May, 2018 | David M Masters

The Man Who Didn’t Believe in Love

There is a story told by don Miguel Ruiz in his book, The Mastery of Love about The Man Who Didn’t Believe in Love.

The tale tells of a man who didn’t believe in love. By studying the love and relationships of others, even those long who professed to have longstanding, high-quality love affairs, deduced from the data he’d collected that there was no such thing as love.

He believed that love was like a drug which most people are addicted to. Once you’ve tasted of it, you must have more of it, and you might do just about anything to get it, even compromising your core beliefs, and denying your personal needs to get your addiction satisfied.

The man who didn’t believe in love gained the attention of many others whom he persuaded to subscribe to his point of view, “love does not exist.”

Then, one day, he finds a sad woman on a park bench, and asks her why she is so sad? She tells him she doesn’t believe in love, which piques his interest. She tells her story about how she once believed in love, married, went through all the motions to sacrifice everything for love. She took care of everyone, her husband, the kids, everyone but herself.

Now that the kids have all left the next, she and her husband discovered they had nothing in common. No love. Not even friendship remained. They divorced and went their own ways because nothing remained or survived their marriage.

She was left so terribly alone, with nothing to fall back on, because of her sacrificing everything for the relationship, as she awakened to the idea that there was no such thing as love and her life was wasted on forcing herself to propagate the idea of it.

This woman and the man who didn’t believe in love became friends. Their relationship was something special. Since they never believed in love, they became the best of friends, drawing ever closer together out of mutual respect for each other. They didn’t hold unreasonable expectations for each other, allowed each other to do whatever they wanted to do, together or apart, and they began to grow closer to each other trusting each other impeccably.

One day the man is walking through the park and he quickened by the thought that maybe love does exist, only maybe it’s not what everyone thinks it is. Maybe, just maybe, the relationship which he and this woman are sharing is love. It certainly feels more authentic and true than any other representation of love.

He and the woman are now living together, so he goes home to tell her of his epiphany, and she intimates that she had the same thought, only she was reluctant to say anything because he didn’t believe in love.

Then, one day, the man is walking alone at night with his heart so filled with love, looking up into the star-filled sky, a miracle happens. The most beautiful of all the stars descended. Floating down from its home in the sky the star sets itself gently into the hand of the man, then another miracle happens. The star’s light sends a beam into the heart of the man, and the man feels more love than ever before.

With his heart so full of love, the man rushes home to tell the woman of his miraculous discovery.

He tells the woman of the story, and so filled with love, excitement, and a yearning to share his love with the woman so she, too, can share in this experience. He places his star in her hands. Overcome by the magnificence of the star, still, the woman wonders if it could really be true?

In that moment of doubt, the star slips from her hands, falls to the ground, and is shattered into a million pieces.

Now there is a man who wanders the world who doesn’t believe in love, and a lonely old woman who had a chance to have all the love which could ever be imagined, if not for one moment of doubt.

I refer to this story often, as I can relate to it so well and so can others who hear it.

If you’re wondering wht the moral of the story is, you should pick up a copy of don Miguel Ruiz’ book, The Mastery of Love.

I Am Evil and Hatred

I am evil and hatred. All that is evil, the propensity to be the worst person you can ever imagine, engaging in the deepest and darkest deeds imaginable, is part of who I am.

I have been in the presence of the worst, most hated, and despicable individuals, some regarded as the most evil humans to step foot on our planet, and I am just like them.

If I see myself as no better than someone who might be considered as a “bad person” then I am free to separate the sinner from the sin.

Any one of us is one heartbeat away from being one of these individuals. There are falsely accused innocent people branded as “evil.” There are good and decent, loving and upstanding citizens who are doing time behind bars, or on death row, for one misstep, miscalculation, or the moment when overcome by emotion.

We all have the same propensity to be as vile as any other one of us.

