Category: Blog

Free Gas Thanks Mike

I pull up to the gas pump to fill ‘er up, when just as I’m about to put my card in the machine, a young man shows up waving his card and says, “I’d like to buy your gas for you today. Would you let me do that for you?”

I turned and looked at him and smiled, “Whoa, you’re paying it forward, a random act of kindness.” To which he replied, “Not really. I just want to share some of the blessings that God has given to me.”

I smiled, even more, stepped away and said, “Why certainly…” I paused and pointed to him… He said, “My name is Mike.” I continued, “Mike, you may pay for my gas.”

Now, Mike had no idea who I was. All he knew was that he wanted to do something unexpected, what we refer to as a Random Act of Kindness (RAOK) because God had blessed him. So, he was motivated to share a blessing with a total stranger, not expecting anything in return.

I thanked Mike and waved at him as we left the service station, knowing our lives may never cross paths again. But this RAOK was far more important to me than he could possibly have known.

Yes, the thought crossed my mind, to graciously refuse his offer to buy my gas because someone else might need it more than me… which would have foiled his attempt to do a “random” act of kindness. In that split second, I allowed him to proceed, so as to not break his stride, nor prevent his blessing me more than he could have imagined.

I have been promoting and encouraging others to do random acts of kindness for the last year-and-a-half (I also suggested it before then, but not as passionately), and started looking for ways to do something unexpectedly good for someone who wasn’t expecting anything regularly. I herald the people who do random acts of kindness as, “my favorite superheroes.”

If you’ve been doing this for a while, you might be surprised at how some people will refuse your offer to do something nice for them. Maybe when someone turns my offer away, I should be more persistent, explaining about why they should reconsider accepting my simple gift, but I don’t. I am more likely to graciously honor their declining of my offer, and seek out someone else who might be more receptive.

I know what it feels like to have someone reject your RAOK. No matter what the circumstance, you were moved to do a nice thing and you got shot down. I wasn’t going to do that to Mike, so I let him to pay for the fuel for my car.

Now, the whole Random Acts of Kindness-thing comes ‘round full circle. I am pretty sure that Mike had no idea that I’ve been promoting random acts of kindness as part of my personal ministry of making the world a better place. I realize there are many people, just like you and me, doing the same thing. Doing something kind for someone, for no reason, except to bless someone unexpectedly, and who knows? They might be encouraged to do something nice for someone else unexpectedly. Plus, while I had been surprise-blessing others for the last year-and-a-half, this was the first time anyone approached me. It was good to see this idea working, making me feel like what we are doing is making a difference.

Our little random act of kindness may not be life-altering but in terms of reminding people that there is good in the world and we (you and I) can make a little difference.

Mike’s reaching out to pay for my gas reinforced my enthusiasm about encouraging others to do something good for somebody else who you don’t know and likely would never see again. I know Mike didn’t want any recognition for sharing his blessing, but I just couldn’t help but tell the story about his doing so because it so blessed me to be a recipient of one of the very things I have been promoting.

Mike, I honor you for your faithfulness in sharing your blessings with others with no expectations as one of my favorite superheroes, who do the same thing: Sharing a little somethin-somethin’ with strangers, which exemplifies hope in a world where hope is so lacking these days.

Mike, you made my day and the days of many others who will read this. It is your small act of kindness bestowed upon a complete stranger at a random gas pump which will hopefully inspire others to join the wave of goodness that is spreading across the landscape of our planet.

If you are reading this, and what you do today defines you, then think about Mike’s example of making the world a better place by blessing someone with a random act of kindness today.

It is these small acts performed by a growing number of people that changes our world for the better.

God bless you, Mike, for all that you do to make the world a better place.

Disappointed When Friends Let You Down

As you get to know other people and open up to them, they take more significant seats in your circle of influence. You’re being more transparent and you’re trusting them more and more as the bond between you grows. Invariably, the time will come when someone lets you down. You thought you knew them better, thought you could depend on them, felt reasonably assured they would keep their word, but they failed you. It’s no wonder you’re disappointed when friends let you down.

