davidmastersadmin | David M Masters

My Child Let Me Down

My Child Let Me Down, Broke My Heart, What Do I Do?

You never know when the time is going to come when that moment will appear when a young person whom you love, trust, and have charge over will put you and him or her in a compromised position.

You can get all selfish and make the incident about you, how you’ve been betrayed, hurt, or how he or she broke the bond of trust, let you down, embarrassed you, compromised your good family name (or any of a long list of other selfish reactions), or you could choose to love him or her.

I am a big fan of asking myself this question:

How can I apply love to this situation?

Especially when I am feeling like I am in over my head and running low on cognitive facilities because I am out of sorts with myself.

If you love and care for this young person, you must get over yourself. This is not about you. This child, tween, teenager, or young adult is just trying to make his or her own way through this life in the best way he or she can.

There will be times when they reach a fork in the road and make a wrong decision and especially if they’ve found themselves face-to-face with the results of having made an error in judgment, the last thing they need is more judgment from you.

Don’t be afraid to ask yourself, “How can I apply love to this situation.” None of us are perfect, and we have all made mistakes, and when you feel like you’ve been let down or have hurt feelings about this person, your first order of business (as soon as you are able to gain some composure) is to love him or her, more than anything else.

Let him-or-her know that your love can never be compromised. You will love him or her no matter what comes. You love them unconditionally, that means you love no matter what they say or what they do. Nothing they could do could cause your love for them to falter.

Life is full of unforeseen situations, circumstances, and obstacles. None of us has a perfect record and has the ability to foresee the endless possibilities which lay before us in any given moment. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have, that includes these young people about whom we care so much about.

We all make mistakes, and we all must deal with the consequences of our actions or decisions.

As we make our way through life, we become aware that there are metes and bounds which help us to navigate our journeys throughout this life, and there is no problem with your setting boundaries for those who you share your life with. Even more so, for those you care the most about.

Talk it out to see if there is an understanding of any boundaries that may have been crossed. Understanding is the key, not brow-beating or accusation. Open communication without condemnation is the best approach while finding ways to support your love for them through this process.

Since none of us is perfect, this is a good time for you to relate a time when you could have made better choices in your life, not to preach, but to show compassion, empathy, and that you have a frame of reference and are not usurping your superiority. We’ve all been there, maybe not in this exact way, but close enough to know what it feels like to fall short of the mark. Include, if you can, having to accept responsibility for your actions.

Your hope should be that this will be a good learning experience. While young people are feeling invulnerable and confident in the knowledge that they know everything (you might even catch them giving you their sage advice periodically), they invariably find themselves up against the realization that things may not actually turn out the way they thought they might. It’s your job to love them through this challenge.

It is perfectly fine to establish your own boundaries and consequences.

There’s nothing wrong with limiting some freedoms for a period of time while healing your relationship takes place. This is a delicate time when your young person can exemplify his or her intention to reestablish wellness and trust between you. The more gracefully he or she participates in the process of repairing the relationship, the more quickly inner wounds heal, and the relationship is strengthened.

Give them ample opportunity to offer to make amends in any way that might occur to them. Not just to you, but to anyone else who might have been affected by the situation at hand. Be encouraging, but do not demand they go through this process by rote, else it will have no meaning. Let them hear the still small voice from within their heart from which to reach out in humility and grace.

Do not harbor ill will or bad feelings about those you love who are making bad decisions. This serves neither you or them. It only makes things worse.

Love them. Bless them. Pray for them, but do not judge them. Remember, they are just doing the best hey can and forgive them as they are finding their own way through this life.

Healing Blockages

You might have a long history of receiving healing from energy healing therapies, then all of a sudden, when you least expect it, find yourself unresponsive to energy healing. You may be suffering from healing blockages which are preventing your efforts to heal energetically.

Don’t give up. Keep working with the energetic healing modality that has a history of being effective for you. It is highly likely that you don’t need to seek some new therapeutic model. You have reached a place in your life’s journey that you will not be able to receive the healing you seek until you have dealt with your personal healing blockages.

