Toxic or Angelic?

“I don’t know what it is, but every time this person comes around, I get upset.” If you’re in a relationship, especially a close or intimate relationship with someone that drives you crazy and you just can’t seem to see eye to eye, you’re likely to think this is a toxic person in your life. Is this person toxic or angelic?

If you’re in the stage of personal growth where you need to extricate those people in your life who have a negative effect on your life, then setting boundaries to avoid exposure to others who tend to irritate you is definitely warranted.

But what if some of these people who irritate you are angels or brought into your life to awaken your conscious mind to something which is hidden deep within your self that can be the key to unlocking a brighter future for you releasing the flow for peace, joy, and abundance to envelop your life.

This person could be toxic or angelic

Life can be hard, and we can get accustomed to working very hard to have a better life. While this is effective and generally accepted as a good method of creating a better life for yourself by exercising your brute strength to make a change or evoke something better for yourself, consider there might be a better way.

A better way might be allowing yourself to go with the flow of the life you were destined to live, full of all the best things in life. Believe it or not, this is your natural state.

The moment you were born, you were perfect in every way, and all the best things in life were perfectly attuned to you. Yet, not long after you were born, you were subjected to the social programming of those around you which robbed you of your divine destiny. This continued throughout your life and you became acclimated to life’s struggle for survival. Yet, struggle is not your destiny.

If you look at the body chemistry of those who struggle through life, you can see high levels of Cortisol, the reward for fighting for a better life. For those who allow all the best things in life to come to them, they are rewarded with Dopamine and have very low levels of Cortisol in their bodies.

Don’t believe me. Google it. Cortisol makes you feel stressed and causes deterioration of the body system, while Dopamine makes you feel good, and increases the body’s immune system.

How you approach life makes a difference

The sooner you can start to change your thinking process, looking for precious learnings or gifts when your emotional triggers are firing, the happier and longer life you will have.

You can apply this approach to those who make you upset. While these people may seem toxic on the surface, they may have been attracted to your life at just the right time, when you were ready to consider talking some deep inner work which may be hindering your personal growth or potential.

This is common in romantic relationships, where we are magically divine mirrors, one to the other, reflecting back those areas of our lives where we can find deep work waiting to be brought to the surface, so they can be dealt with.

Remembering that we all get upset when we are triggered is a normal human condition. No need to berate yourself for feeling this way. It happens to everyone, especially the more we expose our true selves to someone who is close to us. You are not broken or in need of fixing. There is nothing wrong with you.

If you are a highly sensitive person, you will find you are more sensitive to the things people say or do, and even those things that are not said or done, as you rightly (or wrongly) interpret the meanings behind or underneath that which is obvious to the naked eye or attentive ear.

The basic function of triggers is to protect you from potential danger which may or may not be present but projected onto the screen of life. This is rooted in fear, and while this method is instilled in you to protect you, the fear of it all does hinder your progress.

Often, if you are in the process of excluding others from your life who do not make you feel good (though this may be necessary for a time, while you define and get acclimated to who you really are, it is limiting your becoming aware of those things which block you from the best things in life.

The next time someone triggers you, think about it. Ask yourself if there’s any shadow experience of belief hiding inside? There might be something lurking to be exposed and expelled when you feel like you’re getting upset, especially if your reaction seems to be more than the present circumstance requires.

Love is waiting for you.

Your greatest love adventure of all

Your greatest love will require vulnerability, trust, and welcoming all the good things of life, which long to be found in all things, even those which appear to be bad at first glance.

Try,

Looking through the eyes of love

Shocked By Your Partner

What do you do when someone you entrusted your heart with turns out to be a different person than he or she represented himself or herself as when you trusted him or her with your heart?

This is a tender and sometimes shocking moment of truth, when you realize that your partner is not the person you thought he or she was.