When you allow people to enter your inner circle, you tend to size them up as to what significance they will have in your life, and how much you’re able to trust them. When they react (or don’t react) in a way that you expected, it’s easy to jump to conclusions and judge them, like, “If you’re not for me, then you are against me.”

Granted, your feelings are hurt. You feel disappointed, left out, hurt, betrayed, disrespected and discarded because someone you trusted, your friends let you down.

Immediately, you don a self-righteous attitude because you would not have done this to them, you’re of the persuasion that you live by the golden rule, you do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. You just wouldn’t betray them like that. You know they can trust you, why can’t he or she give you the same respect of being trustworthy?

You’re likely to take this incident to heart and make a sudden judgment about the person who let you down and let it gnaw away at you for a while dominating your inner dialogue, reducing your vibration, and making yourself even more upset.

As soon as you’re able to find a place of cognisense, you need try to figure out if their action (or inaction) was malicious in nature. Most people are not out to get you, nor do they have the intention of hurting you. Everyone has their own things going on in the lives and in their minds, and it’s impossible to know what anyone is thinking at any given time.

Just as you’re doing the best you can with what you have available to you to get through this life, so are other people doing likewise. Someone who possess a high degree or maral integrity, whose word is gold, may even waver from time to time depending on what’s going on in his or her life. For others, it might just come down to their particular personality traits.

There are certain types of individuals who are so concerned with their own lives, that they may never be able to set aside their own wants, needs, or desires, to accommodate your expectations of them. It’s just the way they’re wired. You can’t change them. The best you can do is to love them and realize that’s just the way they are.

So, what can you do when your friends let you down?

When someone lets you down, you could take it personally, play the part of the victim, judge him or her, get upset, talk behind their back, shun them, or push them out of your life altogether.

If someone has been there for you in the past, and you know you could have depended on them because of their track history, then forgiveness should probably be extended to this person, even if it feels like you’ve been stabbed in the back.

To do so, it’s likely that you’ll have to make some space in your life to think about this, contemplate the details about what has happened and to review how much this person means to you. What kind of person are they? Are they just telling you how they really are and what to expect in the future, or are they genuinely dependable and this was an isolated incident?

Before arriving at a conclusion, I always like to pose the scenario to a disinterested third-party in the hopes of gaining a better perspective regarding the incident, because it’s easy to get locked into my point of view.

This is your life. You need to do what you need to do to get by the best you can with what you have. Sometimes, it means cleaning the slate and starting over again with someone who brings value to your life, other times it includes recognizing a potentially toxic person in your life and making space for someone more deserving of your trust.

The decision is your, whichever way you decide, think about which way is the high road leading to your highest and best.

One POV vs Perspective

Wouldn’t it be nice if everything in life were black and white, everything could be known or perceived from one point of view (POV)? Nonetheless, life being what it is, is best interpreted from multiple perspectives and seeing something from someone else’s POV can be not only beneficial but can add so much beauty and clarity (and sometimes curious confusion) to the overall landscape of life.

One POV vs Perspective

We see this a lot in the court room. More often than not, the plaintiff is asserting their point of view, while the defendant defends their point of view. Rarely, if ever, does the plaintiff conceded to the defendant’s point of view, even though there is always another point of view.

Wouldn’t be easier if everything could be seen and fully understood or appreciated from one point of view? Absolutely, but unless you’re a character in a story book, that is never going to be the case in the 3-D world where we live.

Someone who insists on only seeing everything from their own perspective we consider as self-obsessed and we refer to them as being narcissists, and they insist on making the world match their point of view. The advantage of doing so is that you have the ability to structure your world in such a way so as to find comfort in your own limited view of your black and white world.

How nice would that be?

For the rest of us in the real world, life is a little more complicated.

What if you were raised with the black and white view that

“Anyone who kills women and children should be killed”

And you were so passionate about it, that left to your own judgment, you might want to kill his own wife and children in front of him prior your executing him.

We all could appreciate that point of view, right?

So, I am working with this person who was experiencing conflict in his life because this is the way he felt. When he came to me he was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and who wouldn’t, if that very same person while carrying out orders in service of the USA, killed women and children. This would create great inner conflict in anyone with a heart.