I see this happen in both clients and even the energy healers themselves.

Sometimes we get so busy doing the work of living life or serving others that we forget that the whole purpose of our life’s journey begins with us, then what we offer others or the world, flows out from the work we’ve done inside.

This work is never done and is continuously an ongoing process.

Occasionally, if we overlook the work that is waiting to be done deep inside, our efficacy or responsiveness to energetic or positive spiritual insights, awareness, or power begins to fade.

You’ve done so much deep inner work, that you felt confident that whatever little remains were of little consequence. Still, it longs to be resolved, and if ignored for long enough it will become a blockage to personal growth, expansion, or healing.

If you want to get back on your game, you’re going to have to do some inner detective to find out what issues you’ve failed to deal with or are blocking out which are affecting your ability to be fully in the energetic stream or are being expressed as healing blockages.

Some places to look at might be unresolved fear which is either recognizable consciously or has been locked away in the deep recesses of your heart or mind.

Incongruency in the words you speak could be the reason for your blockages. How you talk about what you do or who you are may be inconsistent enough to create a block in the otherwise pure flow of energy or love. Look for better ways to be open, honest, and transparent about you and who you are.

Not honoring yourself, loving and caring for yourself fully as you continue to grow and expand, or harboring unforgiveness for someone who as hurt you or let you down (even if that person is you) can result in healing blockages.

Healing blockages may be the result of holding onto old dogmas or false beliefs which no longer serve you and who you are today in the now.

If you are aware of your Purpose, Message, Passion, and Mission (PMPM) and are not expressing these in your life, failure to do so will result in continued blockages. Answer your call, start exercising your special gifts and abilities and watch your blockages fade away.

You can also experience healing blockages from not walking in faith and manifesting the desires of your heart.

There are many different things, hundreds if not thousands of possibilities, that can come up which can become energetic blockages hindering your efficacy or susceptibility to intuitive awareness or healing.

Maybe it is time to look at what might be causing your healing blockages.

Activating Love to Change the World

Love in and of itself is not enough to change the world. It needs your activating love to change the world.

You’ve done the work to find and release the love within you. Love is changing you and your world. As you embrace the ultimate source of the love energy within you it affects your world; your life, your family, loved ones, the people in the inner core of your social network.

To change the world with love, the love within you needs to be released to the world. This means activating your love outside of your inner sanctum and releasing it in such a way as to affect others in your community and the world at large.

This activated will change the world.

Certainly, when you are learning to tap into the ultimate source of love and love, you need sacred, intimate, and private space which is highly guarded to do the deep inner work which is key to embracing love and attenuating the frequency of your life to that of love.

Once you are comfortable with maintaining the love vibration in your life, you will see the effects of the frequency of love as all life within your circle of influence begins to shift and change. It’s easy to sort of settle-in to this love vibration because it feels so good to just relax into it like snuggling into a warm blanket of love.

While it may have been necessary to block out all negative influences to get into the flow of love and to make the changes necessary for you to start to live the life of love, it is not enough to just bask in the light of love without maintaining a connection with the world around you.

The real power to change the world with your new-found love energy is to activate it in such a way as to affect the world around you.

Once you are comfortable with maintaining the frequency of the love vibration, you see world events, catastrophes, and injustices through the eyes of love. What once would have immediately plummeted you to a state of fear, such as sadness, despair, judgment, or hate, now you can look upon compassionately through the eyes of love.

Fueled by love’s compassion and empathy, you are now ready to apply love to the situation or circumstance by taking love-inspired action.

Being careful not to take stance of fear, such as opposing any negative news, situation, or circumstance, you find a place where you can take inspired action to support a solution or make a positive change for the better.

Don’t talk bad about the things that make you feel bad. Instead, do something about it. When I hear someone complaining about something around the water cooler, I ask them, “What are you doing about it?” If they are making a monthly contribution to an organization who is dealing with the topic at hand, it lends credence to their voice, and I will listen to them. If they are not doing something about it, they are only adding negative energy to the negative situation or circumstance, and I will not participate in that.