Just befriending the wrong person, trusting someone who couldn’t be trusted, or being in the wrong place at the right time, could make even someone as self-righteous as yourself infamous in the worst possible way(s).

Just because someone does something you dislike or despise, doesn’t justify reacting like a knee-jerk fascist, nor does being able to separate the sinner from the sin make you a bleeding-heart pacifist.

It’s just a knowingness that in spite of the word being as disconjointed as it is, we are all in this together. We are all one.

We all have been sold a bill of goods. We have been led to believe that hate is an appropriate approach to smashing out hate when the truth is only love can abolish hate. Hate exponentially engenders more hate, suspicion creates suspicion, violence begets violence, evil promotes evil, and wars lead to more wars.

When wars and rumors of wars are pervasive on our planet, it infects the whole world, no matter how far from the source of conflict you might be.

When you let someone, who does something bad make you feel bad, you have allowed yourself to be infected with the virus which breaks down everything good within us and keeps us separated one from another.

You spread the virus and become the problem, potentially become that which you hate, and promoting the pervasive evil which is leading to the breakdown of all human potential.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

When you feel like you are superior to someone else, you deny our sameness and keep yourself separated from the rest of humanity.

No one is suggesting that you condone the wrongdoings of others, only to remain consciously compassionate enough to realize that under different circumstances, you might have reacted, said, or done the same thing.

You disarm your enemy when you do not respond to hate with hate. When you counter attack your opponent with hate, your opponent wins. The person who has offended you has infiltrated your heart and infected you with his or her virus.

This virus persists and spreads until it is treated with the vaccine of love. Responding to that which offends you with love not only disarms your opponent but injects a bit of love vaccine into your opponent.

Responding to hate with love is the only hope for peace and harmony visiting planet Earth on a global scale.

When I see myself as being just as evil and possessing as much hatred as anyone else, I am empowered to make the decision not to follow the path to evil, and with every breath choose to do that which is good, proper, and in harmony with the life, I choose to lead.

I need your help. What should I do?

“I need your help. What should I do?

“My boyfriend keeps challenging everything I say. I feel like I’m being interrogated all the time. Always feeling like I’m being accused of lying, and every time he asks me for personal information. I answer him generally, which would satisfy anyone else I know. Then he asks me for more details and tells me to prove it.

“I feel like I’m always getting the third degree, having to explain myself in explicit detail about personal details of my life is very intimidating. I am exhausted and confused. As he keeps pounding me for more details of sensitive subjects and keeps demanding I provide him with proof and documentation.

“If I try to avoid submitting to his demands, he accuses me of hiding something. When I ask him why I would lie to him? He says he never accused me of lying, which is true because he’s never used the word. Still, it feels like he’s constantly accusing me of lying, even though he never used the word.

“I think he is a good person. I think I love him, but I’ve never been treated like this before. What should I do?”

Signed, “Dazed and Confused.”

Dear Dazed,

First off, “boyfriend” signifies a romantic relationship and as you say, “I think I love him.” If your foundation is built on love, a key ingredient of love is trust and it goes both ways. Without trust, there can be no love. Not knowing all the details of your relationship, at first glance, I think I could confidently assume, at the very least, your boyfriend does not trust you.

Since you can never know what’s going on inside someone’s head, one could only speculate why your boyfriend might feel the need to submit you to this kind of psychological pressure.

There is a full spectrum of possibilities which range from insecurity to psychopathy.

In lieu of seeking out a professional or relationship coach to dig deeper into your boyfriend’s need to treat you like this, you might want to ask yourself if this really is the kind of person you might like to spend the rest of your life with?

Not that anyone is suggesting that you think about marrying this person, but you have to ask yourself why you might let him treat you like this?

I think most people would agree this would not be considered as “normal” behavior, although as society becomes more digitally accessible, it is becoming normal to perform a Google search on a prospective mate, and maybe even do an electronic background check before getting too serious.

If you’re looking at cohabitating or getting married, I would suggest a full financial disclosure before intermingling financial affairs.