First of all, do not discount your feelings. You feel the way you’re feeling about this realization, and you, or anyone else, has no right to disrespect what you are feeling. Even when you’re processing ill feelings about this current stage of your life, try to keep your wits about you.

Try to avoid striking out at your partner with an emotional outburst. If you can’t help it, no one would blame you. Resist the urge to blow up in rage, and hurling negative projections, which you may feel obligated to apologize for later, and begin your review process, as soon as you are able to find the space to think as possible.

Remember, this is someone you love. Unless you’re dealing with a psychopath, this person with whom you have trusted your heart, would not do anything to hurt you, because he or she does love you. It’s just that in this moment, his or her love for you looks differently than what you expected.

You build a vast array of expectations which represent what you expect your lover’s love for you to look like. When you see expressions of love which are contrary to what you expected to see, you feel like you’ve been assaulted, and the emotional impact is tragic.

Nothing wrong with having expectations and being deeply attached to them, this is completely normal and natural, but realize,

Your partner wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.

Up to now, your life has been full of experiences which have culminated in the person that you are in this moment. You’ve faced certain situations and circumstances throughout your journey and you’ve dealt with them in the best way that you could have in the moment.

Every one of those experience has left a residual energy inside of you, whether the experience resolved graciously or tragically. No matter how you’ve managed your life in the past, the truth is, you did the best you could have in that moment, with what you had to work with at the time.

This is your journey.

Just as you are on a journey, so your partner is on his or her own journey, and is a collection of his or her experiences up to this moment in time.

When your partner surprises you with his or her doing the best he or she can with what he or she has, it can sometimes be disturbing and shocking. No one would blame you for being taken aback by this unexpected reveal.

In your attempt to rationalize and figure out why he or she would have done this thing which has captured your attention, consider that while your partner loves you deeply, he or she is just doing the best that he or she can with what he or she has moment to moment.

Sometimes, a person does something that has nothing to do with you, but it feels as though it is a personal affront, or outright attack, focused at you. Even though, in real life, any thought of you was not present when this event happened.

You’re upset because you feel like every moment of your partner’s life should be viewed through your consciousness. You think this is a fair expectation because it feels like everything that you think, say, or do, is run through your partner’s consciousness, even though you know that to do so would be impossible.

Sometimes you will react to life circumstance and in the moment of impact you respond intuitively or instinctively without first considering how your reaction will affect your partner.

If you’ve reacted to something life has presented you with, and your action or reaction triggered your partner or caused him or her to be shocked by your response, how would you like him or her to respond?

You would feel bad for hurting your partner’s feelings and you would be apologetic because you wouldn’t have done anything intentionally to cause your partner pain. You were only doing the best you could do with what you had in the moment.

Consider why your partner might have felt like he or she had to respond in the manner which has surprised you and captured your attention. After all, he or she has lived a whole life which has led him or her to this moment.

Try to imagine what it might be like to be your partner, living his or her life up to this point, and ask yourself what he or she may have experienced in the past which has cause him or her to have such a reaction today?

Often when these situations and circumstances who up in life, it is grounded in a hidden set of programming which has built up from the past. Sometime very early in life, early childhood, and in many cases, the person who is reacting has no idea the reaction is energy recoiling off a childhood memory.

Find a place of compassion and empathy for your partner when you are surprised or shocked, even if you’re the victim of his or her abuse. But if you’ve been abused, take action to stop the abuse, because you never have to submit to being abused by anyone.

Love your partner but look after yourself.

After all, we’re all doing the best we can with what we have.

You Hurt Me!

If someone intentionally and maliciously does something to hurt your feelings, what is really going on?

You could be moving on down the road of your life humming and singing along with your life’s soundtrack, smiling and having the best time and a friend might take note of it and say, “I wish I could be more like you.”

Of course, they could, if he or she chose to do so, but after a while, their reverence for your optimistic lifestyle wears on them and can turn to resentment. Because he or she cannot understand what it’s like to live a life in a higher vibration this person might secretly wish something ill, bad, or evil will visit your life for a little reality check from his or her point of view.