Left to his own devices he may have taken his own life, just like 22 military personnel who commit suicide every day. War is a nasty business, and it does take its toll on those who are not lucky enough to be sociopaths and/or psychopaths.

PTSD is a horrible condition that locks a person into a certain limited point of view. Victims are so impacted by a particular experience (often tragic) that they find themselves unable to escape. An important part of the process includes being able to lift one’s view from outside yourself, far enough to see things from other points of view gives us perspective, but when you’re so immersed, it just seems like it’s too much to even conceive of.

Life, law, liberty, finding ways just to make it through each day, the pursuit of happiness, it’s all so very more complex than we might like it to be. But we can make it through much easier by trying to see things from other points of view to gain a better overall perspective.

Even so, since you can’t really know what goes on inside someone’s else’s head and/or heart, if they are so inclined, they could share their point of view with you. If you can empathetically see and/or feel from their perspective, you may find yourself getting a sense of what it might like to be that person in that moment, in a sense, walking a mile in that person’s shoes.

It is then that one realizes that life is not limited to our own perspective. What looks like one thing to one person might look like something completely different to someone else. To see an automobile accident from the highway looks completely different to someone actively involved in the accident. Even the experiences of two drivers involved in the same multiple-vehicle accident do not experience the accident the same way.

You could live a judgmental life, criticizing everyone who doesn’t see things like you do, maybe even ostracizing the dissidence, leaving you safely comforted by living your life like you want to, or you could consider becoming a part of the family at large.

It will take some effort on your part to do it, but it will be worth it, as you experience a greater connection with other people by integrating your life with theirs.

I know, the first objection from someone who’s already tried that interjects,

“I’ve done that before… and I got burned.”

Yes, that is the caveat; connecting with other people in a meaningful, transparent way will leave you vulnerable. You will be vulnerable, just as they will be. Once you start feeling a life with your feeling in tact and sharing those feelings with someone else, it allows your feelings to be hurt.

But it also opens the gates to love.

Trust me, love is worth it.

It’s up to you, though.

The Sound of Expansive Evolution

Where does all the weirdness come from? Images and scenarios that play out when you sleep, that feeling of Déjà vu, when you find yourself nowhere you’ve ever been before, yet have the knowingness that you’ve been here before, meet someone who seems so familiar, done or said something before, when you know better. Or have you?

There is a great field of energy that we all walk around in. It surrounds us and permeates every tiniest piece of everything that is, and even assists in the assembling and holding together of molecules and provides order so we can have the privilege of enjoying all matter has to offer, including the bodies we’re so blessed to inhabit.

The very thought of us, floating in space on a planet in a solar system, in a universe that contains millions of galaxies ever-expanding (if you thought you were feeling insignificant before, I apologize), but there’s good news.

If you allow your mind to consider the idea, you could access and meld with the intelligence that makes sense of all chaos and powers everything, everywhere, at all times. Yes, the same One that hung all the stars and planets in space, made our little blue ball and put us here to enjoy all the amazing things which surround us.

Obviously, attempting to define this intelligence and power in any intelligible manner, would be like trying to teach a worm how to build a Mercedes from raw materials. The only hope you have of getting any idea about what’s happening is to spend time experiencing this energy and allow our minds to expand enough to hopefully get some idea about what’s going on from the perspective of our human experience.

Now, this is not a new idea, and people are doing it every day. People from all walks of life wield this limitless energy every day. Some on purpose, some witness it’s power by accident, yet there it is.

Trouble is, when someone gets a glimpse of the power, and discovers a duplicatable method to predict a plausible result (that may well be unexpected at first blush) from accessing and deploying this energy, they’d like to patent it, if they could. Instead, they start a movement of some kind based on this very narrow scope of their discovery.

I am not discounting their discovery, God bless them for figuring out how to expand beyond the constraints of thought which keeps any of us other structured thinkers from doing so. Yet, this harkens to the idea that there is hope for those of us who see them embroiled in the ecstasy of their discovery, and have hope for ourselves.