When you exert energy in opposition of a particular thing, the energy you put out is multiplied many times over, adding energy to the thing you are opposing. Not really the desired effect. On the other hand, if you support the cure with love, now you are helping to change the world without adding fuel to the negatively-charged item which has presented itself to you.

Everyone has different divine assignments which pique your interest and you know which ones yours are because you are passionate about them. You are sensitive to certain news stories, topics, tragedies, and injustices. These are your divine assignments.

What will you do about them?

Now, you have to figure out how you can apply love to these negative situations and circumstances without adding negative energy to the thing you oppose.

Whatever you do, don’t gout and trash-talk or spread negative postings about that which you oppose on social media. That’s exactly what they want you to do precisely because it only makes the thing you don’t like far more powerful. Yes, it increases the separation between the two camps of thought, but it does not create the opportunity for love to change the idea at hand, plus it makes what you don’t want stronger.

Not rejecting what you don’t want doesn’t add negative energy to it, making it weaker, and allowing love to find a way to break through and effectuate change, possibly even eliminating it forever. This is how love can conquer those things which you are inspired to change.

As an example, let’s take a look at a basic concept like “abortion.” If you are passionate about not supporting abortion, don’t burn down an abortion clinic, as that massive energy would make abortion far more powerful throughout the world. Instead, support Pro-life campaigns, start a group offering alternatives, build a community or blog from a positive perspective with love.

Now that you’re evolving into the higher version of yourself, it is not time to lock yourself away from the world swaddled in the love vibration, for that would be ignorant and potentially narcissistic. It is time to take love-inspired action to help make the world a better place.

When Bad Stuff Happens

What can you do when bad stuff happens?

Life is not always going to be great. No matter how spiritually evolved you might be or bullet-proof you might feel, occasionally, life will catch you off-guard, bad stuff will happen, and you’ll find yourself amidst yet another psychological challenge.

Why do people do what they do?
(Don’t ask why.)
What can you do about it?
(Better question.)

Don’t let your public image of yourself keep you from expressing your concerns about the bad stuff that happens and things are bothering you. This is your egoic mind-trip trying to take over your life again, and you’re not falling for it this time. Find someone you can trust to talk out your frustrations or write about those things that are bothering you in a private notebook.

Don’t bottle it up inside, discover ways to release the pressure because pent-up emotions can destroy your otherwise healthy, happy life. Think about taking a break from you otherwise calm demeanor and have a 3-minute rant.

Remember you always can choose how you respond to any unexpected circumstance which arises or how to respond to any bad news when it is encountered. Stop and think about your options before you give in to unbridled emotional outburst.

Look at the situation from a higher perspective. Apply wonder to and question what’s going on. How might God look at what’s happening? Is there some more grand purpose behind what’s happening right now? Is this bringing awareness to something that has been allowed to go on for far too long? Could something ultimately far better emerge from the current state of affairs?

Think about it… you’re probably not the only one who sees and feels frustration is this situation or circumstance. Someone else is feeling the same thing about this somewhere else, right now. In this moment you are connected, even if on the other side of the world. Many others, possibly millions, may be connected to the event in question. The way you choose to handle this will affect the other person’s or people’s ability to handle this, and vice versa. We’re all in this together.

Your feelings about this may make you more a part of the problem than the solution. Be proactive, turn this thing around and ask, “What can I do, right now, to make this better?” Think about it; and take action. Write a letter. Make a donation. Find a way to apply love to that which is troubling you.

See this as a part of your journey. Often obstacles or challenges which catch us off guard are a method of getting our attention, redirecting our path, or preventing us from suffering an even more devastating situation. This may be preparing you for a more difficult challenge up ahead, or you may be learning a valuable lesson or skill through this scenario. Look for the blessing.

Remember, everything is connected and perfect.

Don’t let this slow your roll. You got this.

Love you.

Enlightenment and Spiritual Awakening

The process of enlightenment and spiritual awakening is as individual as we all are so to experience it is unique to each person though many characteristics appear to be common among those who are in the process of awakening.

