner must grow, expand and express him or herself in the same manner as you is nothing less than spiritual arrogance.

There are many ways to achieve connection, you must allow everyone to find their own way and not condemn them for doing it in the manner which suits them best at any particular time and place.

Your divine mission of love is to love yourself first, then to the degree that you are able to love yourself, you can love others. You must love yourself for who you are, all your weakness, idiosyncrasies, all your missteps, and failure, as well as all your gifts, talents, and strengths.

Your challenge is to grow in love, to love yourself unconditionally, then, and only then, will you be able to love your partner, and others unconditionally.

You love, and allow them to be free, free to be whoever they may be, freely expressing themselves in the world which is perfect and different for each and every human being on this planet.

If you dare.

Raise Your Love Vibration Meditation

You already know you have a sacred call to raise your love vibration. You have a standard frequency that you vibrate at, and after you’ve either experienced an increase in love vibration or a decrease, you will return to that place which is called a setpoint, much like the temperature setting on a thermostat. To change that base setting, you need to raise your vibration to love and above.

If you will join me on this raise your love vibration meditation, you will no longer be locked-in to your previous base frequency for love. You will be able to perform this little exercise and raise your love vibration at any time.

Thanks to my friends at Heart Math, they’ve discovered that the heart is far more powerful and intelligent than modern science could have ever imagined, though they are becoming more and more aware of the heart’s significance far overpowering the ability of the brain’s ability to process information, for the heart is intuitive and connected to the energy which is the source of all life.

Using this technique, you can raise your vibration in less than two minutes any time you want. You can do it with your eyes open or closed, although I think the effect is greater and runs deeper if you are in a place where you can do this with your eyes closed. Try the rise your love vibration along with me, and see if you don’t feel the difference now.

There are three steps.

The first step is to place the palm of your hand over your heart and if it’s safe and/or appropriate close your eyes. Just holding the open palm of your hand over your heart releases the love hormone, Oxytocin, throughout your body. This is the hormone which is released when we are deeply connected, bonded in love with another. As you are listening to my voice, Oxytocin is surging through your blood veins delivering healing, soothing love, throughout your whole body.

Step two is imagining that you are breathing in and out through your heart. Using the most powerful communication tool in your body, your imagination, see and feel your incoming breath going into the area of your heart, and as you exhale see and feel your breath being released from the area of your heart. Notice as you are breathing in and out of your heart that you are already feeling an increased love vibration. You are more calm and have a greater sense of peace. Some people feel other sensations, like the warmth of being snuggled in a warm blanket, feel happier, or feel as though their energy is expanding.

The third and final step is to inhale love, compassion, and peace. With every incoming breath, you breathe in love, compassion, and that peaceful, easy feeling into your heart, as your heart sends this love, compassion, and peace throughout your entire biological system, you can feel greater love, compassion, and peace permeating your being. You exiting breaths are just a normal exhale, but as you continue to inhale, you are breathing in, even more, love, compassion, and peace.

And as we wrap up our heart meditation, breathe in one last deep breath of love, compassion, and peace, and as you breathe out you can open your eyes and remove your hand from your heart.

Notice how calm, centered and full of love you are in this moment. All this in less than two minutes.

Now, this meditation did not only raise your love vibration, it also strengthens your immune system for hours.

So, you no doubt have experienced some physiological changes and achieved a sense of centeredness and wellness in just these short few minutes.

To achieve lasting effects and to raise your love vibration setpoint to a new level, do this exercise for five minutes three-times-a-day over the next three weeks, and note that your immune system will be boosted for up to six hours, every time you perform the raise your vibration meditation.

You did this, and you can do it at any time in any place. It is quick, easy, painless and doesn’t cost you anything, yet it is a powerful tool to boost your immune system, raise your love vibration, and promote your personal expansion and further evolution.

Feeling SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder

As the daylight hours shrink so might your optimistic outlook on life. As the summer months fade it is common for your energy levels to decrease welcoming back your old friend (note, sarcasm intended) seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. Its affects vary from mild to severe, but it’s quite common for yu to get hit with a case of the blues as the seasons change.

You may just be sensitive to the seasons or you could have a psychological anchor to something from you past which took place at a particular time of year that prompts your singing the blues every time the environment resembles the time of the season that something that caused a prolonged sadness, disappointment, loss or other tragic life challenge.