Each and every discovery of this accessing and/or harnessing of this intelligent energy is but a spec, a very small sampling, like discovering a grain of sand among all the grains of sand all over our planet (and other planets, too).

The only hope of accessing this energy is to use a powerful tool we are all imbued with from the moment we are introduced to this planet, and that is your imagination. Your imagination is far more effective and powerful than any manmade weapon, and more effective, sensitive, and intricate than any scientific instrument ever conceived on this planet.

Expansion explorers are only scratching the surface of what the potential and power of the imagination is, but as much as we’d all like to release the information freely, we all realize there is a great opposition to the dissemination of discoveries of this type en masse.

We, all of us, you and I, have been programmed from birth to reject any of these magnificent high-level thought processes, to laugh at people who would dare think outside our comfortable little thought boxes. Some even go to school to learn how to diagnose, treat, or otherwise remove these energetic rebels from society altogether, for our own protection. To protect us from evolving past the limitations (and control) of our socialized humanity.

Okay, so there’s a growing underground movement that is slowly expanding and integrating with The Source of all that is, was, or ever will be. And while we may be few, our numbers are increasing, and one day, when this energetic evolution reaches critical mass, a very different world will emerge.

In the meantime, we will remain to be somewhat quiet about our expansion, while we continue to do so.

Shh… That’s the Sound of Expansive Evolution

August 2017 Image Directory

Wrapping up the month of August, here’s a quick screen shot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters

What’s Going on In Someone Else’s Head How to Do What You Want  Law of Unintended Consequences
Infidelity It’s Not Just Sexual Client Refuses to Do the Work When Everything Goes Wrong
You Are the Reluctant Hero Coaches Trained Born and Made What Stands Between You?
5 Steps Toward a Better LIfe How to Start a Mastermind How to Hear God’s Voice
7 Points of Evolving Expansion How to Know If You Can Trust Someone Happiness vs Joy
Alternative Medicine and Natural Remedies Talk to Your Inner Child

Just Go with the Big Change
Disaster or Miracle Find the Blesson Catch a Wave for a Better Life Make Your Dream Come True or Not
Get ‘er Done with Accountability Angry Much? What Is Your Mission?
Where Am I? Lost? Choose to Change EMP Love and Marriage
Obsession vs Moderation How to See People as They Really Are My Love Life’s in Crisis
Love and Fear in Relationships

 

 

You Can’t Tell What’s Going on Inside Someone Else’s Head

 

You really can’t tell what’s going on inside someone else’s head. You can try. If you have access to enough information about them, and are able to talk to them face-to-face about their innermost thoughts and feelings, you might get an idea of what’s going on inside there… but all your attempts, with all the tools, techniques, and everything we know about the mind, expanded thought, the heart-mind connection, and spirituality, still it’s all but an educated guess, and that is being generous.

You Can't Tell What's Going on Inside Someone Else's Head
You Can’t Tell What’s Going on Inside Someone Else’s Head

Really?

Really. Think about it; when someone notices you are somewhat non-present and they ask you if you’re okay, you respond with, “I’m fine.” In those brief moments before you were interrupted by the question uttered by someone noticing your mind might have been elsewhere, there was an entire lifetime of thought happening, in full color and with feelings intact. And even if you could articulate what your thoughts were in that moment, it would so pale in comparison to the experience taking place inside of you.

That’s you. In a single moment. Now, think about how that looks in every person you interact with or cross paths with, every moment of every day. If you ask, chances are, they will respond something similar to, “I’m fine.” But what’s really going on?

Do you care? Does it matter?

With the people who play significant roles in our lives, we do the best we can. But even the people we are closest to, your siblings, best friends, children, or parents… We still do not know what is going on in there in those moments of silence, let alone the moments when we are not in their presence.