First and foremost, the person is awakening to the idea or knowingness that there is more going on here than meets the eye, here on planet Earth, as God’s spark begins to burn more brightly in you.

Awakening to the fact that there is far more to this life that you first were led to believe is the first clue that you’ve begun your spiritual awakening. You are unable to see past all the barrage of life’s distractions unless you have given a glimpse of something far more real than the life we’ve come to accept as it has been presented to us.

You also are experiencing an excitement or reverence for your surroundings, especially of nature, flora, and fauna, as being special or sacred, as you honor your ability to be in its presence and to share the world with it in all its glory.

Your senses are heightened as you awaken you become more sensitive, a growing awareness of others, and the knowingness of there being so much more of the life experience which is waiting to be revealed to you in vibrant detail.

You are more interested in staying present or being in the now, as opposed to being oppressed by things that have happened in the past. You may be learning techniques to deal with the past, heal past wounds, or you may be one of the ones who simply awaken all at once and the past just falls away, like an old jacket, as you walk into your new, awakened life.

You notice there is a difference between you, the you that you were born to be which is a highly connected part of your higher self and God is vastly different than your ego which has been programmed by society to override your more spiritually inclined sensibilities. It may take a while to sort out the dichotomy of you, who you really are made of pure love and your egoic personality which is dominant prior to awakening and based on fear, not love.

Awakening is not restricted to those who believe and those who do not, as those who are awakening can span all systems of belief and/or non-belief, from atheism to spirituality and churches, believers and non-believers alike and awakening and expanding as part of the evolutionary process of all human beings, though some may resist the evolutionary process, their future generations will not be able to.

You are becoming more authentically real and transparent. You realize there is nothing to prove and nothing to be gained from feeling as though you are better or more deserving than anyone else. Although experiencing life from your own perspective you realize that you are one with all your fellow human beings.

The spiritually awakened feel a growing sense of connectedness or oneness with all peoples, things, and life itself. In fact, you may start feeling as if you’ve never felt so alive as you start to live life to its fullest, savoring each breath and the expansive nature of your growing love with every beat of your heart.

Beyond what one might think of as seeing the silver lining in a less than desirous situation, the spiritually awakening and expanding see the sacred divinity in all things, both blessed and vile, which makes little sense to our less evolved, heavily programmed, and unenlightened contemporaries. We do not judge them. We bless them and allow them to find their own way, or not. Their journey is just as sacred as ours.

You are changing and you’re noticing the change. You’re noticing a decided and distinct difference between the awakening “you” who you are becoming and the “you” who you were prior to your spiritual awakening as if you’ve been reborn, and in a sense, you have been, like a butterfly emerging from his or her chrysalis.

You are embracing a more peaceful state of being, where love expands, you have a growing compassion and understanding of others as you become more tolerant and accept things simply as they are, without taking them personally. You bless all others and are less likely to hold onto the idea that one religious perspective is more right than another.

Instead, you understand that everyone is only doing the best they can with what they have, just as you are in regard to any understanding or view of life.

You have a higher respect for your relationship with your body, seek to find ways to honor it, and celebrate all the experiences which can be enjoyed by maintaining your body as a further extension of your higher self, accompanied by a respectful growing moral ethics and/or personal code which is not dictated from without but embraced and emerges from within (or above).

Your relationships are more real, as you find less satisfaction with idle chit-chat and seek to connect more deeply and have more meaningful relationships.

Among other signs, these might give you insight as to what to expect as you begin to awaken.

November 2018 Image Directory

Wrapping up the month of November, here’s a quick screenshot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters

Manipulated Much Lately?	Happy Thanksgiving	Counselor as a Helper for You
Difference Between Therapy and Friendship	WHY = STOP + Reverse	Are You in Love?
How to Help Sending Love to the World	Sending Love to the World Starts November 11	God’s Spark in You
Terrestrial Angels, Are You One?	Default Deterioration vs Longevity

Manipulated Much Lately?