Rates of depression generally increase reaching the heights (the number of depressed individuals increase while their healthy states of minds decrease) of blueness right around the holidays. This we know, if you can hang on, you can make it through this period of time when you’re not feeling so exuberant about life.

Besides depression, other markers of seasonal affective disorder include trouble sleeping (which could range from not being able to sleep to sleeping a lot but never feeling rested), lack of energy, and your feelings can be “right there” having you on the verge of emotional outbreak or upset just waiting for the slightest triggering.

Other symptoms include weight gain due to increased carb intake, as well as other tendencies to self-medicate. Also, when you’re not feeling on your game, your family and social relationships can suffer and as your immune systems declines, you are more susceptible to seasonal illness, cold and flu.

Your life has seasons, just like the world where we live does, but you don’t have to let it get to you. First of all, if you’re on a track of doing certain things to make your life better and have made commitments to yourself or someone else to do things on a regular basis, by all means, keep doing them.

There are things you can do to improve your mood to help give you the energy you need, like getting outside. I know, it’s not nice, like it was during the summer, but find joy in getting out, taking a brisk walk and breathe the fresh air. Let it flow throughout your circulatory system. This is good work. Bundle up according to the weather conditions. It will feed your cells and you will feel better (even if it is a little less pleasant than a summer stroll).

There is a lot to be said about not being cooped up inside, so if you’re feeling restricted, then un-restrict yourself and get out of the house. Go to the (I know, if you can still find one) library, go “window shopping” (you don’t have to buy anything). There are lots of places you can peruse which are open to the public and may be accessed at no charge.  Take out some time to visit with family and friends.

Put yourself on a positive track by setting up regular visits with a counselor, coach, therapist, or member of clergy, who can help you turn this difficult time into a masterful piece of work, that will make you feel better, and you’ll be proud knowing that you will have something positive to reflect on at a time when you might have rather felt like hibernating.

Find a public service organization or charity you could support by volunteering. In this way you stave off your emotional lull, create an opportunity to meet new people, and make the world a better place. Amen.

 

Private Investigations Behind the Scenes

I have a client who is a private investigator. He has seen and heard it all. Even though he’s seen, heard, documented and recorded things which are normally unheard or unseen, in many cases, he has no idea what part the data he’s collected plays in the overall scope of the situation at hand, or what’s going on inside the heads of the players.

Private investigations is a fascinating line of work, but it takes a special type of person to stay in this line of work for very long. My client does a very good job of not taking anything personally, or engaging in any hypotheses about what the data he’s collected means. His function is only to collect data and report it.

While his work is not as glamorous as what might be depicted in books, movies, and teleplays, he does have quite an array of gadgetry to assist his surveillance efforts. He has told me about some of them, and they sound quite effective. This is the kind of information that anyone who is even slightly paranoid does not want to hear. Even my mind followed the train of thought which considered if this person has tools like that, what must the government have?

His business is focused on three main target markets, insurance, family, and business. It is not uncommon for his data collection to radically change the lives of those who have either retained his services and/or those who have been the subjects of his work. Even so, he is able to keep his mind from wandering or extrapolating any information he might gather, to him it is only data.

I have always been fascinated by people’s different perspectives and points of view. What might mean one thing to one person might have a completely different meaning for someone else, and things we witness first-hand are rarely as they seem at first blush.

Though we are in different fields of work, we both find ourselves working with families in the area of relationships. As you can imagine, our perspectives on relationships vary widely, even though our work may focus on the deepest, darkest parts of a relationship in trouble, our methods are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Regardless of the method, the key to a longstanding relationship is founded in trust; for if there is no trust, then there is no foundation on which to build a relationship that might expect any form of longevity. Most relationships today are based more on convenience, where one or both parties ask themselves, “What am I getting from this?” While they are getting what they want from the relationship, it is tolerable. If they cease to get what they want, the relationship is disposable.

My relationship work focuses on couples in love, seeking greater connection, love, and personal growth. Relationships, like this, must be founded on trust and mutual respect, not based on one partner (or both) asking “what’s in it for me?” The parties involved in the most successful relationships are asking, “What can I do for us?” Or, even better,

“How can I be the best I can be for me, and offer everything that I have for you and your best interests so that we can grow together and love each other even more?”