When you feel like you’re being intimidated or interrogated, you have to decide for yourself if this is a healthy way for someone to treat you. You’re the only one who can determine whether this is appropriate for you, or not.

This is why we date people, to get to know them better. There’s a good chance that people show you the kind of person they are at the beginning of the relationship, in the “getting to know you” stage. There is a tendency to overlook such things as we are overwhelmed by the possibly achieving a true love romance.

Fortunately for you, you have the keen sense of awareness to see your boyfriend’s inquisitive nature, without being blinded by your desire to find true love.

You might also ask yourself, “Can I trust him with all the intimate details of my life?” before you reveal any more. Is he telling his friends about your answers? Is he talking behind your back, or acquiring data to be used against you later?

It’s up to you to decide what is best for you, and while there are many options available to you, you can relax enough to assure yourself that all these things work out for your best interests. Whatever you decide to do, or not do, with this man will be right for you.

Interacting with someone places you in a vulnerable position, which indicates your willingness and ability to love. For this, you can be applauded.

There is no one-way to be, and there are too many variables to come up with a hard-and-fast concrete set of rules which can be applied to every situation because when it comes down to it, we’re all different and people are not statistics.

Your boyfriend might not be ready, or able, to enter into a truly loving relationship at this time.

Know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken.

My wish for you is that you find all the love you are looking for.

Any Other Advise for Dazed?

Comment below…

You Never Do Love Wrong

When you’re in love, everything is connected and perfect. Nothing bad happens. You never do anything wrong, and everything happens at the right time, even if it doesn’t look or feel like it at the time.

Your love life, as challenging as it might be, is perfect in every way. You might not be able to see it from your current vantage point if you are young, or do not have a long succession of love experiences to evaluate, but there is nothing wrong with you or your love life.

It’s easy to look at the past, or your current love cycle, and feel like your love life is a complete failure, or feel like giving up on love at all, because of some enormous loss or crisis. It’s no surprise that many of us suffer from different forms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from falling in love.

Even when you feel everything goes wrong and is not working out the way you had planned, you let the current state of affairs overwhelm you, when in reality something far more divine is at work. God is readjusting your life for a far better life which is waiting for you.

When you are on a path which is far from where you need to be to have access to all the best things in life, then it takes a massive change to put you in the proximity of all that awaits your arrival. God, your angels, even your higher-self knows this, but it’s so hard to see from your vantage point fighting your battle for survival on the front lines of everyday life.

Even when your plans are not going the way you want, I am reminded of a wife who wanted desperately to leave her husband but was unable to break free. She spent many years planning to leave but (for whatever reasons) was unable to execute her plan. She spent two years feeling as if she’d let herself down, subjecting herself to self-inflicted abuse.

Then, she was hit by personal tragedy, which after taking care of details, the crisis was dealt with, the relationship dissolved itself, and she obtained the independence she sought, in even greater detail and abundance than she could have imagined two years earlier. Now, she enjoys the life she longed for.

There was a higher agenda, a better plan. Had she only been able to see it, she could have relaxed, even enjoyed the ride, until everything fell into place in the most divine manner. Could you agree, that even if she could have not been able to see it, she might have been far better off, relaxing and allowing the desires of her heart to unfurl naturally, the way God intended?

Often, when you resist God’s ability to navigate for you, your resistance not only delays arriving at what you want, you may find yourself headed in the opposite direction, initiating a full difficult set of life circumstances, which could include dire results, followed by a period of recalibration to get your life back on track.

Regardless of whatever apparent complexity in romance is presenting itself to you, know that nothing happens by accident or coincidence and every frustration, challenge, or upset is training you for a future opportunity or redirecting your path for a far better outcome.

Resistance will only hinder your progress and possibly cause you unnecessary delay, pain, or suffering.

No need to worry about how things are going, everything has led to this moment, and after all, love is all there is.

Relax, and go with the flow of love, without regrets, only gratitude, and even more love.