Have you been manipulated much lately? Manipulators are all around you. They cloak their manipulative activity in caring and well-meaning coverings in order to make you do their bidding. They cleverly weave their story using words that sound like you are the most important concern as they get you to do what they want you to do for them.

You thought you were being loved, protected, and cared for, then, all of a sudden, you look around to find you’ve been stealthily manipulated by a smooth calculating manipulator, and wonder, “How did I get here?”

The manipulator snickers under his or her breath and says, “What? I was just looking out for your best interests.” (Right.)

They have a whole bag of tricks for getting you to do their bidding. They put on false fronts that make you think they’re your best friend. They can be compassionate, empathetic, and caring, and they will eagerly brush away any red flags that you might notice as your overactive imagination.

They will often use your own words in ways that you never intended to use them, distorting what you’ve said so it barely resembles what you were thinking when you delivered the lines initially. It might be enough to make you think you’re losing your mind… another of the manipulator’s tricks.

They will leave out important details of stories they tell as they spin tales to support their own ideas, will exaggerate or distort the truth, or right out lie to persuade you to see something from “tier perspective” (which is no perspective at all only another way to sway your thought process.

Often, you will not see the manipulator for who he or she is until it’s too late.

Manipulators are often passive-aggressive as they wrap you in their web of drama and are able to remain calm while you’re starting to panic from all the pressure, they’ve imposed onto you. And if you notice what they’re doing or challenge their motives, they turn it all around, accusing you of manipulating them, and immediately start playing the role of the victim.

Manipulators are not intimidated by bullying you into getting you to do what they want as they intimidate and try to apply guilt to any situation.

There are also overtly demanding, controlling, and abusive manipulators who are easier to identify and use more vicious methods to make you comply with their desires.

They will threaten, belittle, and force you to whatever they want you to do or suffer the consequences of their unbridled wrath.

Regardless of their tactics, it’s up to you to be aware enough to protect yourself from being manipulated by those who seek to exploit your caring sensibilities. Stay true to yourself, your own sense of right and wrong and don’t let someone drag you into drama which is not rightfully yours for their own amusement or nefarious reasons.

Avoid infectious toxicity in relationships and be aware that things might not always be as they seem as you may encounter a wolf in sheep’s clothing. https://davidmmasters.com/blog/wolf-in-sheeps-clothing/

Happy Thanksgiving

I am so thankful and blessed, not just on Thanksgiving, but every day that I get to spend living life on this planet. I have experienced the greatest of all peak experiences to their fullest and I have weathered the desolate valleys, and if I had a chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I am thankful for my new baby granddaughter, Mary. She is the brightest new light of my life, and I have another grandson coming along very soon, as well.

I am thankful for all the people whom I know and have known, the people who love and support me, and those who don’t particularly care for me, even the haters. They all have been integral parts of my life, which is the most magnificent tapestry.

Of course, I wish everyone could love me, but I am an acquired taste, and not everyone can appreciate me for who I am. I am blessed either way because if it weren’t for those who would rather avoid me, I might take the respect and love I receive from others for granted. It just makes them all the more precious to me.

I suppose life has led me down a path accompanied by a soundtrack I sing along with as I traverse which is often optimistic. Even in the worst of times, I can see the good in all things (albeit, not necessarily at the get-go, but I get there).

It is from this blessed space that I like

Sending Love to the World

Initially, a solitary and private undertaking, I invited others to join me in sending love to the world, for the sake of others who are unable to find joy and may be suffering hardship, especially during the holidays, for, “There but for the grace of God, go I.”

It could easily be me in such a state of loss or disrepair, that I could not see the light, any glimmer whatsoever, and might even contemplate whether my life was worth living at all. It is for these people that I try to remember to take a few minutes out of my holiday season to send them love. And not just them, but broaden my scope to include my family, friends, community, state, country and include sending love to the world.