Wow. That’s an approach to a relationship that is empowering, uplifting, and brings a solemn tear to my eye when I am able to witness a couple engaged at that level of love.

While trust is so important in a relationship, it can wane over time. Not to worry, there is hope that trust and the love associated with it can be regained, and grow even more. With respect to my PI client, I would not suggest hiring a private investigator if there is to be any hope of rebuilding trust in a relationship.

Everyone is entitled to some form of privacy, and while I don’t know about how all investigators conduct their work, but if you’re under the type of surveillance conducted by my PI client, you have no privacy.

Every relationship needs to establish boundaries and what works for one couple may not work for the next. As much as we’d like to believe that we all could subscribe to a set of rules which apply to every relationship, it just is not practical, unless you don’t mind being socially herded like sheep.

True love honors and respects that everyone is unique and keenly individual, and in a relationship which supports the highest form of love, it is not about what you can do and what you can’t do. No, it’s about,

“What can I do for you?”

Want to know more about true love? Consider attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop near you.

I Want to Do Something with My Life

Many people spend the majority of their life not knowing who they are, not realizing they came to this planet with a divine assignment. I have been so blessed to have had an awareness of my unique and solid purpose, message, passion, and mission which has led me on an incredible journey as I have been answering my call to help people achieve their highest and best since high school.

No matter what twists and turns were there in my life, I stayed congruent with my sacred calling, which takes on different forms from time to time, but always boils down to the original underlying theme of helping people achieve their highest and best.

In doing so, I attract people to work with who have come to the point in their life where they are saying,

I Want to Do Something with My Life

When I meet people who want to work with me (and many call on me due to my specific skillsets and special abilities) it is incumbent upon me to be responsible to my calling when approached by someone who may not be a good match for my area of ministry.

While I talk to or enter into an exchange with someone, I am listening for those keywords that resonate with my calling. Invariably the words and phrases they use are similar to, if not precisely,

I Want to Do Something with My Life

Which is not to be confused with, “I need help with my life,” or, “I don’t know who I am,” or even, “I want a better life.” While these are issues and patterns that show up when I am working with my clients (which could include any challenges one might face in life along the way) the key component I am looking for is that of doingness.

It is not enough to want something, you must actually be willing to do something about what you want. If you are willing to do the work, then let’s roll up our sleeves and do this thing together, and I will march alongside you in lockstep fashion to help you achieve your highest and best, whatever that might mean for you.

Regardless of your age, color, or creed, there is something inside you that yearns for expression, making a contribution to the local community, the community at large, or the world. Considering your own mortality, you might like to leave behind something, proof you were here, that your life had meaning.

We are so blessed to be able to have lived this life, it just doesn’t seem right to take it for granted and not want to leave something behind, something that could possibly make the world a better place is some (even if small) way.

Ever wonder why you feel this urge?

It’s because you came to this world with a calling, a purpose, message, passion, and mission specifically fashioned for you and your life. And you knew exactly what it was, what you were sent here to do, from the moment you were able to think. Now, later in life, you still feel the calling, but you can’t figure out why, and you ask, “If I have such a calling,”

Why don’t I know?

Unfortunately, society and social programming (including parents, other family members, friends, teachers, role models, mentors, the government, and the legal system) has programmed you not to wonder about such things, and if you do… well, that would just be too silly or nonsensical to even dignify with any logical response.

Still, as human beings continue to evolve and the lifeforce inside us continues to grow and emerge, the social programming is becoming less effective. Not a problem for the powers who want to keep you from evolving, their tactic to prevent your evolution is to flood your mind with so much entertainment, information, news, and data, that you couldn’t possibly have time nor the attention to have an original thought, let alone to get in touch with that inner, most sacred, part of you which longs to commune with you, see your life come to fruition, and have meaning.

You’re too busy.

You don’t have the time, nor the resources to even conceive of such a thing as to look for your life having meaning. What it is is what it is, and that must suffice. You lived a good life, you were not a bad person, and you did the best you could with what you have, and God bless you for that.

Still, you can hear the second hand on the clock ticking and wondering if there’s something more… There’s that still small voice calling… and unfortunately, you don’t know when you will no longer have the chance.