See: Love’s Prayer for You

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

So, You’ve Been Told You Have a Terminal Disease and Are Going to Die

Imagine being given a grim prognosis by your doctor, who tells you that you have only a limited time left to live. It’s a disheartening situation, to say the least. However, in such critical moments, it is crucial to maintain a sense of skepticism and to consider alternative approaches to conventional medicine. While medical science has undoubtedly made remarkable advancements, it is essential to exercise your own due diligence and explore healthy alternatives to prescription medications. In this article, we will delve into the significance of being wary of blindly following doctor’s orders and the potential benefits of researching alternative treatments to combat terminal illnesses.

Questioning the Status Quo

Your doctor’s diagnosis may seem like a definitive sentence, but it is crucial to remember that medical professionals are not infallible. Thousands of individuals facing life-threatening conditions have defied the predictions of their doctors and, astonishingly, have found themselves alive and well years later. These individuals embarked on a journey that involved questioning the prevailing medical dogmas and exploring alternatives that conventional medicine often overlooks.

The Doctor’s Paradigm

It’s important to understand that doctors are bound by their training and the knowledge they have acquired throughout their medical education. Their training often leads them to believe that certain terminal illnesses are incurable, leaving them with limited options to offer patients. Consequently, their recommendations may revolve around palliative care or strategies to manage symptoms rather than actively addressing the root causes of the illness.

Unlocking Alternative Approaches

Fortunately, there are numerous non-conventional methods that hold promise for tackling terminal illnesses and promoting overall well-being. These approaches, which prioritize holistic healing and often emphasize lifestyle changes, offer opportunities to combat diseases without relying solely on prescription medications. By exploring alternative treatments, individuals have the chance to address the underlying factors contributing to their condition and work towards long-lasting health and vitality.

A Drug-Free Path to Healing

One of the fundamental principles guiding alternative approaches is the understanding that not all solutions come in the form of a pill. While pharmaceutical drugs have their place in modern medicine, it is important to recognize that they often carry side effects and are not without risks. In some cases, these medications may merely manage symptoms rather than provide a comprehensive cure. By embracing alternative therapies, individuals can avoid the potential toxicity of pharmaceuticals and explore natural remedies that work synergistically with the body’s innate healing abilities.

Researching Healthy Alternatives

When faced with a terminal illness, it is crucial to take an active role in your own healthcare journey. Empower yourself by conducting thorough research into alternative treatments that have shown promise in addressing your specific condition. Explore complementary therapies such as acupuncture, herbal medicine, naturopathy, or energy healing. Investigate lifestyle changes, including dietary adjustments, stress management techniques, and exercise programs tailored to your needs. By combining the wisdom of traditional practices with the advancements of modern science, you can pave the way toward a more comprehensive and integrative approach to healing.

Collaborating with Medical Professionals

While advocating for alternative approaches, it is vital to acknowledge that medical professionals possess valuable expertise and can play a crucial role in your journey toward wellness. Rather than dismissing their opinions outright, seek to establish a collaborative relationship with your doctor. Share your research findings and engage in open discussions about the potential benefits of alternative treatments. In this way, you can combine the best of both worlds, drawing from both conventional medical knowledge and alternative healing modalities.

In conclusion, in the face of a terminal illness, it is understandable to experience fear and uncertainty. However, by approaching your situation with a sense of skepticism and taking the initiative to research healthy alternatives to prescription medications, you can open doors to new possibilities for healing. Remember that doctors, despite their expertise, are subject to the limitations of their training. By embracing alternative therapies, you can actively work towards addressing the root causes of your illness and strive for a healthier, more vibrant life. Embrace the power of knowledge, advocate for yourself, and embark on a journey of holistic healing that offers hope and the potential for transformation.

My Partner’s Ex Keeps Coming Up

My friend comes to me and says, “Here we go again,” he exerts frustratingly, “My girlfriend keeps talking about her ex.” If you’ve been in a serious long-term relationship, and are meeting someone who has also, you might find yourself proclaiming, “My partner’s ex keeps coming up.”