We want to know because there are people who we rely on in our lives. For us it’s imperative to feel like there is a connection, and this feeling of connection includes an understanding, or predictable reliability, in how that person will react or interact with ourselves and others. So, we try…

Just as you see things from your perspective, anyone else will see things differently, sometimes wildly differently. Two people listening to the same joke can have two completely different reactions. For instance, two people are hearing a story about,

“a woman who pulls into the 7-11 parking lot and is screaming for someone to call an ambulance. While someone is calling, another person asks if he can help through the closed driver’s window. She screams that she’s been shot in the back of the head. He asks her to open the door or roll down the window so he can help her. She says she can’t because she’s holding her brains in with both hands on the back of her head. The ambulance and the police arrive, they open the door and discover that a container of pop-and-fresh dough that she picked up from the store earlier had deployed from the grocery bag in the backseat and hit her in the back of the head.”

One person laughs uncontrollably, while the other weeps, sobbing.

Same story. Two different reactions.

When we are surprised at someone’s action(s) or reaction as what we might have considered unpredictable, we are taken aback, consider this as unreliable, and begin to question how well we know this person.

It’s then that you realize that you can’t tell what’s going on inside someone else’s head.

How to Do What You Want

How to do what you want, if you really want to.

Sometimes you want to do something so bad but it just seems too impossible, distant or out of reach. You can feel like you’re unworthy, not educated or qualified enough, or feel like someone else would be better or more respected for doing that thing that you want to do.

Focusing only on the ultimate goal, the end game, can be just too intimidating because it seems so far off or impossible from where you’re standing right now.

You have the power to take complete control over making your dream come true, or not.

What’s the answer to how to do what you want, if you really want to?

Keep the idea of your ultimate goal out there but take your focus and refocus it on taking small steps that lead you closer to your goal. You don’t have to do it all in one fail swoop. Just move a little closer to it each day or each week.

So, what do you want?

Want to live a stress-free life?

Do something relaxing every day, meditate, take a walk in the park, take a bubble bath with scented candles.

Want to start a new, or build a better, business?

Schedule time to research strategies and ideas – being certain to include taking action (not just research) – every week.

Want to write?

Then write. 500 words a day doth a writer make.

Prioritize

You can prioritize whatever you want and if you are moving toward it on a regular basis, sure enough, you’ll get there.

To prioritize and move closer to what you want (what you really, really want), all you have to do is what everyone else does (I know, they make it look so simple. Right? Well, it is).

Do the Doing of It

Make a plan, and do it. The difference between those who take and those who don’t is all in the doing of it.

Let’s say you wanted to publish a novel (you can use these steps to achieve any goal)

1. Write down what you want

Publish a novel

2. Break down your steps in miniature, each one moving you closer

Create a main storyline plot

Create character profiles for key players and their roles
Create an outline of major events (or chapters)

Write the first chapter as a rough draft

Write the second chapter (rough draft)

Followed by subsequent chapters…

Revise each chapter, flushing out the characters, dialogues, and interplay… (one chapter at a time)

Edit each chapter in succession, one-at-a-time.

3. Determine how much time you will have to allocate for moving toward what you want (daily, weekly, monthly)

I will set aside one hour each day to write my novel, a little each day.

4. Make dates with what you want, set times and dates to keep with yourself for the doing

8:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. weeknights

9:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. on weekends

There you have it.

Make time every day for the doing, and every day you’re closer than you were the day before. Before you know it, your first novel is ready to submit.

Then you can,

Celebrate!

The Law of Unintended Consequences

Expanding on Newton’s Third Law of Motion, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,” Robert K.Merton, suggests that in sociological situations there exists the Law of Unintended Consequences. The Law of Unintended Consequences proposes that even with the best of intentions, things can happen which were totally unexpected.

The resulting consequences may take any of three basic forms, which are: Good, or Bad (or potentially really bad). Bad unintended consequences seem to dominate the idea, which is akin to Murphy’s Law.

It is good to be mindful about the potential ripple effect either anticipated or not, but don’t let worrying about the details get you lost in the paralysis of analysis. Here are a few examples of the law of unintended consequences in action, both good and bad.

Good Unintended Consequences

If you’re going to have unintended consequences, good ones are the preference, if you could choose. This is when your intentions are to have a particular good outcome from your effort or action, yet you are able to experience wildly greater unexpected goodness from your taking action than you could have ever expected.