A dear friend and former mentor came to me and said,

I Want to Do Something with My Life

This is someone I’d looked up to admired throughout much of my life, as we worked together in the ministry right out of high school. He had a wonderful life, a successful business, and he was revered as an expert by many, still, he felt as though something was missing. So, with my help, we set out to have him write and publish a book.

I was holding his freshly finished manuscript in my hands when I received the call that he had passed away.

You never know when your time is going to run out. We all leave something behind, and we will continue to live in the memories of the people whose lives we have touched, and we may leave our mark on social media, or in other ways when our time has come.

You might even be honored as a hero in memoriam, like Aaron, who left us from his post in Afghanistan at a mere twenty-years-old. He left behind hundreds of people who knew and adored him, as well as some of his adventures as documented on social media and the Internet. We didn’t know, he didn’t know, no one really knows, until the time has come.

The fact remains, if there is still breath in you, there is still hope that you can discover, connect, and fulfill your purpose, message, passion, and mission, if you dare.

According to the legal community, “If it isn’t documented, it didn’t happen.” Shouldn’t your life be documented?

Think about it…

Could you have lived the life you have lived, if it wasn’t for the benefit of others?

No. Every breath you’ve taken, every step you have taken, has led you to this point in time, and if you are ready, you are saying with the rest of us,

I Want to Do Something with My Life

What will you do about it?

Growing It Alone

It can get lonely when you’re growing it alone.

You are courageously in the process of doing some advanced inner work few others could fully understand. This is deep inner work that would frighten anyone else if they could even allow themselves to conceive of taking on such a task.

You need to be able to carve out a little safe space in your social matrix as well as in your mind and your heart where you can be honest and open with how you’re feeling about this process and the road that you’re on. There might not be anyone else, no other person in your social circle, who could understand what you’re going through or how you’re feeling, but you are there.

You can, and need to be, honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. You had felt so connected to the thoughts and ideals which gave you a false sense of security, but still, you felt safe, surrounded by other people who felt the same way. Now that you’re in a state of metamorphosis, evolving, and shedding your socialized skin, it’s completely normal to feel like you’re all alone or frightened of the unknown from time to time. You might even feel like abandoning your decision to allow yourself to evolve and continue growing into a higher version of yourself altogether, and go back the familiar, the way things were.

It’s okay to have these feelings. We, all of us do, anytime we embark on a journey leading to something new. When we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory, we long for home. It’s a normal, natural part of growth. Honor the past with a sense of nostalgia, there were good times. Times when you felt safe and secure, and things weren’t quite as scary; remember them. It is good to let yourself reflect back on the good things in life.

Your mind is a very active machine, left to its own devices, it’s bound to come up with all kinds of ways to distract you from anything your growing heart consciousness might have in mind. You might think that people you once felt close too are rejecting you and your decision to choose this growth and advancement, but more likely they are secretly admiring your courage to attempt such a thing that they themselves would not have the courage or the wherewithal to do. So, they sit back in the shadows, secretly hoping that you will continue this journey, breaking out and breaking through. If you don’t make it and come back to your former life, they will be there to welcome you back and console you, but there will be a part of them that secretly hoped you would have made it. Because if you had, it would mean there is still hope for them.

Even in your relationship…

If you’re in a romantic relationship with someone, don’t make assumptions about what he or she might be thinking about your growth process. Create a safe place where the two of you can connect and you can talk openly about your adventures in growth. Even if he or she doesn’t fully understand, they should have an appreciation for the work you’re doing. Let your partner know that your growth and expansion is not threatening the relationship. It would be a normal concern that your lives may be leading in totally different directions, but it doesn’t mean the end of your relationship. In fact, it can make your relationship far better than either of you could imagine, because as you change, your relationship changes, too, without any extended effort on your part. It is a natural law.

As your relationship changes, staying connected, open and honest with your partner is paramount, if your relationship is to survive. Your expansion may call for changes to the patterns you previously contacted to sustain. These may be unhealthy or incongruent with your new life. So, without judgment or ridicule, simply being honest and open and renegotiating the parameters of your old relationship style will lead to growth and expansion of your relationship.