As I invite people to join me, all I ask is that you set aside at least three minutes from your holiday activities for sending love to the world. I usually send love in ten-minute intervals, but only three minutes of sending love to the world increases the love which radiates in your life, boosts your immune system for up to eight hours, and reverses aging. (Who wouldn’t want to do that?) It doesn’t cost a dime, and is beneficial to others, as you join in, even if only for a few minutes because the effects are cumulative and exponential.

You can send love in any manner which resonates with you. You can pray, meditate, light a candle, or whatever other way you choose to send love to the world. If you’re at a loss about how to engage in sending love to the world, then, by all means, you are invited to try my

Sending Love to the World Guided Meditation

Please, if you have known love, even if you are like me and have loved and lost, at least you have known it, given love, even if it wasn’t reciprocated. So many, have not even had the privilege of knowing love at all.

And for those who are reserved, withdrawn, suffering and in pain, a little love vibration might just be what they need to make it through this tough time in life, and you helped by sending love to the world.

If you’re reading this on Thanksgiving, please consider being bold enough to take a few minutes out of your family celebration to join in sending love to the world. And if Thanksgiving day has passed, please consider doing it anytime during the holidays.

Sending Love to the World runs from November 11th, through the 1st of January, with the most important days being Veterans Day, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas, and New Years. These are the days, when the people who are not doing well may feel the most desolate. You and we can make a difference.

Thank you for joining me this year in sending love to the world.

~ David M Masters

Please share this with your friends, and invite them to join us.

Counselor as a Helper for You

Every now and then life can get and when you’re feeling the pressure of life smothering you, thankfully there are many places you can turn for a helping hand. Seeking out a coach, consultant, counselor who may possess insight from the spectrum of life anywhere from being a member of the clergy to a strictly-schooled psychotherapist and anywhere in between, you can find some relief in seeking a counselor as a helper for you.

You don’t have to go it alone.

As you seek out someone to help you get a grip on life, be aware that all therapists are not created equal. Just as in any other profession or ministry there are good ones and some that are not so good. As you work with someone in a therapeutic relationship, take time periodically to pause and evaluate your progress for yourself.

Your work with anyone in a therapeutic relationship should yield measurable positive results and changes in your life.

You must see demonstrable results and growth, such as better health, and increased sense of self confidences, a growing awareness about where you are in your life journey, and finding the right fit for you with all your strengths and weaknesses to fit better into life relationships amidst your family, among your friends, your social circles in the community and beyond.

You should be more confident, stepping into your personal power, making better decisions, taking positive steps toward changing your life for the better. Things are starting to come together.

You are feeling less stress and your burdens are decreasing as you are empowered to take a more active role in your life. You are beginning to move into the driver’s seat, no longer just a passenger being victimized by this life.

Your finances are improving, as is your general outlook on life. You are feeling better, having a more positive outlook on life, and feeling the power of love energetically expanding all around you, even if you are unaware that the source of all love and life is within you, and always has been.

Your journey to wellness, personal growth, and empowerment can be born from your therapeutic relationship, but be aware, that there are many options available to you. One therapist who might have gotten you through one crisis or phase of personal growth may not be able to take you to the next.

Check and ask yourself if your life is positively changing, are you energetically expanding, is your personal awareness expanding between visits?

If your life is stagnant and there is little or no positive life-change happening during your work with a coach, consultant, counselor, or member of the clergy, then you need to find a better fit for you at this stage in your life.

I work with many people in the field and no one takes it personally when a client moves to another coach. In fact, your therapist, counselor, or accountability partner should also be tracking your progress. If he or she notices you are not achieving positive results from his or her work with you, you should be referred to someone who might be a better fit for you.

Different counselors have varying areas of specialization, therapeutic perspective, personal style, and methods of delivery. Find the one that resonates with you, for now.

Once you have progressed beyond this phase of your life, it may be time to find someone better suited for your next phase.

If the person you are working with is providing you with the positive results you desire, if your life has leveled off and there are no signs of your making it better, if you feel afraid, intimidated, or bullied, seek out someone else to work with.

If you are feeling a romantic inclination toward your therapist or counselor (actually, this is quite normal) talk to him or her about it. Do not hide it, allow it to grow into a fantasy or full-blown obsession, or act on it in any way. Talk your way through it.