People who do not live their lives in the higher vibrations often cannot conceive of such a thing. To them, the good things they covet in life (like happiness, beauty, abundance, freedom, good health, and life, etc.) are only available to those who are unworthy. By unworthy, their paradigm would suggest that one may only possess the good things in life by working hard, sweating blood, forsaking all, in selfish dedication to the pursuit of money.

And even if the object of their attention is a person who has done just that, and is by their own definition “deserving” of such favor, they demonize that person for being a selfish glutton and money-grubbing fiend, or even worse, if they haven’t earned it, or it came to them easily by inheritance, winning the lottery, or some other undeserved good fortune.

Journalists and paparazzi cannot resist the idea of knocking someone down a rung or two if given the slightest opportunity, likewise your friend or neighbor might like to see you have a little attitude adjustment every once and a while, and might be willing to play a role in it behind your back.

This kind of tug-of-war isn’t just between the haves and the have-nots, you will also see this in moral fixations. For instance, if someone is always polite or kind, generous and serving others, is always on time or maintains a strong work ethic, or any other life choices one may have made which separate themselves from the majority their peers.

If you are one of these people, you have chosen to live your life in a way that is differentiated from the rest of the people who choose by default not to do so. In this respect, you are no longer normal, and you cannot blame normal people for acting normal.

While normal people might admire your qualities or lifestyle, they’d feel much better seeing you fall to a level of “normal” and be like them.

Sometimes, the same people you hope to trust, or call friend will do or say something intentionally to hurt your feelings or even damage your reputation, in hopes of bringing you down to a lower vibration.

Then there are other times when you find yourself compromised, disrespected, and hurt by someone, at least not maliciously or on purpose, “but you have intentionally hurt me.”

In neither circumstance, whether you were maliciously attacked or unintentionally harmed in some way, you cannot blame this person for doing so.

It’s easy to make it all about you because you’re the one who has been attacked and is hurting, but you fail to see the pain being borne by the person who has lashed out at you. You have no idea what he or she is going through. This I know, if you were that person, who had lived his or her life up until that moment, you, too, would have done exactly the same thing in that moment in time.

When people are feeling bad, sometimes making someone else feel bad makes them feel better. Can you blame anyone for looking for any means to relieve some of the pressure of the constant pain of living their lives? Maybe yes, maybe no, but who knows what you might do if you were in such pain?

If someone is mean to you, how should you respond? With dignity and compassion. If someone says something behind your back with is not true, ignore it. If you are confronted with it, laugh it off and walk away. You do not have to dignify a false accusation with a response.

Don’t pay attention to what anybody says about you unless it is true.

You are not obligated to ever participate in the perpetuation of anyone else’s drama. Simply, let, “your yea be yea and your nay be nay,” (because anything else is plain evil, anyway) Matthew 5:37 (my translation). Just don’t go there.

Always be kind and compassionate, being mindful to not call-out the state of pain your accuser might be in. Just smile, gently laugh (not to humiliate), and thank them for sharing their point of view, possibly inviting them to do some fact checking elsewhere.

People who like you, admire you, maybe even love you, might do or say something to hurt you, either intentionally or unintentionally. And when they do, remember this,

It’s not about you

It’s about them

Let them now that no matter what they do or say, you’re not going to take it personally, and you still care for them. Bless those who hurt you.

Remember Everything Learn Nothing

Your memory, the things you hold inside you from your past, represents a crippling disease which stands between you and all the good things in life that are waiting for you just beyond your view. Warning: Remember Everything Learn Nothing.

That negative feeling in the pit of your stomach, the ache in your heart, any of these negative physiological manifestations of your incongruence when you think of something from your past blocks the abundance, peace, harmony, prosperity, and true love that awaits you.

Holding a grudge or discontent blocks you from love. The negative feeling associated with any memory from the past pulls you out of the flow of love, the vibration which encompasses abundance, peace, harmony, and prosperity.