Even though fashion magazines and tabloids proclaim that talking about one’s ex is one of many red flags, more often than not, this is not as bad as it looks on the surface. It could be good therapy. Maybe your partner is just working out the details of that past relationship so that he or she can move on healthfully with you.

Your partner’s talking about his or her ex cannot just be either disregarded or seen as a threat to your new potential relationship. If you are prone to jealousy, then you might jump to the red flag conspiracy theory, otherwise it’s good to keep an open mind to see if you can assist your partner in unloading a little sensitive psychological baggage as you prepare for your potential journey together.

Sometimes all your partner needs to do is to release some of the pent-up psychological pressure from his or her past relationship. If this is the case, you can feel good about your partner trusting you with this sensitive data.

A sociopath, on the other hand, will use the talking-about-your-ex method of keeping you off-kilter and if you’re not joining-in the ex-bashing or ex-edification, then he or she might ask you about your ex to get you to participate. Then, later, when you express your concerns about him or her talking about their ex all the time, they’ll point out that you talk about your ex all the time, too. (In the mind of the sociopath, it doesn’t matter whether they asked you about it, or not. It’s just one of their clever tactics of pre-disarmament.)

Whether or not your partner has good or bad intentions, by all means, speak up and tell him or her how you feel about talking about his or her ex. Your partner is not a mind reader and might be assuming that you are as concerned about his or her resolving any issues from past relationships to have greater potential with you.

You will never know, unless you have this conversation. (Even then, there’s a 10 percent chance that it will be a clever manipulation, and there’s no way to know for certain, until later.)

It’s best to be open, and not made jealous or offended easily. Seek first to understand, then empathetically try to put yourself in his or her shoes. How would you feel?

Healthy relationships are all about being open and honest, give-and-take, and maintaining a healthy balance. If you’re jumping to emotional judgment, or looking for red flags in an effort to defend yourself, maybe it’s time for a little self-examination.

If your partner is pushing your buttons, that is to say, he or she is doing something that makes you upset or rubs you the wrong way, it is highly likely that its not your partner who is at fault. He or she is just awakening a weakness by way of activating a trigger which is activating an emotional wound from your past.

Instead of accusing your partner of something, be open and honest by telling him or her how this makes you feel, then, if you are wise, you look within and ask yourself, “Why?” There’s a good chance you will find something hiding deep inside you protesting too much because of a wound from the past.

In my friend’s case, he had been in a relationship with a woman who left him to return to her ex. This wound was activated when his new girlfriend talked about her ex. He was triggered, and thought, “Here we go again,” because it seemed similar to his past experience, which had not turned out the way he would have liked.

All relationships are different, and just because something is similar, does not mean it’s the same thing.

In the end, it’s up to you. You have to decide whether you can live in a relationship where your partner’s ex keeps coming up, whether it’s comparing you, complaining, or uplifting. Whether you can negotiate a compromise, or resolve the conflict between each other, or within yourself.

Whatever you decide is right for you.

Infectious Toxicity in Relationships

Some people will drain the life out of you, like energy vampires. Others will introduce infectious toxicity in relationships in and about your life. Every so often you need to do a bit of social housecleaning to preserve your personal sacred space.

You never have to subject yourself to the toxicity of others, and their toxicity can take many subtle forms. Sometimes you just have to let them go. It’s all part of your personal growth process.

Keep in mind that some of the toxic people in your life are not maliciously toxic. Often people are not intentionally toxic, it is merely their unconscious state of being, and they are unable to help themselves as they are infected with the poison of toxicity.

This is common among victims of abuse. In an effort to protect themselves from being abused, they more often than not take on the very thing which they fear, and this cannot help but be felt by others who are within their proximity.

They will unintentionally subtly victimize others unbeknownst to their conscious mind as a twisted form of self-preservation.