And if your therapist or counselor expresses any romantic interest in you, run the other way. This is a clear violation of the therapeutic relationship.

A clear separation must be maintained to prevent the therapeutic relationship from becoming toxic with tragic results. This would not be the standard expectation if historically the statistics didn’t prevail overwhelmingly disclosing how devasting crossing this boundary can be.

An effective ethical counselor may be friendly but not your friend. You don’t hang out, are not on the same volleyball team, and do not exchange gifts. Respect this relationship and keep it pure for your highest and best results.

You are the master of your fate, and the right accountability partner can help you get from where you are to where you want to be expediently.

Are you ready to change your life?
Are you ready to take action?
Are you ready to do the work?

Then your life is already starting to change.

You are beginning a sacred metamorphosis.

God bless you on your journey to new life.

Difference Between Therapy and Friendship

There is a difference between therapy and friendship. Whether you are a coach, consultant, counselor, or member of the clergy, there is (or should be) a clear line between the therapeutic relationship and that of being a friend.

If you’ve been professionally trained in therapy and are licensed by the State or some other governing agency, more likely than not you are held accountable to uphold a code of ethics which assumes certain boundaries be maintained throughout the therapeutic relationship.

Then there are unregulated forms of therapy, such as peer counseling, life-coaching, religious counseling, and spiritual consultation, among others. For these therapeutic relationships, the lines of boundaries can blur, be crossed, or violated.

Some may say in religious therapeutic relationships that due to the separation of church and state, that no professional boundaries be maintained or enforced, and we see where that has gotten us. All you have to do is to look for the news stories of clerics in compromising positions for not maintaining boundaries to make you think twice.

The ACA code of ethics is an accepted guideline which sets forth a prescribed set of boundaries to protect both the therapist and the client. It helps to maintain a positive therapeutic environment for effective counsel and reduce the risk of compromise.

Of course, the first thought that comes to mind it that of sexual conduct. The agreed standard that intimacy or any sexual conduct in nature not be engaged in at any time during the therapeutic environment, nor for a period of five years following the completion of a therapeutic relationship.

There are other boundaries which help maintain a professional relationship between therapist and client, like not going to the movies, out to lunch, exchanging gifts, attending birthday parties, or other social events.

Yet, as in all things, these boundaries which should be enforced by all people helping other people, whether regulated or not, are amidst a spectrum, left to the interpretation of the therapist or the company they keep.

On one end of the spectrum your therapist might meet with you in an office with no amenities, there is no physical contact between counselor and client, not even a handshake. If you meet your counselor in the aisle in a supermarket, you will find him or her unapproachable. Even if you’re amidst a serious emotional outpouring, when your time is up, the session is over. If you can’t pay, the fee is non-negotiable, and there is no out of office or after-hours support.

On the other end of the spectrum, your counselor may offer you tea, may begin your session with a handshake and conclude with a cursory hug. If you meet this counselor in public, he or she may smile, stop, and engage in conversation with you for a while. You may run over your assigned time limit if reasonable or necessary, and there may be some flexibility in making payments and/or additional connection methods or support outside office hours.

There is no right or wrong way to do this as different modalities and schools of therapeutic thought interpret these boundaries differently. There is no judgment here, but the primary goal is to unequivocally protect and support the client.

Transference is a normal occurrence within the therapeutic relationship and it’s up to you to find the boundaries which work best for you, preserving this sacred, safe space.

If you are sitting in the seat of the coach, consultant, or counselor it is up to you to make clear your boundaries at the beginning of the therapeutic relationship and remind your client periodically when it appears, he or she might be approaching a boundary.

If you are the patient, it is on you to adhere to these boundaries and be certain to tell your counselor if you have boundaries of your own which need to be respected. If you feel like any boundary is unreasonable, talk it through with your counselor.

Talk to your counselor about your feelings and don’t keep them bottled up lest they explode. Negotiate your therapeutic relationship and make it work for both of you, or it may be time for a change.