Therefore, if you seek all the good things this life has in store from you with the least amount of effort, all you have to do is to attune yourself to loves vibration, take the inspired action, and all these things will come to you.

Everything you’ve ever wanted, or dreamed of, is just waiting for you. God would not have put those ideas in your head or those desires in your heart if He did not want to give it to you. All you have to do is to let go of anything that is preventing you from being in the vibration of having it, and you will find yourself enjoying it, first unmanifested (enjoying the expectant feeling of having it, while it has not been realized), then manifested. Here it is, in your life, in all its glory to be thoroughly enjoyed by you.

Now, you can also have all the things you want in life by making them happen all by yourself without regard of any vibration whatsoever, but this method is generally not associated with joy, at least not for very long.

Living in a higher vibration, attracting the things you desire and love into your life, is far more sustainable and prolongs the joy of the whole affair indefinitely.

To achieve the desires of your heart through the flesh only, by sheer determination, hard-work-and-dedication, or brute force, is effective for the accumulation of material things, wealth, or the appearance of wealth, but there is rarely any lasting joy, and the satisfaction of attainment is fleeting.

And the secret code to unlocking the sustainable love vibration is this:

Remember Everything Learn Nothing

Remembering everything (every detail of something that made you feel bad or caused you pain) leads to holding grudges and lowering your vibrational frequency, and also prevents you from extracting the precious learning which is lovingly provided to you by the experience. The more you remember and think about these things that make you feel bad, the further away you move from what you want.

Every experience you traverse through along your life’s journey has a treasure inside of it just for you. This treasure is usually represented as the gift of knowledge, something for you to learn which may not have been possible (or more effective a lesson to be learned) in any better way.

Every challenge or occasion for you to feel pain, bad, or as though an injustice has occurred, is an invitation for you to move closer to the life and everything that you want. Without the token gained from this experience, you will not be able to make it through the next gate.

Yet, God is holding all the desires of your heart in store for you and desperately wants to shower you with all you deserve, if you will only come to it. So, if you do not receive the token to allow access for you to pass through the next gate, a new opportunity will be presented to you.

As you may have noticed, some people get stuck between two gates for a prolonged period of time because they are unable to take hold of the gift to be learned which is necessary to move on. You may even have noticed yourself caught in this cycle of similar recurring challenges.

Now you know why. It is God giving you opportunities to move closer to everything you want. In this way, all pain is a gift. Pain is God’s way of saying, “Trust Me.”

Pain is a feeling. When you feel it, if it is God begging you to trust, you will find when you actually do trust Him and know in your heart that all things are in divine order, then you find yourself not feeling the pain of whatever it was that was upsetting you in the past.

You must be able to truly forgive, acknowledge the divinity of the conflict, bless all participants without judgment, and let go of the negative feeling. Wipe your memory of the negative associations you previously held in attachment to this event. Retain the lesson, the blessed learning, and move on.

When you are able to do this, you will find yourself hovering in unconditional love’s vibration, free from the negative strongholds (the feelings) of your past.

Now you are

Remembering the Blessings and Learning in Love

This is the fast-track to your heart’s desires.

Disrespect and Hurt Feelings in Relationships

Have you ever found yourself laboring to explain to your special someone how they hurt your feelings or disrespected you?

As two people come together and get to know each other, it is reasonable to expect things will come up as an indication that the two of you don’t see eye to eye on a particular subject. In some cases, you may feel bad, disrespected, disregarded or betrayed, and depending on how a sensitive a person you are, you could be hurt badly.

But you’re getting to know this person, are developing feelings of attachment, and/or falling in love with this person. You fancy the idea of having him or her in your life enough to reach out to them in an effort to help them understand how you feel, which is a normal course of action in any relationship.