If they’ve trusted and been betrayed, and have been infected, they will be unable to trust you. They will harden their heart, and you will find yourself having to jump through hoops to prove your trustworthiness. If the infection by their abuser was severe, they may not be able to be trusted themselves as the poison courses through their veins.

Forget about helping someone in this condition, you will never be able to love them through this phase of life. Without trust, there is no love. It will take a profound epiphany and awakening for this person to break free from the disease and it is a mission that only he or she can take on en solo. All you can do is to walk away and let them find their own way, or not. Their mission is not yours.

You cannot love anyone enough to make someone love you. Love without trust leads to toxic false accusations and abuse. They cannot love in this condition, only maintain high levels of suspicion and manipulation. Their distrust can be so pervasive you can even start to question your own trustworthiness. You are never obligated to compromise your own psychological well-being for the benefit of someone else’s dysfunction.

As much as they pressure and attack you, know this, is not about you at all. It’s about them, and the trauma they’ve endured in their past. Their fear will project that which they fear onto you as they continue to morph into that which they despise.

You may honestly and truly love this person, but they will only drag you down as you are infected with their disease, until you are just as broken and vile as he or she is, if you tarry for very long.

Their fear will filter and twist your words and deeds to use them as weapons against you. No matter how hard you try to help them, show them compassion, or accommodate them, their needs, wants, and desires, you will never be good enough for them.

They will control any attempt to conduct a conversation, over-talking and not letting you get a word in edgewise. It’s all about them, and you are merely a distraction, except for any supply you can provide to this borderline narcissist.

Your attempts to reason with them will only run round-and-round in circles with you wondering what the hell is happening. The more you talk, the more words he or she will have to use against you.

They will assert how good a person they are, while they continue to put others down, and they’re likely not to hold up to their part of the bargain when you agree upon a reasonable compromise. When they insult you or put you down, it makes them feel better about themselves and creates an air of superiority.

Even if they are a genuine empathetic human being, while they are jacked-up on distrust and suspicion while infected with this disease, they cannot muster empathy when upset and they will only see despicable flaws and danger in you. And if you dare misstep or make a mistake, do not expect to be forgiven, even if he or she utters the words, as your faux pas will just be more fuel for their vile dysfunction.

If you act trustworthy, you deserve to be treated in a trustworthy manner. If not, it is on you to change your circumstance. If they cannot have faith in you, find a way to preserve your sacred space and free yourself from their toxicity less you be infected by the disease yourself.

Do not despise, allow yourself to feel angry, become defensive, or hate this person for being infected with this disease, they cannot help it. If you cannot contain yourself and look upon their condition with compassion, then you may have already been infected with the disease.

Finding a safe place to be, free from the influence of this person is the best thing you can do for yourself, and for the victim of the infection. Only in solitude will this person be able to see their poison and find the wherewithal to heal themselves from what ails them.

You are love. You need to preserve and nurture your love yourself. You deserve to have your love reflected back to you from others who are able to do so.

Continue to love and bless others and allow them to find their own way, or not.

Make Someone Love You

As much as you love someone, you can never love them enough to make them love you. Someone will either love you or they won’t. You will be able to trust them, or you won’t. They will either stay, or they will leave and no matter how much you love them, you cannot make someone love you back.

Since people have been exchanging love one to another, unrequited love has been an issue. It’s nothing new, and it’s not likely to change any day soon.

The False Accusation Breakup

There is a growing trend of demonization that is becoming more commonplace in the breakup process. When someone is secretly planning a breakup, they start collecting words and phrases uttered by you dating back to the origination of your relationship.

Data will likely include decisions you made or actions you’ve taken, which all can be spun into wild false accusations which would make others, possibly even yourself, question your capacity for love or sanity, which could be considered as abusive.

The false accusation breakup model is designed to hurt you and make you feel better about this person’s departure.