In this safe, heart-to-heart place, feel free to share your feelings, and encourage your partner to do likewise. And when your partner speaks, listen attentively. Let your partner ask questions, and answer them as best you can. Don’t compare you in your growth process to your partner’s. This is not a competition and no one has superiority over the other in this space. You are always equal, each doing the best you can with what you have, and you can remain as “one” throughout your journeys.

If you’re having trouble communicating, it’s okay (if not advised) to seek out third-party assistance to avoid losing the connection with your partner. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner to join with you to speak to clergy, a counselor, therapist or coach in an effort to find ways to work it out.

And in the event that you do end up growing apart, continue to love and bless each other as you both continue your separate journeys. Plus, you never know, sometimes people who have taken separate routes end up at the same location. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. You might be surprised one day to look over and find your partner standing right next to you. It happens.

No one knows, better than you, even if you’re feeling lonely, you are never alone.

Buried Treasure in Fighting

Conflict in relationships is part of the growing and expanding love opportunity. You can choose to join forces support and heal each other through each conflict, or let each successive conflict tear away and erode the relationship until there is nothing left to fight for.

If you as a couple unite and allow for conflict to be a tool for advancing your love, creating deeper meaning, connection, and intimacy in your relationship, you will find the buried treasure in fighting and are very blessed indeed.

To effectively approach conflict in its most positive and powerful form, it might be good to understand what fighting is all about.

1. Fighting is Not about Us

When you’re in the midst of a passionate discussion, conflict, or fight, try to keep in mind that while the surface message may be an important message about you, your relationship, some circumstance or situation surrounding your relationship, honor and listen to this surface message, but the passionate delivery or rage, has little or nothing to do with you or your relationship.

2. Fighting is about Fear

A useful part of our physiology, the brain’s secretion of the danger cocktail (a combination of Adrenaline, Cortisol, and Norepinephrine hormones) disconnects all resources that might be used for conducting thoughtful rationale in exchange for the focused struggle for survival, a definite advantage when encountering man-eating lions, tigers, and bears. And fear is the trigger that sounds the alarm, overriding our nervous system.

The “fear” may not be what it appears to be on the surface. You will notice this when your first reaction might be, “Why are you so upset?” because the subject doesn’t seem to match such an intense emergency response. In this case, most likely, the fear is anchored in your partner’s past.

We all accumulate fears from the time we are born, and they routinely express themselves as we walk through our adult lives (often at the most inopportune times) and link themselves to something which triggers the emergency response and you are prepared to fight or run as fast as you can to avoid peril or impending doom.

3. You as a Couple are Allies

Remembering that you are in this together is a key component. When you are facing an obstacle, challenge, or emotionally charged threat to the relationship, remember it is not you against your partner. It is you and your partner linked side-by-side heart-to-heart against this invisible adversary who is trying to come between you.

You and your partner are committed to each other and this relationship. You wouldn’t intentionally do anything to hurt your partner. You love and support him or her and would do anything to help him or her.

And if you can clearly see your partner overreacting to an issue and spinning out of control emotionally, this is a sign that your partner needs your help. So, stay calm, don’t let yourself get lost in the drama, be the strong support that your partner needs in this vulnerable and sensitive state.

4. Pay Attention

Listen and pay attention to what might be represented as unspoken content or underlying fear. Honor the surface message by clearly understanding what your partner is trying to communicate and seek clarification and acknowledgment that you are understanding correctly while continuing to look below the surface for clues.

Our fears, which hold us back and block us from our highest potential have accumulated and followed us from birth, and these fears are normally anchored to our relationship with our parents (like fear of loss, or abandonment) or other childhood traumas.

If you are attentive and fueled by the love for your partner and his or her best interests, you might be able to uncover the hidden connection to his or her fear(s) from the past. This is when you,

5. Find the Buried Treasure

The buried treasure in the conflict.

An example might be,

You and your partner agreed to (driving in separate vehicles) meet in the parking lot of a restaurant. When you showed up ten minutes late due to a traffic jam, you met with your partner’s outrage. Let’s say, you did the right thing, did not get defensive and help the space sacredly for your partner’s outrage, letting him or her get it out.

You let your partner know that you understand that he or she is upset because you were late and rather than take the time to let him or her know that you might be late, you decided to focus your efforts on getting there as quickly and safely as possible.

You reinforce that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt or harm your partner, your heart is filled with love for him or her, and you would do anything to protect your partner and be there for him or her to the best of your ability.