On your first attempt to explain yourself to someone, you expect to be heard and felt. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes, as you know you, too, probably have disrespected some one else, not on purpose but in a moment when you were busy, focused, distracted, or had lost track of time, etc… and hurt someone’s feelings unintentionally.

Or maybe we’re talking about crossing boundaries. When you’re in a relationship, you can expect to cover all the rules and boundaries that exist in your head and your heart in the beginning, and you just sort of assume that you’re both completely compatible based on how you feel about this person.

If you and your partner have healthy boundaries, of course, the best way to communicate your boundaries is to merely talk about them and establish a mutual respect about each other’s boundaries. The next best way to bring up your boundaries is when either one of you find yourself crossing the other’s boundaries.

This is a good time to communicate, establish and negotiate the honoring of the boundary in your relationship or to make amendments or accommodations for the boundary in question. Some boundaries protect us from physical or emotional pain, but may change over time, the less we need them and as we continue to grow emotionally, while some may remain non-negotiable.

Okay, so someone’s crossed the line, and your feelings were hurt. You were considerate enough to explain the situation to your partner, and he or she heard you, respected you, apologized and agreed to take your feeling into consideration, should the same set of circumstances appear once again. And in a perfect world, in an adult relationship between two people who care about each other, this is the highest and best approach and outcome.

But what if it happens again?

Even though you felt like the two of you were perfectly clear and in agreement, now, you’re second-guessing, wondering if your initial expression was misunderstood, maybe you didn’t make yourself clear enough and it may be reasonable to talk about this particular situation again.

So, this time, you’re explaining to your partner in greater detail, including much more stories, demonstrations, possibly including audio/visual tools, drawing charts, graphs, maps and using bullet lists (yes, this can go into outrageous extremes, depending on the one doing the communicating) to make sure there is no misunderstanding in the future.

If you feel like you’ve been heard and your partner has endured your presentation, thanked you for clearly expressing yourself, understanding the two of you are basically using a common language and level of understanding in respect and honor of your clearly expressed ideas, and he or she agrees to honor your perspective if faced with similar circumstances in the future.

Well done.

That should do it.

If it doesn’t, and the same grievance comes up again, you can be relatively certain that something else is going on, here. You know you’re being heard. You’ve made every effort to establish rapport and understanding, yet here you are again.

This could feel like abuse, and anyone who knows you intimately, like your friends and family, might jump to that conclusion immediately, especially if you (or they) have had experience with a similar situation which did not fare well in the past.

The truth is, by this point, you can ascertain that this person is not going to change his or her thoughts or actions on this deal to accommodate you. You have to realize that this person is hard-wired this way and is never going to change for you.

Going back to the drawing board once again to try to explain yourself is fruitless. Nothing good could come from it, and your partner will only be going through the motions, agree to do or say anything you want to hear, but not really. They just want your grueling expression to stop, so they can get back to living their life.

Plus, you might be imposing abuse on your partner by badgering him or her endlessly about this particular subject. Just stop it. This could go on forever, and nothing good could come from that.

It’s not on you to expect to change your partner, just as you would not expect your partner to want you to change for him or her, although, some compromise along the way is reasonable, as long as it’s not too extreme.

Oh, you might think that if you love him or her enough, that they will realize one day that you were right all along, he or she instantly changes, as if being touched by a magic fairy’s wand, and the two of you will walk off into the sunset hand in hand in perfect harmony, with sparkles and butterflies all around.

The chances of that are pretty slim. So, at this point, you have to ask yourself, “Can I live with this?” It’s on you at this point, not the other person. Someday this person might change due to their own personal growth and evolvement, but you have to know, this is the way it’s going to be, probably forever. Can you live with that?

If loosening up on a boundary here and there is acceptable to you, then think about changing the way you think about this particular situation, consider making a compromise. Keep in mind if you are making the majority of the compromises, this will likely not be in your best interest in the long run, and you’re likely going to resent or regret this later.

