Vulnerability and Honesty Build Trust

Trust is not just something you bestow upon an individual “just because,” at least not as an adult, especially if you’ve trusted and been betrayed. Only vulnerability and honesty build trust, whether you’ve had it before and lost it, or are trying to share trust in a new relationship.

The depth of a relationship is determined by the amount of trust which can be shared between two people. Vulnerability and trust are the foundation of deep trusting connection.

If you are thinking about offering up a little trust in a given someone’s direction, a wise person does not just throw caution to the wind and say, “I trust you,” (though many of us do, myself included). I tend to be open and honest and just expect others to be the same way, though that is rarely the case as many people have an underlying or hidden agenda in many of their affairs.

When you meet someone, it’s a good idea to trust them with some small things, bits of data which wouldn’t harm you much if they were to get out. Then watch and see how they do. If their trustworthiness appears to be worthy, you could up the ante and see how they handle a little more sensitive information.

Vulnerability is the precursor to trust.

The more you are vulnerable and the more you determine that this person can be trusted, the more you can trust this person.

I have made the mistake of trusting someone whose trustworthiness was unwarranted, and in retrospect, wished I’d followed this sage advice. I would have suffered far less had I taken the time to trust them a little and taken the time to observe their ability to be trusted, before moving into more sensitive areas.

This does not guarantee a foolproof trusting relationship, but it can certainly reduce your losses due to people’s tendency to stab you in the back.

If you previously trusted someone and that trust was broken, it can be rebuilt, but it will take time, effort, vulnerability and honesty, and it will be uncomfortable, the process may even be painful.

There can be no trust without vulnerability.

Before you can rebuild trust, it’s a good idea to start with a clean slate. Not that you simply erase any of the betrayal which has occurred in the past, but you have discussed it. The offender (the one who broke the trust) discloses all the details of the lies, deceit, misrepresentation, and unauthorized disclosures to the victim.

Once the victim has been made aware of all the details, there is a normal negative reaction time, wherein the victim tries to resolve the revealed information. Allow time for the victim to process the information, being vulnerable and honest can be awkward and uncomfortable.

The offender may ask for forgiveness, but this is not necessary. It is up to the victim to decide if rebuilding trust is an option for him or her following the full disclosures.

This serious breach of trust can be overcome using this same process. You allow yourself to be vulnerable a little at a time, and the trust relationship is rebuilt slowly over time.

Note that people are just people, we are all different, and they will do what they will do.

Some people could not tell the truth if they tried. Others couldn’t be trusted as far as you could throw them.

It’s up to you to discover who the people area who pass through your life. To do so you must be aware and the more you trust your intuition, the more you will be likely to ferret them out quickly.

So, the next time you get that feeling inside that “something’s not right,” or you hear something that feels like a lie, pay attention and become aware that you may be trusting someone that may not be trustworthy.

If the person turns out to be a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath, you would have been able to minimize your exposure to this kind of toxic personality.

Vulnerable and Honest Director’s Cut

Up ’til now, you’ve seen the theatrical version of your life. Maybe it’s time for another look at this work for the new expanded, vulnerable and honest director’s cut.

If you desire to grow and expand into the best version of you, you need to take a look at what lies beneath the surface. Like a tree, the condition of your soil, the vastness of your root system and vital nutrients (fertilizer) all contribute to what is realized topside. Beneath the surface is the dirty work of self improvement, exposing our vulnerabilities.

Tracing our hidden root system with honesty and transparency can be frightening, looking the ghosts and demons of our past in the eye, studying our less than honorable moments and connections, opening old wounds, administering healing is the deep work.

Let’s face it, no one’s perfect, especially me. But this digging deep, working with the fragile infrastructure of my life, helps me to take out the trash and preserve, honor and cherish the antiquities that I treasure, more precious than diamonds. Left buried and un-treated these hidden wounds fester, leading to disease, deterioration and death. Tending to them openly and honestly, risking the sensitivities or our most vulnerable self allows us to turn them into energetic nutrients encouraging massive new growth, expansion and the juiciest fruit you’ve ever imagined.

This no-holds-barred approach to the deep work helps us find the beauty in what we may have discarded or buried as trash, while maximizing the nutritional elements of each buried experience that otherwise promotes rot and decay. This work allows us to look back at less than favorable moments in our lives with gratitude and joy.

We all are imperfect; yet hold ourselves to unbelievable levels of perfection, often punishing ourselves for missteps and failures. An honest review, looking at our darkest moments, broken dreams, betrayals, denials, punishments (of ourselves or others), denials, sacrifices, suffering and despair can be the most difficult work, but little else is so effective. On the other side of this work is an embracing of life as it is, with all of its jagged pieces, which if held in the light of love, sparkles like diamonds in the sky.

We live in a world with a forced set of parameters that are all imaginary. We are raised and forced to believe we are restricted by limitations imposed by nothing more than invisible self-policed thought processes, effectively imprisoning our experience in this life. These life restraints are challenged and the chains broken as we are set free to explore our untethered possibilities.

When you are able to break open all those tender wounds and face your demons with vulnerability, you can endure the entire process and look back with a sense of frivolity. After all, from an alternate high perspective, someone, somewhere, our higher self or God is looking at all this from a completely different point of view. And from this perspective, we are able to see things as they are and even laugh at ourselves as if watching a slapstick comedy.

Being able to find the humorous moments in the tragedy of our life can be as easy as changing the soundtrack. The background music can change most any scene from dark drama to lighthearted comedy. When you are able to look back on those moments, with respect, honor and a smile (if not a full on laugh), you are finding joy in a life that is. This is the key to true and lasting happiness.

Lightening up and loosening our restrains, allows us to find the joy via our newfound lighthearted approach to life. There is no need to make life so hard.

Aren’t we all in this together? We are all just actors playing parts in each other’s life teleplay.

Though some are born with an innate ability to play out their parts, most actors have trained and honed their skills, to learn how to take a fall without hurting themselves. It takes the same skills of agility and strength to be a death-defying stuntman/stuntwoman or a physical comedian. The soundtrack determines whether we gasp in fear, or laugh our ass off, watching the scene play out.

You’ll be surprised how much valuable story line was left on the cutting room floor. You can re-edit the theatrical version by filling in between the lines, enjoying new camera angles and changing the soundtrack in your Director’s Cut of your life.

Get ready to approach life with a new sense of vigor for all the fun that lies ahead on your enlightened journey.