Until recently, this was a psychological tool utilized by psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. Today, this is more common in our contemporary culture. When something invades popular culture, like this, there is little you can do about it, so until this method runs its course, try not to take it personally (though nothing could be more personal than a personal attack focused on you and your integrity).

Your attacker (the person breaking it off with you) has had plenty of time to prepare, and there is no way for you to compete or respond appropriately to each and every accusation, which will be voluminous.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of such an attack, your best move is just to listen, try not to let yourself be offended by all the accusations, and just let him or her air all their issues. Try to listen and interject with the, “Oh, I’m sorry,” or, “I didn’t realize that.”

The key is not to become offended or defensive about these exaggerated charges against you. This whole process is far less about you than it is meant to appear.

Your accuser has already left and has likely already made plans that do not include you. He or she has already left, and this particular act of demonizing you is his or her way of justifying their recent actions and final disconnection.

Any attempt to reason with someone who is unjustly rapid-firing a long list of false accusations will only delay the false accusation breakup performance and its ultimate outcome. So, just let them do what they have to do, and let them go.

Will it be painful? Yes, it will because you’ve been blindsided. You didn’t see this coming and it’s shocking when it happens. And because this break-up method is becoming more and more popular, you’re likely to encounter it more than once.

Remember that when someone is done with you, they are done. When they’ve initiated your crucifixion on their own, acting as accuser, judge, and jury. There is nothing you can do about it but delay the inevitable.

You cannot make someone love you, who has already left and disconnected from you. He or she may return later after they have put you through this and accomplished whatever it was that motivated them to do this to you.

If he or she returns, you have to seriously ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to align yourself with. There is the likelihood that you will have to suffer this again in the future, and it will be worse the next time.

No one can make this decision for you. This is something you have to work out for yourself and whatever you decide will be right for you, because all things work out for good, even if it looks unlikely at the time.

So, see it for what it is, and let him or her say whatever is necessary to justify him-or-her-self. Let them go and remember,

You cannot make someone love you.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Red Flag Obsession

There’s so much advice, and when you’ve been the unfortunate victim of abuse or a romance-gone-bad, you can find a sense of safety by looking for red flags. Beware that you might fall victim to red flag obsession.

And if you aren’t able to come up with enough red flags, you can find all the red flags you could possibly imagine everywhere from newsstands and books to the over-anxious depths of the worldwide web.

When you start looking for red flags, out of fear, your fear will begin to see everything as a potential red flag. The same red flags which you embraced as a means to protect yourself can actually promote your own deterioration or destruction.

If you’re frightened, broken, or suffering from a broken heart, you probably shouldn’t be looking to put yourself at risk. You should avoid putting yourself in situations that could potentially be risky so that you don’t have to use red flags to help keep you safe.

If you look for demons you will find them everywhere.

If you are looking for red flags, you’re bound to potentially find them everywhere you look, keeping yourself in a perpetual state of panic. Not only will you find this exhausting, but the stress that comes from this will cause your immune system to fail, and this will cause your social network to break down.

It will be difficult for someone obsessively looking for red flags to trust others, it also engenders a feeling in others who may feel the negative energy of your troubled perspective to trust you, especially, if you’ve announced your propensity to be looking for red flags.

People don’t like to be judged unjustly and will think they are under your unrelenting microscopic examination. Few people would sign-up for such an interrogative approach to demonization and may find ways to avoid you and your red flag obsession.

And if you’re so inclined, you will probably assume that this person was guilty when they found a way to avoid further interaction with you.

Red flag obsession is a lonely business where you assume the role of the only righteous judge who is constantly judging all who access your social court and is akin to narcissism. You’re better than that.

Not all people are bad people. In fact, few of them are. There are far more good people in the world than predatory ones. But if you are looking for red flags, you will be able to take a small detail, and using your fear-fueled imagination, you can assume this is a potentially dangerous person.