On the other hand, in the rarest of circumstances, both parties begin to grow and change in synergistic harmony, evolving together in a symphony of continued awareness and enlightenment. If each of their individual paths is harmonious with the other’s, this can be the bliss which we all seek in a long-term relationship.

Don’t Let You Down

You’ve done your best. You really have. You’ve guarded your heart and mind, filling them with positive thoughts, recited positive affirmations, found ways to maintain a positive vibration, only said good words, even about questionable people and circumstances, yet here you are; you’ve been hurt, betrayed, sad and/or lonely. You’re feeling like your ship has set sail without you. This is certainly not what you had planned.

No matter how much you try to plan, prepare, have the right mindset and heart-set, are kind, benevolent, righteous and/or deserving, stuff happens when you least expect it. And anyone – even me – would be knocked off their otherwise content horse of courage and possibly falling into the muck of disappointment.

What are you going to do about it?

That’s the question. You’ve suffered a setback, no doubt, and you’re feeling discouraged, rightfully so, but what you do about it makes all the difference in your world. If you focus on your misfortune and wallow in it, feeling dejected and blue, you could let it wrap you up in a cocoon of despair and you might find yourself sinking into a deep depression. Rather, keep your wits about you and try another approach to this predicament.

You feel bad, justifiably enough, so let that emotion pour over you. Allow yourself a predetermined amount of time (set a timer, if helpful) and feel all the anger, frustration, hurt and shame you can muster… then, when the time is up, pull yourself together. Get back on your horse, albeit a little less enthusiastic than prior to this unfortunate event, and stay the course, realizing that sometimes in life, bad things do happen to good people.

This is when you can start looking for the hidden treasure.

More often than not (if not always), unruly incidents that catch us off guard are blessings, though you may not be able to see it in the moment of being shocked by the unexpectedness of it, you find yourself in a much better position. It might not make sense now, but at some time in the future, you will find yourself grateful, having gone through the experience which prepared you for something far more significant.

Think about it. Isn’t that they way it’s always been?

When you’ve suffered an undesirable circumstance, hasn’t it always either led or prepared you for something better? And if you cannot see that, it might be time to take a closer look at those otherwise negative experiences from your past. If you can look at it (hopefully not overcome with emotion. Try using your imagination as if you were watching the event on a TV screen without sound), give it an honest review and see where it led you to or prepared you for: Voilà! You can see it. There is something more magnificent at work than meets the eye.

Life can have hidden cosmic Ninja training included for you that will imbue you with the experience and skills to allow you to deal with greater challenges in an effective manner further down the road, beyond your field of view.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotion, just realize that this is a part of your life experience. There’s no need to avoid or deny it. Just allow these feeling to envelope you, then put them aside when you are able and move on.

Sometimes friends or family can hold you to an impossible standard, likewise, you may hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Remember that no one is perfect, and we all will make missteps. Be forgiving of yourself and others. After all, we’re – each of us – are only doing the best we can with what we have.

Remember, in the face of adversity; try to look at it as if it were a test, challenge or gateway to something far better.

When things don’t turn out, like you expected, look deep into the situation or circumstance for clues of deeper meaning or a lesson to be learned, then release your emotional attachment to it.

Don’t let disappointments get you down, be the victorious warrior who seeks your highest and best in all things. Know there is a silver lining and keep going.
If you’ve reached what appears to be the end of a journey, begin looking for an opening. A door a window, a path will appear.

If you’re feeling overcome with overwhelm, seek the aid of a professional, a counselor or coach who can help you work through this event. Invite the process.

No one ever said life would be an unfurled bed or roses, and if they did, well… you know better. Life is full of ups and downs; learn to find enjoyment in the ride, like the exhilaration of a roller coaster.

I have learned that when I’m blindsided, I start to get excited because something really good is coming. So, get up, brush yourself off, put a smile on your face and be looking… Because no matter whenever things don’t work out like you had planned, something so much better is coming your way.

Don’t give up: Think.