Stories of good unintended consequence include buying a $5 painting to cheer up your sick friend with no expectation that the painting would be a $5 Million-dollar piece of art. Or with the best intentions, you develop a wallpaper cleaning product which is never embraced and as your company is about to topple, you find out that what you’ve really invented was one of the most famous kids’ playtime product, “Play Doh.”

Maybe you and your girlfriend decide to open a little shop to cater to your vegetarian friends in your hometown making it convenient to find healthy food, only to unexpectedly grow into “Whole Foods,” igniting a healthy food movement.

Bad Unintended Consequences

Bad unintended consequences refers to some ancillary unfortunate implications that result from your well-intended action.

In America, we wash our eggs to clean any possible infection off of them. This also scrubs a protective layer off of them, which makes it easier for eggs to get infected.

In the kitchen introduction of the microwave all but eliminated familial dining together as each family member now is more likely to fend for themselves using the microwave,

Making texting illegal while driving to cut down on accidents resulted in increased accidents because persistent texters who were previously texting in plain view were hiding their phones while texting a much more dangerous approach to texting while driving.

The Regans are famous for promoting drugs and music with illicit lyrics with their “Just Say No to Drugs,” and censorship of nasty music by making easier to identify the music by requiring “Parental Advisory” labels to the music media.
Side airbags were designed to save more live but ended up endangering the lives of children, who were fatally injured by the deploying airbags.

The “three strikes” law which imprisons third-time felony offenders with 25-year-to-life in prison, resulted in more law enforcement deaths resulting from offenders attempting to avoid the higher penalty.

The US government’s funding and CIA involvement in backing the Afghan Mujahideen in an effort to slow Soviet expansion led to the rise of the Taliban and Al Qaeda.

Infidelity It’s Not Just Sexual

In my work with couples I hear a lot about the different ways that mates are unfaithful in their commitment to each other, there are many other ways to practice infidelity, and there are so many ways to break love’s sacred love bond. So, infidelity it’s not just sexual.

In a therapeutic environment, you might be surprised what might be genuinely considered infidelity, and you may have been none the wiser, thinking that you’re within the bounds of your love relationship when you are actually far over the lines which make up the boundaries of love’s commitment. For instance,

Just to give you a taste of some of the most common affairs that you might not think of at first blush as being considered cheating (if you’re the offending partner).

Here are 9 of the top non-intercourse-related infidelities and destroyers of relationships,

1. Flirtatious Infidelity

While flirting may seem like harmless fun because there is no intention of following through in a sexual manner (at least not on your part) therefore you reason that you’re just enjoying a little playful banter. Certainly, there’s no harm in that.

On the other hand, you’re unconsciously communicating to the person with whom you are flirting with, that you might entertain the idea of having a secret relationship outside of your current love relationship. To add to the veracity of the seemingly insignificant jesting, you are communicating to the person with whom you are flirting that you think there might be a better deal available, one that is better suited for you, than what you have waiting for you at home.

Even though simple flirting may not seem harmful on the surface, this is the breeding ground and part of the grooming process for almost every sexual affair.

2. Confidence Infidelity

Having a confidant, someone to whom you can bare your soul to and share your deepest and darkest secrets who shares the same gender as your love interest is another form infidelity.

You may justify your reaching out to this person because you just needed someone to talk to, but the truth of the matter is, you are placing more trust in this third party than your mate, and after a while as the bond grows between you and your confidante, is easy to understand how things can easily get intimate with someone with whom you share your most intimate details.

If you do need to talk to someone, seek out a coach, counselor, therapist or clergyman to talk to. At least, these people have taken a professional oath not to threaten your relationship but to assist in its advancement.

3. Financial Infidelity

Seventy percent of all relationships fail due to money issues and financial infidelity is never more real today than at any time in history. If you, or your partner, is funneling and/or siphoning household finances for any number of reasons, this is a severe breach of trust and when it comes to light, can be just as bad (if not worse) than a sexual affair.

Motives are complicated to uncover because partners who engage in financial infidelity are likely to keep their lips sealed, take the money and run, when they’re found out.