Only bad people have to assert how good they are by constantly saying, “I’m a good person.” For the most part, a good person doesn’t need to assert their goodness. The people who have known this person for an extensive amount of time will know how “good” they are by witnessing their integrity over time.

A truly good person does not have to convince anyone of their goodness and they may feel it unreasonable, or at least awkward, having to prove their goodness or worthiness to anyone.

Rather than looking for the evil red flags, a healthier, wiser person might otherwise be looking for the good in others. And it’s not just enough to query them in a question and answer format-like interview.

Take your time and observe them over time. Don’t jump right in and put yourself at risk, though moving any relationship to a deeper level will have risk associated with it. The best and closest relationships involve a degree of vulnerability or risk.

Continue to be cautious, but not so cautious that it makes you paranoid about being at risk all the time, this is unhealthy red flag obsession.

If you’ve been bitten by the red flag bug, no problem. We all do the best we can with what we have. You don’t owe anyone an apology, you didn’t do anything wrong, but now you can start taking a more positive approach to getting to know others.

You’ll be surprised to find that once you start looking for the best (just like when you were looking for the worst) in others, you will find beauty and goodness everywhere you look. And you won’t have to worry about being at risk.

Just because you’re looking for the best in others doesn’t make you blind. You will see the inconsistencies in others and you can safely file the information away as you allow their reality to unfold naturally before you.

Accepting Responsibility and Change

We all make decisions in the moment that affect the rest of our lives. These are those pivotal places in life which disrupt the current path of our lives, changing the direction, plan, and purpose of our lives completely.

There is nothing wrong with this. There is no wrong way to make a decision or take an action which changes the rest of your life forever, for no matter what you do, it is always divine in nature.

There is no need to second-guess or apologize for anything you say or do result in your ability to change your life. When the result causes a significant change of direction in your life, this is always for your highest and best.

Your life might be in need of a drastic change, and most likely whenever this massive readjustment takes place, you are not going to feel good about it. You may feel good about the change in the beginning, only to second-guess your decisions or actions later. You may discover that others (possibly even yourself) might try to make you feel guilty about making such a major adjustment.

Guilt is nothing that serves you, so reject the idea of it at every opportunity. You may have remorse because you would have rather something had gone or turned out differently than you expected but feeling guilty is a fear-based emotion which seeks to tear at your emotional fabric and intends to destroy your individuality.

You must find peace in accepting things as they are (what is accepting what is?), honoring regret without succumbing to remorse.

Maybe, if given the chance to do it over, you would have handled the details differently, but the truth of the matter is that things unfolded the way they did. You did the best you could in the moment that changed everything, and you did so perfectly. Want a do-over?

Yes, things changed, and this is the essence of a life full of opportunities for growth and change, increasing the possibilities exponentially throughout your life as it ripples throughout the lives of others.

These life choices, challenges, or changes in life circumstances enable us to grow and expand beyond that which would have been possible had we stayed in a sedimentary or dormant vibration.

People in your life may not have the same respect for growth and change, and they may try to intimidate or impose psychological pressure on you in an effort to persuade you to stay the same. There is a certain comfort in sameness, which hinders growth and supports mediocrity. You needn’t settle for mediocrity.

If you’ve chosen the pursuit of a life path which is open to change then opportunities to change will present themselves, and if your life is not changing, then you’re not doing it right.

You are not flawed, and you’re never doing it wrong, no matter what anyone says. You are simply making your own way and honoring your God-given right to do so.

It was never your intention to offend or hurt anyone in the process. If anyone was offended or hurt, you may regret your part in their pain, and vow to do it differently, better than the last time. This is part of your learning and growth process.

No one knows better than I, that even with the best intentions, the outcome did not unfold as I expected and people (even including myself) were hurt in the process. For this, I have profound regret, but my heart was pure. I accept responsibility for those things I cannot change, apologize when appropriate, and vow to learn and try to do better if ever I revisit a similar circumstance.

Your journey is one unlike any other, and we can’t wait to see you live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.