Then, after a while, you might query, “Is there a time when you can remember in your life, in the past, when someone showed up late?”

You can see the rage start to build as your partner tells the story about how he or she was left to wait alone in the school parking lot, waiting for his or her father to pick her up after school. The father had forgotten and she waited alone, now in the dark, for four-and-a-half hours!

Bingo! You found the buried treasure!

Now that you and your partner recognize this, you can move through the process of your partner’s healing about this traumatic episode from his or her past.

You guys are a super team!

You have supported your partner and helped him or her face his or her demons face-forward and come out on the other side victorious! Nothing draws a couple closer together or engenders greater intimacy than that.

Kind’a makes you look forward to the next fight, ’eh?

Oh, by the way, in honor of the surface message, after apologizing for being late, you also agreed to call ahead if at all possible (more possible now, with cell phones) if you’re going to be late out of courtesy, love, and respect for your partner, which is something that his or her father never got to do.

Note: This example was a pretty direct conclusion to arrive at. In other circumstances, it could take a lot more investigative work on your part as you collect data from a past fear expressing itself repeatedly before you are able to properly detect it.

Go Love Yourself

You’ve heard all this talk about loving yourself, and you’ve met people who have gone through this process with exemplary results, but there’s something about loving yourself that just doesn’t sound right. Not to worry, we are the result of our social and familial programming and we were trained not to think in this way. Add to that all the images and fears from our childhood that follow us around like monsters in the shadows even to this day, and it’s no surprise there’s little chance that you might consider loving yourself.

How can I love myself?

Loving yourself is a process, it just doesn’t happen overnight.

Realizing that currently, you represent the product of your past, your programming, and your upbringing is the first step. Many of us have childhood beliefs that follow us forever, like, “everyone else comes first,” unworthiness, self-deprecation, lack of trust, fear of abandonment, etc… Ideations that will haunt us until we are able to recognize them, face them and defeat our own inner demons.

Much of what comprises your thought process, your fears and beliefs about the way things are just aren’t true. Loving yourself starts with embracing the idea that somewhere inside of you there has always been an authentic individual who is uniquely empowered and utterly amazing. This is the real you, the you that came to this planet with a unique set of talents, skills, and abilities to share with the greater community as well as your own message and mission.

Sadly, this knowledge was beaten out of you, as it was also taken from us all, as we were programmed to accept our place in the socialized world where we live. When you first appeared here, you knew who you were and what your purpose in life was, but all that had been replaced by programming by the time you were five-to-seven-years-old.

As you love yourself, you free yourself from the shackles of old thoughts and actions. You reclaim your true self by loving and respecting who you are and finding peace in your sacred space. It requires the deprogramming of old programming and patterns that ‘til now have defined your reality.

Paying attention to thoughts, ideas and unsubstantiated fears that may pop up in your awareness, recognizing them for what they are (a popular acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real, which seems to be apropos), dealing with them and discovering new ideas that present unimpeded limitless opportunity.

The process starts with a simple prayer,

“I am ready to let go of all the fears and entrapments of my past. I am ready to release all the falsehoods and see me for who I really am.”

That’s it. It’s a simple prayer, which reaches outside of yourself for guidance and support. Your societal façade will start to fade as you vector in energetic waves in support of your prayer. Repeating this prayer for thirty to forty days will begin to attract messages and guidance. You must be aware, alert, and attentive to see the messages as they are brought to your awareness.

You might see common themes in advertising, television programs, in news stories, articles, blogs, in topics of conversation, overheard when eavesdropping on other people’s conversations. You might feel drawn to a particular television program, book, seminar, or meet someone new who might have a special word for you. The possibilities are endless.

You have started the process, but it not enough just to start it, you must take action, do the work, read the book(s), ask the questions, and keep moving in the direction of knowing yourself doing the work of changing your thought processes, and loving yourself even more.

You will be surrounded by an invisible energy, like a bubble, which will protect you as you stay in this exploratory and transformative vibration. Be open to receiving as new knowledge unfolds before you and have faith that your prayer is being answered in just the right way because it’s different for every person.

Not taking action on these benevolent gifts which are being bestowed upon you would be a stark denial of the power which is answering your prayer, and you wouldn’t do that.

Your journey to go love yourself has begun.