Some of the most popular couple money swindlers are closet shoppers, and gamblers, addiction feeders, and secret money hoarders. In any case, financial infidelity is serious business.

4. Activity Infidelity

When things get a little dicey at home, you might prefer to be somewhere else, unwinding with someone who will not respond to you, like the person who is awaiting your arrival at home, especially if your relationship is going through a tender phase.

There would appear no harm done and there should be nothing that would alert your mate’s suspicions by simply having a little time away, taking a break with friends to loosen up. Plus, you always come home in a good mood. So wouldn’t your partner encourage such an activity?

The problem is, again, that these soirees can (and often do) lead to flirtatious infidelity or confidence infidelity which are gateways to sexual infidelity.

5. Whistleblowing Infidelity

When you report intimate details and off-color remarks about your partner, you are communicating that there is trouble in paradise, and the more you blab about your mate’s inadequacies, the more your friends, family and whoever hears your tales of woe will encourage you to save yourself from such a horrible fate.

Now, you may be just sounding-off or letting off steam, in an effort to find some release for some pent-up frustration in your relationship. But when you start talking to others about your partner’s misdeeds, you are not only breaking the confidence of your love relationship but putting down your partner in his or her absence is far more damaging than just being disrespectful.

Talking to others about your partner behind his or her back is often a signal that the relationship is unsustainable and if left unchecked, it will fail.

6. Digital Infidelity

Simply chatting it up with someone over the Internet, playing games, which involve chatting back and forth, or simple, harmless banter using only your devices can wreck and ruin a love relationship.

Just like you shouldn’t participate in these trysts in the real world, likewise, they shouldn’t be condoned in the virtual world, especially with someone who shares the same sex as your partner. Again we have all the elements of the previous infidelities including playful banter, possibly confiding intimate details, obviously spending time in an online activity, and could include an element of talking behind your partner’s back.

While being online may give you a false sense of safety, we all know that crossing the bridge from digital relationships to face-to-face encounters is very real and it happens every day.

And if your digital relationship includes sex-talk (or more) then this is clearly upscaled to sexual infidelity, even if it is virtual sex.

7. Catwalk Infidelity

You know what this is; things are getting a little lackluster at home, and you’re just not feeling as sexy as you once did, so you get all dolled up to walk the catwalk in an effort to get some appreciation for your appearance that you feel like is being taken for granted at home.

To start with, you probably wouldn’t want your partner to do this in your absence, and the idea is to attract a certain type of attention, which usually has a sexual element to it, so don’t do it.

If you really want to be appreciated for being all dressed and made up, looking and smelling nice, then honor your relationship and schedule a night out with your partner. Then when people respond to your (maybe even sensual) good looks, they may think about how lucky your partner is to be with someone so desirable.

8. Withholding Sex Infidelity

Yeah, how about that? Who’d a thought that not having sex with someone else could be considered infidelity? Sure enough, in therapeutic environments, it comes up quite often in couples counseling.

Withholding sex is a powerful weapon used in relationships, and even masturbating, which doesn’t even involve another person at all, can be just as harmful to a relationship as any other kind of sexual affair.

No matter how you look at it, withholding sex is generally not considered a healthy move for building a sound relationship, and there are a lot of programs, counselors, coaches, and therapists who specialize in these things. Consider seeking one of these, or at least do some Googling to see if you can discover ways to put more excitement and satisfaction in the bedroom.

9. Child Infidelity

What?

Yes, it happens all the time. When one of the parents feels as though they are not getting all the love and support that they want from their partner, they focus intently on their children to drain all the love from them that they can. And children will love you unconditionally, at times when your partner may not be willing or able.

When your relationship with your kids supersedes your relationship with your partner, the sacred bond is broken, and the relationship will deteriorate and die.

That’s a lot of Infidelities

Yes, it is. And what might be considered infidelity for one person, might not be considered infidelity to another person. It’s up to each couple to make their own way through this life together if that is your goal.

Times are a changing, and relationships include a lot of give-and-take, negotiation, and establishing rules and boundaries if they are expected to survive and have any longevity.

That is unless you are able to love unconditionally.

See also: Awakening to True Love Workshop